Jingle Balls: A Holiday Romantic Comedy Anthology

by Dylann Crush

  “Of all the places to hide out, this one certainly doesn’t suck.”

  Gunner shifts the light again to reveal another set of boxes with “M&M’s” printed on their sides. “I’ve been in worse places.”

  We grin at each other, and a tiny bit of calm flows through the space between us as my heart stops its imitation of a heavy metal band and I finally take my first full breath in what feels like hours. In silent agreement, Gunner and I sink down onto the cool concrete floor and lean against one of the wire shelves. His long fingers swipe over his phone for a few silent moments, searching in vain for a signal before he gives up and sets the device face-up between us. I watch as the screen paints our clothes in a purple glow until I finally rest my head back with a sigh, wondering for the one millionth time if this is all just some crazy dream.

  4

  “Well, I can’t say this night has gone exactly as I expected,” Gunner mumbles over a mouthful of peanut M&M’s.

  It’s been thirty minutes since any sign of the guys with the gun, and about ten since my asscheeks started to go numb from the hard floor. I adjust my position again and draw my knees under me, careful not to tip over the bottle of cabernet I swiped from our barricade.

  At Gunner’s comment, I huff out a quiet laugh, somewhat reassured by the half-a-basement’s distance and hundred-plus bottles of wine standing between us and the bad guys. “Oh? You don’t spend most Saturday nights hiding from dangerous criminals with strange women?”

  “Only in the offseason.” Even his tiny grin is crooked, and it makes me want to poke the corner of his mouth with my finger and say “Boop.” I resist the temptation.

  “Speaking of, I would have thought you’d be back home for the holidays or maybe down in Florida getting ready for Spring Training instead of hanging out here.”

  “Asheville is growing on me.” He shrugs and shakes a few M&M’s in his hand. “I decided to stick around. For now, at least.”

  My rather extensive Gunner snooping from this past season says he calls Savannah home, but it’s probably best not to let my fangirl out when he’s trapped in a room with me with no option to escape. Still, the urge to snoop is strong.

  But he surprises me by volunteering more information all on his own.

  “I’m from Savannah originally, but I needed a change, you know? A new start. And with the Arrows here, it just worked out.” He raises a brow at me, and I nod in understanding.

  “I hear you. I’m not from Asheville either, but here I am.” I toss my arms out. “There’s something about the mountains.” I don’t tell him I followed Skye here after having my heart broken by a cheating asshole, but he doesn’t need to know that. And, besides, there is something magical about this place.

  Gunner hums his agreement, and I wonder if he’d think it was weird if I leaned my head on his shoulder. Best not to test it, so I go for conversation instead.

  “So, what else?” I turn so I’m fully facing him.

  “What do you mean?” He digs around in the yellow bag, apparently searching for the right color candy.

  “If I’m going to be in here with you any longer, I need to know something about you. We’re complete strangers.”

  His eyes flick to me, and there’s that naughty grin again. Gah! “I wouldn’t say we’re complete strangers.”

  I need something to thunk my forehead on. “Right. The oversharing.” Why, oh why, did I feel the need to share so much of my business with this man over the last half hour? I blame the tense situation—and whatever strands of DNA make me a nervous talker.

  “I’m actually finding it quite helpful.” Gunner drops the candy bag onto his lap and focuses all his attention on me. “Let’s see. I know your name is Elizabeth Wright, you’re a painter, you like baseball—bonus points for that.” He nods approvingly, and I have the urge to pinch myself. “You have a grip that could earn you a spot in the batting line-up for the Arrows, you hate when people use the word ‘behoove’ because it makes you picture them as a cow.” Dear lord, I can’t believe I told him that. “You think the inventor of Uncrustables should have been awarded a Nobel Prize.” Well, duh. “Your favorite movie is So I Married an Axe Murderer. Oh, and how could I forget? You like to run around naked.” He waggles his eyebrows like a goofball.

  I elbow him before I can think better of it.

  “What? Did I forget anything?”

