“God no. Homemade lemonade is horrific. It’s lemon iced tea. My own recipe. Everyone in Hope River loves my lemon iced tea.” She pours me a glass, and hands it to me. Slowly, I reach out to take it, waiting for the barrage of questions.
I take a sip. “Mmmm, good.” Shit, my taste buds are shot, thanks to my queasy stomach flopping around nervously.
“Cut the bullshit,” May says.
From the moment I first met May, she’s always been straight to the point and upfront. Painfully so, sometimes. If she wants to say something, she does. She doesn’t trust easily, and you have to prove yourself to her before she allows you to call her Gran. “Excuse me?”
“What’s going on between you and Tabitha?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you having sex?”
I look away, somewhat amused by her bluntness. “Not now.”
“So, you were having sex?”
She’d be good at interrogations, with her directness and suspicious eyes. “We were, for a while, but Tabitha doesn’t want more.”
“And you do?” I take a sip, carefully forming my reply. “I take it by your silence that your answer is a resounding yes.”
I lower the glass, and place it on the table between us. “Yes,” I reply honestly.
“I see.” May picks her glass up, and takes a drink. “So, what are you doing about it?”
“I don’t know what to do. Every time I push, and tell her I want more, her walls grow higher and higher. So I don’t know what I can do. I’m giving up.”
“Don’t do that,” May says.
I turn to face her. “It’s not…” I take in a heavy breath trying to form something coherent to say without sounding selfish. “I can’t take her constant rejection of me.”
May smiles, and lifts the drink to her lips. The silence is killing me. She lowers her glass, then reaches over and places her wrinkly, cold hand on mine. “She’s not rejecting you, son, she’s rejecting herself.”
What? “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
“It’s not my story to tell, but please, don’t give up on her.”
“Gran, I’m not sure I can take something like this again.”
“Again? What do you mean?”
“My heart can’t take being destroyed again, May.” She pulls her head back and lifts her brows. Shit, I called her May. “I mean, Gran.” She smiles instantly.
“You’ve had your heart broken before?” I nod. “Dear boy.” May leans over, placing her hand over mine again. “Don’t let the person who broke your heart hold power over who you love now.”
“I don’t love Tabitha,” I say way too fast.
May smiles again. “Okay, keep telling yourself that. Maybe you’ll be able to convince yourself too. Just like Tabitha, maybe she can convince herself that she doesn’t love you either.”
“You have no idea how much I wish your words were true. But Tabitha doesn’t love me. She won’t let herself. She’s terrified of commitment.”
“Yep, she is,” May agrees.
“And her walls get higher and higher.”
“Yep! They certainly do.”
“And she’s hell-bent on not wanting me.”
“Oh yes, that too.”
I look over to her smiling face. “You’re not helping here.”
“I’m agreeing with you. She’s also a pain in the ass, stubborn, and she can be a total neat freak. She doesn’t smoke, or drink, or do any kind of drugs. She’s pedantic, and closed-off and refuses to show emotion.”
“You’re really selling her,” I say with a cheeky smirk.
“But, the day she falls in love, she’ll fall so hard and so deeply, that she’ll give her heart and soul to the person who’s lucky enough to have her. And my wish is that person will be you. Because, my boy, you and Tabitha are so well matched, it’s like God himself created one whole and split you in half. You belong together.”
“Huh,” I say as I look out to the side of the property. “Well, hopefully Tabitha will see it.”
“Don’t stop fighting for her. She’s had enough of that in her life. People always fail her. You need to make sure you don’t. She’s bound to make your life hell, Charlie, because she’s terrified. Just be a bigger pain in the ass then her.” May smiles.
“I was actually considering moving out. It hurts too much to see her, and not be with her.”
“Well, you’re old enough to know what’s right for you. And Tabitha is old enough to make her own decisions too. The only thing I ask is that you not give up on her.”
