Written in the Sand
Page 3
He may have looked like a god in the flesh, but was simply a mere mortal. He’d been hurt, abused and neglected was my guess, based on the way his nostrils flared and he danced when I made a move too quickly or asked for too much of him. He’d shy away, telling me that he wasn’t ready for whatever it was I’d been asking. I respected that, and respected him, knowing that one day we would create a bond that’s unbreakable, if I could only get through to him.
With half of the day now gone, I’d taken him out to the paddock and turned him loose. Before he learned to trust me, he needed to learn to be a horse again.
Free.
I stood watching him for what seemed like half an hour before I turned to go inside and make myself some lunch.
I pulled sandwich supplies from the fridge—bologna, cheese, pickles, mayo, and mustard atop plain white bread.
Simple.
Delicious.
My phone dinged from the living room and I ran to grab it, hoping it wasn’t someone telling me I was needed out on the ranch.
My ranch.
I’d taken over here a little over four years now, which is also how long it’d been since my father passed. I never expected him to go so soon but cancer is a nasty beast. He’d gone in to see the doctor thinking he’d be walking out with a diagnosis of diabetes. He had all the typical signs, but no one ever tells you that diabetes and pancreatic cancer actually have the same vague symptoms. It was a bitter end to the last seven weeks of his life. Whole body fatigue, nausea, appetite loss, confusion, pain, yellowing of his skin. Some days he didn’t even know me and that was when he’d been lucid enough to actually notice I was in the room. I wouldn’t have bestowed that on my worst enemy.
Reagan—You will never guess who I saw driving through town today.
I am always amazed how quickly gossip spreads in our small little town. Leave it up to my little sister to be the first one with all the details too.
Me—Waiting with bated breath over here…
Reagan—Can you just, I don’t know, pretend to care every once in a while?
Me—Sorry, it’s just been a long mornin’ Rea, who’d you see?
Reagan—She’s back, Beau. Dream girl came cruising right through the middle of town about an hour ago. Everyone’s saying she didn’t even stop just headed right for her parent’s place.
I roll my eyes even though she can’t see it.
Me—That was a long time ago, Rea. She didn’t want me then, she won’t want me now.
Reagan—Well, with that attitude I wouldn’t want you either…
Me—Really? Really winning friends right now. Was there a reason you thought I’d want to know this bit of information?
Reagan—Somewhere deep down you’re still in love with her. You’ve never even had a real relationship. It’s been years Beau—maybe now it’s finally your chance.
She wasn’t wrong. I’d been head over heels, couldn’t talk a straight sentence, in love with Cassidy Mae Jones for as long as I could remember. That was way before she’d ever become a Peterson. Being as she was my sister’s best friend and I saw her and spoke a few words to her every day. I just knew that one day, I was going to make this girl fall in love with me. Dark, almost black hair, a smile as big as the sun, and eyes the color of sparkling emeralds.
I’d heard she’d up and married some fancy guy who moved her to the city and we hadn’t seen her since. It was odd, her being back in town all of a sudden. The feeling I had earlier in the day was coming back and I knew it was her. I only got this way around her. This can’t breathe, nerves in my throat feeling that I’ve had since I was young.
I wanted to see her, but if she was hiding out at her parent’s house there had to be a reason behind it. Cassidy Mae had always been a happy go lucky girl, the popular one, the homecoming queen. So, her not even stoppin’ in town to say hi made me wonder. I didn’t know why she’d come home after staying away for so long but one thing was for sure. My dream girl had come home and I finally had a shot at getting her to see me. I’m not that scared, shy boy anymore. I’m a man. And this man wants his woman. The only one who’s been occupying my dreams for all these years. I needed to know if she was home just to visit and was truly happily married or if she’d be staying.
Me- Hey Rae, wanna do me a favor?
Reagan—Anything for you, big bro…
Me—I need some intel. Why is she here? How long she’s staying.
Reagan—I’m on it, chief!
My old room looked exactly the same as it did when I left. Absolutely nothing had changed. I’d never been one for pinks and girly things. My room was decorated with walls of soothing turquoise, unlike the room with Andrew. It had been stark white and sterile. The curtains and bedding of my room were layered in black and white damask prints. The desk I used when I was in school stood in the corner by the window, my old laptop sitting with a layer of dust on top. I sat down in the middle of my old bed and a sneeze erupted from my nose. Clearly a layer of dust had gathered here as well.
We ate dinner that night in almost silence. There was a tension amidst us and I knew I was the reason for it. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. My brain was a constant rotation of what comes next. When would they come looking for me? Would I be arrested and found guilty? What would his family do to me? What would Devin do? So many questions peppered my brain, a flutter of activity.
We said our goodnights and I headed to my room to finish getting unpacked and settled back into the room I never thought I’d find myself in again.
I woke up more rested than I had anticipated. It’d been a long time since I’d actually slept the whole way through the night. I figured it had to do with the fact that I’d come home. For the first time in nearly a year, I felt safe. Or maybe it was because my body was just so exhausted that it needed sleep.
