The Mysteries of Max: Books 31-33
Page 1
The Mysteries of Max
Mysteries of Max Box Set 11
Nic Saint
Puss in Books
Contents
The Mysteries of Max Box Set 11
Purrfect Sidekick
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Purrfect Deceit
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Epilogue
Purrfect Ruse
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Epilogue
Excerpt from Purrfect Swing (Mysteries of Max 34)
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The Mysteries of Max Box Set 11
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Purrfect Sidekick (The Mysteries of Max 31)
I was going about my usual business (napping, eating… more napping) when I was approached by a client to take on a very intriguing case. Yes, I know cats aren’t supposed to take on cases, since A) we aren’t licensed and B) we’re not allowed to carry a weapon, not even a concealed one, and C) we don’t have the opposable thumbs to count the fees. But I’m getting sidetracked here. The case involved a woman whose boyfriend was kidnapped then murdered, and my client claimed that the boyfriend had set up his own kidnapping (though presumably not his own murder).
Meanwhile Odelia was having a tough time dealing with her upcoming wedding, which was seriously getting out of hand. Her guest list had ballooned to eight hundred people and counting, and she’d gotten into the habit of tossing and turning in her sleep, causing Dooley and myself to be kicked off the bed. Not much fun to be a cat when your human is getting married, I can assure you! And then of course there was Tex apparently being unfaithful to Marge. So one marriage on the rocks and another one getting off to a rocky (kick)start. Oh, well. Just another week in this cat’s life!
Purrfect Deceit (The Mysteries of Max 32)
Ideally reporters aren’t supposed to take on paying clients. It’s against the reporter’s code—if there is such a thing as a reporter’s code. I may be thinking of doctors. At any rate, when Joshua Curtis showed up in Odelia’s office, asking her to catch a person in the act of being unfaithful, it’s only understandable that my human balked at the request. But then she took comfort in the fact that a juicy article might come out of this, and so she took the case. Little did she know this would lead to a triple homicide, which would put her on a collision course with her uncle, our local Chief of Police.
Meanwhile the buzz surrounding Odelia’s shotgun wedding still hadn’t died down, with many members of the citizenry upset and giving my human the stink eye. And then of course there was Dooley, on the lookout for the stork which he was sure would soon be delivering Odelia and Chase’s baby. And since trouble always comes in threes, there was the rift that threatened to rip cat choir apart, Gran acting like a loose cannon again, and yours truly being relied upon to fix all of the above. Okay, so maybe trouble comes in fours—or even fives! Such is life in Hampton Cove.
Purrfect Ruse (The Mysteries of Max 33)
When a woman showed up in Odelia’s office asking her to look into a case of a missing cat, obviously I was on the case. And lo and behold, it took me less than a day to find the missing cat… and a dead body, too! Luckily, the dead body was human, not feline. Now I know what you’re going to say and you’re absolutely right: whether human or feline, murder is murder, and should be frowned upon. And I do! Which is why I was immediately hot on the trail.
Or I would have been, if not unforeseen circumstances prevented me from giving the case my full and undivided attention: the Pooles were having a new kitchen installed, and some minor disagreements immediately cropped up. Disagreements that would unfortunately lead to disastrous consequences, which I won’t reveal here if you don’t mind. Apart from what I would like to call the Kitchen Wars, there was also the case of the GPS trackers, but that would probably lead us too far afield. Suffice it to say things looked bleak for a while… before turning disastrous!
Purrfect Sidekick
The Mysteries of Max - Book 31
Chapter 1
The day started like most days, namely with me waking up from a well-deserved and refreshing nap. The difference was that I woke up on the couch. I’d relocated there as a consequence of Odelia’s habit of lashing out with her feet. I don’t know why she’d gotten into this habit, as it was extremely annoying to say the least. Just imagine dreaming one of those nice dreams us cats like to indulge in, for instance about a lifetime supply of Cat Snax being delivered on your doorstep, or being the star of cat choir and being lauded and applauded by your peers, when all of a sudden you’re rudely awakened by a kick or shove from your human’s leg to one of the more sensitive and vulnerable parts of your anatomy. It’s not a barrel of laughs, let me assure you, especially when as a consequence of this intervention you are sent plummeting to the floor in a jumble of flailing limbs.
