‘Meera, why not tell us what happened?’ Caroline was asking a woman I hadn’t seen before from across the table. She was clearly the distressed bride – her cheeks were stained with tears but I could see she was beautiful with dark hair that reached her waist and dark eyes. Caroline and Sally were there and they looked at us worriedly; it was obviously not going well.
‘I’ll make tea and snacks,’ I suggested. I mean, it had to help a bit, right? Beth shot me a grateful look as she joined the table and asked Meera to tell them what was going on. I listened as I made tea and arranged an array of biscuits on a large plate. Thankfully, the Hall always had a lot of snacks in stock.
‘Tarak has just found out he’s going to be transferred with work. It means we have to move to Yorkshire for at least a year. I really don’t want to move away from my family! I won’t know anyone there. What if I need their support or advice? What if…’ Her eyes grew wide. ‘…I get pregnant and I’ll be on my own?’ She started crying anew as I handed around teas and put the tray of biscuits down.
‘Moving away really isn’t anything to worry about,’ I said, sitting down, as I could tell Beth wasn’t about to let me escape from this. ‘I move all the time. I haven’t lived near my family since I was eighteen. You’ll be with your husband, won’t you? And there’s so many ways to keep in touch…’
Beth nodded. ‘Definitely. I left home for ten years and had no family with me. But you know what? I made a family with my daughter and our friends and I grew up so much during that time. And you won’t even be alone – Tarak will be with you, and don’t forget he’ll be new to the area too. So you’ll try new places and things together and meet new people together. And it’s not that far, you’ll have loads of visits from your family and you can come home whenever you feel lonely.’
‘Marriage is about being a team,’ Caroline added. ‘If you think Tarak is your partner in life no matter what it throws at you then everything will be okay because you’ll face it together. That’s what a good marriage is all about.’ She gave Beth a quick glance. I wondered if she was hinting about Beth’s father, her first husband. Perhaps that’s why they hadn’t worked out.
Meera looked at us each in turn, her tears easing a little. ‘You really think so? I’ve never been away from my family. It was such a shock when he told me.’
‘Of course it was.’ Beth slid the biscuits towards her. ‘But you told me the first time I met you that he is your best friend, so you’ll make it work together. It won’t be easy, of course not, but you have a whole lifetime together and plenty of time to come back home and be with your family. Try to enjoy this time just the two of you. Think of it like a very extended honeymoon.’ She squeezed her hand.
Meera took a biscuit. ‘That’s a nice way to look at it. You really lived in London alone with your daughter?’ Beth nodded. ‘It must have been so hard.’
‘It was but it made me the woman I am today.’ I saw Caroline nod then. She looked proud of her daughter. ‘You can do this. I know you can.’
‘Do you miss your family?’ Meera suddenly asked me as she chewed on the biscuit.
I missed the girl I used to be more, but I nodded. ‘Sure, but I wanted to do things, see new places and meet new people, you know?’ I reached for a biscuit myself then. Suddenly, I felt like the one who needed comforting.
‘How did you and Tarak meet?’ Sally asked and I was relieved to be out of the hot seat.
‘Through my brother. He’s so lovely. Isn’t he, Beth?’
She smiled, and sat back in her chair, pleased that the crisis appeared to have been averted. ‘He really is. I have no doubt you’ll be really happy together.’
After the tea, Meera left to go and tell her mum what was happening and I carried my bags up to my room. Beth trailed after me. ‘Thank you for helping. I really thought my first wedding here was going to be cancelled.’ She smiled. ‘So, how was Hilltop?’ She perched on the bed as I put my bags down and went to sit on the window seat.
‘I mean, I think it went well. Everyone seemed to like my food and Chloe had a great time. I think Heather will get a really good review, and I bet she will get loads more bookings too.’
‘I’m pleased, although I hope she doesn’t try to steal you from me again this summer.’