I decided that a shower and fresh change of clothes would drastically help my mood. I cringed every time I moved my sore and tender ribs. I couldn’t believe it. It’d been a week since I’d left him. I was so mad at him, but a part of me was mad at myself too. I should’ve left sooner. Hell, I should’ve never married him in the first place. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I’d lost a part of myself.
My mind wandered to Beau Montgomery for a minute. The boy I’d crushed on throughout high school who never seemed to be interested in me. Is he still in Moonshine Springs? What is he doing now? His family’s farm was one of my favorite hangout places when I was younger and I assumed he would take it over one day, but much like everything else I hadn’t kept up with small town gossip.
No, I shook my head. I gave myself a minute and that was all. All I would allow, before remembering exactly why I was home again. I had no room to think about my high school crush.
The smell of blueberry pancakes and bacon assaulted my senses and my stomach growled as I got out of the shower and put on clothes. I made my way to the kitchen as a knock sounded on the front door. I froze. Terror that whoever had seen me had finally come. Or it was the police letting me know they’d found my dead husband already.
I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t think.
Fear consumed every part of my mind.
The few seconds it took my Mama to walk to the front door felt like minutes, hours, days… I stilled, waiting to hear that low, deep voice that came to me in every nightmare while I slept. Almost as if my heart wouldn’t believe that he was gone.
I could hear the smile in my mother’s voice when she greeted whoever was on the other side of that door. I took a breath and realized that my whole body was shaking. At that moment I was glad everyone was so focused on whoever was at the front door. Mortification crawled through me, embarrassed that I’d been that afraid from one single knock on the door.
I looked up as my high school best friend, Reagan Montgomery, walked through the front door. Her eyes found mine immediately and a broad smile spread across her face, “Well, I’ll be damned, Cassidy Mae Peterson, as I live and breathe.”
“Well, I, for one, have missed your face around here lady.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so I just nodded. I didn’t want to bring someone else into my realm of uncertainty. I didn’t know how much she knew about my life since I’d gone, but the one thing I did know was that I didn’t need to drag her into my mess any more than I wanted to drag my own parents.
“Mrs. Jones, do I detect smells of…” She made a point to sniff the air. “Is that… pancakes and bacon?”
She laughed and pointed to the kitchen table. “Yes, you do, my dear. Pull up a chair, join us.”
“Don’t mind if I do. I always loved your breakfasts.”
There was a different air in the kitchen this morning. I kept my gaze on the floor as I walked to the chair I occupied last night. A chair across from me scraped against the linoleum floor and my eyes lifted. I tensed and hoped that nobody noticed. My eyes found Reagan. I hadn’t seen or talked to her since I left for college. We’d lost touch, but the look of concern on her face was there and then gone before I could blink. If I hadn’t been looking, I would have missed it completely. She smiled softly at me.
Typical Reagan.
In the city, they would refer to her as a pixie. A small, magical humanoid creature, often compared to a fairy. In our small town, she was known as a spitfire. If I remember anything about Rae, I remember this. She may be small at five foot two but she was fierce.
Mama brought over another place setting and set it down in front of Reagan. She brought each pan over and allowed us to serve ourselves.
I pushed the pancakes and bacon around my plate. My appetite was alive before Reagan had shown up. Now my stomach was churning, too much to eat, fearing that I would see my food a second time.
“What’s the matter, baby girl? Ya want something else to eat?” Papa asked quietly from the other side of the table.
“No, thanks. I’m good with what I have.” I loaded up a forkful of pancakes onto my fork and stared it down, wishing I had the desire to devour it. His eyes narrowed assessing me before returning to his own plate.
I knew that he didn’t believe me, but he wasn’t going to say anything in front of my friend. And for that I was thankful.
Once we finished eating, I stood up to help clear the table. Mama shooed me away quicker than flies to fresh horse shit.
“Go spend some time with Reagan, dear. It’s been years since you’ve seen your friends.” I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want anyone else involved in my battles but this restless feeling under my skin was making me feel like a caged wild animal.
I was finally, for the first time in years, free from his grasp. Free to do what I wanted and with whoever I wanted, but I was also terrified. Terrified that I’d do or say the wrong thing.
Reagan looked over at me as I weighed my options, continue to hide away or start to make old friends again?
“Alright, Cassidy Mae, we can stand here all day or we can go do something fun. What do you say? For old times’ sake?”
How could I say no to her? It was time for me to move on. I needed to get my mind off things and get away.
“Sure, what did you have in mind?”
“How would you feel about going to visit some horses? I remember in high school you were one of the best cowgirls in the town. We hadn’t talked in years and I missed her. Whatcha think?”
A smile creased the corners of my face.
“I’d love to.”
I grabbed my purse and we headed out to her truck. She climbed into a big, white F-250 power stroke with a chrome grill and it roared to life. I jumped in beside her and winced when I accidentally hit the bruise on my side.
“Hey, you okay?” I looked over to find concern etched into the features on Reagan’s face.
“Yeah, why are you askin’?” I tried to play it cool.
“You cringed when you hopped in just now. What’s going on, Cassidy?”
My lower lip started to tremble. I was afraid of telling anyone that I’d had a verbally abusive spouse and stuck with him for the last year. So, I did the only thing I could. I lied.
