Irresistibly Dashing

by Victoria Arabpour Pinder

  “No?” he asked, unsure what to say to get Sarah to explain what she was thinking. He couldn’t help if he didn’t understand.

  With his other hand, he texted his security team to fuel the jet and be ready to move. Once he met her gaze, he saw that tears had formed in her eyes as she let his wrist go. “I can’t do this anymore, Beau.”

  “What?” He put his phone down. “Our life is good.”

  “No, you’re good.” She hugged her waist and her eyes were wide and glistening as she said, “I… I need to face my family, alone.”

  Walls began to erect themselves around his heart like a fence that might stop whatever blunt object of pain she’d whack it with. “With security to protect you.”

  She pushed her hair behind her ears and wiped her damp cheeks. “I know you don’t trust that Mariam was sincere when she asked for forgiveness, yet you think that the threats against the Bentleys are over, which means on some level you do accept it. However I can’t… I can’t do this anymore.”

  She saw her own need to forgive? He'd just spent the last twenty-four hours reeling over his own internal torment but she’d helped him. Every intention he had was to help her. “Do what? What’s going on, Sarah?”

  She swallowed back a sob and then picked up a hair elastic to sweep her hair into a ponytail. “I can’t be with you, Beau. I won’t divorce you or anything but you need to be free to find someone who has love and forgiveness in her heart. And that’s not me. I have too much hate.”

  This wasn’t about him. Her words hurt but he looked past her verbal shots to what she meant. Her parents had twisted her upside down and inside out. While he considered himself lucky that she’d been sent to him, she didn’t view herself that way. He whispered to her, hoping to break through to her as he said, “You do not.”

  She pressed her hand on her chest as fresh tears started. “You don’t see what’s really in my heart, Beau. I love you enough to let you go."

  He ignored the warning signs thundering in his head that said to retreat. “I love you and I don’t want you to leave me.”

  She stormed around the bed toward the door. “We can’t keep pretending we have a shot at happily-ever-after. We can’t. It’s never been my destiny.”

  She flung the door open like she was going to rage right out of the apartment. He followed behind her as he asked, “You asked me to get over my thinking I had to die to protect my family. Can’t you get past your own thinking before you met me?”

  She turned midstride and faced him. He almost walked into her but she pressed his muscular body back as she said, “No. We need to stop pretending we fit. We’re too different.”

  Again he ignored the flashing red lights in his mind that were issuing a siren of alarm. “You want to leave me.”

  She walked away, picked up her pocketbook that was still in the living room from earlier and then turned toward him. This time she wasn’t crying as she said, “I have to. I want you to be happy.”

  The coldness of her face made him pause and he took a step back. “I won’t be, not without you.”

  She headed toward him, and cupped his face. “But I’m not the kind of girl you need.”

  If Sarah left and never came back, he’d be without her, permanently. He sighed. “I decide what I want, Sarah, and I want you.”

  She let his face go, like she didn’t love him at all. “But that’s just it, Beau. I can’t be with you. You’re better off without me.”

  This was like a bad scene in a movie. This couldn’t possibly be real. His mind swirled as his heart again issued the stop sign as he stood straighter and asked, “What can I do to change your mind?”

  She shrugged and headed toward the door. “Nothing. There is nothing you can do.”

  He had to stop her. He followed her and said, “Sarah, don’t be rash. You are still my wife. Be reasonable.”

  She lifted her chin and for a moment stared at him. His heart soared that she’d listened but then she said, “Love isn’t reasonable. It’s hurtful and it destroys.”

  And this was about her parents. His heart caved in. She'd said she loved him. He ignored the pounding inside his chest. “I need you to take the plane and the security team. Afterward, if you still want to be alone, I’ll get you whatever you need, wherever you choose to be.”

  Her eyes glistened as she went on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “For someone who was supposed to be selfish and a bad boy you are the exact opposite.”

