Right Move--A Gay Cowboy Romance

by A. M. Arthur

  “Yeah.”

  “I can’t imagine how stressful it is to pick so many things at once. Kitchen cabinets, paint colors for a bunch of rooms, furniture and curtains.”

  “It’s definitely a chore but worth it.” Shawn wandered out into the kitchen and grabbed a canned soda from the fridge. “Thirsty?”

  “Sure, thank you.” He accepted a cola and popped the tab. Took a long drink to both wet his whistle and get the smell of paint out of his nostrils.

  “I guess the bonus of a tiny house is there isn’t a whole lot to worry about changing in terms of colors or décor. It’s all kind of set in stone.” Shawn peered out the kitchen window to the backyard where Robin and Levi were wrestling in the grass instead of working on the garden. “God, they’re like a pair of kids sometimes. I can’t imagine Robin trick riding with anyone else up at Bentley.”

  “Well, Levi’s not going anywhere, so you don’t really have to imagine it.”

  An odd kind of relief came over Shawn. “Levi told you he’s turning his dad down?”

  George blinked, confused by the question. “Turning his dad down for what?”

  “Taking over running Lucky’s Rodeo when Doug retires at the end of this season.” Shawn’s eyes popped wide. “Fuck, Levi didn’t tell you about this?”

  As confused and unsure as he was, George didn’t want Shawn to think he’d said or done anything wrong, so he obfuscated. “Yeah, sorry, it slipped my mind. He didn’t say anything, um, specifically about his decision. I meant right now. We aren’t going anywhere.”

  That seemed to placate Shawn for now, and George tried not to dwell on it. But it stuck in the back of his mind like a sliver of wood beneath his skin—irritating and present. Doug was retiring and apparently wanted Levi to take over running Lucky’s when he did. When had Doug said this? Why hadn’t Levi mentioned it yet? And what did that mean for their future as a couple?

  George had no idea and that terrified him.

  * * *

  Levi couldn’t put his finger on when things between himself and George changed. George was slower to respond to his texts. He didn’t answer Levi’s calls as frequently as Levi was used to. And the third week in March, George begged off their usual “weekend” together, citing a heavy workload. If everything else had been normal, Levi might not have worried about that. They couldn’t spend every bit of time off with each other; they needed to have life and work balance.

  But this wasn’t their established normal, and Levi spent a lot of time either running the various trails, or playing with his cats and worrying he’d done something wrong. Upon reflection, he couldn’t think of a thing he could have said or done. Maybe George was having a minor personal crisis, and Levi hoped he trusted Levi enough to come to him. To talk about it and try to find a solution.

  They saw each other the following week for their “weekend” and George was upbeat but also...not? Levi couldn’t put his finger on it because he wasn’t used to this side of George. The hard to read side who said all the right things but whose eyes were distant. Uncertain. Had George changed his mind about being with Levi but he didn’t know how to say it? Levi didn’t want to believe that, and when he tried to bring it up with George, George insisted he was fine. They were fine.

  Levi didn’t agree they were fine but they also weren’t fighting, so what was this distance?

  During that Friday’s routine demo at Bentley, Levi nearly fell off Zodiac during a standing run—a trick he could do in his freaking sleep—and once they finished, Robin dragged him away from the corral. “What is wrong with you, pal? You’re distracted, and it’s going to get you hurt.”

  “I’m not sure.” Levi shrugged out of Robin’s hold and took a few steps away, closer to the tree line. “I get the sense that something is off with George but when I try to ask him about it, he says everything is fine. But I don’t think everything is fine.”

  Robin crossed his arms. “What do you think could be wrong?”

  “I don’t know. Orry and Zoey are doing great, so it’s not about them. George and I see each other as much as we can. I honestly don’t know how to make him talk to me, and I won’t see him in person again until Tuesday.”

  “Do you think?” Robin shifted his weight, face pinched. “Do you think he found out about you being arrested? Or the attack?”

