Love is a Beach: a romantic comedy

by Lilliana Anderson

  She narrows her eyes at me. “This is because of her, isn’t it? That’s why you don’t want to come too.” She is so fucking delusional.

  “No Tash. I won’t move to England because I can’t stand being around you. Darcy has nothing to do with that. You made that happen all by yourself.” I step away, shaking my head at her gall. She was always crazy but this shit is next level. “I’ll see you Sunday with Niall.”

  “This isn’t over,” she calls after me as I walk away.

  I wave over my shoulder. “It never is with you.” Fuck.

  When Tash drives off in a total huff, Niall and I stand on the deck, leaning against the railing as her tyres skid against the road and leave behind a pissed-off cloud of smoke.

  “What’d you do? Throw sand in her vagina?” Niall asks, squinting in the afternoon sun.

  I look at him and frown. “You’re talking about your mother.”

  “Still, doesn’t take a genius to see you didn’t let her get her way. What’d she want?”

  “She wants to take you to London.”

  “For a holiday?”

  “To live.”

  He frowns. “Oh.”

  “I said no. You need to finish year twelve first.”

  “What if I wanted to go?”

  “Do you?”

  He steps back from the railing and takes a seat at the outdoor table. “I don’t know. It could be cool.”

  “Yeah. And it’ll still be cool when your exams finish. You’ll be eighteen then, and I won’t be able to stop you from going, but despite your age, I do think you need to finish school before you change your whole life by shifting countries.”

  “When is she going?”

  “April, I guess. She was talking about going during the Easter holidays.”

  “So, what will happen? I’ll move in with you?”

  I nod. “You can get a bus to school from here. It’s not much farther.”

  “What about when I turn eighteen and get my license. I’ll need a car to make my exams on time.”

  “Then I guess that’s something we can discuss closer to your birthday.”

  He nods then wipes a hand over his face. “Why is she leaving?”

  “They’re writing her out of the show.”

  He stands abruptly, flicking his arms by his side in agitation. “I need to go for a walk.”

  Giving him a nod, I watch the way his face pulls tight and darkens as he stalks down the street. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly happy about the fact he might come and live with me. It’s what I’ve wanted all along. But in doing so, I’m keeping him from an overseas adventure. And depending on how much he wants that, depends on how much of a fight I’ll have on my hands. Either way, I’m not backing down on this one. An education is far too important to piss away on following his mother around the UK while she cashes in on her fame before it runs out. If my mother taught me one thing in my life, it’s that you need an education. You have that, it doesn’t matter where life takes you, or what challenges you face, because you’ll always have a good foundation to fall back on. I know I can’t back down on this one.

  “Hello there, Leo,” Esme’s voice sing-songs from the opposite direction, followed by the ringing of a bicycle bell. When I turn in her direction, a smile takes over my face. She’s pedalling away, not on a bicycle, but on a tricycle, and she’s wearing a shirt that has a granny on a Harley and the words ‘Bayside Biddies’ across it.

  “Hey, Ez. What in the world is this?”

  She pulls up on the footpath in front of me. “Oh, Leo, this is my new trikey gang.” She rings the bell on her handlebars twice.

  “Gang? I hate to break it to you, but it looks like you’re the only one.”

  “Well, of course. You’ve got to start somewhere. I’ll have you know, I’ve been about town since lunchtime and I think I have at least two ladies ready to join up. I asked Betsy and she laughed. But she’ll be begging to join in when she sees how much fun we’re having.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “I’ve no doubt.”

  “Well,” she says, ringing her bell again. “I’m off. Lots of recruiting to do. Toodleloo, Leo, dear. Say hi to Niall for me.” And with that, she pedals off again, the whirring of a little motor sending her down the path with little effort.

  With a chuckle, I watch after her. She has me smiling through my frustration, and I love her dearly for lightening my mood.

  A tricycle gang. Only Esme could come up with something as zany as that.