I lean forward in the chair, and place my elbows on my knees, conflicted with what I’m feeling. “I can’t be around someone who doesn’t want me, Gran.”
“Oh, she wants you. She just won’t admit it yet,” May responds in a gentle, soothing tone. “Please, don’t give up on her.”
“You know…” I keep looking at the decking of the porch, unable to lift my gaze to glance at May. “Many years ago I fell in love, and I was left so hurt by it that I decided I wasn’t going to ever be in a serious relationship again. So, I screwed around… a lot.” It feels weird saying that to May, but she’s not like ordinary old people. She’s not judgmental or proper, she’s a woman who can see the many angles of one story and be accepting of all of them. “But the moment I met Tabitha.” I glimpse back toward the house, as I hook my thumb over my shoulder. “Right here. I knew she was someone I could be with. But she doesn’t want me.”
“My boy.” She reaches over again, and clasps my hand. “I’d prefer you to stay and keep being a thorn in her side, because that’s the only way she’s going to realize that you’re serious. You see, Tabitha has learned from her past that no one is dependable. And if you walk out now, you’ll only confirm to her what she’s been taught throughout her life.”
I shift in my seat to scan May and her aged features. “What do you mean?”
“When Tabitha is ready, she’ll tell you what that means. But please, be there for her.”
I had thought of asking Hope and River if I could build a room under their house, to stay there, just so I didn’t have to be reminded of what I couldn’t have with Tabitha. But May’s asking me to stay, and keep trying with Tabitha. May’s been nothing but kind to me, and to Hope. So I owe her that, at the very least. “Okay. I won’t move out, for now.” I smile at May.
“Thank you. All I’m asking is for some time.”
Time. What a loaded word. Some time ago, a girl broke my heart, and I never wanted to experience anything like that again. Now, I’d do anything for Tabitha to spend time with me.
Fuck. I’m so fucking screwed.
“Thanks for the talk, Gran. I’m going to go take a shower…” I point to the stable as I stand and stroll toward it.
“By the way, keep it in your pants. If she likes you enough to keep coming back for sex, then she’ll miss it, and she’ll be forced to talk to you to get it back.”
I spin, walking backward. May is certainly progressive. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I say.
May lifts her glass, and toasts me with a sly smirk. Man, she really is quite in tune with everything that happens in Hope River.
I open the door to the stable, walk into to the bedroom, and collapse on the bed. What a fucking day.
Charlie
Past
Jesus, this is nerve wracking. Tonight, I’m proposing to Rae. I’ve been in my room trying to figure out how to do this. We’re going out for dinner, then I’m taking her down by the beach to her favorite ice cream store. She absolutely loves their chocolate-mint double fudge scoop.
“Get it together,” I say to myself as I pace back and forth.
I glance at the time, and know I need to pick her up soon. If I go now, will I look too eager? “Don’t be a dick,” I say aloud. “Just go.”
I pat my jean pocket to make sure the ring is still there, and leave my bedroom. “I’m going out. Taking Rae to dinner,” I say to Mom who’s sitting on the sofa with her le
gs up sipping something from a mug. Most likely hot chocolate; she loves her hot chocolate.
“Have fun. What time do you think you’ll be back?”
“No idea. After dinner we’re going for ice cream down by the beach.”
“Oh, Diamond Dee’s Ice Cream?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, Rae loves one of the flavors there. So, I don’t know what time I’ll be back.”
“Have fun, darling.”
“’Bye, Mom.” I look around for Dad, but I have no idea where he is. “Say ‘bye to Dad for me.”
“I will.”
“Where’s Hope?”
“She’s out with River. She can’t be too late, because she has to be up early for work tomorrow.”
Before I leave, I walk over to Mom, and give her a kiss. “’Bye,” I say again.
“Have a good time,” she calls as I close the front door.
The moment I’m in the car, my heart beats like crazy. As I get closer and closer to Rae’s, I can’t stop thinking about the weight of the ring in my pocket. It’s not heavy, because let’s face it, it’s not like I’m able to afford a huge ring or anything. I’m only an apprentice plumber. But the weight comes from the fact we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.