  Levi’s gut rolled, and he pushed against those painful memories. “Maybe. It isn’t something I’ve talked to him about yet, and I need to. I also don’t see George pulling away if he found out about those things. That doesn’t feel like him. This is something else.”

  “I didn’t figure on you two having issues talking to each other.”

  “I didn’t think so either until recently. When I see him Tuesday we’ll go somewhere and talk about this. I ignored the weird vibes I got from Grant and we both know how that turned out.”

  “George is nothing like Grant, though. George sees you. He’s with you for who you are and not just for your ass.”

  “That’s for sure.”

  Robin tilted his head to the side. “Wait, you guys don’t fuck?”

  “No, and I’m perfectly fine with it, considering my history.” Levi ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe that’s it. Maybe George thinks I’ll get bored with us not having intercourse and leave him, so he’s keeping his distance? Ugh.”

  “Talk to him on Tuesday, brother. Tell him everything. Let him absorb it and understand your perspective in the most informed way possible.”

  “I will.” Tuesday felt like weeks away but at least he’d have work to keep him distracted for the next few days. George was the most important person in his life, and Levi would fight to keep him in it.

  The weekend, naturally, slithered along like a drunk turtle, with phone calls and texts to George that left Levi both hopeful and uneasy. He spent a lot of his free time meditating, trying to clear his mind of worry and stay positive. Monday evening, after they returned the horses to the Clean Slate barn, Robin invited Levi over for a late dinner at the house. They were officially moved in and slowly decorating.

  With Shawn still closing down the saloon, Levi drove Robin to the house in his pickup, and they ended up making rice bowls out of the various remnants of takeout and other dishes littering the fridge. “We need to go shopping soon and stock up,” Robin said of their bare pantry. “We’ve just been so busy with the house, there’s never time to really cook.”

  “You don’t have to explain to me.” Levi sipped at his cola. “You and Shawn have had a busy few months getting settled in. Give yourself time to nest.”

  “Believe me, we’re nesting. Neither one of us has ever really had our own space like this. Shawn went from living with his grandparents to renting a room from a cousin to living in his car. I went from sharing an RV with three other people to rooming with Ernie at the ranch.” He looked around their sparkling new kitchen with gentle affection Levi kind of envied. “This is our space. Our home.”

  “I’m happy for you, Robin, I meant it. You both deserve this.”

  “You deserve it too, man. And I expect George does, too.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Unless you decide to go on the road with Lucky’s.”

  “I haven’t made any decisions about that.”

  “What does George think?”

  Levi’s heart skipped a beat. “He doesn’t know.”

  “He doesn’t? But...”

  “But what?”

  Robin fiddled with his fork. “Something Shawn said a few weeks ago. He was talking to George and brought up Lucky’s, assuming you’d told George about the offer, and he said George reacted oddly. Surprised, but then he brushed it off like he knew exactly what Shawn was talking about.”

  “What? Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”

  “I guess I assumed you actually tell your boyfriend about important shit, dude. Are you saying George has no idea Dad
offered you Lucky’s?”

  “Well, he obviously knows now.” Levi dropped his forehead into his hand and sighed. “That explains it all, I think. George’s odd distance these last few weeks. Fuck.” He leapt up from the table so fast he nearly toppled his chair over. “I have to go.”

  “Where?”

  “Into the city to talk to George. It can’t wait until tomorrow. It’s waited long enough.”

  “Well, drive safely and get there in one piece, okay?”

  “I will.” He passed Shawn coming inside the house just as he was barreling out and tossed him a quick, “Hi, bye,” as he hightailed it to his truck, desperate to talk to his boyfriend.

  * * *

  George mostly deconstructed the grilled chicken sandwich Orry had brought him for dinner, too stressed and upset to eat. Orry had a rare evening off, and he wolfed down his own sandwich and fries, while also texting. Probably with Zoey. The pair was in each other’s back pockets whenever possible, and their joy only made George more and more jealous.

