The Ginger Man

by J. P. Donleavy

  In the post office. Of the Geary. Dangerfield approached the counter abruptly. Clicked his heels.

  "I say, my good man, would you see if there is a letter for Percivil Buttermere ? "

  Clerk turning to the row of boxes. Dangerfield rotating on his ankles. O'Keefe standing glumly aside. An apostate. Man murmuring seeing is. Pound in the pocket is twenty in the post. There were guilty smiles.

  "Have faith, Kenneth. They say they build a lot of things on that. OI wish the world had more faith"

  "I've no sympathy for the grief it's causing you"

  Clerk going through the butter. Pulls out a letter for a good look. Puts it back. Comes to the end. Grumbling is heard and mumbling.

  "Sorry sir, no Buttermere"

  "I say, doo ding dong, there must be some mistake. A mistake, I say. Or said"

  O'Keefe drew his shoulders up around his head. And let them down slowly. A shift of the pack and he bent towards the door. Drove his weary self out into the street

  "I'll take another look for you, sir"

  "Would you. Very urgent matter."

  Clerk, nearsighted and whispering.

  "There's Butcher, Buttimer—there's Buttermede."

  "I say, ding dong, that may be it"

  "Blotted"

  "Let me see it"

  Sound of ripping.

  "This is it Ding dong. Come up you numb bunch of bastards out of that hold and batten down or something"

  "What, sir?"

  "A sentiment"

  "O."

  A cat, his eyes afire. There were three five pound and broken notes. And a letter. And a moment of hesitation and instant of animal Reading these sweet Erse words.

  TA GUIG PUINT STERLING INIOCTHA AS AN NOTA SO LE N-A SHEALBHOIR AR N-A EILEAMH SAN SO I LUNDAIN.

  Out into the street Alone. Did I say that this faith was rampant? Or did I say it was just like hot tamale. Check me please. O yes, put this brown stuff in my pocket If I can get up the street away. O'Keefe gone.

  Sebastian went hurriedly to a building with an eagle over the door in which they were serving liquor.

  "Good day, sir"

  "Good day. Put a bottle of brandy on the bar"

  "All of it, sir?"

  "All."

  A figure appeared. Beside Dangerfield. And an outstretched hand. Hungry palm.

  "O.K."

  "Kenneth, won't you join me?"

  "Just give me my money. You would have left me without a cent."

  "Had to get change."

  "You're a no good bastard and where's that money coming from?"

  "Ye of little faith. This is going to be a great night Have you got your coffee grinder ? "

  "Give me the money."

  "All right, Kenneth, if you prefer. But I can only spare four"

  "God damn it Give me the four then"

  "Be my guest. We'll have dinner with Miss Frost Be nice. I think she gives, Kenneth, Might be worthwhile looking into it Wouldn't you like a bit of that thing they do in the dark?"

  "You're just a son of a bitch. You'd leave me to return to Dublin without a penny. Tomorrow I see Lady Eclair and 1 want nothing to screw this deal. I have to get the eleven-thirty bus to Roundwood. I'm going."

  "Don't leave, for the love of God, Kenneth."

  "I know you. I don't want to see life through a haze. You'll be talking with some bogman all night"

  "Now, Kenneth, you're a man who speaks fluent Greek and Latin, a man of much useless knowledge, schooled in culture, who knows what Plato said to his boys, buggering them in the bushes. Where do you think this harshness is going to get you? I'm going to report you to the Legion of Mary."

  "I'm going."

  "Jesus, stay. I beg of you, Kenneth. Don't leave me in this time of want Or wampum. Drink up. Motto. Drink up. Come on, Kenneth. Snap out of it. A great world this."

  "Where did you get the money?"

  "From across the seas."

  "Yeah?"

  "Absolutely."

  "Sounds fishy to me."

  "The name of Dangerfield has never and will never be touched with such."

  "You're up to monkey business."

