I looked down at the guitar. What he was saying was at odds with how I thought they felt about me. ‘I always thought you all thought my life wasn’t worth knowing about because I wasn’t living the way you wanted me to,’ I explained, being more honest with him than I had in a long time. ‘Every time I saw you, you made me feel like I was doing something wrong so it made me want to keep things from you, I suppose.’
‘We’re your family, we know you and love you, and we could see you weren’t happy. We were worried about you, that’s all. And keeping things from us only made us more worried.’ He smiled a little. ‘It sounds like we need to up our communication game in this family.’
I wished that would be enough. ‘But I know how you all feel about the accident…’ I began, knowing that the real wedge between us couldn’t be erased by just telling them more about my life. Brodie waited for me to continue my sentence but then Mum appeared in the doorway and we both looked up at her.
‘I’m sorry,’ Mum said. She and dad were watching us. I wasn’t sure if they had heard everything we had said. ‘I didn’t expect to get so emotional watching you play, Anna. And that song… it brought back so many memories, I suppose.’
‘You played it beautifully,’ Dad added, the pride loud and clear in his voice.
I wasn’t sure what to say to any of them. This was all very new for us.
Brodie stood up then. ‘Come on, let’s go and eat. I’m starving.’ He threw me a reassuring smile as he scooted them out. I put the guitar away carefully and followed them, my head swimming.
I had almost brought up the accident. I had been disconnected from my family probably since I was eighteen and there now seemed to be a fine thread reappearing between us. I wanted to grab hold of it tightly, but how could I when I knew that they could never forgive me for what happened? And I didn’t blame them. I’d never been able to forgive myself.
But then I looked down at the guitar. Perhaps they did want to try to go back to how things used to be between us. I didn’t know if that was even possible, but I smiled as I looked at the guitar and hope sprang up inside me.
I realised then that I wanted to be close to my family again. I just wasn’t sure how.
But perhaps today was a beginning.
Chapter Twenty-One
The first Glendale Hall wedding of the season was upon us. Beth had been fretting about the weather forecast but she was in luck – although it wasn’t exactly hot, it was dry and there were glimpses of sun poking through light, fluffy clouds, as we all got ready on Saturday morning. One stipulation from Caroline had been that no wedding guests should come into the house itself. It was her way of making sure the Hall remained primarily a family home. It was the same when they had the Christmas trail and summer garden party, Beth told me. So, the wedding ceremony was being held in the gazebo by the stream and then the reception in a large marquee on the lawn, refreshments and toilets all on site. There were also caterers and serving staff working the event as well as a florist, photographer, and styling team on hand.
This meant, therefore, that I didn’t have an official wedding role but Beth had pretty much given everyone a task as she was so determined to make the day perfect for Meera and Tarak. She asked me if I wouldn’t mind making sure the gazebo still looked perfect before the florist draped flowers around it while she supervised the staff putting out the chairs for the ceremony. Meera and Tarak were having a traditional English wedding here and then were going to have a second wedding in India next month. Their families were spilt across the two countries so it had made sense to have two weddings and keep everyone happy. I couldn’t imagine having to go through all the stress twice although I did like the idea of having two parties. Beth said Meera was going to wear a stunning sari in India but had chosen a white dress for her Hall wedding.
I walked over to the stream to look at the wooden gazebo. It was painted white with steps leading up to it, an archway stretching over the top with the stream sparkling behind. The couple would be standing up on the steps under the archway for the ceremony. Even I could see it was a beautiful place to say your vows. I just couldn’t ever imagine doing that myself. I had brought a bucket of cleaning supplies but it looked clean to me. Still, I wiped it over and swept the steps to make sure they were completely clear.
The florist arrived with the flowers to drape across the arches, matching the wedding colour scheme of pink and white. Beth directed the chairs to be placed on the grass, a temporary aisle between them. She was in her element telling everyone what to do. I’d never known someone who enjoyed organising as much as she did. I was surprised she didn’t have a headset and a walkie-talkie with her.