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  DARCY

  “I really miss you, sis,” Jo says, linking arms with me while we walk through the local park. Archer runs and jumps ahead of us, playing with Jo’s brown Cavoodle, Dudley. “Christmas sucked with just Mum and me, and New Year’s was…actually, I went out with friends, so that was OK.”

  I smile. “You know I miss you too.”

  “And Mum?”

  “Eh, you know that’s complicated. But I definitely miss you.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she says. “Just not enough to come back.”

  “I really need this fresh start. I think it’s helped the kids too. Made the split more definitive for them.”

  “So, Abigail is back to herself again?”

  “She certainly seemed herself when I dropped her at her sleepover earlier, but I imagine the Abigail I pick up tomorrow will be a different story. But she’s not throwing tantrums any more, so that’s a positive step. She’s also stopped accusing me of hiding Kevin from her.”

  “Thank heavens for small mercies. Nana isn’t driving you nuts yet?”

  “Never. You know I love her randomness. She keeps things interesting.”

  “Yeah, well, you know me and order, I’d be rocking in the corner after a few days with her.”

  “She’s not that bad.”

  Jo shrugs. I find it funny how two women who grew up under exactly the same conditions can be so different yet still get along. It’s always been us against the world, and nothing has really changed that.

  “Fetch,” Archer yells, throwing a stick as far as he can. Dudley responds by sitting in grass and panting. “I said fetch.” He mimes throwing the stick again. Dudley lies down. “Jo-jo, your dog is broken.”

  “Maybe he just needs you to show him how it’s done, mate,” Jo calls out.

  “Shouldn’t dogs just know this stuff?”

  “Some need more help.”

  With a shrug, Archer runs after the stick, calling for Dudley to follow along. I expect him to pick it up, get Dudley to sniff it and maybe throw it again. But he gets down on all fours and picks the stick up himself—in his mouth.

  “Yuck, Archer. Spit that out.” I laugh. I can’t help it.

  “How else am I s’posed to show Dudley?”

  “You hold the stick near his mouth before you throw it,” I say.

  “Oh,” Archer says, pulling a piece of bark off his tongue. “Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”

  “Boys are so gross.” Jo chuckles.

  My phone chimes in my pocket. When I pull it out, I see that I have a Snapchat from Murphy74. A small smile plays on my lips before I slide the phone back in my pocket, deciding to save opening it until I’m alone.

  “Who’s Murphy74?” Jo asks, spying on me.

  Now my smile takes over my face. “A friend.”

  “Oh, I see. This is the real reason you aren’t coming back. You’re getting some.”

  “It’s not like that,” I argue before rolling my eyes. “Well, it is like that. But he’s not the reason I’m staying. He’s a bonus.”

  “Rawr. Who is he?”

  I keep my voice low so Archer can’t hear. “Remember the guy next door?”

  “The one you licked your tits for?” She chuckles. “Yeah, I remember. Nana’s neighbour, right?”

  I nod. “And he’s…” I let out a sigh, feeling like I did as a teen and I was crushing hard on Keanu Reeves after seeing him in Point Break. Rawr. Keanu also go
t better with age. “He’s amazing.”

  “Amazing huh? I’ll be the judge of that. Does he treat you right?”

  “He treats me exactly how I want to be treated.” I lift my brow and try not to giggle.

  “OK, so he’s great in the sack. What else?”

  “He’s a great conversationalist, works with his hands, he’s a dedicated father, is amazing with Archer, respectful with Abigail and her moods, and he’s been there for me. I feel wanted by him. He cares about me and after feeling second best for so long, that’s bloody amazing.”

  “He sounds like the full package,” she says. “What’s wrong with him? Is he ugly?”

  I shake my head and pull up a picture of him. One of the PG ones he sent. He’s shirtless and lying in bed, but he’s sexy and you can’t see anything past his collarbone.

  “Oh my lord.” Jo stops walking and snatches my phone. “I think I just became hetero. He is gorgeous.”

  I snatch my phone back before she can swipe through the photos. “I keep pinching myself, believe me.”

  “Why does he look familiar?”

  “He used to play rugby for Australia. Leo Murphy. He did morning radio for a stretch too.”