  "These are strange times, Kenneth. Very strange. There's a world out there with people with eyes and mouths. The eyes see these things and the mouths want the things the eyes see. O but they can't have them. That's the way things are arranged. Got to have things unequal or nothing would happen. Men like yourself who want to have carnal knowledge of the female nates and boob-si-boobs and the other thing they have up there between the legs that we can't get at so easily without first twisting off the garters and whalebone. It's there, but you can't have that"

  I'll get it"

  "And I hope you do. But if you get put down without it, don't be bitter, Kenneth. Those things are for a reason. Saints and things. You're a man equipped for old age. Don't waste your time on this sexual appetite. I think we are natural aristocrats of the race. Come before our time. Born to be abused by them out there with the eyes and the mouths. But the likes of me, Kenneth, get it rectally from all manner of men. The professional classes take exception and it is among this class that I would take up my place but they want to make mock of me and drive me out, rip my privates away and put them on a public pole with a sign, Dangerfield is dead. That's what they want to hear. But there's no bitterness in me. Only love. I want to show them the way and I expect only taunts and jeers. But there are the few who listen. Worth it all. I put this to you, Kenneth. Go back. Go back to this church of yours. Put down these things of making money and living in a fine big house with nice comfortable chairs and an Irish maid putting logs on the fire and bringing in the tea. Get these tweed suitings out of your mind and trousers lined with satin and put down the desires of the flesh, nipple nuttiness, nate needy, boob bothered. You don't want an M.G. and a manservant, shallowness and deceit, or lawns to the lake and garden sets where one sits thinking of more money. All I want out of this life, Kenneth, is my rightful place and for others to keep theirs. The common people back down where they belong. And if it's not too much to ask, Kenneth, how do I pass these exams?"

  "Study."

  "My mind's a blank."

  "What the hell is the matter with you?"

  "Kenneth, I'm beaten. I'll never pass. I must dine with my tutor but I can't appear wearing these frightful rags and with hunger written around the eyes."

  "God damn it, in spite of everything, I love this country"

  "Why Kenneth, are you off your jump completely?"

  "I love it"

  Dangerfield's face the color of gold, eyes, bright fires. O'Keefe hoisted himself on a stool, his pack hanging between his legs. Sebastian pouring out the brandy.

  "It's good to have someone to talk to, Kenneth. I've been a bit on my own lately."

  "This country can be so damn exasperating but just to be in Dublin sort of gets me all excited. I tingle in all my bones. And with nothing but four pence for a cup of coffee in Bewley's. I used to lie awake at night memorizing new French words and dreaming about coming back. If I could open up a restaurant with the money saved from this job. I'd be set."

  "All you would need would be some chairs, tables, forks and lots of rancid grease."

  "Yeah."

  "Be very fashionable."

  Dangerfield pointing east with a nervous finger.

  "I'm going over there, Kenneth. Across the Irish Sea and there will be a bit of the good life. I've got plans. If one stays in the land of the crut too long it gets a bit tight around the various glands. Sun and the dance. And perhaps the song."

  "Well have your song and dance, I've got to go. So long."

  "Don't"

  "So long."

  O'Keefe turned and pushed through the door. Dangerfield counting the swinging of the hinges.

  I'm a friend of all kinds. And animals too so long as they don't get rough. Some of them have to be put in the cages but o aye, they deserved it Everything is always fair and square, anyhow. Part of the rule
s. Heavy breasted Mary and your foul father. Chasing you around the house, you in your nightdress, he with a broom. One doesn't know what goes on in these suburban houses. Must watch for these incestuents. I have a friend in Miss Frost and Mary has faith. Must read this little note.

  Dear Sebastian,

  I hope this finds you all right Please write to me and tell me. Please try to arrange to see me because I'm very lonely, and worried because my father is suspicious and threatening to write to the bank. Tell me what day I should leave for London and where I should meet you. The boys have gone to Cavan to stay on my uncle's farm.

  Please think of me and write to me. I want to see you so much, and want to be in bed with you. Write, please.

  Love,

  MARY.

  He moved out with bottle. Under the eagle. Into good air. Night and Ireland. Like licking moisture from leaves. Eating up green. And up the Geary Road. I do not trust this acute joy. Misery is my forte. O'Keefe will be caught by Lady Eclair. Be on a maid. And Eclair will beat his bottom with a Bible. Poor chef. I'd put it that there are only a few more days before I see the end.

  He pushed in the front gate. A bit twisted. A light coming through the garage window from the kitchen. Must watch that. I'll just pretend I'm Egbert and check up. A few windows need attending to. The back door locked. Good thing, Miss Frost. That's the way I like to see things, everyone on their toes.