“Oh, I’m good. Must’ve just tweaked it wrong, I’ll be okay.” I said, hoping that my smile wasn’t showing the pain I felt on the inside.
“As long as you’re sure.” She looked me in the eye dead on and I felt like the biggest ass lying to the person that had once been my best friend and confidante. I nodded.
“Okay, then.” I don’t think she believed me but she nodded and started backing up to turn around and head out.
“So, where are we headed?”
A small smile creased her lips, “To see Beau, where else?”
“To see… Beau…?” My heart flip flopped in my chest and did a dance. Thoughts of seeing a grown-up Beau tore through my mind.
She giggled. “Mmhmm.”
“Oh, okay…” I whispered.
The rest of the ride was silent. The windows were open and as we approached, I noticed the two willow trees that had always stood guard at the entrance to their farm were still standing firm. The old carved boulder proudly displaying Willow Springs Stables still sat by the road, same as it had for years. The drive in was lined with willow trees. Trees once young had now grown since I’d last seen them. The sound of whinnies filled my ears. Horses ran along the fence line beside the truck like they were racing us for home. A single unit—horse and rider—was doing some groundwork in the arena by the barn. Someone was on an old red tractor in one of the fields and several other people were milling around. She pulled up to the barn and we got out of the truck.
Looking around I realized how much I’d missed this—the smells and sounds of the barn—horses munching, napping, and other little nuances that I’d taken for granted. I’d grown up with horses and seeing them again felt like coming home. A warmth spread in my chest and a small sigh escaped my lips. Memories flooded my mind from all the times Reagan and I had ridden together over the years and competed in the town rodeo every summer.
Entering the stables, I watched as curious horse heads popped out of stalls down the walkway. I made my way down the line of horses introducing or re-introducing myself to them. Some of these horses were older now. Some I’d known when I used to ride with Reagan. They seemed to remember me too. I cooed and stroked their muzzles as I went, sharing the carrots, apples, and sugar cubes that Reagan had provided me.
I looked over at Reagan and a wave of regret washed over me for not keeping in touch with my friend for so long. She treated me like she’d seen me just yesterday. I wondered what happened next. I knew eventually I was going to need to get a job. I couldn’t keep living with my parents. If I was going to move on, then I was going to need a source of income to sustain myself.
I got to the end of the barn and noticed a black horse in the final stall. Its head wasn’t sticking out like the rest and I wondered why. When I got to the stall, I could see the pink on the inside of his nostrils as they flared. The whites of his eyes were on display as if he wasn’t sure if I could be trusted being that close to him. I realized that look wasn’t aggression, it was fear. Looking him in the eye, I noticed that I’d seen that look before… in my own mirror. He was scared. Of what, I wasn’t sure but I could understand his pain. His initial reaction made sense to me.
“I see you’ve met Zeus,” a deep, masculine voice came from behind me. I jumped, spinning around and found myself face to face with none other than Beau Montgomery. My high school crush. Except this wasn’t the same boy that I knew in high school.
No, this was a man.
Beau was one hundred percent man. A man upwards of six foot four with thick, dark hair. Dark chocolate brown eyes looked back at me and I couldn’t pull myself away from his gaze. High cheekbones and a defined bearded jawline painted his face and then there were his lips. Perfect, pink smooch-able lips as if they�
��d been permanently tattooed with lipstick. He was every girl’s dream and what I deemed as close to book boyfriend material as I’d ever seen.
Stop thinking like that. You cannot kiss Beau Montgomery.
A tattoo crawled out from beneath his tight, grey t-shirt brilliantly showing off all those gorgeous, rippling biceps. The very last thing I needed was to be thinking about another man. A man who could potentially hurt me again.
The wounds were too close to the surface, but deep enough that if you poured salt on them, I’d probably scream for days.
A blush tore across my face. “Hi Beau, it’s been a while.”
“It’s been far too long, sweetheart, but you’re just as beautiful as you’ve always been.” He reached over as if to give me a friendly hug and I stepped back cringing. I hadn’t meant to, but it’d become an automatic reflex for me these days. People only got close enough to hurt me. Or, more like, Andrew had gotten close enough to almost kill me.
I sucked in a breath, “Beau…”
He looked at me, eyes roaming over my face. I wasn’t sure at that moment what he was looking for, I couldn’t think. Having this man so close to me was making me feel things I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Lust and… hope, maybe.
My eyes found the ground. I couldn’t look up and see the pity look he was probably bestowing upon me. I couldn’t stand the heartbreak.
“So…” He said quietly trailing off, causing me to peek up at him from below my eyelashes.
“So, what happened to him?” I said nodding to Zeus.
“All I know is what the rescue told me about him. Just got him in two weeks ago and he’s been like this since then. More than likely, it’s abuse. He just needs time to adjust. Time to be a horse again. His life hasn’t been the easiest. He’d been seized initially after being starved. Homes for Horses had rescued him and gotten him healthy again. Again, he’d been adopted out. The second family was better, however, when they fell on hard times, Zeus suffered. Once again, he was starved and left in a field alone. He doesn’t trust humans, but he’s never really been given the opportunity.”