  “Oh God, that’s what’s wrong with him. He’s a meathead.”

  “He is not a meathead, I assure you. He’s mature, he’s driven, and he’s kind. My God, Jo, he’s so many wonderful things.”

  “And the kids just instantly love him?”

  “Archer thinks he’s the sun, but they don’t know we’re dating. We’re keeping that quiet until we know how serious it is. We’ve been together maybe three weeks?”

  “Ah, you’re in the honeymoon phase. Nothing is annoying yet, I know it well. It’s when lesbians end up moving in together then struggle to split when everything falls apart. It’s why I never invite anyone back to my place any more. Too risky.”

  “You don’t want someone to share your life with?” I ask.

  “I have Dudley,” she says, looking at me like I should totally get this. “Why would I want a human?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. For the hugs? The conversation?” To carry one another’s burdens?

  “Dudley provides both those things and rarely interrupts.”

  “Well, what about sex?”

  Her eyes light up. “Did you just ask me about sex?” She whispers the last part like it’s a naughty word, grinning because I’ve never been very open about my sex life.

  “Maybe. And I didn’t even blush.”

  “Wow,” she says, pride in her eyes. “I like this guy. He’s good for you.”

  “He’s amazing,” I gush.

  “OK. I believe you. But what about his ex? You said he’s a good dad, so there’s a kid in there, and that means an ex. Unless she’s—”

  “Oh no, she’s well and truly alive.”

  “And?”

  “Well, the kid—he’s a seventeen-year-old boy—is as you’d expect a spoiled teenager to be. His mother gives him everything so he’s a bit of a brat, but then so is Abigail, so I can’t really talk.”

  “And the mother?”

  “I’ve only met her once. But, she’s…difficult. She bad-mouths Leo to Niall and when she met me, she called me several different names but never Darcy.”

  “The ole ‘You aren’t important enough for me to remember your name schtick’?”

  “Yeah. But I didn’t let it get to me. I called her on it, gave Leo a possessive kiss, and left with my head held high.”

  “Good for you, sis. I’m proud of you. It’s like you’re finally becoming the woman you were always meant to be. Out from under Kevin’s douchebag thumb, you’re actually standing up for yourself. I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

  She scrunches up her nose. “Yeah. You were pretty defeated, but you put on a good show, I’ll give you that. But as much as I wish you were here, you’re so much happier now. Maybe it’s the sea air, maybe it’s this new guy you’re with, or maybe it’s just the absence of Kevin. Whatever the reason, I think that day at the hospital was one of the best days. Even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.”

  “I could’ve done without going broke, though.”

  “Yeah, well what are you doing about that? Do you need money?”

  “No. I have a job now. And Nana’s happy with us staying in her apartment. I’ll be able to contribute and save towards hiring a lawyer to sort this all out, clear my credit rating so I don’t have to file for bankruptcy.”

  “Good. I don’t think it’s right he gets off scot-free. Now that you’re feeling stronger, you need to make him pay for his kids. He should be giving the money for them to you.” I’ve been putting off dealing with the legalities of what Kevin did to our finances, but I know I have to do something. His actions have impaired my future. I can’t afford to spend the rest of my life paying for his financial mess.

  “I’d rather forget he ever existed, but you’re right. What he did was unforgivable as well as illegal. Father of my children or not, I can’t let him off.”

  “That’s precisely why you can’t let him get away with it. He’s responsible for those kids too.”

  I let out a sigh. Yet another thing to worry about Abigail losing her shit over. If she finds out I’m planning on reporting her father for fraud, she may never forgive me. Nana’s voice sounds inside my head, telling me I need to be brave enough to make the tough decisions that are right for the kids and my future. I have to stop worrying so much about Abigail. I have to do what’s right. Become the strong and brave, resilient woman my kids need.

