Only with You

by Lea Coll

  Mrs. Wallen’s eyes welled with tears and she hugged him tightly before doing the same with Nolan. Mr. Wallen patted Kai’s shoulder.

  I had to clear my throat, taking a deep breath so I wouldn’t cry with her. It was intense following them through the house as Nolan and Cade showed them each new detail and convenience. Every aspect of the house was improved from the floors to the cabinets to the walls. Cade had thought of everything.

  When we finished in the in-law suite, Mrs. Wallen said, “I can’t thank you enough. This is beyond anything we could imagine.”

  “We want you to be happy here and have everything completely accessible,” Cade said.

  If Cade was doing more than handicapped accessible improvements for everyone like he’d done for the Wallens, it was no wonder he needed additional funding. He couldn’t continue to carry the financial burden himself. But the thought that he did all of this and didn’t expect praise caused me to fall even more for him.

  We followed them to the front door before Nolan handed the Wallen’s their keys. “Let me know if you have any problems with anything. We’ll come back and take a look if something isn’t working.”

  “This renovation is very generous of you. It was beyond anything we were expecting. Are you sure we shouldn’t be contributing to this?” Mr. Wallen asked.

  “No. This is what we do. You had the partial grant from the state, so we were able to use some of our funds for opening the walls and new cupboards in the kitchen. Now you shouldn’t need to fix anything for a long time.”

  I didn’t say anything, but they’d made significantly more upgrades than walls and cupboards.

  “Thank you. I’ll be singing your praises everywhere,” Mrs. Wallen said.

  “We appreciate it, but seeing your happiness is all we need.”

  Cade’s words sounded cheesy, but I could see Cade and Nolan felt that way.

  I shook their hands wishing them happiness in their new home. I had this overwhelming desire to do more for them. I made a note to ask Cade if he followed up with them as Kai grew to make additional adjustments to the house.

  “I have a project I have to check in on. I’ll see you later,” Nolan said as he opened his door and backed down the driveaway.

  We got into Cade’s truck before taking a minute to study the house.

  Cade turned to me. “Where to? Are you hungry?”

  “I am actually. I would have thought those pancakes could have tided me over until dinner, but I guess it was all of the excitement of the Wallen’s seeing their home for the first time.” Seeing the results of Cade and Nolan’s hard work on the Wallen’s face was everything. It was the same high I got from seeing the kids speak more confidently in my program.

  Cade backed out of the driveway.

  “Thank you for inviting me today. It was amazing to see their reaction.”

  “Yeah. You can’t get a feel for something like this unless you’re there. That’s why Nolan wanted to invite the local media to one. He thinks it will generate more interest and funding.”

  “You need it if you keep adding all those extras to the renovation.” I watched his face to gauge his reaction. I wondered if he’d be embarrassed.

  “I can’t help myself. While we’re demoing, it’s easy to just keep going and take everything out. I think of how happy they’ll be once they see it. That’s what motivates me. Their happiness and the thought of making their lives easier with the accommodations. They’ve had a tough go of things, but I like to help any way I can.”

  I studied his face. His hand was moving in time with his words, his eyes were bright with excitement. He’d given me a glimpse of himself this morning. One that showed me he was deeper than he gave himself credit for. He was amazing. His charity was doing wonderful things. He was kindhearted and incredibly generous. Was it selfish that I wanted some of that intensity focused on me?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  HADLEY

  I smoothed my dress over my thighs. I was meeting his parents tonight. I was more nervous than I usually would be. In my circle, I knew the parents before the first date. But this meeting was about more than me. Cade had pulled away from his parents and needed to make amends. I wanted to support him, but I was scared for both of us. I hoped they would accept me into his life.

  A knock sounded on the door. With one last look at the mirror, I headed to the door before I pulled it open. Cade wore a tie, button-down shirt tucked into dress slacks, and dress shoes.

