A Moment Too Late

by Rachael Brownell

  “Okay,” Jay starts, placing his napkin on his empty plate. I’ve been so focused on spreading my mashed potatoes around my plate I don’t even know what he ordered. “You ever going to agree to marry this asshole?”

  My head whips in Mia’s direction, excepting to see her roll her eyes, when instead she shrugs her shoulders and smiles. “Maybe one day. He knows what he needs to do before I agree.”

  “What’s that?” I hear myself ask.

  “He has to solve Sam’s case.”

  That’s a tough request. One I know he wants to honor but if he falls short, if we fall short, what then? They continue to live life the way they are now?

  “Why?” I ask, astonished that her agreeing to marry Spencer has anything to do with Sam or any case Spence may be working on.

  “I’ve lived here all my life, and when I dreamt of my wedding, I was always married in the park. Right now, it holds bad memories. I can’t even bring myself to walk through it. I keep the curtains in the apartment closed and I don’t look out the window. Once the case is closed, we’ll replace the bad memories with good ones. Right now, it feels like they’re lingering.

  “These two have worked their asses off to try and find the tiniest break in the case. The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be to solve. That’s why the chief wants to put it to bed. He’s given up on solving it but I haven’t. Someone knows something, and I won’t rest until I can look out my window in the morning and watch the sunrise again.”

  Mia lets out a frustrated breath as she looks across the table at Spencer. He’s watching her with pride in his eyes. He can see how much this means to her, and instead of being irritated she refuses to marry him until the case is solved, he’s proud of her for taking a stand.

  So am I.

  “You know, I barely made it through the newspaper articles this afternoon. There were a few questions I had about the crime scene I’m hoping the case files will answer for me. They didn’t keep much from the public it seems. That could work against us.”

  “Do you have any idea who we might be looking for yet?” Spencer asks, shifting in the booth so he’s facing me. I can see the hope in his eyes, and it causes a heaviness to settle in my chest. He’s relying on me. He needs me to help him break this case.

  “Not yet. If I had to guess, I’d say a male, probably late twenties, early thirties. He wouldn’t have to be that big to overpower Sam, especially if she was caught off guard. Or maybe she knew him and didn’t fight back, which would explain why there was no sign of a struggle and the lack of DNA evidence. The rain would have washed away anything on her body but not under her nails.”

  “What about the rope?” Jay’s voice dreamily asks. Or maybe I’m just imagining it being dreamy because there is nothing about rope that should get my motor running. Yet I feel the stir of desire hit me like a sack of potatoes.

  The deep timber of his voice paired with the depth of his stare always had me tied up in knots. It appears it still does.

  “What rope?” I reply. “The papers didn’t mention anything about her being tied up.”

  At least they kept that little fact to themselves. I was starting to think the chief handed over the file to a local journalist and let them print whatever details they wanted.

  “There were a few key facts that weren’t released to the public. Did you look at the crime scene photos?” This from Spencer, whose knee is now bouncing up and down nervously.

  “Not yet.”

  “Her feet and hands were bound behind her body and then tied together. Her mouth was covered in duct tape. The teal tips of her hair were cut off.” Jay’s words hold no emotion behind them, as if he’s put up a shield to protect himself from his connection to Sam. The victim. “The main reason I was a suspect was because I worked at the hardware store and had access to the items used. Also, I’d bought a roll of duct tape the week before spring break to fix the ping pong table after Sam decided to dance on top of it.”

  I can’t help but smile at the memory as it flashes through my mind. She was putting on quite a show. It was the last time all five of us were together. It’s also a night I’ll never forgive myself for. My smile immediately falls as the thought crosses my mind.

  Shaking away the memories of that night, of Sam’ slamming back drinks and dancing, of sneaking off after she passed out, the images are replaced with something far worse.

  Images of Sam bound together.

  Chapter Six

  As much as I enjoy seeing my friends, they’re also a reminder of why I left here in the first place. Of why I didn’t want to come back. Of the mistakes I made in the short time I knew them.

  Every memory I made with them, Sam was a part of it.

  She was the center of our circle. The sun of our universe. She’s the one that brought us together.

  She knew Mia from school. They were friends long before the rest of us were even in the picture. According to Sam, they were close when they were little, grew apart and ran in different circles for a little while, but found their way back to each other toward the end of high school.

  Sam met Spencer on campus her freshman year in English Lit. She sat next to him the first day and the rest is history. Spence was a sophomore who had failed the class once and was hoping not to have to take it a third time. He cozied up to Sam so she would tutor him. She reluctantly agreed, and by the time the semester was over, they’d started hanging out a little bit, only as friends according to them. I’ve heard there’s more to the story but none of them would talk about it because she introduced him to Mia and he introduced her to Jay who was Spencer’s roommate at the time.

  Sam says sparks flew right away between her and Jay; Spencer says Jay wasn’t interested in her. He thought she was loud and obnoxious. The exact opposite of who Jay is. Yet, she managed to weasel her way into his heart, and within a few weeks, they went on their first date. Valentine’s Day.