‘Where do you want me then, Beth?’ a deep voice called out. I turned from watching the flowers being put up to see Cameron arrive, carrying a big wooden sign over his shoulder.
‘Oh, brilliant. So, we need the sign Heather’s made put up on the main road as I’m worried people will miss the Hall turn off. Anna, can you please go with Cameron to find the best spot? I don’t want anyone driving past us. Oh, Ruby…’ Beth hurried off before either of us could protest at her instructions.
Cameron glanced at me before averting his eyes. Great. ‘Okay, then,’ I said, setting off quickly – the sooner we got this sorted, the better. I tried not to feel Cameron walking next to me or notice the way his muscles moved as he carried the sign. He made sure to keep a few feet of space between us as we walked up the lawn and passed through the house into the driveway.
I hated silence, especially if it felt uncomfortable like this one did. ‘Beth is starting to lose it a bit, but she’s so organised I think it’ll run like clockwork. I’m kind of glad that after this, I can just slink away into the house though. She can be scary.’
Cameron stopped and put the sign down. He seemed relieved that I was happy to just make small talk. ‘She rang Heather last night in a panic about this. I think the turn off is fine – it’s not like Hilltop or even Fraser, which people always drive past.’ He shrugged. ‘Heather’s always happy to help out, though. We all help each other out, I guess.’
‘That’s nice,’ I said sincerely. I’d never really experienced such a community before. ‘I think we need it here, just before the turning,’ I suggested, looking up the road.
‘Looks good to me,’ he agreed.
I watched as he pushed it into the ground. ‘So, has Heather heard anything from Chloe yet?’
‘Yeah. The review is up. It’s really good.’
‘Oh.’ I pulled out my phone, annoyed that he hadn’t volunteered this information. I went to her blog and Instagram and broke into a smile. ‘She really loved it! Especially the food. Ooh the lamb looks really good in the photo. Aww she’s tagged me,’ I said, realising she’d found me on there. I was excited. Her account was really popular and I was getting some more followers thanks to her. I sent her a message thanking her and saying how happy I was that she had enjoyed herself. ‘Despite everything, we pulled it off.’ I looked up to see Cameron watching me, a strange look on his face.
‘Despite everything?’ he asked, averting his eyes again. He straightened the sign even though it didn’t need straightening.
‘Don’t make me spell it out,’ I replied, arching an eyebrow. I turned to go, our task accomplished.
‘Anna,’ he said, his voice sounding agonised. I paused. ‘I feel bad for not… calling, I suppose.’
‘Why? It was a one-night thing.’ I shrugged. ‘I’m used to it, Cameron. No need to worry about me.’
‘I’m not used to it. I don’t do that,’ he replied. ‘Usually. I mean, ever. I just wanted you to know that I meant what I said – I’m not good for you.’
‘I don’t do relationships, okay? I don’t want anything from you,’ I said with a shrug. I didn’t appreciate the assumption that I had been upset that he hadn’t called. ‘I’d better get back in case Beth needs me.’ I walked off but I could feel him watching me. I didn’t think I’d felt so confused by a man before.
Why wasn’t he good for me? I wondered if I’d ever find out. But then I’d have to tell him why I wasn’t good for him. It was pointless.
I glanced back when I reached the house and he was looking towards the horizon, a pained look on his face. I thought I had demons. Cameron looked like he needed help. Not that I needed to worry about that. I wasn’t going to be here much longer. And I couldn’t be the one to help him.
Yet, as I walked back into the garden, I felt a strange desire to do it anyway. Which was crazy. I shook my head. I blamed this wedding. It was messing with my head.
* * *
Once I’d fed anyone at the Hall who wasn’t working at the wedding, I set off for the Glendale Arms. I drove Beth’s car to make sure I didn’t drink more than one glass of wine. The wedding was in full swing by then, the marquee alive with music, laughter and the clinking of glasses. It was strange having it in the garden. Drew, Izzy, Caroline and John had retreated into the snug living room to watch a film, and Sally was staying inside her cottage for the evening. Beth had said we weren’t banned but it felt too strange to wander into someone else’s wedding party, it was best to leave Beth to it, everyone had seemed to agree on that.
