Her Forgotten Amish Past

by Debby Giusti

  She dropped her head and rubbed her hand over her brow. “If only I could remember.”

  “Caleb thinks you are visiting Hattie, which you are. He did not recognize you. He probably stays in the food service area of the studio lot and does not mix with those involved in filming except when they take their meals.”

  “Did I take my meals there?”

  “An Amish woman might bring her own food, perhaps a bit of bread and some cheese or apple butter.” He glanced back again to ensure the men had not followed them. “If you were cleaning the studio at night, you might have stumbled onto something they did not want you to see.”

  “The bloody carpet, but I don’t understand why it was thrown in the same area where I was last seen.”

  “The men thought you had fallen to your death. Perhaps they planned to connect you to whatever happened.”

  “But how? And what about the scene the men mentioned? What do they plan to stage?”

  “You remembered liking the color green and enjoying sewing. More memories will return before long. It will all unfold in Gott’s time.”

  “Gott does not listen to me. He listens to others, perhaps to you and Hattie, but he has turned his back on me.”

  Zeke nodded. “I feel the same at times. Gott listens to my father’s prayers, but he turns a deaf ear to mine. Hattie has tried to convince me differently, yet I am still not sure. Perhaps Gott is not willing to help an Amish man who has made so many mistakes in his life. My datt said I would pay for my transgressions.”

  “Surely, he didn’t mean that.”

  “He was hoping I would ask for forgiveness, but I am not ready to confess wrongdoing.”

  “You tried to save Irene’s life. How can that be wrong?”

  “I ran after her in my father’s opinion. She was not Amish. Amish men only marry Amish women.”

  “But she had planned to return to the Amish faith.”

  “My mistake was believing her.”

  “Perhaps if your father knew what really happened?”

  “He has ears to hear and eyes to read the news reports, yet he believes what he wants to believe.”

  “Like Mr. Gingerich.”

  Zeke nodded. “It is true about both men, although they are different in so many ways. One is a bishop of the Amish faith, the other left the faith and made his own way being Englisch, yet they suffer from the same stubbornness and hardness of heart.”

  A sound filtered up the mountain.

  “Shhh.” Zeke held his finger to his lips.

  He and Becca both tilted their heads to listen.

  “Motor vehicles are headed this way,” he said.

  “What else is located this high up on the mountain?”

  “Only the studio, but there is a turn-off just ahead, before the bend in the road. We will hide there.” He flicked the reins. Sophie increased her speed.

  Zeke’s gut tightened. They needed to turn off onto the narrow road before the convoy came around the bend.

  “Get going, girl,” he encouraged the mare.

  The sound of the approaching vehicles grew louder.

  The turn-off appeared on the right. He pulled back ever so slightly on the reins and guided Sophie into the turn at a higher speed than he would have done normally. One of the buggy’s back wheels raised off the ground for a second, tilting the rig at a precarious angle.

  “Please, Gott,” he prayed, fearing the buggy might topple over on its side.

  The wheel dropped back to the dirt roadway. Relieved, he reined Sophie to a stop behind a thicket of heavy brush and tall trees. Peering from their hiding place, Zeke watched a van bearing the Montcliff Studio logo and two large trucks with the same markings pass by on the main road.

  “We made it just in time,” Becca gasped.

  Zeke nodded. “They are returning early today.”

  Becky clasped his hand. “I’m glad we were on the path before they passed. Something about the logo unsettles me.”

  “You will know more as soon as your memory returns.”

  “Oh, Zeke.” Becca stared at him, her eyes filled with worry. “What if my memory never comes back?”

  SEVENTEEN

  After returning to Hattie’s farm, Zeke settled Sophie in the barn and was walking back to the house when Caleb pulled his sports car into the drive.

  “Can I offer you a cup of coffee?” Zeke asked as the younger man climbed from his car.

  “I had one before I left town, but thanks.” Caleb waved to Becca who hurried from the house.

  “Did you learn the name of the housekeeping contact for me?” she asked as she joined the men.

  “Susan Mast is her name, but no one filming in town knew her address. I called the housekeeping department and left a message. I’m hoping they’ll call me back. If not, I can ask tomorrow at the studio office.”

  “Don’t tell them who wants to know. I would rather find out more about the job first.”

  “Then I won’t mention your name. If you decide you’re interested, you can fill out an application at the studio office. Nicholas Walker is the producer. His trailer is in the executive circle, not far from the commissary. The main office is located in the trailer next to his.”

  “From what I saw last night,” Zeke said, “it appears that the studio plans to stay on the mountain for a period of time.”

  Caleb nodded. “At least one more film is scheduled. Although with all the structures they’ve built, I don’t think they’ll leave anytime soon.”

  “Have they talked about buying the land from your father?” Becca asked.

  “I doubt he would sell. He may have left the Amish faith, but he is still Amish at heart, and the land means everything to him. That is part of his upset. He had hoped Irene would settle on the farm, marry and raise her family here. He planned to grow old surrounded by his grandchildren and cared for by his daughter and son-in-law.”

