Hard Lovin'

by Desiree Holt

  The orgasm erupted in seconds, but it was no less powerful because of its speed. They shuddered and shook together, the kinetic energy of the evening racing through their bodies. Rough breathing cut through the air, and Erin didn’t know if it was her heart or Grady’s she felt pounding against her ribs.

  She had never in her life experienced sex like this. Wild. Untamed. Receiving as much as she gave. Just as Grady himself was different than other men in her life. Not protective and suffocating like her father. Not controlling and demeaning like Cal Stadler. Nor did he treat her with kid gloves the way T.J. did. No, Grady Sinclair made her feel like a woman in full bloom, somebody special to him.

  Someone to whom she’d given her trust with no regrets.

  “I don’t think I can ever move again,” she said after Grady had disposed of the condom. “At this rate, I may not live long enough to follow you around the country.”

  He spooned her against him and kissed the top of her head. “Then I’ll have to make sure you keep up your strength.”

  He was silent, no good night yet, and Erin knew he was turning things over in his brain.

  “Erin?”

  She tensed. “Uh-huh?”

  “Think you’ll ever trust me enough to tell me about those scars? And who or what you’re running from?”

  She felt as if she’d talked it to death with the counselor and never wanted to talk about it again. And she was afraid if Grady knew the truth—knew everything—he’d put her on a bus back to where she’d come from.

  “Darlin’?” he prompted.

  “I told you what the deal is. You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.” She was positive he’d never open up and tell her what he kept tucked away so firmly inside himself.

  More silence.

  “Not tonight,” he said in a taut voice. “Another day.”

  If ever, hung silently in the air.

  What could he have to tell that was so terrible? So awful it apparently had been chasing him like a devil.

  “Grady?”

  “Yeah, sugar?”

  “I’m glad you let me tag along with you.”

  He tightened his arms around her. “Not half as glad as I am. I hope there isn’t someone waiting in the bushes to kick my ass because of it.”

  If you only knew. But I promise I’ll never let Rance Braddock take his anger out on you. Even if I have to threaten never to speak to him again. Once he stops screaming long enough for me to explain, anyway.

  With that settled in her mind, she drifted off to sleep, secure in the arms of the man she’d fallen in love with in two short days.

  Chapter Five

  He came at last to a mansion fine, down by the River Clady

  And there was music and there was wine for the gypsy and his lady

  They managed two more days of what Erin had come to think of as sheltered bliss—insulation from news of the outside world—before it all came crashing in on them. The bar was busier the night before, even though it was the middle of the week, and Erin had enjoyed the response of the crowd as much as she was mesmerized by Grady’s music. She thought she could probably sit night after night and listen to him forever, soothed and seduced by his songs. It was turning into the best time of her life.

  This morning, they’d stopped at a fast-food restaurant to grab a late breakfast before heading to a music store. Grady wanted to get some new strings for his guitar then head to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple new pairs of jeans. Erin had spotted a rack with newspapers outside the door on the way in and, when they left, she tried to hustle Grady past it as quickly as she could. But he stopped to put away his change, looked down, and every line in his body tightened.

  Erin was almost afraid to look down at the newspaper, knowing what she’d see. And sure enough, there it was. A head shot of her, her engagement photo, and a huge headline. Hunt Still on for Missing Heiress.

  Grady fished a quarter out of his pocket, stuck it in the slot, and retrieved a copy of the newspaper. Then he took Erin by the elbow and hustled her firmly to the truck.

  “Grady,” she began.

  “Not now.” His fingers tightened on her as he opened the truck door and boosted her inside. “Not out here.”

  She was terrified to see his face. On the ride back to the motel, she gripped her hands together in her lap, shaking inside.

  I should have told him. I should have let him know. Why did I think we could keep going and it wouldn’t catch up with us until I was ready? Would I ever be ready?

  She was still having internal dialogue with herself when they pulled into the motel parking lot and into the space in front of their room. She had barely unbuckled her seat belt before the truck door was yanked open and Grady all but pulled her out, hustling her into their room and slamming the door.

  “Sit.” He pointed to one of the chairs at the round table.

  “Grady,” she tried again.

  “Not yet. Just…sit.”

  Erin bit down on her lip to keep from saying anything else while Grady sat on the edge of the bed and read the story in the newspaper. Then he clicked on the television, searching for local news. It was the noon hour, so every station was up with its broadcast. And, sure enough, there was her face, all over the screen. And some on-air reporter blabbing the details of her life.

  At the moment she was sure she couldn’t sit there any longer, Grady finally turned to her. She recoiled at the expression on his face.

  “Am I going to be arrested?” he asked, his voice flat, his face expressionless. “I guess they figured out you took off with me. The newspaper said everyone from the local sheriff to the Texas Rangers is after my ass.”

  She shook her head violently. “No, no, no, no, no. I’d never let that happen. I swear to you.”

  “Erin. You don’t seem to understand the power involved here. Your father owns half of Texas. He’s personal friends with the fucking governor, for shit’s sake.” A muscle jumped in his jaw.

  “Y-you know him?”