  I came into the picture two months later when I applied for a job at Riley’s Pub where I met Sam. The week after we met, I was moving into my new place where I met Jay. Well, I didn’t exactly meet him. I fell into his arms and in love with him in the same moment. There were sparks, an instant connection between us. Neither of us knew we were already connected, through Sam. We’d find that out a few days later.

  Over the next two years, the five of us were practically inseparable. Spencer tried to hook me up with their other friends, but I always declined, making the lame excuse that I wasn’t interested in dating until after I graduated. In my defense, I was busy. Between work, school and studying, I barely had time to wash my hair let alone go on a real date. If I’d met the right guy, though, I feel like I would have made time.

  It’s the same reason I use now when friends try and set me up.

  However, the real reason has been the same this whole time.

  I wanted Jay. No one else. I wanted to be with him so much I could taste the jealousy whenever he and Sam were around. A feeling that only intensified the more time that passed. Which is why I started to pull away from everyone after New Year’s Eve. It was my last semester of college and I needed to focus. I couldn’t hang out every weekend until the wee hours of the morning. I couldn’t go on Sam’s spur-of-the-moment adventures during the week when Sam had a rare night off from both Riley’s and the Java Bean.

  Nope. I practically locked myself away in my apartment when I wasn’t in class or at work. I studied my ass off and admired Jay from afar in the hopes that my feelings for him would disappear.

  The opposite happened. Absence made my heart yearn for him. He was all I could think about. Any time I did catch sight of him I felt the ache in my chest. Especially since the only time I saw him was when he’d come to Riley’s to see Sam.

  His girlfriend.

  My best friend.

  I stayed away for three long months. Not that I didn’t see my friends, I just made it a point to hang out with them separately. I’d see Mia when she did my hair. Sam at work or when
she’d come to my place to study. We’d have girls’ lunch on occasion or go shopping.

  I made it a point to limit the time I spent with Spencer and Jay. I’d see them around campus and at the gym, making sure to never be left alone with Jay. If Spencer wasn’t around, I ‘would bolt in the opposite direction, avoiding Jay all together.

  When Sam begged me to come to a party for Spencer’s birthday two nights before I was leaving for spring break, I couldn’t come up with an excuse quick enough to turn her down. She’d been complaining that something was going on with Jay for months. She thought he was pulling away and was afraid he was going to break up with her. She needed me there for moral support.

  My heart pounded in my chest as she went into detail. I wanted to support her, to be her shoulder to cry on, but my mind kept drifting to Jay. Wondering if this was the end for them. If I was going to finally get my chance.

  It wasn’t until she professed her love for him that I was able to pull my head out of my ass and focus on my friend. She was in pain and she needed to be my primary concern. Not my lust for the man who was breaking her heart. Because even if he was about to break up with her, I couldn’t be with him. The line in the sand had been drawn years ago and I wasn’t about to risk my friendship with Sam for a chance with Jay. Especially when I was graduating in less than two months.

  The first thing I noticed that night was the difference in his stance. He was clearly on edge. Agitated. Instead of being around Sam most of the night, he seemed to avoid her. When she tried to wrap her arms around him and snuggle, he found a way to wiggle out of her arms and mingle with other people. Across the room.

  And his eyes were on me all night.

  When Sam climbed on top of the ping pong table to dance, turning up the music to a deafening level, he only shook his head and walked out of the room. The table leg gave out as she was climbing down, Sam sliding onto her ass on the floor with a thump. Spencer was there to help her up when it should have been Jay.

  Sam was right. He was distancing himself. The more he did, the more she drank. The more she drank, the less control she had over her inhibitions which lead to a fight of epic proportions in the middle of the party. Sam was yelling and Jay was attempting to calm her down, but she was beyond reasoning with. She ended up storming off to Jay’s room while he brushed it off and went back to playing beer pong with Spencer after propping the table up as a temporary fix.

  I went to check on Sam, giving her time to cool off first, only to find her passed out in Jay’s bed. She looked angry even in her sleep. Her mouth was pursed, and her hands were clenched next to the pillow. I studied her for a few minutes, before whispering an apology to her and begging for her forgiveness. For wanting her boyfriend. For potentially being the reason he was acting differently.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. Why are you apologizing to her?” Jay asked as I closed his bedroom door behind me.

  “Kissing you wasn’t right,” I state firmly, unable to turn around and face him.

  We haven’t talked since New Year’s Eve. I’ve been avoiding him at every turn so I didn’t have to have this conversation with him. It happened. It wasn’t going to happen again. It was hard enough to look at my best friend without crumbling under the guilt that had taken up residence in my chest.

  “If memory serves me right, I kissed you, and nothing about it felt wrong.”

  That kiss will live on in my memory forever. The way his lips caressed mine. How gentle yet demanding he was as his tongue traced the seam of my mouth, begging for entrance. The spark that ignited as our tongues danced, hands roaming. The way he tugged my hair to gain access to the sweet spot on my neck as he pulled me closer.

  It was an amazing kiss. But it was wrong. Sam was asleep, having passed out before we rang in the new year. Mia and Spencer had left to be alone at their new place. The rest of our friends were either making out in a corner of Jay’s apartment or had already fallen asleep from the copious amounts of alcohol we’d consumed since the party started earlier that evening.

