by Marie , J
I nodded. “I see. Have a college picked out already, do ya?”
“Yes, ma’am. I plan on going to West Virginia University. I wanna be a Mountaineer.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “So, you fancy burning couches, do you? I’d pick a more respectable school like Marshall if you want to get a good education and not get arrested for burning things.”
She scoffed. I knew I wouldn’t be changing her mind, but at least she’d be sure to think about it.
“Well, good luck with everything.” Reagan finished paying and we turned to leave, but not before I heard a familiar voice from my past.
“We gonna be seeing you for the fireworks display this time next week, Cassidy Mae?” I turned to see my high school archnemesis, Tara, the Paris to my Rory before they actually became friends in Gilmore Girls. Mean as a snake with the smile of a thousand whip lashes. She was wicked. Guess that hadn’t changed. Her blonde hair was perfectly coiffed, makeup smeared on like a hooker, clothes skin tight. Maybe I was being harsh, but I hated her after what she did in high school. Tucker cheated with her on me. Both of them were no good lying, cheating whores in my opinion.
Wonder whose husband she’s sleeping with now?
“I don’t know Tara… are you planning on setting anything on fire this year? Like, oh I don’t know… your feet?” She skulked and turned around. I knew that one would cut deep. She’d almost set herself on fire one year playing with sparklers. Dumb enough to burn herself when she dropped it on her foot. She sure wasn’t the smartest in school.
She huffed. “Glad to see big city life hasn’t changed you at all.”
“I’m glad too.” Rea grabbed me by the arm, hinting that it was time to leave. I hated Tara. She was the absolute worst.
We’d gotten the groceries packed into her backseat and were on the way back to the house Reagan started on me again. “So, what’s going on with Beau?”
“Nothing can happen with Beau, Rea. I’ve got too much crap going on to bring him into the mix.”
“Don’t get mad at me for saying this, but that man is in love with you. He has been since we were kids. Do you really want to lose the best thing that could ever happen to you over a little bit of fear?”
A sense of shock filled me. I knew it’d been a while, but since we were kids? I bit back my thoughts and stood tall. “I’m not afraid of Beau. I’m afraid for Beau. He doesn’t deserve my mess.”
“That’s hogwash and you know it, Cassidy Mae.”
I wouldn’t make eye contact with her. I knew it was garbage as soon as it’d fallen from my lips, but I wasn’t about to give her the pleasure of being right. When I remained silent, she continued.
“Beau won’t let anything happen to you. You walk away now you’re breaking both of your hearts. Do you really want to break that man’s heart before you even give him a chance to earn yours?”
“He already has a part of mine, Rea. That’s the problem.”
“Well, I don’t see why you don’t just give him a chance to make you happy.”
“Because I don’t think that’s possible with everything I’ve been through.”
“Well then at least talk to him because he feels like he drove you away for telling ya how he felt. If you can’t love him, Cassidy Mae, just be friends with him. He’s hurting thinking he damaged your friendship.”
My heart broke thinking Beau really felt like this because of me. “Why didn’t he say anything?”
Her eyes widened with mock shock. “Maybe because, oh I don’t know, you’ve been avoiding him.”
Reagan was right. I had been avoiding him. “I’ll talk to him when we get home.”
“Good.”
It’d been almost a week since I’d talked to Cassidy Mae. I was kicking myself for telling her how I felt. I knew she wasn’t ready and I’d gone and told her anyhow.
Reagan had taken her to the grocery store today with the promise that she’d try and talk Cassidy into at least talking to me again and making her understand that I had no intention of ever hurting her feelings or making her do anything she didn’t want to do.
I sat on my haystack on the edge of the barn and watched them carrying bags into the house. Every bone in my body ached to rush over and help them, like the gentleman I was, but I didn’t want to intrude.
When Cassidy Mae sought me out after unpacking, I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand, I was happy, the other—nervous. She’d avoided me for the last few days so whatever she had to say had been building up since we last talked. I thought about all my options. Trying to come up with every possible scenario of what she would tell me about why she was avoiding me and how we could never be together. I opened my mouth to speak when she cut me off.
“I won’t deny that there’s an attraction between us… that I can’t ignore.”
My eyebrows hit my hairline when she said it. I couldn’t believe she would actually speak the words out loud.
“But we can’t act on it, Beau. I still don’t know if someone is looking for me. I haven’t heard from the unknown number again and I won’t risk you getting hurt just to be with me. If we were in a different situation and a different time, I’d consider it. But the truth is, we aren’t and I care about you too much to let anything happen. We can only ever be friends. That’s what I need from you right now.”
I listened to her silently without interrupting the whole time she spoke. Hand on my chin like I was weighing every word spoken from her tongue. When she had ceased speaking, I figured she’d said her peace.
“Is that everything you had to say?”
She nodded her head, quivering her bottom lip. She was nervous about what I was going to say, but she needed to believe every word that came from my lips.