  “Wow. I’ve never seen you in anything but casual clothes.” He was attractive in whatever he wore but I’d come to love his worn faded jeans, soft flannels, and the smell of sawdust that always permeated the air around him.

  His eyes darkened as he looked me up and down. “I could say the same about you.”

  I looked down at my summer dress and sandals. “I’ve dressed up around you before.”

  He took a step closer, his eyes intent on mine as he cupped the back of my head. “Not like this—soft, warm, and all-woman.”

  The warmth of his body surrounded me. “Cade, we’re supposed to meet your parents. We can’t—”

  He’d backed me into the apartment, shut the door with a loud click. He gripped my hips, pulling me into him to feel his erection. He tilted his head, a smirk playing on his lips. “You were saying?”

  “I don’t think we have time—”

  “We have time for a kiss.” Then his lips crashed down on mine—possessive and claiming.

  I wrapped my fingers in his hair and pulled him tighter to me. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and for him to carry me to bed, but we didn’t have time.

  When he finally pulled away, both of us were panting. “Later.”

  It was a promise that filled me with longing and anticipation. “Yes.”

  “Are you ready to go?”

  “Let me just fix my hair and then we can go.” I hurried back to my bathroom to smooth the hair he’d mussed. I took in my flushed cheeks, my bright eyes, my hard nipples visible through my lace bra and thin dress before I reapplied my lip gloss. No one had ever had this effect on me with one kiss. Kisses had never meant anything more than the physical act, but with Cade, it was as if he was staking his claim.

  Satisfied I was presentable, I headed back to the living room where Cade stood looking at the framed pictures on my bookcase.

  He turned slightly—a picture in his hand of our family at Christmas. “Is this your family?”

  “It is. It was the last picture taken before—”

  Cade’s eyes softened as he placed the picture back on the shelf. “I’m sorry.”

  Whenever I looked at that picture, I felt a sharp pinch in my heart. But as the years passed, it dulled. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

  “I’m sure you don’t ever get over losing a mother.”

  “You don’t. Time helps and you adjust to a new normal.” There were still times I missed her presence more acutely, like when I graduated from college and high school. I knew it would be worse on my wedding day or when my children were born. It was different sharing those things with a mother. Nothing could replace her.

  “What was your new normal?” He shifted, so he faced me.

  What to tell him? The truth was something I didn’t talk about with anyone. I hid the worst of it from my brother and friends. I wanted to show him a piece of myself like he’d done at the home reveal. “It was different because my mother raised us. My dad was focused on work.”

  “And after?”

  “He focused on us, but not in the way you’d think. He made sure we were taking the right classes, activities, and friends with the right kids. Kids whose parents he knew from the country club or were business associates.” He wasn’t worried about our safety or our needs.

  “What about what you needed—love, affection, and care.”

  “He was never like that with us. My mother was the one who provided that.” That was the hardest part to adjust to. The stark cold reality of our
house without our mother’s warm presence. Afterward, we had a housekeeper and a nanny who cared for us. But it was a job for them and they’d report to my dad if we did something outside his rules.

  “I tried to fill her absence in my brother’s life. I’m not sure if I was able to. We had nannies, but it wasn’t the same. I was there for him. I gave him band-aids when he scratched his knee, I helped him with his homework, and I asked him how his day was at school.”

  “How old were you when she died?”

  “I was twelve and Colin was five. It was a brain aneurysm, so it was sudden. I had to be strong for Colin even though I was falling apart inside.”

  “I’m sorry. My heart breaks for the little girl you were, but you were also brave and fierce to protect him like that.”

  “I didn’t feel courageous.”

  He stepped closer as he played with a piece of my hair and stared into my eyes. “You were. The way I see it, you were doing everything a twelve-year-old could do to love and protect her little brother.”

  I flushed. “I never thought about it that way.”

  “Well, you should because you’re pretty amazing.”