  THIRTY-NINE

  DARCY

  “Gram-Gram,” Archer shouts, running up the front steps of my mother’s house before he throws his arms around her waist and tells her how much he’s missed her. And he would. Archer always sees the best in people and my mother hasn’t given him any reason not to like her. She’s a much nicer granma than she ever was a mother, which I think is often the way. The pressure of life and our ability to provide for our children while they’re young often gets in the way of our enjoyment. I wonder if my children will feel this way about me when they have children too. Although, I hope I’ve never been as critical of them as my mother was of me. I’d hate for that to be a continuing legacy.

  “Take a deep breath, sis,” Jo says while Archer and Mum have a short exchange. “I’ll buffer as much as I can.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper, squeezing her arm, so grateful for her support. Jo and Mum have a very different relationship than Mum and I do. I think because Jo is tougher and doesn’t really give any fucks, Mum’s criticism and judgement didn’t affect her quite as much as it did me. Jo plants her foot and won’t let it budge. She’s similar to Nana in that respect.

  “Well, well,” Mum says, placing her hands on her hips after Archer has run inside. “Look what the cat dragged in.” She has such severe features: sharp blue eyes, grey and white hair cut short to avoid spending much time styling it. With her lack of skincare, she looks much older than her sixty-three years, and while her lips have never been full, they seem almost pencil like as she eyes me with displeasure. I’ve been a terrible daughter in her eyes, skipping the usual Christmas festivities and dodging her calls since late November. But what more can I say? I couldn’t handle her on top of everything else I was dealing with. I was on my own side for once in my life, as Nana would say.

  I plaster a smile on my face as I step up on the porch and embrace her stiff body. “It’s good to see you, Mum.” I will not bite. I will not bite.

  “Is it? I almost forgot what you looked like. No phone calls for the holidays, sending your sister to do your dirty work for you. You’ve been ignoring me for months. I practically convinced myself you were dead.” And she wonders why I avoid her…

  “It’s barely been two months, Mum. December and January. And I’ve been texting. I just wasn’t ready to talk about things yet.”

  “And I suppose now you
are? Maybe I don’t want to know any more.”

  I take a calming breath. “Then we can talk about something else. Or we can sit in silence. Your choice.”

  “Oh, there’s plenty to talk about. Imagine my surprise when I drove past your house and saw the auction sign up. Since you weren’t talking, I practically had to waterboard your sister to get any information out of her.”

  “Waterboard her?” I laugh. “How do you even know what that is?”

  “I have Netflix, Darcy.”

  “OK. You tortured poor Jo and she told you everything?” I glance at Jo and she’s smirking, which means she’s barely told Mum anything at all, and Mum is just being overly dramatic. I wonder who that reminds me of?

  “I know that Kevin left you. Left you and the kids with nothing, so you packed up and went to live with your crazy nana.”

  I nod slowly. “That’s about the extent of it.”

  “Why on earth didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you. You didn’t have to drag the kids all the way out here, upend their lives, and expose them to Esme’s madness.”

  “Mum, don’t.”

  “I simply don’t understand it. I have plenty of room here. You could have come to me. I would have taken care of everything. Instead, you’ve cut me out.”

  “I needed to get out of here, Mum. Staying with you would have kept everything the same and I needed change.”

  “At the expense of your children? In times like these, they need stability and routine. Instead you’ve taken away everything they know. Did you see the way poor Archer just threw himself at me? The poor child is beside himself.”

  I struggle not to smile in the face of her horribly inaccurate observation, which is interesting. Two months ago, her cruel words and criticism would have stung very deeply. How wrong I was to cut Nana out of my life for so long. Two months with her, and it’s like my heart and mind have found strength I didn’t know I had. Two. Months. That’s love. “Archer loves living in Bayside, Mum. He was happy to see you. Just like I am. And since I’m here, I’ll answer any questions you have about Kevin’s and my split so you don’t have to waterboard Jo again. However, I’m not going to argue with you and have you tell me I’m a horrible daughter or question my parenting. I did what I needed to do, and I’m sorry if that hurt you, but it wasn’t about you. My world fell apart, so did my kids’. Going to Bayside allowed us a change of pace and the chance to heal. I don’t regret going.”