All I Want for Christmas: a funny and sexy festive novella

by Keris Stainton

He drops the wet napkins onto the tray and smiles at me. ‘That's all I'm getting?’

  I sigh and lean back in my chair. ‘He's doing his dissertation so he's working all the time.’

  ‘Not giving you enough attention?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘Sorry, sorry,’ he says, holding his hands up. ‘That just slipped out.’

  ‘Well the 'being grown-up' lasted – what? – thirty seconds?’

  ‘Still beats my personal record.’ He grins again and I can't help grinning back at him. I never could.

  ‘I am sorry, honest,’ he says. ‘Tell me about Adam's dissertation. What's the topic?’

  ‘Something about music and gender... I don't really know the details.’ I pick at a loose thread on my jeans. ‘We sort of split up.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  I look up. He's looking at me intently and it makes my stomach go liquid. I nod.

  ‘Wow. I don't know what to say . What happened?’

  ‘It just... wasn't working. We were both busy and not spending enough time together and it was just... not fun anymore.’

  ‘Who ended it?’ he asks.

  ‘Why does it matter?’

  He frowns. ‘It doesn't, I suppose. I just can't get my head around it. When did it happen?’

  ‘Not long ago,’ I say.

  ‘I did wonder why you were going to New York for Valentine's weekend on your own.’

  I huff out a breath. ‘Yeah. It was meant to be for both of us.’

  ‘Wasn't planning to propose, was he?’

  ‘God no, of course not!’

  ‘I just thought maybe, you know, he'd want to put a ring on it.’

  I shrug. He's just looking at me, smiling, waiting for me to speak. The bastard.

  ‘This is stupid,’ I say. ‘You should've just walked past Waterstones and pretended you hadn't seen me.’

  ‘Couldn't do it,’ he said. ‘Anyway, we would've bumped into each other at the gate or somewhere. At least this way we get to have coffee.’

  I try not to smile, but I can't help it. ‘We're probably seated together...’

  He snorts. ‘I'm in business class.’

  I gasp. ‘You are not!’

  ‘I am,’ he says with a straight face. ‘I'm very successful and important.’

  I laugh. ‘Oh, I'm sure.’ I shake my head. ‘I can't believe you're in business class!’

  ‘I could see if I can get you an upgrade...’

  I can't tell if he's serious. I stare at him. He does seem to be, but I don't want to take him seriously and then have him go ‘As if!’ And now I've been staring at him – without speaking – for too long. He really does look so good. Healthier than he looked at uni –sometimes he worked so hard and drank so much that he got really grey and pasty-looking, but now he's lightly tanned, even in February, and glowing with health.

  ‘Have you had a stroke?’ he says. ‘You haven’t moved a muscle in thirty seconds.’

  I laugh at last. ‘God. This is such a bad idea.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I'm sitting here wondering whether you're serious and I don't know whether I want you to be or not and I'm thinking how good you look and it's all wrong.’

  ‘Why is it? I mean, I do look good.’ He grins again.

  ‘You do.’

  ‘And you look beautiful. But then you always did.’

  I shake my head again. This can't happen.

  ‘Wait,’ I say. ‘Isn't there a business class lounge?’

  ‘There is. I'd be in there now if I hadn't seen you book shopping.’

  ‘You could have just walked past.’ I frown at him.

  ‘I did,’ he says. ‘And then I stopped and stood over there.’ He points at the bureau de change. ‘Trying to decide what to do. Then I walked past again and sat there.’ He points at a row of seats. ‘And thought about what a bad idea it would be to talk to you and how good you look and how much I've missed you and how many times I've thought about what I'd say if I bumped into you and I decided it was probably fate –’

  ‘You don't believe in fate.’

  ‘– Even though I don't believe in fate. And then I thought “what's the worst that could happen?” and then I realised that Adam was probably with you and that would be the worst that could happen, but by then I'd got myself quite worked up about talking to you again and I couldn't see Adam, so I went in the shop – my plan was that you'd notice me and if Adam was with you or if you didn't want to see me you'd just leave – but then I sort of got stuck watching you and that women thought I was a creepy weirdo stalker –’

  ‘Not unreasonably.’

  ‘No. Not at all. And then you saw me and here we are.’

  I want to lean across the table and kiss him. Actually I want to drag him across the table and kiss him.

  ‘This is a mistake,’ I say.

  ‘But what if it isn't?’ he says.

  I can see a muscle jumping in his cheek. It does that when he's nervous. I've made him nervous.

  ‘We were awful together.’

  ‘Yeah, we were. But I think you're forgetting that we were also completely fucking fantastic together.’

  My eyes have filled with tears. I look down at my jeans and gulp until I feel like I can get my voice under control. ‘You broke my heart.’

  ‘I know,’ he says. ‘I'm sorry.’