I took the opportunity to head to the pub as no one needed me at the Hall. I was tired of avoiding the place because of Cameron – I needed a drink and to chat to people otherwise I knew I was going to end up wallowing.
After parking Beth’s car, I walked inside. The evening was dry but there was a cool breeze, not that that stopped the drinkers in the beer garden. I carried the glass of wine I got from Malcolm outside and spotted Adam, who was with his friend Glen and another woman. I hesitated, unsure if they would want me to join them but he waved me over.
‘Anna, this is my sister Lorna,’ Adam said as I sat down beside him, opposite Glen and Lorna. I could see the resemblance as she smiled at me. She was slightly younger and slimmer than her brother, but they had the same eyes and dimple in their cheeks. I wondered why the name was familiar to me, and then I remembered the conversation I’d overheard at Hilltop – Cameron on the phone to Adam talking about her. Adam had been trying to get him to ask her out maybe.
‘I’ve heard a lot about you,’ Lorna said. ‘These boys get very excited when a pretty woman shows up,’ she added, rolling her eyes as they protested that. I smiled at her compliment. ‘Mind you, so do I after living here forever. It’s nice to meet someone new. You’re working at the Hall, I hear?’
‘That’s right. Doing housekeeper work really and cooking for the family. It’s a summer job, my brother found it for me.’
‘I still can’t believe you’re Brodie’s sister,’ Adam said with a grin.
‘Brodie is far too good-looking to be a minister,’ Lorna replied. ‘Oh, sorry. I guess you don’t want to hear about your brother’s looks.’
‘It runs in the family though,’ Adam said, looking across at me.
‘And I don’t want to see my brother flirting!’ Lorna cried, making me laugh. I liked her. I wondered why Cameron had been so against taking her out. Perhaps it was the not-being-good-for-her thing, like he had claimed with me. I wondered if anyone at the table knew what was up with him but I didn’t want him to find out I’d been asking.
‘Is that flirting? I wasn’t sure,’ I joked. He nudged my elbow with his. ‘There’s a wedding at the Hall tonight so I needed to escape.’
‘Why, you don’t like weddings?’ Lorna asked.
‘They’re okay if you’re a guest and can take advantage of the free bar.’
‘Yes!’ Glen cried. ‘I don’t get weddings apart from that.’
‘You don’t get two people falling in love and wanting to spend their lives together?’ Lorna demanded. Both Adam and Glen agreed that they didn’t. ‘No wonder I’m single here: look at the Glendale men, Anna.’
‘I feel like I let womankind down by not enjoying weddings either. I’m sorry. I understand getting married if that’s what you want but not people who love to go to weddings and watch or even cry when they’re not the bride or groom. It’s weird. I think I’d just elope if I ever got the urge. Not that I will.’
‘Unless you meet The One,’ Lorna said. She looked behind me. ‘Which feels less and less likely for me each day,’ she added in a quiet tone. I followed her gaze to see Cameron walking over. His eyes found mine straight away and I thought I saw him slow his pace for a second but he carried on and sat down opposite me with his beer in hand. Everyone greeted him, I offered a small smile but I couldn’t read his expression on finding me here. ‘So, are we all hitting up the garden party next weekend?’
‘We usually go every year. It’s a fun day out if the weather holds,’ Lorna said to me.
‘I’ll be helping out but hopefully I’ll have some free time too,’ I said. Knowing Beth as I felt I was starting to, she would want everyone to enjoy the day as much as possible once everything that needed doing had been done. I glanced at Cameron, who was watching me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Not that I should care.
‘We should all hang out there then,’ Adam suggested.
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘What exactly happens at a garden party, though?’ They laughed, and even Cameron raised a smile.
‘We have ourselves a garden party virgin,’ Adam said, his eyes twinkling. ‘Can’t wait to fix that.’ He winked.
Then it was my turn to roll my eyes. ‘Somehow, I’m not sure anyone would want you to fix their virginity, of any kind.’ That time, Cameron properly joined in with the laughter. His laugh was deep and loud and a surprise. I realised I hadn’t actually heard him laugh before.