  As she stepped back and picked up her shoes, he saw the truth. She intended to leave him, supposedly for his own good. “It’s not enough though.”

  She put her flats on. “What?”

  “You’re still leaving me.” He stood in front of the door. If he could somehow convince her they were a team still, he’d have a chance.

  She sighed. “I’m saving you.”

  He reached for her hand. “I don’t want to be saved.”

  She adjusted her pocketbook and glanced down at his chin, avoiding his gaze as she said, “I’m damaged goods. We both know that.”

  He had no way to prove to her that wasn’t true. All he could say was the truth. “You aren’t.”

  She patted his shoulder like he needed to step aside. “I am. You deserve someone good and sweet and who can love you without all these holes in her heart.”

  He followed her silent direction but wished he had a better way to stop this as he said, “Sarah…”

  She stood straighter. “Beau, I’ll take the plane. I don’t want to be like the other wives who rushed into danger--though I think it’s all over. But know no matter what happens to me, you’ll be the only man who ever has my heart.”

  Letting go of a need for vengeance and his own belief in his fate took time. He’d not push her when it was now her turn. Not yet. Sarah walked beside him like this was the end and she was leaving. His voice was hoarse as he said, “I’m hoping when you finish with your parents you come home… to me.”

  She let the door go and turned toward him. “Don’t hope for the impossible, Beau.”

  He reached for her hand. “Stay, Sarah.”

  She didn’t pull away. He came closer and kissed her.

  Her arms wrapped around him and she held him tight, like she didn't want this to end either. His heart soared but then she let him go and shook her head as she said, “I can’t.”

  He wished she understood that she was his world. “And I… don’t want to live without you."

  She let out a small sigh that was almost a laugh. “With words like that, you make me want to stay.”

  And if she did, they both had a shot at being happy. He nodded. “I hope you do.”

  Her face drained of color and she glanced away again. “I can’t, Beau. I love you too much to saddle you.”

  Nothing was right about this, but he couldn’t make her stay. He needed her to be safe, forever, even without him at her side. He said as she reached for the door, “Promise me one thing.”

  Again she stopped and gazed up at him as she asked, “What do you want from me?”

  The words weren’t filtered but raw. He wished she’d say she loved him enough to fight for him and their relationship. “Just call me when you’ve seen your parents. I don’t want to hear from security. I want you to call me once you finish there.”

  Her gaze narrowed like he'd asked for something that might break both of their hearts as she said, “I’ll just be more certain of how wrong I am for you.”

  Maybe he was a glutton for punishment. He probably should protect himself if she spoke the truth, but his instinct said she needed time. Perhaps he was fatalistic and maybe he wasn’t going to die to protect his family. Maybe his fate was to live without love if Sarah left. He couldn’t say any of that. “Then you can tell me that.”

  She reached for the door, like she’d not answer him, but then she nodded and said, “Okay, Beau. You win. I’ll call you.”

  “Then I’ll be waiting.”

  Sarah walked out and closed th
e door behind her. Every cell in his body wanted to chase after her, drag her back or just go with her. She did need to face her family, and he accepted that she wanted to do it on her own. He needed to face the biggest question for him. What would he do without Sarah in his life? She’d left but she took his heart with him.

  And there was no way he’d ever get it back.

  He locked the door and prayed she was safe. It was all he could do. And hopefully she came back, but he had no guarantee. Maybe he was destined for a lonely life after all.

  The plane had landed on the runway twenty minutes ago. The pilots and security team had disembarked ten minutes ago.

  At some point Sarah needed to get her legs to stretch and stand so she could go get Bianca.

  She looked outside the window and a chill washed through her bones. The trees all looked dead in Nowhereville, backwoods of Illinois, that time forgot.

  She recalled her family’s dilapidated house with ceiling panels that shook with every wind.

  Being here wasn’t good for her. Her stomach was in knots.

  But she couldn’t go back to Beau, ever, though his warm embrace never once made her feel isolated and like she was leftovers. Beau’s kisses made her dream of more of him.