I shook my head. ‘It was a one-off. I love cooking but it’s not like I’m an actual chef. Besides, it’s a bit in the middle-of-nowhere for me,’ I muttered, casually. There was no way I could work again with Cameron. ‘Are you ready for your first wedding?’
‘I think so. It’s really helped not worrying about the house so much with you here although I’m sorry we’ve let it get a bit messy with you gone. We lived on takeaways too. Are you sure you’re okay? You look a little… tired.’
‘I guess it was a bit stressful,’ I lied. ‘Can I ask you something?’ She nodded, and waited. ‘I was just thinking about what you said about having left Glendale for ten years. You’ve been back a while now but do you ever think about leaving again? Do you ever want to just run away again, I suppose I’m wondering.’ I was interested to see how someone who had run like I had, and then returned, had settled back home and seemed content to stay put. I still couldn’t picture myself ever doing that.
‘Do you know what? I thought about it when things got tough after I came home that first Christmas. Drew didn’t know I’d had Izzy – I’m not sure if you know. I got pregnant at sixteen and he was about to fly to America to study to be a doctor and I just couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t bear the thought of him giving up on that dream so I didn’t tell him. My grandmother found out I was pregnant and she made me feel like my family wouldn’t support me so that’s why I ran away to London. And why I stayed away for ten years. When she got sick, though, I came home,’ Beth explained. ‘And it was so hard. There was so much to talk about the past. So many things that I thought my family felt, but it turned out they didn’t, there were so many misunderstandings, and then Drew came home for Christmas and I told him about Izzy. I didn’t expect him to forgive me but he did and we fell in love all over again. Well, I don’t think I’d ever stopped loving him. But I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way, if he wanted to stay, if I wanted to stay and I thought about just leaving again. It would have been the easy option. But what had made sense when I was teenager, didn’t then. I wanted to be with people I loved. I wanted Izzy to be with them as well.’ She smiled.
‘And then my grandmother left me this house,’ Beth continued, gesturing to the room. ‘I think she wanted to make up for the past, you know? And that made my decision, really. I had too much here to walk away from again, I suppose. So, long story short – no. There is too much here that I would lose if I left. Too many people I love. And I never want to lose them again.’
‘Wow,’ I said. ‘That’s quite a story.’
‘Why do you move around so much? Honestly, your brother hasn’t said much but I get the feeling he wishes you were around more.’
‘Really?’ I was surprised. I had always thought my family, like me, found it easier when I wasn’t around all that often. ‘I get so restless. I want to do things, see the world. Maybe after my accident I felt like I needed to live life to the full because I had almost lost it,’ I explained haltingly. It was so hard to share that feeling with anyone else but I had started with Cameron and it felt somewhat easier getting it off my chest. And it felt that, like Cameron, Beth did understand a little bit. She had run away when she was only a bit younger than I had been. ‘And now I think it’s become a habit, I suppose.’ It was only half of my story though; the other half was so much guilt, it was easier to hide away from it but I couldn’t bring myself to share that with anyone.
She nodded. ‘I can see why the accident made you feel like that when you were younger. Like you needed to prove that there was a reason why you pulled through. But, honestly, I think the best way to repay that second chance is to live a life that makes you happy. Some people are happy travelling the world or making millions at
work or getting up on stage and singing to a stadium of people. Some people are happy living in their childhood home and raising a family. Some people have never left the town they were born in. Others would never want to go back to that town. But really what makes one life better than another?’ She used air quotes around ‘better’. ‘If you’re happy living your life and aren’t hurting anyone else, of course, then it doesn’t matter what people think.’ She stood up. ‘And you can change your mind. Look at me. What makes you happy when you’re younger might be completely different now. Heather too. She used to be a librarian and now she loves living on a farm and is about to marry a farmer. Sometimes people know exactly what they want out of life but for most of us, it takes time. You have to figure out who you are and what you’re really looking for. And then comes the hard bit. Knowing when you’ve found it and grabbing it with both hands.’ She checked the time then and stood up. ‘Time for church, are you coming?’