  Jealous and stupid, because George was the idiot who wouldn’t simply talk to Levi about his fears. That he knew about Levi taking over Lucky’s next year, and he was terrified of being dumped. But George had never been in this sort of position before, and he loathed confrontation. He didn’t know how to tell Levi what he knew or to demand answers and clarification. His anxiety monster insisted he was going to lose the best thing in his life soon, and he didn’t want to face that.

  So he moped when he was alone and tried to shine when he was with Levi, and the whole thing had left his stomach a mess this weekend. He’d downed antacids several times today, and the few bites of his sandwich he’d managed were not sitting well. Thankfully, Orry was distracted enough by his phone that he didn’t notice.

  It also hurt a little that he didn’t notice. Orry had always been attuned to George’s bad moods. But George also wasn’t the sole focus on Orry’s life anymore. George had to learn to share his big brother’s attention.

  Still hurt.

  Orry left the table first, phone in hand, and went to his room. George scraped the rest of his sandwich into the trash, the simple sight of it making him queasy. He was ahead on his current assignments in preparation for Levi picking him up in the morning for their weekend, so he spread out on his side on the futon and watched TV. Whatever was on, mindlessly flipping channels during commercial breaks, unable to settle on one particular thing. Work was even proving a challenge some days. His mind wandered during scenes and he’d miss the dialogue—such as it was, sometimes—and have to go back.

  He’d started dozing during a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond when the doorbell buzzed. They almost never had visitors, and George trudged to the call box. Fully expecting it to be Zoey, he hit the button to unlock the front door and trudged back to the futon. But Orry didn’t emerge from his room. George’s gut cramped. Had he made a mistake not asking who it was? What if he’d just let Adrian into the building again?

  He jumped when someone knocked, his heart pounding hard. George inched closer to the door. “Who is it?”

  “It’s Levi,” was the unexpected, muffled response.

  “Levi.” George turned the deadbolt, opened the door, and gaped at the unexpected sight of Levi on his landing. “You’re here.” And way early.

  “I need to talk to you about something important, and it couldn’t wait.”

  His insides shriveled up. This was the moment Levi confessed about taking over Lucky’s and leaving him. He took a step back, allowing Levi to come inside. Orry popped his head out of his room and said, “Hey, dude, I thought we were meeting up tomorrow morning.”

  “Change of plans,” Levi said. “I really need some privacy to talk to George.”

  “No sweat. I’ll chill downstairs in the living room.” Orry flashed George a curious look on his way out of the apartment. George had no idea what his own face looked like. Probably a combination of glum and terrified.

  “I know what you’re going to say.” George moved to put the futon between them, needing the physical barrier and unsure exactly why. His hands started shaking. “You’re going away with Lucky’s next year, aren’t you?”

  Levi took a single step closer, hands loose by his sides, his expression determined. “I have not made that decision, George. It was wrong of me to keep this from you for as long as I have, and I own that mistake. I accept and acknowledge your hurt, and I am so sorry for causing it. My father did offer me the chance to take over running the rodeo next season after he retires, but I did not give him an answer.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because of us. Because when Dad offered, we were still feeling each other out. Still becoming an us that made sense.”

  Annoyance crept up to overcome some of George’s fear. “How long ago did he offer?”

  “Christmas Day.”

  “That was almost three fucking months ago!” He hadn’t meant to yell, but what the actual fuck? Three months of sitting on this secret?

  “I know, and I am so sorry. And I’m even sorrier you found this out from Shawn and not me. The only person I told was Robin, and he obviously let something slip, and that’s not an excuse. I didn’t turn my dad down flat on his offer, so I should have told you about it sooner. Especially after I said I love you. I owed you that truth and I know I broke your trust by not sharing it.”

  George wanted to rage at his boyfriend for keeping something this important from him but he didn’t have the energy to do it. All he had was anger and defeat, and defeat was winning. “You didn’t tell Doug no because you’re considering it.”

