She crawls onto my bed, and forces me to wrap my arms around her. “River’s gone, and I’m never going to see him again.” She cries into my chest.
I really want to tell her to go away because I’m dealing with my own problems, but the way she’s crying so uncontrollably, I know I can’t push her away. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll see him.”
“No! No, I won’t. I lost my phone, and all his numbers were in it. Everything. And he’s gone back home. I don’t know where he is or what to do.”
“Hope, it’s okay.” I hug her trembling body closer to mine. “I’m sure it’ll be okay.”
“How can it be? He’s gone and I love him,” she says.
We’re both suffering, but I can’t tell her about what happened with Rae. Not when she’s like this. Maybe not ever. “I’m sorry, Hope, maybe it won’t be okay. But you’ve always got me.” I kiss her forehead and stroke her hair while she continues to cry.
“I love him so much. This hurts. It hurts right here.” She brings her right hand up to rest over her heart. “I love him like I’ve never loved anyone.”
“He’s your first serious boyfriend, Hope. In time, you’ll find someone else.”
“There’s no one like him, and I don’t know how to fix it. How do I make it better, Charlie?”
“Wrong person to ask, Hope. Just give it time.”
Maybe that’s all I need. Time. Time to heal what Rae’s destroyed.
Maybe one day I’ll find someone to love again.
Nope. I’m going to love ’em and leave ’em. Good for a couple of weeks, at most, and then move along to someone else. That way, no one can take any more pieces of me, or crush my heart.
No way in hell.
“It’ll be okay, Hope. I’ll look after you. I always do.”
“I know. I love you, Charlie.”
“I love you too.”
Tabitha
“Tabitha,” Hope announces as she walks into the kitchen, and leans against the counter. I look up at her, startled, because I was deep in thought. I wish I was different and I could try to have a relationship with Charlie, but, how can I? I hope Charlie has kept what happened between us to himself. The last thing I need is Hope on my butt.
“Yeah?”
“I spoke with Joanne, and she’s taking the manager’s job. But she’ll need one day a week so she can study. Which means, neither of us have to work crazy long hours anymore. Joanne will be in charge of the front end of the B&B, and you’ll be in charge of the kitchen. Is there any way you can cover the one day Joanne can’t work until I find someone who can cover permanently?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I don’t want to impede on your personal time,” Hope says.
“I don’t have a life outside of being a chef, and working. So, don’t stress over it.”
Hope gives me a slow nod. She shifts her position uncomfortably from foot to foot, probably wanting to say something more. She lets out an obvious sigh, loud enough for me to understand she wants to know something but doesn’t want to ask. “Uh,” she sighs again, even louder. She wants to know what’s happening with Charlie, but I can’t give her any answers. “Okay, if you’re not taking my hint, I’m just gonna come out and ask.”
I smirk as I give Hope a sideways glance. “I caught your hint, but I’m waiting for you.”
“Charlie…”
“Your brother?” I ask, feigning any knowledge of him.
“Yes, my brother. What’s happening with you two? Are you a couple? Because, he and I had a conversation.” My eyes widen as I glimpse at her. “No!” She holds her hands up in defense. “Not like that. We weren’t gossiping.” I tip my head to the side, and give her my wide eyes again. “Well, we weren’t gossiping exactly. He was just telling me how much he…”
I block my ears, and pivot away for a brief moment. When I swing around, Hope’s leaning against the counter, with her hands on her hips. “I don’t want to hear it,” I say to her.
Hope’s shoulders fall slightly forward, and she takes in a sharp breath. “I’m just going to say this.” Here we go again. “We weren’t gossiping about you. He’s my brother, and I love him and he needed someone to talk to. I’d prefer it be me than someone else. Because you do know how things spread through Hope River at the speed of lightning, and I don’t want that for him, or you.”
“Point taken,” I say with resignation. “And if anything progresses with Charlie, then I’m sure he’ll tell you. But for now, I don’t know what we are.”