  “Are you kidding me?” He snorted. “Anyone who even passes through this state has heard of Rance Braddock. When you begged me to take you with me, you forgot to mention the little detail he’s your father.”

  “I-I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never thought….”

  “Never thought.” He rubbed his face. “What exactly did you think? That you could tag along with me and no one would be the wiser? Was this some little rich girl rebellion, and I was the handiest fall guy? A little trip to the lower classes for you?”

  “No.” She blinked back the tears burning her eyes. “It wasn’t like that at all.”

  He smacked the newspaper. “It says here you’re engaged to some rich lawyer. What happened? Did you have a fight? Decide to show him who’s boss by walking out on the wedding? Make him beg you to come back? And I was the prize sap who happened to be convenient?”

  She was crying in earnest now, tears rolling unheeded down her face. “I know I should have explained before, but I was so afraid…I—”

  “Afraid? Of what? What does someone like you have to be afraid of?” Suddenly, a different expression washed over his face, and his eyes darkened. “Wait a minute. Erin, does this have anything to do with those scars? Did this guy hurt you? If you’d told me from the beginning—”

  “If you’ll listen for a minute, I’ll tell you the whole story. Every bit of it. Please.”

  He tossed the newspaper aside, but his posture wasn’t quite as rigid and his expression softened. “Fine. Talk. All of it. Don’t leave out one tiny detail.”

  “Some of it you’ll think is really stupid and superficial. And some of it I’m…ashamed of.”

  “I don’t care. I want it all.”

  She managed to get through her father’s overprotectiveness after her mother died. His efforts to control her life so nothing would ever happen to her. The raging fights they had every time he came to Houston to try to drag her back to the ranch.

  And then she got to the part abo
ut Cal. She couldn’t face him while she talked about the most humiliating part of her life.

  “He was strong and wealthy, and I saw him as someone who wouldn’t cave in when my father tossed out threats. I didn’t take the time to find out exactly what kind of man he was, so I guess I deserved whatever happened.”

  In a halting voice, she told him about Cal’s drinking. His rages. His need for control far exceeding Rance Braddock’s. His continued efforts to demean her. And the physical abuse.

  “That was the worst.” She stared at her hands. “His favorite thing was to tie me to the bed and rape me anally. Listen to me scream. Remind me who was in charge and what he’d do to me if I ever tried to leave him.”

  “Jesus, Erin.” Grady sounded shaken. “That’s when you should have called your father.”

  “I couldn’t.” She closed her eyes. “I was too ashamed.”

  After a long moment, he asked, “So, what finally happened? Obviously you’re not with him anymore.”

  She forced her eyes open. “We…got in an argument on the way home from a party one night. He stopped the car on the highway, pulled me from my seat, and threw me out of the car. That’s how I got the scars. He pushed me so hard, I couldn’t get up. Then he drove off. Just…drove away. I was lucky someone stopped and called 911. I ended up in the hospital, they found my father’s number in my purse, and he came and got me.”

  “God, Erin. I can’t imagine…. How long ago was that?”

  “Eight or nine months. I’ve been seeing a counselor all this time and getting a lot better.” She still couldn’t look at him. “Really.”

  “And this guy, Elliott?” Now there was an edge of anger to his tone. “Did you have him waiting in the wings as a backup?”

  Erin sighed. None of this was easy, nor had she expected it to be. “His father and mine have been friends for years. I guess I knew he loved me—although maybe he wasn’t in love with me. And I was so destroyed by everything, I just let myself be swept along. He was happy, my father was happy, so I figured I should be happy.” She swiped at her wet cheeks. “I mean, here was this whole wedding of the century thing going on and my father and T.J. tiptoeing around as if I’d shatter any minute. No one saw I was getting stronger every day.

  Another pause. “So, you finally decided to kick over the traces, and there I was.”

  “No, please. That’s not it at all.” She started to rise from the chair, go to him, but he held up his hand.

  “Just…keep sitting there. Please.”

  “When my friends dragged me to Smoky’s the first night,” she said, “I had already realized I couldn’t go through with everything, even though the wedding was all set. I didn’t know what to do. How to call it off.” She let out a stuttering breath. “I know you won’t believe me, but the first time I saw you, I felt something. I just didn’t know what to do about it. And I wasn’t sure I could even trust my feelings after the mess I’d made of my life.”

  “What happened to change things?” he demanded. “Why did you come back by yourself? Go home with me that night?”

  She sniffed. “Every time I came back with my friends, the feelings got stronger and stronger. And something about your music, about the sound and the words, struck right into my heart. You’re unlike any man I’ve ever known. Ever been with. The only one I’ve ever really believed I could trust.” She paused. “Could love.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what happened. I had no idea what to do or how to approach you. I figured no matter what I said, you’d think I was crazy.”

  He made a strange sound. “No kidding.”

  “So. Last Saturday night…. The house was jammed with people, the backyard was full of catering staff getting ready for my big day, my father was everywhere telling people how great this marriage would be for me….” She spread out her hands. “I couldn’t breathe, so I ran. Straight to Smoky’s. And you. When you came to sit at my table, I took it as a sign. And then….” She shrugged, sick to death at how it was all falling apart.