“Wow,” I puff as I drive down her street. “Okay, this is it.” After tonight, my world will be so different. I’ll have a fiancé I love, and we’ll be making plans to start our future together. Mind blown. Who would’ve thought that I wanted to get married? But I knew the moment I met Rae she was the one for me.
Her cute little face, and honey-blonde hair, with those big brown eyes just got to me from the moment she transferred into my school. Now, I’m learning a trade, and she’s in college studying. Who would’ve thought our love would withstand that?
I pull into her parent’s driveway, turn the car off, and take several deep breaths. I might only be twenty, but I know with a hundred percent certainty that Rae is the one for me. I know in my gut that we’re going to have a long, happy life together. I can’t see a future without her in it.
I take another deep breath, and walk up to the door. Slowly, I raise my hand and knock twice before stepping back and waiting for Rae to answer. Mrs. Hill opens the door, and smiles. “Charlie, how are you?”
“I’m good, thank you,” I say with a shaky voice. Get it together. “Is Rae ready?”
“Um.” Mrs. Hill looks behind her, a cautious, strained smile on her lips. She plays with the necklace she’s wearing.
What’s going on? Is Rae hurt? “Is everything okay?” I ask as I peer past her and down the hall.
“Yes, dear. Rae shouldn’t be too long. Would you like to come in and wait?”
My stomach twists with anxiety. “That’s okay, I’ll wait in the car.”
“I’ll leave the door open.” She smiles again, this time a slight bit easier.
“Mom, thank you,” I hear Rae say. She walks out and turns to look at her mom. Something passes between them, a knowing look that I’m not privileged to.
“Hey, you ready?” I lean down to give Rae a kiss, but she turns her head to the side so I don’t touch her lips.
“Um, yeah, about that.” Rae looks behind her, gives her Mom a nod, then closes the door behind her. She folds her arms around herself and looks down at her feet. “Um, so… whoa, this is hard.”
“What is it?” I step closer to her, and reach out to embrace her. She shakes her head and steps back.
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
Shit, is she breaking up with me? I take a step back, not entire sure what’s happening. “Rae?”
“I’ve fallen in love with someone else,” she says in a small voice.
So small in fact, that I think I heard her say something totally different. “Wh… what?”
“There’s someone else.”
The air leaves my body, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. “Wh… who? How long?”
“I’ve been seeing him for three months now, and we’re um moving in together. He’s a mechanic. You’d like him; he’s so nice.”
I find myself shaking my head. “I wouldn’t like him.” What? What’s happening? Has Rae been cheating on me? “And right now, I’m not sure I even like you.” She sucks in a breath. “Wait, have you been cheating on me?”
“It just kinda happened, Charlie. I mean, we met a couple of months ago, and we just started talking, and he asked me out a few times. You know, nothing serious, we’d just hang out. Then he told me he liked me.”
I take another step back, using the porch railing to hold me up. “Wait. Did you tell him about me?” Rae looks down at her feet, ashamed. “Right,” I say suddenly seeing this for exactly what it is. “So, he doesn’t know you already have a boyfriend. Sorry, had a boyfriend.”
“Come on, Charlie, we can still be friends.” She steps closer to me, and I hold my hand up to her, stopping her from coming closer.
“Rae, I don’t want anything to do with you. And I feel for the poor guy you’ve been seeing, because he’s too good for you.” I dip my hand in my pocket, and take out the small pouch. I retrieve the ring, and hold it up to Rae. “I’m glad I didn’t waste this on you.”
“Wait? Is that an engagement ring?”
“It was, now it’s a hunk of metal that means nothing.” I shove it back in my pocket and leap off the porch toward my car.
“Charlie, come back, I’m sorry. I think I made a mistake.”