  “Only my stunning conversational skills.” I preen a little, still shocked at the ease of our conversation and the fact that he doesn’t seem appalled by anything I’ve told him. “And my fondness for balls.”

  He slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle the sharp guffaw that tries to escape, and I squeeze my eyes shut. After all my careless punning, I should have known something like this would slip out at the wrong time.

  “You know what I mean.” I try maintaining a scolding tone, but I can’t help my grin at his boyish expression. “Has anybody ever told you you’re annoying?”

  “Maybe.” He bites his bottom lip as if attempting to tame his smile at my expense.

  “Well, you are.” I open my palm and start counting off fingers. “Your name is Gunner Nix, you play baseball, you think vegetables are poison, you can’t watch Field of Dreams without crying.” I put a hand up to silence him when he tries to interrupt. “I know you didn’t admit it, but I can tell.” I tick off another finger. “You can’t resist chocolate, you pee like a dog, and you’re annoying. Did I forget anything?”

  “If you’re waiting for me to say I’m fond of balls, you’re gonna be waiting for quite a while.”

  I’m pretty sure I growl at him.

  “Okay, I’m done. I promise.” He drops a hand on my knee like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and I swear my skin tingles under the pads of his fingers. I’m so distracted, I almost don’t catch his next words. “I’m really glad you came here tonight. Being stranded in a dark basement wouldn’t be nearly as fun on my own.”

  “Right back atcha,” I manage to say through my pseudo stupor. Does he not know the effect he has on women? “Do you not know the effect you have on women?” Noooooooooo!

  Our eyes both drop down to his hand on my knee, and I spring to standing as if a fire’s been lit under my butt. Welcome to Lizzie Land, Gunner, where awkwardness is a way of life. I, of course, pretend I meant to get up to investigate the contents of the refrigerator instead of escaping my big mouth. Thank heavens for the darkness so he can’t see my raging blush.

  But if I thought checking out the fridge would offer a nice distraction, I’m dead wrong. The second the door cracks open, a hideous odor permeates the air around me, and I have to slam the door shut before getting so much as a peek inside.

  “Oh my God.” I cover my mouth and nose and scurry back to the sandalwood and cinnamon safe haven near Gunner. “Something died in there.”

  His chin lifts as he sniffs the air from his spot on the floor.

  My lip curls. “Seriously? Are you hoping to get a whiff of the rotting corpse?”

  He opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out at first. It’s not until I shake my head at him that he tries defending himself. “I’m curious by nature, okay?”

  This has me grinning again and letting go of my embarrassment, so I drop back down to the floor with my legs crossed in front of me and the knit fabric of my dress shoved down to avoid giving him a show.

  “So, if I bit into something and said, ‘Ew, this tastes weird. Try it,’ you’d jump at the chance?”

  His answer comes in a fast whisper. “Probably, yeah.”

  “Fascinating.” It seems Gunner Nix may be almost as weird as I am. Almost. That’s so very good to know.

  “Hey, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable before with, uh, your knee.” He’s looking right at me, so I woman up and meet his gaze. “I wasn’t thinking,” he finishes with a shrug, but my only thought is if that’s how he can make me feel when he’s not thinking, imagine what he could do with a little focus.

&nb
sp; I manage not to voice that thought, though, and instead go with, “No! You didn’t. I mean, I liked it. Anything for a little distraction, right?” My laugh is way too forced, and I wish I could rewind and start over. I had the perfect opportunity to let him know I like him, and I just made him feel like a creeper.

  “Distraction. Right. Yeah.” He runs a hand through his short hair, and I want to punch myself in the vag for screwing this up so spectacularly.

  Say something, Elizabeth!

  “Wine?” I extend the half-empty bottle toward him, but he waves me off.

  “No thanks. Gotta keep my ninja skills sharp.” His head tilts toward the door as a reminder of our predicament, which he’s managed to distract me from more than I would have believed possible thus far. As if regretting his reference to reality, he holds up the candy bag and sends me one of his crooked smiles. “These should help.”