Lucky for us we always land on our feet, and so far Odelia’s strange new habit had not caused me any physical harm. But it can’t be healthy, these interruptions of the natural process of sleep. Not unlike a computer suddenly losi
ng connection with an external hard drive. If this keeps happening something has to give, and that hard drive will eventually break down. And so it was that I decided, after the third night in a row where I’d been thusly treated by my erstwhile favorite human, to beat a strategic retreat to the couch downstairs. Like a husband being relegated to the couch after having misbehaved, with the main difference that I hadn’t misbehaved in the slightest, or that I am Odelia’s significant other. That honor is reserved for Chase Kingsley, a local cop.
Chase Kingsley isn’t merely Odelia’s boyfriend, he’s also her fiancé, and since the day of their nuptials was almost upon us, I surmised that this was presumably the reason she kept lashing out in the middle of the night, perhaps in the throes of some nervous spasm.
I awoke when Dooley joined me. It was still dark out, so dawn hadn’t yet arrived. My friend, a smallish gray ragamuffin, looked a little frazzled, and when I asked him about it, he said, “She kicked me! Odelia kicked me off the bed, Max. Can you imagine?”
I said I could imagine. In fact I could do more than that. I could commiserate, and so I did, to my heart’s content. “I think it’s this upcoming wedding,” I said with a yawn.
“The wedding?” said Dooley, glancing back to the staircase where presumably he expected Odelia to come rushing down after him. Belying her nocturnal exercise regimen, though, Odelia was fast asleep, and so was her future husband.
“The wedding of Odelia and Chase?”
“Oh, that wedding,” he said, as if multiple weddings were about to take place. He was, of course, still flabbergasted by recent happenings, nor could I blame him. My friend shook his head. “Why would a wedding make her kick me off the bed, Max? I don’t get it.”
“I think the whole wedding thing is making her extremely nervous,” I explained, “and so she’s been having a tough time getting her regular eight hours in.”
“But why? Isn’t a wedding supposed to be fun? Joy and laughter and all that stuff?”
“It is, but it’s also a huge undertaking. A lot of arrangements have to be made. We’re not talking about a modest affair here, Dooley. This wedding is the mother of all weddings. A monster matrimony future generations will talk about in hushed tones.”
If you think I’m exaggerating, I can assure you that I am not. Odelia and Chase had set out to organize a smallish affair, just a couple of friends and family, but gradually the thing had blown up to epic proportions, and the guest list now included the entire population of Hampton Cove—or so it seemed. You know how it is. You invite an uncle, but then you also have to invite his wife and all of your cousins. You invite a friend, and she decides to put all of her friends on the list, lest they feel slighted and she gets lonely. And you can’t invite just one colleague—you have to invite them all, kids and partners included. And since Odelia and her family are pretty much fixtures in Hampton Cove, they probably know everybody who’s somebody and a whole bunch of nobodies, too.
Dooley placed his head on his front paws, still keeping an eye on that staircase, just in case Odelia came stomping down to mete out some more kicks to an unsuspecting pair of felines. “I wish this wedding was over already, Max. I thought it was going to be a lot of fun, but if it makes Odelia kick us off the bed, I don’t mind telling you that I just wish it was all over with already.”
“That’s all right, Dooley,” I said. “I’m sure Odelia will relax once the fateful day is finally upon us and she’s standing in front of her future husband and saying, ‘I do.’”
“Do you think we’ll be invited, too?” asked my friend.