My head was swimming with her words. I wasn’t even sure how to process them, but somehow I felt a little bit better. Just a little bit. I nodded and got up. I felt like while I was here, I should attend for Brodie’s sake. I thought about what she’d said about him being pleased that I was here, it felt good to hear that. I just wished that I could really believe it.
Chapter Twenty
The following week in Glendale was spent sorting the house out as much as I could while Beth made all the last-minute plans for the first Hall wedding at the weekend while wailing at the rain, which seemed to be coming down all day every day. Izzy and Luke were in the Hall every day working on her reading room, pleased they weren’t being told to get out and enjoy the sunshine, as there wasn’t any to be found.
I cooked each night, sometimes others dropped in, sometimes it was just the family but I always made extra just in case. The only person who had yet to come along again was Cameron. I knew he was staying away but I didn’t blame him. After all, it was what I would have done if our roles had been reversed. And I was avoiding going back to the Glendale Arms. I wanted a drink and a night out but I didn’t want to run into him there. Adam had messaged me a couple of times asking when I was going to come for a drink but I kept making excuses. It appeared Cameron hadn’t told him about our night together, and I was relieved that no one but the two of us knew.
On my second Friday at the Hall, however, there was a change to my routine when Emily phoned and invited me for dinner at the vicarage, saying she had a surprise for me. Beth had already decided to order a takeaway for everyone the Hall to relax ahead of the wedding the next day so I didn’t need to prepare any food, so I had no excuse and I did really love surprises. Unless, you know, it was a declaration of love or a proposal, obviously. I went along, walking there as the evening was dry and warm, curious and a little bit excited to see what surprise Brodie and Emily could possibly have for me.
I felt surprisingly relaxed as I strolled to the vicarage. The sun sparkled through gaps in the trees which leaned over the road as I walked from the Hall to the village in my cut-off shorts and white shirt, which I’d pushed up to show off my tanned arms. Perhaps I was getting used to Glendale’s quietness and slower pace and I always felt better in summer. There was something about the longer days and the extra warmth that made you feel more positive. Plus, I liked my job more than I thought I would, maybe because the people at the Hall were pretty chilled, Beth especially. She was even someone I thought I could be friends with. I tried not to think about the fact I didn’t really have friends and once I moved on, I’d likely never see her again. It was better to just live in the moment. And this moment was going pretty well.
‘You look lovely, Anna,’ Emily greeted me enthusiastically when she opened the door. Iona was on her hip and waved her tiny hand at me. ‘Come on in.’ I followed them through into the living room, the smell of something tasty cooking from the kitchen filled the house as well as the usual baking and lavender scents that seemed to permanently exist here.
I stopped short when I saw that Brodie was not alone in the room but my parents were with him. The three of them turned to smile at me. For a second I wasn’t sure whether to turn back around and leave or walk on through. I took a breath and followed Emily and Iona, trying to smile even though I was confused to see them. Was this the surprise? I would have to tell Emily that her idea of a surprise maybe needed reviewing.
‘Anna, darling,’ my mum said, jumping up to give me a kiss. My dad gave me one of his quick bear-hugs too. ‘We were visiting friends and thought we’d stop by before we head home after Brodie told us you were here.’ My mum smelled of her usual floral perfume. She was small like me with fair hair like her children, but my dad was tall like Brodie, stocky and strong with short, sandy hair, and despite having been retired for about ten years, he still wore grey suits as he had done when he still worked at the bank.
‘And you wanted to see how I was getting on in Glendale,’ I guessed as I sat down on one of the sofas.
‘We wanted to check you were okay,’ my dad amended gently.
‘Want a glass of wine, Anna?’ Emily handed Iona to Brodie and hurried out, perhaps feeling guilty I hadn’t been as happy about the surprise as she’d hoped.
When I was with my parents, I felt like I could easily revert back to a sulky teenager and almost told them to mind their own business, but I saw Brodie watching me nervously so I tried to shake off the compulsion. ‘I’m enjoying life at the Hall and I spent last weekend over at a farm helping out by cooking for a reviewer, which was fun.’