  Staring into his eyes, I could fall so easily into him—I’d lose myself. A relationship was lifting each other up and supporting each other. Being each other’s safe place and that’s what we were doing for each other tonight. “Thank you. But your parents aren’t going to think so if we’re late for dinner.”

  “They’ll be happy if I’m there at all. Family dinners were a tradition once we moved out of the house, but I couldn’t sit at a table without Caroline and pretend everything was fine week in and week out—I couldn’t do it. There were so many memories of her there.”

  “I’ll be next to you.” I placed my hand on his chest—feeling his heartbeat under my palm.

  “You will.” He covered my hand with his before lowering both to our side—not letting go.

  We walked to his truck and rode to his parents’ house in silence. His hand held mine on my thigh. It was comfortable. It was nice. I tried not to think too hard about what it would be like to be with him like this all the time—weekly dinners with family, hanging out with friends at the bars, exploring the town with him. Because if I thought about that, I’d want more—marriage and kids, and he couldn’t give that to me. I’d told him a relationship was enough—but each day I spent with him the further I fell.

  I leaned back in the seat admiring the strength of his muscles in his forearms as he’d rolled his sleeves, the outline of his muscular thighs beneath his pants, the set of his jaw. He was all-man, confident, hard-working, and real. He didn’t put on airs, didn’t pretend to be someone he wasn’t, didn’t live on his father’s money and reputation.

  He’d taken a risk in life by marrying Caroline and he’d stood by her when she was sick. It was a love so strong he still mourned her loss and probably always would. What would it be like to be with someone like that? What would it be like to be loved like that? The thought caused my heart to race. I wanted it more than anything, but it was probably the one thing he couldn’t give me—all of him. He’d always be holding himself back.

  “Are you ready to go in?”

  He turned the truck off. With a hand braced on the steering wheel, Cade turned in his seat to look at me. We were parked in his parents’ driveway. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “I’d ask what you were thinking about so hard, but I don’t want to be late. My mom will notice if we’re sitting in a dark car in the driveway.”

  He nodded to a curtain which twitched before it fell back to its usual spot.

  “Of course.” I took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable after the realization that Cade had the potential of being everything to me, but would I always come second to Caroline?

  Cade

  I met Hadley at the hood of the truck, holding my hand out to her. I wouldn’t be here without her at my side. Her silent support and encouragement was everything, but tonight she seemed preoccupied with something. Was she worried about impressing my parents? I’d been so caught up in bracing myself for the onslaught of memories at my parents’ house, I hadn’t thought about how Hadley would feel.

  I raised my hand to knock—the other still rested in Hadley’s. I squeezed it to reassure her. She was my lifeline tonight. I wouldn’t let her go.

  After I knocked, the door opened, revealing my mother wiping her hands on her apron. She had new lines on her face that weren’t there before and bags under her eyes, but she seemed pleased to see me on the porch. “Nolan said you were planning to be here, but I wasn’t sure.”

  My mom’s eyes widened when her eyes followed my hand, where it was entwined with Hadley’s.

  “Hello. I’m Maureen Morrison.” She held her hand out to Hadley.

  “Hadley Winters.” Hadley shook Mom’s hand. Her cheeks were pink.

  “Hadley is my girlfriend.” I’d introduced her to the Wallens as my girlfriend, but this was different, more meaningful.

  I watched Hadley’s face, her lips tilted into a smile as she looked from me to my mother, probably to gauge her reaction.

  “Well, that’s wonderful news. It’s so nice to meet you. Please come in.” Mom stepped back to let us in.

  I dropped her hand so Hadley could precede me inside.

  Being here with Hadley felt right. Maybe I’d follow Nolan’s advice to go with my gut.

  Nolan’s voice drifted from the kitchen. I placed a hand on Hadley’s lower back, guiding her down the hall to the kitchen. She gave me a reassuring smile.

  “You’re here.” Nolan’s eyes landed on me then Hadley before he smiled his approval.