Hope nods, then smiles. “Look, Charlie…” She stares out the back glass sliding wall. “Charlie is complicated, and maybe you are too. Perhaps the only thing needed is distance.”
Evie enters through the front door, saving the day. She has no idea how thankful I am that she’s walked in and interrupted this totally awkward exchange between Hope and me. Evie looks at me, at Hope, then back at me again. She doesn’t know what to do. “Where’s Cara?” I ask.
“She’ll be here soon, um, she just needed to duck into town first and get some things from the store.” Evie still appears uncomfortable.
“We’ve got four grazing boxes to do today for the folks over at Wyatt County,” I say to Evie.
“Did Clarissa from the county call?” Hope asks.
“Yeah, they’ve got some meeting or something, and she placed an order for four grazing boxes.” I turn to look at Evie who’s washing her hands to start prepping for the order. “Oh, and one box is vegetarian.” I look over to Hope then back at Evie. “I’ve got to get to work.”
“Don’t let me hold you back. Anyway, I’m heading over to Oak Tree Parade to see how the boys are doing. Oh, and I’m thinking a girl’s night. You, me, and Elle. Saturday?”
Bonding and shit. No thanks. I don’t do that kind of stuff. “I’m pretty busy on Saturday.”
“Oh, come on. It’ll be a great night. Just us, drinks, and lots of laughs.”
I want to cringe and balk, but I know that’s uncalled for. Even though I don’t want to hang out, I’m not going to be rude about it. “Sorry, I’ve got stuff going on.”
Hope arches a brow, silently calling me on my bullshit. She must be able to tell that I’m not the bonding type. “Aha.” She purses her lips together. “We’ll see.”
She’s persistent, I give her that. “Maybe. I’ll see if I can.” The words tumbling from my lips are meant only to placate her. I’m not going. I don’t need to get involved.
“Yay!” Her features soften and she claps her hands together while bouncing up and down. I swear, that girl has got way too much energy for someone who works so many hours and days. “Right. Well I have to go. Let me know if anything happens here.”
I lift my hand and give her a small wave, before heading to where Evie is standing so we can get these grazing platters ready for delivery.
“These look amazing, thank you for preparing them,” Clarissa says when I take up the last grazing box into the meeting room.
I look over to the prepared table, and smile with pride. “You’re welcome. We had a lot of fun creating them for you.”
“Well, thank you again.”
“It’s been my pleasure.” I smile again, shake Clarissa’s hand, and happily take the check she’s holding out.
Folding the check, I head over to the elevator and press the down key. This isn’t a huge building, and I really should take the stairs, but I’m feeling meh today. Charlie hasn’t replied to any of my texts, and I think he actually meant it when he said we’re over.
Not that we ever started to begin with. It was only ever sex. The best sex of my life, but just sex, nonetheless.
I take my phone out of my pocket and send Hope a quick message informing her of the success of the grazing boxes. Then I open the text app, and type out a message for Charlie. I have something wet, and tasty waiting for you. I clench my legs together, desperate for relief.
The elevator doors open, and I quickly scramble through the foyer, to the stree
t where I managed to find a parking spot right outside the building.
I feel my phone vibrate, and I take it out. My happiness slightly lessens when I see a reply from Hope. Yay! Job well done. Thank you! Sorry Hope, but you’re not the person I was hoping to hear from. I send her back a thumbs-up emoji, and double check that I sent Charlie the message.
Shit. Delivered and seen.
He’s ignoring me. Well, no not ignoring me, exactly, because he did say he was done with casual sex. Crap, is he done with casual sex, or will he hook up with other people because I turned him down when he asked for something more?
“It’s none of your business, Tabitha,” I scold myself as I drive down the street heading back to the B&B. “What he does, and who he does it with, has nothing to do with you.” I really shouldn’t care. Who he wants to have sex with is really none of my concern. “Nope, not my business.”
So why do I have this feeling of emptiness and dread? “Tabitha, you don’t want to know what happens, so don’t.” I point my finger as I continue to reprimand myself.
Why is this so hard?