‘Don’t raise her expectations too high,’ Lorna warned them. ‘Anna is a city girl and this is a Glendale party after all.’
‘From what I’ve learned, it doesn’t matter where the party is, only the mood you bring to it,’ I replied. I had once had a brilliant time at bingo with a girl I had worked with. I wondered where she was now. Maybe I should have kept in touch with her.
‘Anna, you’re trouble, aren’t you? I knew it the first time we met,’ Adam said, draping an arm around my shoulders.
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said with false innocence. My gaze drifted back to Cameron, who was watching us. Again, I couldn’t decipher his expression, which was annoying.
‘Well, I for one am going to make a toast to causing some trouble in Glendale,’ Lorna declared, raising her glass. ‘This village could do with shaking up a bit.’ Glen and Adam clinked her glass with theirs enthusiastically. I followed suit but Cameron just lifted his glass before taking a long gulp.
‘I can’t wait,’ I said, smiling at Adam who still had his arm around me.
If there was one thing I was good at, it was causing trouble, right?
Chapter Twenty-Two
My pleasure! It was a well-deserved fabulous review. I came home feeling so relaxed and refreshed. And again, your food was so delicious! I’m so jealous you get to live in Glendale. I will definitely come back. I think my boyfriend would love it. Have you thought any more about working with food? I really think you should. Chloe xxx
‘Everything okay?’ Beth asked as I looked up from my phone. I put it down after staring at Chloe’s message. It was early morning on Sunday so only Beth and I were in the kitchen at the Hall, both drinking strong black coffee. I’d come back from my run and then Beth had joined me in her pyjamas.
‘Fine. I just heard from the woman who reviewed Hilltop. She really loved it.’
‘I’m so pleased for Heather. She’s already getting lots more bookings. She’s decided to stick to bed and breakfast for this summer season and then see if she wants to hire a chef for the second year. I think she might ask you if you want to do it.’ She looked over her cup of coffee at me. ‘I mean, if you wanted to do it this year, I would find someone else. I wouldn’t want to hold you back from doing something you really love.’
I shook my head quickly. ‘Oh no, I wouldn’t be ready for something like that.’ My mind started thin
king about next year, but that was crazy. I wouldn’t be anywhere near Glendale then anyway. ‘I like this for my summer job.’
‘Well, it’s something to think about. I see you smiling when you cook. It seems to make you happy.’
I hadn’t realised that I did that. I shrugged. ‘I enjoy it but I’m not a professional. Anyway, I already have a ticket to Ibiza.’
‘That sounds fun,’ she replied but I could tell she wasn’t really telling the truth. ‘Speaking of Heather, I need to book something for her hen do. She is happy to leave it up to me, but I’m feeling the pressure, I don’t mind telling you.’
‘You’ve known her a long time, huh?’
‘We were at school together although we did lose touch when I lived in London. When I came back though, it was as if no time had passed. I guess that’s what true friendship is like, right? So, yes, I need to make it special.’
I just nodded. I had no experience of that kind of friendship. Izzy came in then, followed by her grandmother.
‘Oh look, a murder mystery weekend in a castle. It’s Agatha Christie themed,’ Izzy said, looking at something on her phone.
Beth stared at her daughter. ‘Tell me everything.’
‘Why do you have that look on your face?’ Izzy asked her, suspiciously.
‘Because you might have just saved my life, daughter of mine.’
‘Well, it’s not the first time, is it?’
I smiled as I poured out more coffee. Beth and Izzy were so sweet together, you could just tell how close they were. It made me think of my mum. I wished we were as close. We had been once. Same for my dad and Brodie too.
Maybe we could be again.
I thought of the guitar my family had given me. I had played it in my room last night, trying to learn a new song, and it was already bringing me joy. I was grateful for that. I pulled out my phone again and messaged Brodie. Maybe while I was here, I should see if there was any chance of us repairing our fractured relationship.
Always and Forever at Glendale Hall Page 13