  His playful vibe is officially back, making me want to sigh with relief. I celebrate by bringing the wine bottle to my lips for another taste.

  “You feel free to partake as much as you want, though.” Gunner pops a candy in his mouth, unable to hide his amusement. “I can’t wait to learn more about your combative relationships with Disney princesses.”

  I scowl at him. “It was just the one, and it’s not the wine’s fault. I’ve told plenty of people that story. Besides, it’s not all that uncommon to get kicked out of Disney World.” I lift my chin in defiance and mumble under my breath, “’Happiest place on earth,’ my ass.”

  “What was that?” He pretends not to have heard me, and his smartassery only strengthens my resolve.

  “The more people who know that Belle is a big fat liar, the better, as far as I’m concerned.” My expression dares him to dispute it. “She comes off as this sweet little bookworm, but it’s all a ruse.” How would he like it if a Disney character stepped on his bare foot with her heel and didn’t have the decency to apologize—or let him cut in line?

  “Fascinating.” He throws my comment from before right back at me, and it both annoys me and makes me want to laugh.

  “You know, wine has been proven to reduce stress.” I hold up the bottle again. “And red wine is good for the heart.” I take another dainty chug, as if to prove my point.

  “Then your heart should be ready for a marathon by the time tonight’s over.” He winks and tosses an M&M at me.

  “If tonight is ever over. I’m starting to think I’ll be stuck here with you forever.” I throw it back and miss by about two feet.

  Gunner doesn’t ridicule my throw. He’s busy looking at his phone again, as if the building might have somehow parted like the Red Sea for a cell signal without us noticing.

  “I mean, you’d think those jerks would be worried about us by now.” My tone is tinged with annoyance, but truth be told, I’m not as anxious to end our little adventure as I would have thought. Sure, nobody knows—or seems to care—where we are, and armed felons with excellent taste in art could stumble upon us at any moment, but I’m kind of enjoying this time getting to know Gunner and trading barbs. He’s fun. And sweet. And if he smiles at me again, I can’t be held responsible for what I might do to him. I may just have to thank Skye by the time this is all over with.

  He sets the phone back down and relaxes his head against the wire shelf again with a sigh. “Well, I hate to say it, but I don’t think we have any other choice at this point.”

  My heart sinks down to the concrete with a thud at his words. What is he talking about? We don’t need to do anything but sit here and wait, right? “Doing” anything at this point sounds like a very, very, very bad idea. Hiding behind a dozen cases of wine in the dark and having fun conversation is a much better idea. Ten out of ten experts would agree, I’m positive.

  I’m already shaking my head when he turns to look at me and finishes his thought. “We’re going to have to play Truth or Dare.”

  5

  “All of it?”

  I nod while trying to hide my smile. “All of it.”

  Gunner slowly unfolds himself to standing with a reluctant sigh before relaxing his arms and stretching his neck from side to side like he’s preparing to execute an Olympic feat of strength.

  “Quit stalling and get to it already.” I tap an invisible watch on my wrist, doing nothing to hide how pleased I am with myself right now. “You didn’t have to pick ‘dare,’ so you only have yourself to blame.” His eyes narrow at me, which only spurs me on. “I can’t even begin to imagine how many women would kill to be in my shoes for this.” And it’s true. But this is for my eyes only, and I can’t freaking wait.

  Done with the stalling, Gunner slides his fingers down the lapel of his suit jacket and releases the button with the barest flick of his finger before shrugging the dark fabric off his shoulders. It slides down to the floor with barely a whisper of a sound, which, in itself, wouldn’t be so mesmerizing if he weren’t holding my eyes with his suddenly hot gaze the entire damn time! A bead of sweat trickles down my lower back and my mouth goes bone dry.

  How did he manage to turn the tables so quickly? Dammit all!

  I grapple for the wine bottle with blind hands and bring it to my lips, unable to look away as Gunner reaches up for his blue striped tie and begins to loosen it.