I turn and stop on the front lawn. “No, I did. I’m too good for you too. Best of luck, Rae. Have a good future, because mine’s a lot brighter now you’re not in it.” I head straight to my car, jump in and drive.
I’m not sure where I’m going, or what I’m going to do. Rae fucking cheated on me! She’s been cheating on me for months. I can’t believe it. I thought we were going to get married, start a family and be the perfect couple. I find myself down at the beach, parked on the side of the road, and looking over at the water. Getting out of my car, I stagger toward the sand.
“What the fuck just happened?” I say to myself. I take the ring out of my pocket, and flip it around through my fingers. What a waste of the eight hundred dollars that I’d been saving to buy this ring for Rae. I knew when I bought it that it wasn’t going to be Rae’s forever ring, but it was her right now ring. The one that told her my heart belonged to her. The ring that promised all my love, and my faithfulness would always be hers. And she took what I felt for her, and made it into a joke.
She didn’t even have the decency to tell the mechanic guy that she was seeing someone. I never meant anything to her. I couldn’t have, because if I did, she would’ve told him. Hell, she would’ve told me.
“You didn’t even cry,” I say as I keep studying the ring. “You told me you’d been cheating on me for months, and not once did you shed a tear,” I whisper. “What kind of person are you?”
One that I don’t want in my life.
I thought we were perfect. Fuck, if women are like this, then maybe it’s better to not have anyone. Maybe it’s better to be on my own. I can throw myself into work, and just not have any serious relationships.
Just sex. Maybe a date here and there.
I rub at my forehead, trying to relieve the mounting pressure pulsating inside my skull. Why would she do this? How can she throw away all the years we’ve been together? Shit, has she done this before? Was she seeing someone else when we started dating?
I have so many questions for her, and now I’ll never get an answer. What she’s done is unforgiveable. I look out and notice how quickly it’s gotten dark. How long have I been sitting here?
Staring at this ridiculous ring, I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. Should I sell it? Save it? What am I saving it for? I won’t give it to anyone. And I suppose I don’t want the memory just laying around to remind me how Rae annihilated my heart and my trust in women. I can’t take a reminder, not without feeling how she broke me.
I stand
and walk to the water, take the ring in my hand, and close my eyes. I throw the ring as far as I can, knowing it’s now gone forever. Good, because I don’t ever want to be reminded of her.
Driving back home, it hits me in the chest. She’s broken my heart, absolutely destroyed it.
But I’m not going to let her win. The moment I’m home, I’ll block her number, and erase her from my life. I don’t want to hear from her ever again. I head inside and make my way straight for my room. “Hey, darling. How’s Rae?” Mom calls.
“We broke up.” I slam the door shut, but I know Mom’s going to be in here in a heartbeat. And just like I predicted, the door opens and Mom walks into my room. I flop against my bed, and pick up the remote for my TV. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I say to Mom before she asks.
“What happened?” Mom sits on the side of my bed.
I lift the remote and turn the TV on, aimlessly flicking through the channels. “She’s fallen in love with someone else. She doesn’t want me.”
“Oh Charlie, I’m so sorry,” Mom says sympathetically.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course, it matters. This is going to hurt like fuck…”
I turn to look at Mom, surprised by her cussing. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Mom reaches out to grab my hand, but I slide it away from her and turn the volume up on the TV. Right now, I just want to lock myself in my room, and ignore everyone. I need to deal with this on my own.
“Okay, darling. I’m here if you want to talk.” Mom stands and quietly slips out of my room.
“Thank you,” I say, even though the door has already closed. I don’t want to be a jerk to Mom, but I need time to wrap my head around this totally fucked up situation. I might talk to Hope about it later. But right now, I just need to be on my own.
“Charlie!” Hope bursts into my room startling me awake. She’s sobbing, and her eyes are red and raw. “Charlie!” she says again as I try to blink myself awake.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Healing Hearts: A friends with benefits, small town romance (Hope River Book 3) Page 7