  Zeke saw the cantankerous old man in a new light. The plans he had for his senior years had been destroyed when Irene died.

  “And what of you?” Zeke asked. “Did he not plan for you to farm the land?”

  Caleb shook his head. “He has never seen me as a farmer and never taught me the farming ways for whatever reason. Probably because I was an awkward kid who made a lot of mistakes. My father lost patience with me and then became overly lenient and allowed me to do whatever I pleased. I needed a little tough love, but perhaps he was tired of trying to mold me into someone I was not. Some say I was a spoiled kid.”

  Zeke smiled, remembering Hattie had said that very thing just last night.

  “You find that funny?” Caleb asked.

  “My father claimed I was spoiled, as well,” Zeke shared. “He said everyone in our generation is focused on worldly pleasure instead of faith and family.”

  “Perhaps our fathers do not remember when they were young. I understand both of them had more freedom than they needed. My uncle has told me stories about their escapades.”

  “Our fathers?” Zeke was surprised by Caleb’s statement. “I did not know they were friends.”

  “In their youth, they were close. I am not sure what happened to drive them apart. Ask your father, Zeke. He might share more with you than my father does with me.”

  Zeke shook his head with regret. “You do not know my father if you say this, Caleb. Ever since he became bishop, he knows what is best for his youngest son. Perhaps he wears a mask of goodness, if what you say about his youth is true, to make up for the mistakes in his past.”

  “My father is the opposite. He wears a gruff mask, when inside he has a soft heart that has been wounded.” Caleb stepped toward his car. “He’s getting so forgetful these days.”

  “Before you go, I need to tell you what Becca and I found today near the waterfall.”

  “Something to do with
my dad?”

  Zeke shook his head. “Not your dad, but it may be tied to the studio. A piece of carpet discarded at the foot of the ravine. It appears to have been thrown from the overhanging ledge. A large area of the rug is void of color as if bleach had spilled on it. Do you know if carpet has been replaced in any of the studio buildings recently?”

  Caleb thought for a moment before he shook his head. “I can’t think of any furnishings or carpets that have been redone. Everything is fairly new so there would be no reason for any changes.”

  “It looks like someone tried to clean the rug,” Zeke said, “and used the wrong product.”

  Caleb narrowed his brow. “I’m confused as to why it was discarded.”

  “I am, as well. That is why I wanted someone at the studio to be aware of what we found.”

  “You mean because of Vanessa Harrington?”

  Zeke shrugged. “That came to mind, although as you mentioned, she is probably being temperamental and left to get her own way. Still—”

  Caleb nodded. “Still it is a concern.”

  “Do not use my name, Caleb. After what happened with Irene, I do not want to get pulled into another investigation.”

  “I’ll tell one of the managers and see what they think, but I will not mention your name. From what I’ve heard, they want to keep Vanessa’s disappearance quiet.”

  “Yet they notified the sheriff’s office,” Zeke said. “I talked to a deputy when I was in town. Remember Mike Frazier? We knew him growing up.”

  “I saw Mike not too long ago. He’s a good guy.”

  “He knew about the missing movie star but said no one filled out a missing person report.”

  “The studio wants to keep the information from the media. Larry Landers planned to distribute flyers once he got the go-ahead from the producer. Thankfully he still had them in his office. Mr. Walker returned to Montcliff this morning and wasn’t happy from what I heard. He thought the flyers would have been bad publicity for the studio.”

  Becca tilted her head. “I don’t understand what the problem would be.”

  “News travels fast, and a huge amount of money is needed to produce a film. The backers will be angry and rescind their financial commitment if they learn Vanessa has disappeared. It causes a number of headaches for the producer.”

  “Did Landers not realize what he was doing when he created the flyers?” Zeke asked.

  Caleb shrugged. “He’s a bit of a free spirit. I’m not sure how long he’s been with the studio. I’ve overheard a couple comments about him having ties to someone with money outside of Montcliff, but I couldn’t tell you who that would be.”

  “If you hear anything, let us know. We will deliver more of Hattie’s baked goods in a few days.”

  “I should have mentioned sooner that the cook was thrilled with what she had baked and asked for a similar delivery day after tomorrow, if that gives her enough time. He put her check in the mail.”

  The kitchen door opened, and Hattie stuck her head outside and waved. Caleb repeated what he had told Zeke about the baked goods.

  Hattie smiled broadly. “I am glad the items were well received. Thank you for delivering them today, Caleb.”

  “Not a problem, Hattie. Your check is in the mail.”

  “Yah? This is gut.” She returned to the kitchen and closed the door.

  Zeke extended his hand. “We must stay in touch even though our fathers have not kept their friendship going.”

  “I told you yesterday, I know you had nothing to do with Irene’s death. I read the reports. You pulled her from the cabin and tried to resuscitate her. For which I am grateful.”

  “Perhaps someday your father will realize I am not to blame.”

  “I’ll tell him again what really happened, although he may not listen. As we talked about earlier, it is a hard realization, but one he must face if he is to regain some sense of peace. Right now he is a bitter man with a broken heart.”