  She heard security position a limo right outside the plane door. She needed to go.

  So she stood and ignored how her skin buzzed with revolt. She was tempted to close the door and return to the warmth of Miami.

  But she couldn’t. Maybe she never would. She’d told Beau it was over.

  Sarah held her head high and climbed down the stairs and into the limo.

  No one spoke to her but seeing Adam West, the head of Bentley security, she knew Beau was still watching over her.

  He wouldn't have sent the best security agent the Bentleys had if he wasn’t worried about her.

  She breathed easier.

  Sarah would talk to him, as promised, and the end would tear her apart though she'd stomped on her heart herself.

  Cold snow drifted against the windows and clouds covered the morning, making it still seem night. The limo stopped in front of a brick building that must be the shelter. She let security open her door and her black flats pressed against the broken, wet cement outside.

  Sarah climbed the cold slabs of stone steps and motioned for security to ring the bell.

  As a Bentley, she had people to take care of her.

  Soon having a team to take care of her every need would be over, but that didn't bother her. She wasn’t ready to… lose Beau. The opulence of his life could disappear and he’d still be a perfect, patient angel. He deserved better than her.

  The staff quickly ushered her and her small team of four guards to a lobby and Sarah finally found her voice when a woman asked, “What brings you here, ma’am?”

  Right. It was time. She pushed past her guards and said, “I’m here to see my sister, Bianca Sawyer.”

  The woman's sharp gaze took in her Chanel skirt and Prada shoes, and then she closed the door.

  Sarah picked up a magazine and took a seat. Maybe Bianca was going to say "no" and send her away.

  Maybe it was better to never see her family. It might be nice to just move on from them without dealing with the past. She flipped the glossy pages of makeup tips and then the door opened. She put the magazine down and stood as her sister came out.

  Bianca’s brown hair was now super-short, like she'd shaved off her locks of waves. Her right eye was black and swollen, and her upper lip had a stitch.

  Sarah’s entire body froze. Bianca was always the pretty Sawyer sister with the wide smile.

  Bianca clapped her hands in front of her, eyed her up and down and declared, “You look great, Sarah.”

  The hurt part of Sarah hated her and would for life, but her sister… she shouldn't be here, not if Sarah had a chance to help. She clasped her hand and noticed the nails were unpolished. “You look a mess. Are you ready to go?”

  Bianca’s one eye widened. “Go where?”

  Good question. Beau had offered to help. She’d figure out with Beau later what they’d do, but for now she needed to get her sister out of the darkness. She spoke so Adam heard every word as she told her sister, “We’ll stay a night at a hotel and then see our parents in the morning.”

  Bianca massaged the back of her neck and stared at Sarah again as she asked, “You can afford all that?”

  Technically no. This was on Beau, but she’d work out a deal with him later. This would be the topic of their conversation and that was better than talking about her feelings. She gave Bianca a decided, no-problem nod as she said, “Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

  “I need to tell the matrons,” Bianca said and stepped back.

  Adam stood at the door as Sarah sat again to wait.

  Within moments Bianca came out, this time with her small backpack she’d used in high school for carrying books. Adam offered to carry it.

  They stepped on the stone stairs outside as rain now fell from the sky.

  Security ran ahead and returned with umbrellas so they wouldn't get wet in the quick dash to the limo.

  Once they were inside and the doors were locked, Bianca tugged on her tattered blackish t-shirt that hadn’t been laundered in a while.

  Sarah used her phone to quickly order her sister some clothes to be delivered to the hotel and sent the receipt to Adam up in the front seat so they’d expect the delivery.

  Bianca broke the silence when she said, “Aaron hit me because I was reading about you, but seeing you, in those nice clothes…”

  Her voice trailed off, and Sarah’s heart raced. She’d married Beau because Bianca had wanted Aaron. Her parents had sold her for cash, and no one ever expected to see her again.