‘I’m so pleased you enjoy cooking,’ Mum said, but then bit her lip as if she wanted to say more but had thought better of it. My parents were as careful with their words around me as I was with them.
‘We actually did have another reason to pop by,’ my dad said, getting up as Emily came in with my drink. I took a long sip of it and looked up as my dad returned with a guitar case. ‘When we spoke to Brodie, he mentioned that you had learned to play and wished you had a guitar. This has been sitting up in the loft so…’ His cheeks brightened and he looked a little embarrassed as he awkwardly passed it to me. ‘I thought you might like it?’ He cleared his throat and hastily sat back down on the opposite sofa.
I stared at the guitar on my lap – the one he had played with when I was younger and went with him to his gigs. I felt them all watching me as if I was grenade that could explode at any moment. I was surprised and embarrassed to feel a little lump in my throat. ‘Are you sure?’ I checked. I had never thought that he’d be happy for me to have this. I was touched and, as usual, wondered if I deserved it.
‘Of course, I’d love you to have it,’ Dad said back, his voice catching a little as if he too was a little emotional. Perhaps he was thinking back to that time in our family when we were all at ease, when we were all happy.
‘Thank you,’ I said, meaning it more than he could ever know. I undid the case and pulled it out and straight away I was back sitting at the side of the stage watching my dad play, thinking he was an actual rock star. Back when my childhood had been carefree and without pain or worry.
‘Play us something,’ Emily urged me then, breaking the silence in the room. I felt like I didn’t dare lift my eyes to look at any of my family, I had no idea what they were thinking, or feeling. I wondered if they had been transported back as I had. The accident had changed our family forever. I couldn’t be the only one who desperately wished it had never happened.
I was also worried I might start crying but I had never done that in front of them. When they made it clear they didn’t want to discuss the accident, I had started to keep my feelings hidden from them. I waited until I was alone to let the tears out, and I still only ever cried alone. Taking a deep breath, I focused on the guitar and played how I was feeling instead.
I played ‘Let it Be’ by The Beatles, one of the handful of songs I had learned to play all the way through. It had been one of my dad’s all-time favourite songs and I had grown up listening to it so much it was
imprinted on me too. It felt right for this moment. I concentrated on getting the chords right, not looking at anyone as I played, and the room was silent save for the strumming of the strings. I had enjoyed learning to play and had been sad to stop when I’d moved on from Brian, who had taught me. But I had been unable to lug a guitar around with me after that. Playing the guitar was like when I ran or did yoga, I was taken outside of myself, swept away from my thoughts and was able to exist just in that moment for once, not wondering what was going to come next.
When I finished the song, I finally looked up. My mum was crying, my dad was beaming, Brodie just looked stunned, and Emily was cuddling a sleeping Iona, smiling over her head at me. ‘I haven’t played in a long time,’ I said, still holding the guitar tightly.
‘It was beautiful,’ my mum said. ‘I wish we had known you wanted to play, and your cooking too…’ She had to stop as a sob escaped her throat. She stood up hurriedly. ‘Excuse me,’ she said, and almost ran from the room.
‘I’ll check on her,’ my dad said, following her.
I looked at my brother. ‘What’s that all about?’ I asked, wondering what I’d done now to upset them. Sometimes it felt like I did it without even trying, but I really was at a loss this time.
‘I’ll put Iona to bed and check on dinner,’ Emily said, leaving us alone.
‘You keep a lot from us, Anna,’ Brodie said gently. ‘I’m not saying that you don’t have reasons for that but we know very little about your life. Having you here is the most I’ve seen you in years and them finding out that you love to cook, and how good you are at it, and that you learned the guitar and missed Dad playing it… I think it just hit them how much they didn’t know and how much they wish they were a bigger part of your life.’ He said the words carefully, again like he was worried about my reaction to them.
Always and Forever at Glendale Hall Page 12