  Dad stepped forward to greet me.

  “Dad, this is Hadley Winters, my girlfriend. Hadley, my dad, Philip Morrison.”

  “Mr. Morrison. It’s so nice to meet you.” Hadley leaned forward to shake his hand.

  “No, it’s nice to meet you. How did you two meet?” Dad’s voice was measured, his face carefully blank.

  “We met through work, you could say, and then I took a few classes at his studio.” Hadley shot a nervous look my way.

  Maybe she wasn’t sure if she should mention I hired her to be my attorney. It was probably something we should have discussed earlier.

  Mom bustled past us. “Dad is cooking steaks and baked potatoes on the grill. Want to help me with the salad, Hadley?”

  “I’d be happy to.” Hadley smiled, her shoulders lowering as if she was feeling more comfortable now.

  “I could use some help bringing in the food.” Dad gave me a pointed look before he carried several serving dishes outside.

  Nolan and I exchanged a look before we followed him. Dad wanted to talk—whether it was about Hadley or finally coming to family dinner again, I wasn’t sure.

  We stepped outside onto the brick patio. Dad lifted the lid on the grill to check the steaks before turning to us.

  I widened my stance, bracing myself for his questions. I owed him honesty even if I wouldn’t like it.

  “It’s nice to have you back.” Dad shot me an expectant look.

  I knew he wanted more information. He wanted to know why I was here now. “It was too hard to come here after Caroline died. I didn’t think I could handle the memories.”

  Dad nodded thoughtfully, probably remembering how I’d given that as my reasoning for selling the house we’d shared together. “We can always have it at your house or rotate between all of our houses. That would give your mother a break from cooking for everyone.”

  “That’s a great idea,” Nolan said.

  It meant a lot that he was so understanding, but I should have mentioned it earlier.

  “Hadley seems like a nice woman.”

  “I encouraged him to date her.” Nolan’s tone was light and playful. He was intentionally diverting the conversation from Caroline.

  “I have a mind of my own, you know,” I said.

  “Oh, please. You’d still be contemplating whether
it was a good idea to date her at all if I hadn’t pushed you.”

  Dad stared intently at me. “Are you ready for a relationship?”

  “Trust me. I’m as worried about that as you are—that I’m not ready and I never will be. But what Nolan said stuck with me. What we have feels good and she makes me happy.” That statement sounded immature even to me. It was like she was a toy I couldn’t put down.

  Nolan huffed and tried to cover his smile.

  “Not like that. I meant she makes me feel something again.” After Caroline died, the pain was a flaming red beacon, bright, all-consuming and crushing. It was all I could see and all I could feel. Then everything turned gray. I was merely existing. I was doing enough to get by so that people didn’t step in and question my sanity. Now, I saw all the colors of life. I appreciated waking up in the morning, the smell of fresh-brewed coffee, the sawdust smell of a job site, and sore muscles after a long day of hard work.

  “You’re an adult. You make your own decisions. And if you’re happy, then I am too.” Dad turned back to the grill, placing the steaks and foil-wrapped potatoes on separate serving platters.

  “What about you? You dating anyone?” Dad handed Nolan the platter of potatoes.

  Nolan laughed. “No. Definitely not.”

  “Why is that?” I’d spent so much time focusing on myself in the last few years I’d neglected Nolan. I wanted to know why he seemed to have an aversion to dating. When he raised his brow at me, I said, “You owe me—you’re always in my business.”

  Nolan shrugged and opened the sliding door for us to walk back inside. “I’m not interested in anyone.”

  Was Nolan afraid of commitment? He’d seen the pain I lived with every day, so I didn’t blame him. But I did feel guilty I wasn’t a better example for him. I’d been so focused on myself I hadn’t stepped in sooner to remind him not all relationships are the same. Plenty of people get married, have kids, and live long lives. But I wasn’t even sure that was the issue. I made a mental note to ask him about it when we were alone.