  “Yes. And then.”

  “Grady, I am so very sorry for putting you in this position, but I don’t regret asking you to take me with you. Or being with you.” Tears dripping from her eyes again, she finally looked at him. “I never believed it was possible to fall in love so quickly. You don’t have any reason to trust what I’m saying, but it’s the truth. What I have with you is better than anything I ever thought I’d have in my life. I don’t want to lose it. Please, please, please.”

  When he didn’t say a word or make a move, a ball of ice dropped into her stomach and arrows of pain shot through her heart. She pushed herself out of the chair and stood up, pulling the frayed edges of her dignity around her. “It’s okay. I understand. I’ll get hold of my father and tell him to call off the dogs. I deliberately left my cell phone behind, so I’ll have to call from here, if it’s okay.”

  Then Grady’s face softened, he opened his arms, and she ran into them, the ice melting. His arms closed around her, and she felt as if she was home.

  “Oh, Grady.” She pressed her wet face against his chest. “Please tell me you forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t. And I lost my heart to you the minute I saw you. I was afraid if I told you the truth, you’d send me home, and that just wasn’t an option.”

  “Shh.” He stroked her hair. “You put me—us—in a terrible situation, but I can really understand why.”

  “You can?” She sniffed, blinking up at hm.

  “I’d like to kill Cal Stadler, slowly and painfully, for what he did to you. If I ever see him, I might. It destroys me you had to go through something so terrible. Erin, I’m humbled that after all you suffered, you’d trust me enough to respond to me.”

  “There was something between us right from the start, Grady. A feeling. I knew you’d never hurt me.” She gave him a weak laugh. “I swear, your music seduced me.”

  He sighed. “And I think I fell in love with you the first night you came into the bar. The first time we made love, I felt the connection, but the past five years have been such a bitch for me, I was afraid to trust something this good could happen to me.” He kissed the top of her head.

  “Before we let the world in, will you tell me what pain has driven you so hard? You said you would, and I can see it in your eyes all the time.”

  His body tensed again, and he cradled her head against him so she couldn’t see his face. “I killed my parents.”

  Erin stiffened, shock stunning her like a zap of electricity, and pushed back enough to stare at his face. “What? I don’t believe it. You’re no killer. I’d have known that for sure. What are you talking about?”

  “I don’t mean I shot them or anything.” Tension rippled through him. “We were all on our way to a cattlemen’s convention, my mother and dad and my brother. And me. I was piloting the plane.”

  “And?” she prompted, when he paused.

  “And we hit some bad weather, the plane crashed, and they were killed.”

  Erin wanted to crawl inside his body and take his agony away. “Grady, it was an accident. Pure and simple. Did your brother blame you?”

  “No. He said the same thing you did. But I kept thinking I should have found a way to save them.”

  “In a plane crash? You were lucky any of you survived.” A thought smacked her in the brain. “So you left home. Right? You’ve been running away from it for five years.”

  “You got it.”

  “What about your brother? Don’t you miss him at all? Don’t you think he misses you?”

  “I call him once a year, yeah.”

  “On the anniversary,” she guessed.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Did it ever occur to you he must have survivor’s guilt, too? He could have used you being around to help him work through it? You might have done it together?”

  He shook his head. “I guess not.” He put two fingers be
neath her chin and tilted her face up. “I guess we both made some pretty stupid choices.”

  “All except being together,” she said. “That’s no mistake.” She pushed her hair away from her face. “I guess I’d better call the ranch. And you should call your brother.”

  “You’re right, but, first, there’s something else I need to tell you. Then we’ll put a plan together.”

  “Oh God, what else?” She didn’t know how many more true confessions they could handle.

  “I’m sure Rance Braddock will think I’m after your money, but Erin? I’m rich.”

  She stared at him. “What? Rich? I don’t understand.”

  He shifted her so he could cradle her face in his palms. “Our family ranch in Wyoming is a pretty damn respectable size. And we have a few other enterprises, too.”

  “What?” she repeated.

  “Don’t be mad, okay?” He chuckled. “But I don’t have to take any of it, if it bothers you. And I don’t use money as clout.”

  “W-will you want to go home and run things with your brother?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe. Would you be okay if I did?”

  “Will he be okay with me?”

  “Are you kidding? He’ll probably throw a party to celebrate my decision to rejoin the living.”

  “Then it’s all good. I don’t care where I am as long as I’m with you. I just hope whatever plan you have works.”

  ***

  “I have no idea why we’re doing this,” Rance grumbled. He shifted to look at Brad Hollis, sitting in the backseat of the SUV in which they were being driven. “Why the fuck didn’t you just have him arrested? Some itinerant musician gets my daughter to run off with him, and we let him call the shots?”

  He’d been gripped by a volatile mixture of relief and outrage when Brad told him Erin had called and she was fine but didn’t want to talk to him. Not yet. He’d demanded to know where she was and if they’d arrested the money-grubbing piece of trash who had stolen her away. It had taken hours for the sheriff to calm him down and convince him to do exactly what Erin had asked.