  Sebastian knocked. Miss Frost's shadow twisting the key. She smiled. A little shy around the eyes, a little embarrassed around the teeth, her face atwinkle.

  "Good evening, Miss Frost. A bit of softness"

  "Good evening, Mr. Dangerfield, are you very wet?"

  "No. Pleasant out. Nice smell."

  "A friend of mine got me some sausage meat from Bray."

  "Jolly good show. How are you, Miss Frost—tell me, how are you?"

  "O, I'm all right A little tired. I was in the shop today"

  "On your feet?"

  "Yes."

  "Miss Frost, give me a kiss."

  "O, Mr. Dangerfield."

  Sebastian approaching in the hard kitchen light. He put the brandy on the table and reached out for her wrist Tightening his fingers around the bone and she let go of the frying pan and it fell on the floor. Miss Frost in her gray sweater and her mouth a little uncontrolled. This evil man from Mars, hand on the flat of her back. Pressing with dignity. And whatever else happened, if we have that, we're all right Whispering in Miss Frost's ear.

  "Miss Frost, you have a lovely nape of neck. Chew your ears. Ever chew ears ? O Miss Frost, chewing ears is the thing, down on the lobes. Especially the lobes. Get down on those soft things of flesh."

  "O, Mr. Dangerfield, you'll bite them off."

  "Tender."

  "You like them that way?"

  "Mixed with eyes."

  "Hee,hee."

  "Eyes."

  "You go on."

  "Miss Frost, are we going to put the sausage in that nice pan? Lash it with a bit of butter. Sizzle. O I think we're going to like this with the drink that's in it. Now would you say, Miss Frost, that there's a bit of drink to go with it?"

  "Hee, hee. O please. Dear me."

  "Give you a little bit of the mouth along the shoulders. You'll take this off later like a good girl, Miss Frost Later? Yes? Smell them. The sizzle. The silly sizzle of them, Miss Frost. And do you know, Miss Frost, you're a very fine person."

  "You've had a few."

  "Five for the road Never let it be said that I took to the highway or even byway without fuel for me little heart Hear it in there. Go ahead, feel it Here. Little feeble now until I get my fangs fastened to this meat Meat"

  "Dear me"

  Sebastian released Miss Frost from his arms. Your gray sweater and their shape in there. And your hips have a nice swell. Want to press a tip of warm nose in your white cool ear. And smelling this new bread. Get the juices well around the teeth. I think, Jesus, we're just two little bread breakers. I want a big loaf. Bigenough to get inside. Safety. Miss Frost, take my clothes off and put me in a big loaf of bread. A touch of gold on the crust. Float my ears and eyes. Do that, put me in there and save me. Little naked body, shrivelled with fright of the world and cock by which I'll poke my way to poverty and my tiny buttressed buttocks, fold me all up like these noiseless nomads and put me in the bread. Don't burn my balls, just brown and cozy, fat with fine crust And take me out in the morning baked to a fine turn and put it on the table. And I'll be there inside. My little self with my lovely strange eyes looking better than ever. Then, Miss Frost Eat me.

  Dangerfield cutting the bread. A nice little pile now. I feel I'm just a crazy boat on British waters screaming what ho bastards on port, starboard and everywhere. Are you mad? Want us to founder? Or spill me into the sea? Or twist me in the rigging. Fire all the guns. We're at sea you bunch of vulgar pigs and when I tell you to fire, fire. Batten down all balls and by Jesus, any erection gets the guillotine.

  "Miss Frost, I've a declaration to make. I love you."

  "Mind, you'll cut yourself, Mr. Dangerfield"

  "But love."

  "You're just going on."

  "Let me repeat I love you."

  "I don't believe it"

  "I mean it, Miss Frost, and there's not many or none I can say it to. I only feel that it's better to be in this world with a few polite possessions than without Get that meat in there. See there's a way of doing it so O'Keefe says, give the pan a bang just here and it slides nicely around. I am partial to the oil of the olive. Now have a little drink. Have you ever seen a color like it? Little sniff? Would you say there is a bit of mellowness there now, Miss Frost, would you say that?"

  "It's very nice."