“Good. Now, let me tell you a few things about me, Cassidy Mae. I fell in love with you that first day I saw your pretty green eyes and black hair. I thought to myself, someday I’m gonna marry that girl. And then I watched that same beautiful, smart, and brave girl riding a twelve-hundred-pound animal in a 15.6 second barrel pattern and let me tell you, I was a goner. I wanted to ask you out so many times when we were in school together and every single time I got up the courage, I lost it and I’ve been kicking myself for all these years.”
I leaned over and raised my hand to cup her cheek. “Fate saw fit to bring you back to me one way or the other and here’s the thing, Cass, you can think of us as friends as much as you want to. If that makes you feel better. I’ll allow it, but one of these days we’re going to be so much more. Because here’s the truth. We aren’t just written in the stars, babe. Our story is written in the sand of this old dusty arena here. Has been since the first time I saw you ride with Reagan, and always will be, darlin.”
I held up my hand and shook my head as she went to protest my words.
“I’ve been waiting for you forever, darlin’, so if that means I gotta wait just a little while longer then so be it. We have the rest of forever together.”
She shook her head and looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind. Sometimes I wondered if I had.
“Beau…”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you still love him and I’ll back off. I’ll be your friend and we’ll go back to the way things were. It’s the last thing I want, but I’ll respect your decision.”
There was a slight hesitation in her tone, but the words that crossed her lips were absolute. “No, I haven’t loved Andrew for a while now. I can’t love a ghost. He’s gone and he’s not coming back, ever. And even if he was alive, I couldn’t love someone who thought it was okay to belittle and beat his wife…”
I choked on her words. I’d known he was physically abusive, which was extremely clear in the way she shied away from everyone. To hear her actually admit out loud she’d been beat burned me up inside. Like a fire being lit inside my very bloodstream and fighting its way out to light up the air around us and consume me. It was a good thing that the bastard was already dead… or I’d probably kill hi
m myself.
“Good, then starting today we’re going to be an us. No going back. We’ll deal with whatever comes together, Cassidy Mae. I’ve finally got you after what feels like forever and I’m not ashamed to say that I’m pleased as punch over it. I’m a kid in a freakin’ candy store thrilled. I’ve been in love with you since I was young and I realize that twenty-five-year-old me isn’t going to be the same kind of kid love, but I promise you it’ll be even better than we imagined. It’s only ever been you. I never wanted anyone else. And what I feel for you hasn’t disappeared an ounce since you left. If anything, it’s even stronger seeing the real you, the fighter, and survivor. You keep saying you’re not the same, and I believe you. I think you finally might be figuring out who you are and what you want out of this life. What you want. Not what anyone tells you what you should want.”
Her expression paled and she audibly swallowed as she took in all I said and realized what I was hinting at.
“Now when you say you never wanted anyone else…”
“Not the way I want you. I’ve been with women, sure, but that was just to learn how to satisfy you. I’ve never had a real relationship with anyone.”
Her face scrunched in confusion, “But you didn’t know if I’d ever come home. You were just going to wait for me forever?”
“Let’s not think about that,” I said with a chuckle. “I’m just sure glad that ain’t my reality and that fate knew you’d be coming home to me.”
I watched as her mouth opened and closed several times before she finally spoke again. “I don’t even know what to say to all that, Beau.”
“You don’t have to say anything right now, other than that you’ll think about it, okay? I got my mind firmly set on convincin’ you either way though. Once I start caring about something, I become mighty passionate about it. And I care about you, Cass.”
A small smile crept across her lips, “You sure know how to sweet-talk a girl, Beau Montgomery. Compliments will get you everywhere sometimes…”
“Aim to please, ma’am,” I said and tipped my invisible Stetson to her.
I gently moved into her space and tucked a lock of black hair behind her ear, “You know I’ll never be him, right?”
“Of course, I know that, Beau.” The agitation was rich in her voice.
“And you have to know that I’d never do or say anything to intentionally hurt you. You are precious to me.”
“We’ve known each other since we were kids. I’d be a damn fool to ever compare you with the likes of Andrew Peterson.”
I ran my hand down her arm and intertwined my fingers with hers. A chill crept up my spine thinking about how many times before I’d dreamed of just holding her hand. This girl was going to be the death of me, but a sweet death it would be. I knew the battle for her heart was coming and I was prepared. There was no way in hell I’d give up my sweet girl. She was mine and I planned on keeping her.
“Good, glad that’s settled.”
“Beau…”
“I’m going to fight my way into your heart, Cassidy Mae. I’m coming with all sorts of ammunition. Best make sure you get your battlefield in place because I’m about to win this war. And the sweetest prize it will be when your heart belongs to me.”
A shiver ran down her arm as the last words fell from my lips. The tension ran between as I stared at her lips for what seemed like a long few minutes. I wanted so badly to lean in and kiss her. To feel the warmth of her breath against my own. To dip my lips onto her own plump pink ones. To love every bit of her mouth combined with my own, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. If she wanted to be friends then I was going to be the best damn friend she’d ever seen.
I leaned in close enough to whisper, “I want to kiss you so bad right now, Cassidy Mae.”