  Holy sex on a pogo stick. We need better lighting because there is way too much going on here to properly appreciate from the light of a single phone screen. I’m not even a little ashamed when I trade the wine bottle for the phone and point it in his direction to get a better view.

  His hands halt their movements when his tie is only halfway off. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  All I can do is nod dumbly as the low tone of his voice causes the residents of lady town to fan themselves. His eyes get even hotter—if that’s possible—and a second later, the blue silk lands on my lap. I swallow hard as Gunner gets down to business.

  “Stop! Collaborate and listen…” He morphs into the best Vanilla Ice impersonator I’ve ever seen in my life, complete with pretend baseball cap and white-boy moves as he treats me to my prize of a whispered performance of “Ice Ice Baby.” He nails every lyric and even throws in a little running-man action as a bonus for my benefit, making it damn near impossible to control my laughter as he finishes up by swaggering to the far corner of the room and giving me a final “Yo” over his shoulder.

  If we didn’t have to stay quiet, I’d treat him to the loudest standing ovation of his life, but I have to settle for nearly silent snaps and doubling over in suppressed laughter instead.

  He drops back down next to me, shoving aside his jacket and breathing heavily from his performance, a shit-eating grin plastered on his handsome face.

  “That was…I don’t…” I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye and shake my head at him. “I’m speechless.”

  His jaw drops in exaggerated shock. “Did I just achieve the impossible?” His breaths are still heavy, so I feel one across my cheek as he leans over to nudge my shoulder.

  Good God. Even his breath smells good. I wonder if I can surreptitiously check mine without him noticing.

  But I don’t have a chance because Gunner hits me with, “Your turn. Truth or dare?”

  Crap.

  I’ve already had to confess my worst fear—getting stuck in one of those big lobster tanks—and my guiltiest pleasure—watching cartoons. And I even had to open a bag of Cheese Nips without using my hands or feet. Gunner got a huge kick out of that one. But, in return, I got to hear all about Gunner’s most embarrassing moment—when he called his tenth-grade English teacher “Mom” in front of the entire class, including the girl he was crushing on. And that he has a secret talent of never forgetting song lyrics (Thank you, Vanilla Ice).

  It’s eventually the sheer joy I got from his last dare that makes me take a chance with another one myself.

  Gunner rubs his bearded chin between his thumb and forefinger like his choice of dare could make or break the future of humankind. Just when
I’m about to throw my crackers at him, he straightens with a naughty glint in his eyes.

  “I dare you to fit two bags’ worth of Peanut M&M’s in your mouth all at once.”

  I don’t even hesitate, turning my palm up for him to supply me with the candy. Is that disappointment I see on his face? Too bad for him I’ve done this challenge before with jelly beans and grapes, and I’m practically a pro.

  What I don’t account for, however, are the silly faces Gunner makes to get me to crack up while I’m shoving all thirty-eight candies in my mouth. I manage not to break—barely—but am left with a predicament I hadn’t counted on when I realize victory won’t be quite so sweet if I spit saliva-covered chocolate at Gunner’s feet. Super sexy. So, I do what any self-respecting girl would do and distract him with a view of my ass in my red dress as I spit all but the last few out between the shelves and then wash those down with another healthy swallow of wine. “Ahhhhh.”

  “Wow. You really do have a big mouth.” He runs a finger over his jaw again as he considers me, and I get distracted by how sexy this look is on him.

  “I did warn you.” I snap myself out of it and point at him. “Your turn.”

  It hasn’t escaped my attention that neither one of us has checked the phone for a signal since we started this game. Maybe Gunner is having just as much fun as I am.

  “I’ll go with truth. I’m still tired from my last dare.”

  And I don’t know what possesses me, but the question is out before I can even think about it. “Do you want to kiss me?”

  All sound in the universe fades. Even the hum of the refrigerator evaporates in the wake of my utterly insane question as Gunner and I sit facing one another on the cool floor. I’m frozen in place, and I’m not sure which of us is more surprised by my words. But it’s too late to take it back, not that I could actually achieve intelligible speech at this point.