  “It’s my family’s legacy. I loved my time with Lucky’s. I love being on the road, on the move. But I also love you, and I love living in Garrett. I suppose I foolishly hoped all those loves could come together somehow. I didn’t want to disappoint my dad or disappoint you.”

  The conflict in his heart played out all over Levi’s face, and it dimmed some of George’s anger. Not all but some. He circled the futon and sat on one end. Levi sat on the other, a long distance between them. “I think I understand why you didn’t say anything in December,” George said. “We were still feeling things out, falling in love. But these last few weeks, Levi? I didn’t expect you to keep a secret this big from me. Stuff about your past, sure, those things are private, but something that affects both of our futures?”

  “You’re right.”

  “I know.” George picked at seam of his jeans. “But I’m also wrong. When Shawn first let it slip, I should have said something to you about it, instead of letting it fester. You always say people shouldn’t keep things bottled up and I did that. Just like I let Orry get away with the Thanksgiving lie for weeks before I confronted him. I don’t like confrontation. It always ends badly.”

  “It didn’t end badly with Orry.”

  “True. I guess I keep comparing everything to my last encounter with Adrian.”

  “That was a traumatic moment for you. Him attacking you.” Levi scooted a few inches closer. “But I need you to know and believe me when I say I will never be physically, verbally, or emotionally violent with you, George. Not for any reason. I’ve survived too much violence to ever want to hurt another human soul.”

  George’s chest ached for the new misery in Levi’s blue eyes. A flash and gone but it had been there, and he wanted to know more. “What sort of violence?”

  Levi inhaled deeply, then let the breath out slowly. “After Xander died and I quit the rodeo, I went on what I can only describe as a year-long bender. I drank heavily and for a long time. Did some drugs but alcohol was easier to find. Spent all my savings. Ended up living in my car for a while, too angry and proud to call my dad for help. When my car got impounded for unpaid tickets, I started tricking out for a place to sleep. Prostituting for alcohol money.”

  Shock jolted through George’s core at that confession. Le
vi didn’t look ashamed of his actions, though, more resigned to the fact that they’d happened. George also didn’t know what to say so he stayed silent. Grateful to Levi for sharing these painful truths.

  “It all ended when I woke up in the ER, bloody and brutalized, and I had a perforated bowel injury that they treated endoscopically, so they kept me in hospital for a few days. After I detoxed, I called Dad and he came. I went straight into rehab, and I have been sober ever since. I turned my whole life around and I stopped being angry at the world over Xander’s accidental death. I didn’t even blame Robin anymore for goading Xander into getting up on a horse for the first time. I couldn’t hate and blame and be able to move forward.”

  “I’m so sorry you went through that.” George raged and ached for the pain Levi must have gone through after his attack. “Did they ever catch the people who hurt you?”

  “No. But I like to think that karma has or will soon catch up with each of them. I don’t have room in my heart to hate them anymore. Only to hope that they’ll change or face the consequences.”

  “Then you’re a better person than me. I can’t imagine ever forgiving my abuser.”

  “Adrian?”

  “Yes.” His stomach twisted up tight. “Not only for berating me into an eating disorder but sometimes he’d lose his temper and shove me. He’d...grope me during practice. Obvious gropes, not accidents.”

  Fury blazed in Levi’s eyes. “Did you tell anyone?”

  “I told everyone who would listen after I quit skating, which I think is a huge part of why Adrian hates me so much. That last night I couldn’t bear the idea of working with him anymore if I won. Or the possible illness or violence if I lost, and I fell apart. Had a massive panic attack. My accusations of both the groping and the anorexia ruined his reputation as a coach. I obviously couldn’t prove anything but it was enough. No one would hire him.”

  “You did the right thing.” Levi moved to the center of the futon. “You are a strong, strong man, George. Never doubt that. You have been battling your anxiety for so many years, and I am in awe of your strength.”