The breath hitched in her throat as her eyes fell to my lips. Her perfect pink tongue dipped out and caressed those pert lips I was admiring just a minute ago and I had to hold back a groan. God, I wanted her so badly it physically hurt to stand this far away and not maul her with my love.
“Okay…” she breathed.
“But I’m not going to. I’m going to make you beg for it. I want you to be so ready for my kiss that you crave it. That you’re desperate for it like nothin’ you ever wanted before in your life.”
“Oh…” She immediately stepped away and hid her eyes from my view.
“Hey, hey… don’t be like that darlin’. Believe me, I want you. I just want to take my time with you and make sure you’re ready for all of this, including kissing them pretty lips of yours.”
I clasped the back of her neck and brought my lips to her forehead as my free hand grasped her hip to pull her against me. I may not grant myself permission to kiss those lips, but I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to know how soft her skin would be beneath my lips. How her tongue would taste against my own. I bet she’d be sweet like the skittles she snuck Elle every day. I’d waited years to just be this close to her and now I’d held her hand and had the chance to kiss her sweet, soft skin. I reveled in the beauty. I reveled in this moment. With her.
When I finally pulled back, I looked down to see her expression. I couldn’t exactly put a finger on what it meant. A tear had formed and was claiming its way down her cheek. Making its way down her soft skin. “Hey, Cass. Baby. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She said as she looked up at me, brushing away the tear that had fallen. “It’s just… that… I can’t remember how long it’s been since someone touched me with such tender care and…” Her voice cut off and she shook her head.
“Shhh… it’s okay. I’m here, Cass.” She nodded against my shirt as my arms embraced her harder. She pulled me in closer, her fingers digging into the fabric against my back, and we stood like that for what seemed like minutes before she realized what she was doing and pulled away from me.
“I… I need to…I need to go work with Oakley.” A grin spread across my face. I knew she needed an escape from me right now. What we’d just experienced was one of the most precious and biggest emotional exchanges I’d ever had. It was intense and I understood her need to flee. She was going through a lot and everything we just discussed would no doubt cause more feelings to fluster inside her body. I squeezed her tightly once more before letting her run off to hide.
“Hey Beau,” she spoke softly as she turned to face me one final time before leaving. My eyes found the softness in hers. It was an honest look.
“Yeah?”
“You weren’t the only one who wished you’d made a move back then.” Her words gutted me. She’d wanted me to ask her out way back then. And once again I found myself wanting to kick my own ass.
“We’ve got all the time in the world to make it up, Cass. And that starts now.” She wouldn’t give me those pretty emerald green eyes again, but they’d been burned into my mind so many times that I could at least picture them now.
I wasn’t exactly sure what to think of what had just happened. Being with Beau would be risking a loss. Losing him or losing my freedom. Losing my freedom to make my own decisions and be independent, which was the one thing I wanted coming home.
Being with Beau meant I had to be all in, for everything. Was I really ready for that? I didn’t know. Risking my heart?
It wouldn’t be the same as being with Andrew. I’d known Beau Montgomery for years. He’d done nothing but encourage me to be myself and do exactly what I wanted to do. He encouraged me to discover what made me happy. He wouldn’t demand to know my every move or hold me back from the things I enjoyed most. He would never ever make me choose between him and my parents. If I knew anything about Beau, I knew he was good. His soul was beautiful and as much as I didn’t want to tarnish his beauty with my own ugly, I knew we could be good together.
Was I willing to risk Beau getting hurt if I followed my heart over my head?
The fact that he was bound and determined to make me believe that we were meant to be together struck a note in my soul. That he was willing
to fight to be with me was something I’d not experienced before.
And God did I want it. I wanted to be with Beau.
If I stopped lying to myself, I’d realize that I’d wanted this for a while now and being back on his farm only confirmed it. But I wouldn’t let him bulldoze me. I wanted a choice in the matter. He needed to know that right this instant. I left Oakley tied in cross ties and barged into the barn office where I knew Beau would be working on paperwork.
He looked up startled as the door banged up against the wall.
“What’s wrong?” The startled look quickly faded into concern as he studied every corner of my face.
My arms crossed over my chest. “I want a choice.”
His eyebrows raised. “A choice?”
“I want the choice to be with you. Andrew told me where to go, what to do, who I could hang out with, and I was just getting my freedom back. Now, it sounds like we’re together. You and me. I want a choice.”
“You have a choice darlin’.” He slumped back in his chair and drew his fingers together like he was praying. “I never said you didn’t have a choice, Cass. I see the thought clearly has you flustered. When I say we’re going to be together it’s as equals. We’re two people darlin’, we won’t always agree on things and I get that but I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to do. I’ll also never tell you something and expect you not to have your own opinions. If we’re doing this, it’s us against the world. We’re in this together.”
“So why don’t I get a say in whether we’re together or not.”
“You do.”
“I do?” I was so confused. Based on the conversation we’d had earlier it didn’t seem that way. It seemed like he’d decided for me and that was that.
He frowned at me, seemingly offended that I’d think otherwise.
“Cassidy Mae, I just have one question for you? Do you want to be with me?”
“I…” A frown creased my face. “Yes?”