“Oh, sure. What kind of wedding would it be if we weren’t? I’m sure she’ll give us the best seats in the house.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” suddenly a voice sounded from the kitchen. It was Harriet, and she was licking her mustache, a clear sign she’d just eaten her fill. I hadn’t even heard her enter, but then that’s cats for you: they tread ever so lightly on feet of fur.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Surely Odelia wants us to be there on her big day.”
“Look, personally I wouldn’t mind being invited,” said the white Persian as she trotted up and joined us on the couch. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t, either, but just suppose she does invite us, it’s going to be a nightmare, you guys.”
“A nightmare?” said Dooley, darting another quick look at the staircase. “You mean, like what Odelia’s been having for the last couple of nights?”
“Exactly. I was talking to Shanille last night and she said it’s going to be one of those occasions best avoided. Can you imagine all of Hampton Cove crowding into that church and creating a big pileup? There’s going to be trampling, there’s going to be stomping, and gnashing of impatient teeth while they all fight to file in. And whose tails do you think are going to be crushed and mangled?” To show us she meant what she said, she carefully folded her tail around her buttocks and gave us a meaningful look.
Both Dooley and I winced at the word picture she was painting. Our tails may look like useless appendages merely added to increase our cuteness factor times ten, but they are sensitive and dislike being indiscriminately trampled on by big and clumsy feet. It was a potential disaster that gave me pause. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate humans as much as the next cat, but they do have a tendency not to look where they step, especially when fighting for a good spot—like at Macy’s when they organize an end-of-season sale.
Or Odelia’s upcoming wedding.
“So you think we better steer clear,” I said, nodding in full comprehension and agreement. I had entertained the same thought myself, to be honest. Wherever hundreds of humans get together, it’s best for cats to go into hiding, as it can only lead to trouble.
“And the other thing—I didn’t want to bring this up, as I don’t want to heap more pressure onto Odelia—but you guys, we haven’t even been invited yet! So I think it’s safe to say we’re not going to.”
“Not going to what?” asked Brutus, the fourth member of our fearsome foursome as he walked in through the kitchen pet flap.
“Harriet just said we’re not going to be invited to the wedding,” said Dooley. “And how that’s probably a good thing?”
“Oh, right,” said Brutus, who’s a big, butch black cat and also Harriet’s mate. “Can’t say I’m surprised,” he said as he inspected his food bowl and then hunkered down to gobble up a few random nuggets.
“Why do you say that?” I asked. “I thought we were definitely going to be included in the festivities. We are Odelia’s pets, so why wouldn’t she invite us to share the most beautiful day of her life?”
“About that,” said Dooley. “Why does everyone keep saying that, Max?”
“Saying what?”
“The most beautiful day in Odelia’s life? I thought the most beautiful day in her life was the day she was born. If she hadn’t been born, she wouldn’t even be here, right?”
“It’s just something people say,” I explained. “It means that Odelia finally gets to tie the knot with the person she loves the most in all the world.”
“But… doesn’t Odelia love her mom and dad the most in all the world?” asked Dooley, still in the habit of asking those tough questions, like he usually does.
“Well, yes,” I admitted. “But, once again, it’s just something people say.”
“But why do they say things that aren’t true? Isn’t that the same thing as lying?”
“Look, Dooley, it doesn’t matter,” said Harriet, clearly tiring of Dooley’s interruptions. “We’re not invited, so it doesn’t matter if it’s the most beautiful day of her life, or the second-most beautiful or whatever. We’re not a part of it, see? We don’t feature into the thing at. At all.”
Dooley blinked. “But surely—”
“Surely we should consider this a lucky escape. And that’s all there is to it. Now why are you guys sleeping on the couch and not upstairs on the bed where you belong?”
Dooley made a f
ace. “Odelia kicked us off. First she kicked Max in the tush, and then when I took his place she kicked me off as well. Also in the tush. My tush, not Max’s.”
“She did what?” said Harriet, clearly shocked at this egregious example of gross misconduct on the part of one who’d always professed to be an animal person.