  Caleb patted Zeke on the shoulder. “You know about broken hearts yourself, but you have healed.” Caleb glanced at Becca. “Life goes on, yah?”

  “What you say is true. Life does goes on.”

  Caleb climbed into his sports car and nodded his farewell before he headed to the main road.

  Zeke thought of Irene, musing how things would have been different if she had not died, but then he would not know Becca. Pulling in a cleansing breath, he felt a release of something he had held on to for so long.

  He smiled at Becca. The past was over. It had ended the day of the explosion when the cabin caught on fire. Now he was ready to embrace the future whatever it held.

  * * *

  The afternoon and evening passed quickly, filled with work that needed to be done. Later that night after the meal had been eaten and the dishes washed and put away, Zeke struggled with a restlessness that confused him even more than everything that was happening at Montcliff Studios.

  Becca and Hattie had retired early, claiming to be tired. Eventually Zeke followed them upstairs, but soon thereafter, he returned to the kitchen and then stepped outside to check the horses in the barn and gaze at the pastures and surrounding farmland.

  “You seem anxious about something?”

  He turned to see Becca standing in the open doorway to the kitchen. “I heard your footsteps on the stairs, Zeke, and expected you to return to your bed in a short time. When I didn’t hear you, I got worried.”

  She stepped onto the porch. The moon was hidden behind the clouds, yet the stars provided enough light to see the remnants of the bruise on her forehead and her scraped cheek.

  “Are you feeling all right?” he asked, still concerned about the blows she had sustained just a few nights ago.

  “My health is fine.”

  “Perhaps you should have seen a doctor.”

  She held up her hand. “A doctor would have notified the sheriff. That is not what I wanted.”

  “You did nothing wrong, Becca.”

  “How can you be certain?”

  “Because I know you. I know who you are.”

  She shook her head as if dismissing his comment. “You know who you want me to be. I don’t even know myself.”

  Glancing up at the mountain, she shrugged. “Sometimes I stop and stare into the emptiness of my mind, trying to remember, yet it continues to fail me. I fear there is a reason I cannot remember, a reason that is so vile and heinous that my subconscious will not allow me to remember it again.”

  He stepped closer. “But that does not mean you were the one doing the vile act, Becca.”

  She stared up at him. “How can you be sure, Ezekiel? You are seeing me through the eyes of a man who has shut himself off from life. I stumbled into your solitude and awakened a part of you that you probably thought was dead. You have feelings for me. I can see it in your gaze. But your feelings are for a life that you are ready to embrace again. You are eager to leave your reclusive existence here. That is a good thing, Zeke, but it has nothing to do with me.”

  “Oh, Becca, you are so wrong. It has everything to do with you. You say that I was reclusive, but I went to town and interacted with the store owners and shopkeepers there. I bought and sold grain and livestock. I took Hattie’s produce to market. I was not holed up here like a hermit.”

  “Yet your heart was closed, Zeke. You built a wall around your emotions, and although you may have interacted with people, you did not let them into your world, the private inner world you built for yourself.”

  She moved closer. “Did you ever read books about the knights of old? They lived in castles and went out to defend the king’s land and protect the royal family. After the battles, they returned to the castle on the hill with the fortification, the moat and the stone walls that cut off those inside the castle from the rest of the world.”

  “I am not a knight,
Becca.”

  “You are, Zeke. You’re a good man who wants to protect those you love. You take care of Hattie. You reached out to an old man who thought you were a killer. You did not try to change his mind because doing so would make him realize the failings of his only daughter. That is heroic, Zeke.”

  “You are looking at me through a fog and seeing what you want to see. You do not know me.”

  “I know you better than you know me.”

  “Becca—” He reached out and touched her hair that fell around her shoulders. “I do not need to know the Becca of the past when I know the Becca of this moment.”

  His hand circled her neck and everything within him wanted to pull her even closer. She had talked about the wall to his heart. If he had built that wall, he wanted Becca to step through it and to be with him no matter how isolated he was from the outside world.

  “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

  She shook her head. “That is not so.”

  “Of course it is.”

  “An Amish man does not talk of such things, and an Amish woman does not listen. Pride could swell within me, Zeke, which is not good.”

  “Not pride, Becca, but admission of the truth. You are beautiful. In every way. Not only your expressive green eyes and silky chestnut hair, but the warmth of your smile and the concern you have for others. There is so much about you that I want to explore.”

  The moon broke through the clouds and light played over her face. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but then she stopped and everything in her gaze told him that she too felt the desire to draw closer.

  Slowly and ever so patiently, he leaned in, his lips close enough to hers that he could feel the warmth of her mouth as if it had already joined with his.

  Her eyes widened, she stepped back, leaving him empty and chilled by her rejection. She turned and fled back into the house, running away from him, just as she had done before.

  Irene had left him for another man. Becca would leave him because of her fear of the past. She could not accept today when she did not know who she was.

  Was there someone else in her past who pulled her from him? Would he find her fleeing him again and running into the arms of a man she had loved before?