  Sarah stared at her sister, who became the pretty, spoiled brat she’d been months ago in her mind and she lifted her chin to argue with a ghost as she said, “It’s not my fault you married Aaron--I tried to tell you.”

  “I thought you were wrong about him,” Bianca said and reality crashed in her sister’s eyes.

  Beau had treated Sarah like she was his princess and not just in the literal sense. Sure, they’d had scary moments where they'd had to hide out in a safe room, but he’d been with her the whole time. Beau kissed her like he loved her as he said.

  But he deserved so much more. The Sawyer life was hard.

  Perhaps it wasn’t fair, but her sister had chosen her life. Sarah scooted closer but then her words were more like weapons as she said, “Maybe next time you’ll listen to me.”

  Bianca winced.

  The limo stopped in front of a hotel that must be 5 stars. Bentleys never stayed in anything less and the red carpet and bell hop services were top notch.

  Security spoke to the hotel staff and then opened the door. Bianca didn’t move as she asked, “Aaron won’t get to me will he?”

  “No. I want you to meet someone.” Sarah slid out first. She waved for the head of security to join her as Bianca came out. Her sister’s face was white and her mouth downturned, like she didn’t want to look them in the eye. Sarah wrapped one arm around her sister's waist. “Adam, can you be personally responsible for making sure that no one gets into my sister’s room tonight?”

  Bianca’s gaze shot up and she stared at the brown-haired man Sarah knew the Bentleys trusted. “Who is Adam?”

  “Adam West is head of security,” she explained fast and they hurried inside the hotel.

  Sarah wished Beau was here. He’d know what to do and say. He planned for all scenarios, except maybe her leaving.

  His expression had closed off when she’d said she was leaving earlier and the memory of telling him she wasn’t worth his love replayed in her mind like it had just happened a moment ago. She'd hurt him and hurt herself.

  Security checked them in and Adam handed them both their electric key cards.

  Sarah didn’t say a word and neither did Bianca, who appeared in a fog. They headed to the elevators and Adam pressed the top f
loor.

  Beau had picked the penthouse.

  Soon she’d have to call her husband and talk to him. She’d have to find a way to pay him back for all he’d done and this was a lot. He wouldn’t think it a drop in the bucket, but the hotel room would pay for a month’s rent in her old world.

  Bianca’s white face meant she wasn’t comfortable in all this splendor.

  Sarah had months to get used to nice things. As they made it to the penthouse suite and the junior suite beside hers, she hugged her sister.

  Bianca had been broken. Sarah didn’t need to hurt her as life had done that enough. The thought drove her and she’d ensure her sister had better.

  It was a start toward forgiveness. For now she pointed to the door and said, “Have a good night, okay? Security will be right outside our doors all night. If you need anything, ask Adam or call the front desk. Don’t worry about the cost. I'm right next door.”

  Bianca nodded and rushed into her room like she needed time alone. Sarah wouldn’t chase her down and force her to talk. She went into her own room and then stopped.

  Red roses were everywhere. Her eyes instantly welled with tears as she saw the new clothes that had been delivered for her that she hadn’t ordered.

  Beau might not be here, but he was still watching out for her like an angel.

  He absolutely deserved better than her. This was all too much.

  Sarah tossed and turned all night. In her dreams, she saw Beau. She longed to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight.

  Her sheets didn’t fulfill the need inside her.

  Even if they were luxury. She woke up once the sun peeked through the window shade.

  The dead trees outside were now covered with white snow. She hadn't even heard the storm, though it must have been bad.

  Inside her heart, she’d ached for nothing but Beau.

  He'd said that he loved her. He'd taken care of her like this.

  And he wanted to talk once she finished with her parents.

  Maybe she could go home to him.

  If he loved her, maybe it was enough, as long as she loved herself.

  In forgiving her sister, and seeing their differences, she realized that she didn't need to fear turning out like her parents, or her sister, petty and mean. She had Beau's love. Maybe love was enough.