  We were essentially alone. No one was paying us any attention as we stood in the hall separating the kitchen from the living room.

  Before the party started, I had decided my resolution would be to let go of my feelings for Jay, and instead, we ended up making out. Betraying Sam.

  “I can’t do that to her again, Jay. She’s my best friend. If she ever found out it would destroy her.”

  “Tell me you don’t feel something for me, that you’ve never felt anything for me, and I’ll walk away. But don’t lie to me or yourself. There’s been something between us since the moment you fell into my arms.” Those same strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me tight against his chest, my back to his front.

  “Admitting it doesn’t make it right.”

  “I miss you, Drea,” he confesses, leaning close to my ear so only I can hear what he’s saying. “I miss seeing you every day. I miss the way you bite your lower lip when you’re nervous and the way your eyes light up when you’re silently observing people as if you just figured out a secret you can’t wait to share. I miss the smell of your hair … vanilla and gummy bears.”

  “Gummy bears? My hair smells like gummy bears?” I turn to look over my shoulder at him but stop myself before we can make eye contact. I know better. His stare makes me weak. This close up, I’ll give in to him without a second thought.

  “You eat them constantly. Maybe your hair doesn’t smell like them, but I can’t look at a bag at the gas station without thinking about you. I have seven bags hidden in my desk right now.”

  All I can do is shake my head, focusing my attention back on his closed door. The door that separates us from his sleeping girlfriend.

  “I have to go, Jay,” I say, attempting to step out of his embrace, but he only holds me tighter.

  “Let me walk you home.”

  “It’s across the parking lot. I’ll be fine.”

  “Please,” he begs. “I want five minutes with you alone.”

  Alone. With the way my heart is hammering against my chest, begging to be freed, that’s not a good idea. It’s downright dangerous.

  Still, I nod my head. When we make it back downstairs, the party has died down. There are a few people lingering in the kitchen watching a game of beer pong. Mia is straddling Spencer on the couch, their lips fused together. Her red hair is shielding his face from view.

  Jay takes advantage of the situation, grabbing my hand, and pulls me out the door. When I try to pull away, he laces our fingers together and keeps walking, picking up the pace the closer we get to my apartment. Stealing my keys when I remove them from my pocket, Jay unlocks my door and ushers me inside. I hear the click of the door as he presses his body against mine, grabbing my ass and lifting me.

  My back hits the wall at the same moment his lips find mine.

  “We can’t.” My words are muffled as he continues his assault on my mouth, his tongue entering my mouth as I speak. Not that I’m attempting to stop him. After a few minutes, his kisses slow, moving from my lips down my chin and neck before traveling back up again.

  “Five minutes,” he whispers in my ear, giving it a light tug with his teeth.

  “And then?” I counter, knowing nothing can change between us. Not in five minutes or five hours. The only way things could be different is if I’d met him first. If Sam and I weren’t friends.

  “And then we eat gummy bears and talk.”

  I don’t have a chance to reply before his hands are in my hair, pulling my lips to his again.

  Five minutes. I allow myself to enjoy every second. The feel of his body against mine. The ache between my legs that intensifies with every passing second. The way his tongue sweeps over my lips, causing a shiver of pleasure to course through my body.

  And when those five minutes were over, we started the clock again. And again. And again. Until we found ourselves laying on top of my bed, both of us shirtless, Jay between my legs, pressing his hard length against
the most sensitive part of my body. Me, meeting his thrusts, wishing there was nothing separating us. Nothing stopping us from—

  That’s when my brain started firing again.

  What am I doing? This is wrong. I was about to betray my best friend in the most unforgivable way. I’d never be able to look myself in the mirror again.

  When I push Jay away, he must see what I’m thinking in the depths of my stare because he slowly backs away. Without a word, he finds his discarded shirt on the floor, pulls it back over his head, runs his fingers through his hair, and leaves without another word.

  Shaking away the memory, I pick up the case file I abandoned before dinner. When I flip it open, Sam’s dead eyes are staring back at me. She’s hogtied, her mouth covered in thick, silver tape, and a large gash over her left eye.

  Guilt slams into me fast and hard.

  If I hadn’t betrayed her, maybe Jay would have come back to town earlier. Perhaps he would have never left. He would have been there to give her a ride. She wouldn’t have been walking through the park that night. She would still be here with us.

  Closing my eyes, I let out a sigh.

  It’s not Jay’s fault. It’s mine.

  I should have made my flight that morning. I should have been more responsible and not drank away my feelings the night before. Knowing I was going to have to face Sam when I got back was overwhelming. After dinner with my parents, I went back to my room and started taking shots. The mini fridge was stocked with little bottles of alcohol, all of which I emptied before passing out.

  My parents didn’t think to check on me before they headed to the airport. We were on different flights. They had no reason to think I wasn’t going to make mine. I’d always been a responsible child.

  Not that day. The maid found me lying on the floor of my room when she came in to clean hours after I was supposed to check out. I was mortified and hungover. After packing and rushing to the airport, I sent Sam a text asking her to cover my shift, explaining that I missed my flight.