My entire life I’ve been hurt, ignored, neglected, betrayed, or abandoned. Everything that starts out being good ends up turning to shit. The only person I’ve been able to rely on is Aunt May. There hasn’t been one other person I can count on. What makes me think Charlie is different? Nothing. Not one God damned thing says Charlie won’t abandon me, or sell me out, or otherwise betray me.
I find myself driving through Faith Haven. Oak Tree Parade. More specifically, I slow as I drive past the houses Hope, Charlie and River are flipping, hoping to catch a glimpse of Charlie.
Even though there’s a flurry of people working on the houses, I don’t see Charlie anywhere. My shoulders sink forward, disappointed that I haven’t seen him. Not even a glimpse. There’s a tightness in my throat, and stupid tears welling in my eyes.
I’ve got to stop thinking about him. He and I will never be anything more than fuck buddies. We can’t be. Because one day, he’ll surely let me down, just like everyone else who’s ever mattered to me.
When I arrive at the B&B, I park the car and lean my forehead on the steering wheel. I have so many mixed emotions running through me. Charlie said he wants all or nothing, and I’ve taken the only option I can. I’m giving him the nothing. But I miss him. I liked how easy we are when we’re together. And I loved the sex, because he can read my body to give me what I want while taking exactly what he needs from it too.
I don’t know what to do. Should I take the gamble, a massive risk, and give Charlie a chance to disappoint me? Would he disappoint me? Of course he will; they always do.
I lift my head, with a sigh, open the door to my car, and slide out. As I walk up the B&B’s front steps, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out, and see Charlie has replied. A huge smile tugs at my lips. When I read his message, the smile instantly disappears. Please don’t message me again.
“Oh, right,” I say. So maybe I was right. He had no intention of being anything more than a fuck buddy. Everything he said, all those protests of wanting more… well his actions have spoken louder than those words. He’s like everyone else.
I slide my phone back into my pocket, and walk into the B&B. There’s a huge lump in my throat, and my stomach is churning with pain.
“Hey, are you okay?” Evie asks when I walk into the kitchen. “You’re so pale. Are you sick? You seemed fine earlier.”
I run my hand over my forehead, then smile weakly. “I’m not feeling all that great,” I reply.
“Did something happen? Didn’t they like the grazing platters?” Evie asks as she wipes down the kitchen counter, having cleaned it while I was out on the delivery.
“Yeah, they did. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It kind of just came on suddenly.”
“I can handle dinner tonight. We’ve only got two rooms booked for today. Cara and I can look after things here if you want to go.”
I try to relieve the pressure mounting at the base of my neck. “Um, you know what? I might go home, and try to get to sleep early. Thank you.”
Evie smiles. “It’s totally fine. Just go home and look after yourself. You’ve been so busy lately, you’re probably just overworked.”
“Yeah, I think that’s probably right. There’s a bath calling my name.” Walking into the butler’s pantry, I take my bag from under the cupboard, and hook it over my shoulder. “Thank you for staying here while I go home.”
She flicks her hand at me. “It’s fine,” she says dismissively, like what she’s doing is nothing. But it is. She’s helping me out, and that means a lot to me.
“Honestly, thank you, Evie. I really do appreciate it.”
She smiles. “You’re welcome. Now get home and look after yourself. Doctor’s orders,” she jokes.
The drive home is short, and Aunt May is in the vegetable garden. She peers up at the car, back to her vegetables, then lifts her head rapidly again. I get out of the car, and Aunt May straightens. “You’re home early,” she says.
“Yeah…” I find myself shaking my head. “I’m not feeling well.”
“What’s wrong?” She leaves the garden, and a chicken runs in front of her. “Get.” She pretends to kick at the chicken, who flaps its wings and scurries away. In all the years I’ve been coming here, I’ve never seen Aunt May hurt any animal. Except, there was that snake once, she calmly walked over with the shovel and chopped its head off. I swear, Aunt May has balls of steel. “So,” she says as she hurries over, slightly out of breath. She places her hands on her hips, then swats at something in front of her face. “You sick, Tabby?”