  Miss Frost leaning against the sink, watching Sebastian carefully from glistening eyes. He was sitting on this white kitchen chair, waiting for the fry. And sticks his finger into the sausage meat and sucks the stickings down his throat

  "It's so very good, Miss Frost Now there's another shop on the Pembroke Road that sells a meat that would put ten years on your life. Need a little garlic"

  "O no, Mr. Dangerfield. Garlic?"

  "Why yes, Miss Frost, garlic, of course garlic."

  "But it smells."

  "That's what we want, Miss Frost We want that smell. O I'm going to see some times yet I'm thinking seriously of buying a large new cup for the breakfast. I love breakfast Going to be a few changes made. A lot of changes. Some big. Some small. Miss Frost, can I rely on you not to spill a bean or utter a word? Can I? Even though they take the hook to you and other Irish instruments as well, yes?"

  "Yes."

  "Miss Frost, this is top secret, an affair of state the like of which would finish Ireland were it ever to get out, and me as well. I'm going to London on Friday."

  "You're not"

  "lam."

  "What will you do?"

  "A few little things. General clearance. Need a little rest from tension. Few matters need clearing up, tiny grains of sand in the vaseline. Miss Frost, I like you very much. Do you know that?"

  "O Mr. Dangerfield. But I don't know about all that's happened. I like you."

  ''Know what, Miss Frost?"

  "Between us and things"

  "Tell me."

  "I don't know. Sometimes I feel I'm right and then I don't know what's going to become of me. In my church it's a mortal sin. God forgive me I wish it weren't true and that it was all a pack of lies. And they watch me in the shop. If it's ever found out, I think I'm going to die and with this sin I'd be doomed forever to hell."

  "Have a little more, Miss Frost."

  Filling her glass with brandy.

  "No more than that, please."

  "Tell me now."

  "And a country like this has nothing for a girl like me. That I won't be able to get married until I'm too old and they want so much money and a farm and anything they can lay their hands on. That's all they ever look for is the money. You're one of the first people I've ever met for w
hom money doesn't mean everything."

  "Well, I don't know, really, I wouldn't say that was entirely true, Miss Frost."

  "This isn't a country for women."

  "I would say that was true."

  "And I've had horrible dreams. They frighten me. I don't think we should do it ever again. I wish I could go away. I know they are talking about me at work."

  "Now Miss Frost, don't let these little things upset you. Don't let them do that."

  "But it's more than that."

  "Nothing is more than that."

  "If someone gets word that I'm living alone with you in this house without Mrs. Dangerfield here, it would be the end of me. And they find out, they don't miss anything. They would go to the priest, and he would be down here in a minute."

  "So long as there's drink, we're right for him, Miss Frost Take it from me."

  "I've seen people watching"

  "When?"

  "For a long time from across the street"

  "Strollers."

  "O spies, Mr. Dangerfield. I know."

  "Now, now, a little of this sausage. Everything is going to be all right, Miss Frost. Not a thing to worry about, good days ahead. Beep beep. Days of richness."

  Sebastian leaned back in his chair and looked at the eyes of Miss Frost. Short hairs growing from the sides of her head. And around your nose the flesh turns up. Something I've never noticed before. I think you are just a little girl, Miss Frost. That's what you are. You need to be held, that's all. Come let me hold you in my own little forest where the crows are crying down all the trees. And into the big doors of my house. O they're thick to keep them out. Because you don't want people, trust none of them. I think I want it in bronze for weight and looks, with good quality brass hinges. See it. Dangerfield. Big S.D. on it. Keep people like Skully away. I say, Skully, would you mind awfully getting out of the way while my man closes this good door. Clang. What relief. No one will ever know the great relief to have these people shut out. Or a walled-in garden. Walls forty feet high and I think the three-foot thickness for strength. Hundred acres of it. Boxwood mazes for me to get lost in. Monkey trees. Magnolias and odd yew. My heart is mended and splendid under the yew tree. And then there will be lots of bells. And bells are balls. All balls bells. Big ones and little ones hanging all over. Ring them. Ring them out like mad. Me the mystic maniac. Fill my wholesome little garden with sound and the child in me crawling around the garden floor while my bells ring and birds sing and all the fluttering in me dances down, filled with all the silences and I'll sit thinking in the rare light and this part of me I can hang in the trees.