“I’m not feeling well,” I say.
“You said that, but are you sick?” I look down to the ground, and slowly shake my head. “Then what is it?” Casually, though still without lifting my gaze, I shrug. “Is it the B&B?”
“No! I love it there. It’s great fun, and relaxed. It’s the best job I think I’ve ever had. And Evie and Cara are so good. As a matter of fact, Evie offered to stay and insisted I should go home.”
“So, if it’s not work, what is it?”
Pursing my lips together, I look up at the bright sun in the sky. I watch as one lone cloud rapidly moves across the brilliant blue backdrop. “I don’t know,” I say, although I do.
“Yeah, bullshit.” Aunt May calls me on my lie. “Come on, let’s get inside.” She walks ahead of me, taking off her big, wide sunhat. She tosses it to the side when she’s on the porch, and it lands in her chair. Opening the door, I follow her in. Aunt May washes her hands in the sink before opening the fridge, and taking out her lemon iced tea. Aunt May pours me a glass, and one for herself. She picks hers up, and drinks half in one go. She lowers her glass, and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “Now, what’s happening?”
I watch as the condensation gathers on the outside of my glass, and starts running down the sides. I’m doing everything in my power to avoid Aunt May, her steely, sharp eyes, and her questions. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit,” she snaps immediately.
“I’m just thinking.”
“Lord, here we go.” She picks her glass up again, and sips on it. “What happened?”
“It’s nothing. I suppose it doesn’t matter anyway.” I half shrug.
“What doesn’t matter?”
“Aunt May, it’s okay.” I turn away from her, leaning against the island counter. “I’m going to have a bath.” I begin to walk away.
“Get your tiny ass back here right now!” There’s steel in her voice.
I stop dead in my tracks. I don’t want to talk, but I know Aunt May is going to be at me until I tell her. “No.” I don’t turn around. Instead, I keep walking to my room trying to dodge her.
I hear Aunt May shuffle behind me, but I manage to close the door before she gets to it. What was I thinking? Like a door would stop her. She flings it open, stands in the opening, and places her hands on her hips again. “Listen here, young
lady.” She lifts a finger to point at me. “While you’re here, you’ll respect me enough to treat me like I’m on your side.”
“Or what? You’ll throw me out?” I challenge.
Aunt May’s lips tighten, and her eyes widen. “In all the years you’ve been coming here, I have never threatened to throw you out of my home. But I won’t tolerate bullshit from you either, Tabitha. You know full well, I’m on your side, I’ve always had your back, and I’ll always love you. But this childish behavior stops right now. Something’s eating away at you, and you need to talk to me about it. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you ‘don’t feel like’ talking about it. Because I ain’t going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is wrong.” She walks over to the wing chair in my room, and plonks her butt in it, staring at me.
“I just…”
“Ah, nope.” She waggles her finger at me again. “I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”
“I’m really…”
“I don’t care.”
“But I want to lie…”
“I don’t care.” She shakes her head with solid resolution.
“Maybe tomorrow…”
“I. Don’t. Care. You will talk to me.”
“Aunt May…”
“Nope.” She huffs and tilts her head to the side. “I’ve got all the time in the world to sit here and be a painful pimple on your ass cheek. If you think you can just wish said painful pimple away, then you’re clearly mistaken. Because all I’ll do, is become more painful the longer I fester away.”
Painful pimple? I take my phone out of my pocket, quickly check if I have any messages from Charlie–there isn’t any—then lean over and place my phone on the charger. “Painful pimple?” I ask with a small smile.
“A festering, white-headed pimple that’s full of the most revolting green pus you’ve ever seen, that just keeps bubbling away.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty gross.”
“You get the idea? I can be more descriptive if you like?”
“No need. The word ‘pus’ is descriptive enough.”
Aunt May sniffs and sits back further into the chair. “Now, what’s wrong?”
Healing Hearts: A friends with benefits, small town romance (Hope River Book 3) Page 8
