Web of Lies: A Brook Brothers Novel

by Delaney, Tracie

  His hands cupped her face, and the way he looked at her, with such reverence and desire, sent her pulse into overdrive.

  “I can’t wait, Dex.”

  “I don’t want you to wait.”

  With a groan, he pushed himself inside, but instead of taking her hard and fast, as she’d expected, he moved with slow, deliberate thrusts. His eyes never left hers, and as his hips moved, stroking the part of her that made her toes curl, she had an epiphany. Nate wasn’t fucking her. He was making love to her.

  I love you.

  She wanted to say the words out loud, but fear held her back. Just because he was making love to her didn’t mean he actually loved her. Nate was a man who felt deeply, that much was obvious, given what he’d told her about his background, but she instinctively knew he was also a man who didn’t love easily. To tell him how she was feeling was a risk she simply couldn’t take. If she lost him now, it would punch a hole in her heart that she couldn’t hope to fix.

  Her stomach clenched, and then warmth rushed out from her center. She hugged Nate to her as he found his own release. He muttered something unintelligible in her ear, his breath hot against her skin. He held her close for a while, then rolled to the side. His fingers crept toward hers. He knitted them together, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.

  “I know being with me isn’t easy. I’m fucked up, moody at times. I can sulk with the best of them. I have serious issues that I’m working through. All I ask is for you to accept me for the man I am. Not the actor, or the public figure, or the youngest of four brothers who doesn’t know who his dad is.”

  Dex swallowed past a huge lump in her throat. If one tear dared to fall, she’d gouge out her own eyes. This wasn’t about her - it was about Nate and his deeply rooted feelings of rejection from his birth father and betrayal by his mother, a woman he adored.

  “Why have you never told your brothers?” she asked softly.

  A shadow crossed his face. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “But, Nate, don’t you see? It’ll free you from the terrible burden you’re carrying.”

  “No, it won’t.”

  “How do you know if you don’t try?”

  “What’s it to you anyway?” A cold, stark statement said without an ounce of inflection.

  “What’s it to me? Are you kidding me?”

  Nate got off the bed and began to get dressed. A flush of anger reddened her skin. He really could be a complete asshole at times. She got out of bed, too, but instead of getting dressed, she stood in front of him, stark naked. Her hands went to her hips, and she jutted her chin forward.

  “You’re right. Being with you isn’t easy. But let me make this real simple. In case it’s escaped your notice, I actually give a shit about you. And a fucking idiot can see this secret is eating you alive. Jesus, like I’ve said a hundred times before, I’d understand your reticence if your family were a bunch of dicks, but they’re wonderful. They’ll understand.”

  He went to walk around her like she hadn’t even spoken. She shifted to stop him. Poked her finger in his chest. “Don’t even think about walking out on me.”

  He towered over her, his eyes almost black, fury in their depths. “I fucking knew it was a mistake to tell you. Get off my back.”

  “No.”

  He made another move. She countered it. Like two mismatched boxers facing off at the pre-match press conference, he stared her down. And she refused to bow to his dominance.

  “Get out of my way.”

  She shook her head and planted her legs wide in case he tried to shove her off balance.

  “Talk to me.”

  “I did!” he yelled, pushing a hand roughly through his hair. “You think it was easy for me to tell you something I’ve kept to myself for seven fucking years? I didn’t tell you so you could lecture me on how fessing up to my brothers would make me feel better. It wouldn’t. It would make me feel worse.”

  “How, Nate? Because all I can see is that it would free you. Don’t you get that?”

  “No, I fucking don’t.”

  She expelled a frustrated breath. “Your brothers love you. And you clearly feel the same way about them. Don’t you want to be able to look at them without thinking about what your mom did tainting your relationship? Don’t you want to be a real part of the family, instead of standing on the periphery wishing you were and hating that you’re not? Don’t you want to be able to live without secrets, and show them the real you? To get back the closeness you had growing up?”

  He visibly winced. “Fuck, Titch.”

  Oh shit. Sometimes she wished she could rip her own tongue out. But instead of him railing on her, his anger withered. He sagged on to the bed and let his head fall into his hands. His pain was so raw, as though his skin had peeled off, leaving the exposed nerves to the elements. She rushed to sit beside him and rested her head against his shoulder, half expecting him to shuffle out of her reach. Instead, he curved an arm around her and held her tight. His body trembled, and it was only when she lifted her head that she realized he was crying.

  She scrambled onto his lap and let his tears soak her skin. From the way his sobs racked silently through him, she’d guess he’d never cried for what he’d lost. A whole history, a belief system, a sense of belonging. A loss of trust in the one woman every child should be able to have faith in without question. His innate fear he’d be rejected by his brothers when they found out. No wonder he’d kept quiet for so long while his pain grew and festered. And the fact he’d chosen her to share something so painful with her was humbling. It seemed as though they’d known each other years, not mere weeks. But then again, souls who were meant to be together didn’t need years to know they’d found the other half of themselves.

  He drew back slowly, his red-rimmed eyes seeking her out. His intensity was such that she wouldn’t be surprised if he could see right into her soul.

  She cradled his cheek, wiping away the remains of his tears with her thumb. “You asked me to accept you for who you are? Well, I do, Nate. The good and the bad. You want to know why? Because I love you. I’m in love with you.”

  The relief at finally vocalizing the words that had been swimming around her head was immense, like a weight she’d been carrying around for days had lifted.

  He brushed her lips with his own. “I don’t deserve you, Titch.”

  She lowered her head, and her shoulders dropped. She’d been brave and shared her feelings with him, and he hadn’t reciprocated. Not that she’d expected him to profess his undying love, but a tiny part of her, hidden in a deep recess of her heart, had dared to hope. At least he hadn’t run a mile.

  She shrugged. “You’re right. You don’t.”

  A glimmer of a smile touched his lips. He skimmed the back of his hand across her cheek, his touch soft and tender.

  “I feel the same, Titch. You know that, right? I don’t know when or how you wormed your way into my heart, but now you’re there, I’m guessing there’s no getting rid of you.”

  She gave him a warning glare, but secretly, her heart soared. He did feel the same. Thank God. “You can say the words, Nate. They won’t burn you.”

  “You burn me. You’re the one, Titch. The only one for me. My everything.”

  Oh, now that would do very nicely. Nate might never be the type of boyfriend who’d tell her he loved her, but if those were the words he’d chosen instead, she’d take them every single time.

  “Then do something for me.”

  He pressed his lips together and gave her a pained look. “I know what you’re going to say.”

  “Good. Then I don’t need to waste my breath.”

  He shook his head. “What have I gotten myself into with you?”

  She grinned. “Be honest. I’ve brought a lot of excitement into your sad and lonely life.”

  He barked out a laugh. “You’ve brought stress, I know that much.”

  She straightened her face. “It will work out, Nate. I know it.”
/>   He twisted his lips to the side. “I wish I felt the same.”

  “Only one way to find out,” Dex said.

  When he nodded, her pulse leaped. “So you’ll talk to them?”

  “Will you be there?” he asked.

  “I’ll be wherever you need me.”

  He let out a long, exhausted sigh. “At least if I lose it all, I’ll still have you.”

  Chapter 19

  Nate clasped Dex’s hand as he walked through the entrance of the hotel, trying—and failing—to halt the hurricane swirling in the depths of his stomach. He couldn’t believe that after seven years of holding his secret close, a few weeks with Dex had broken down his carefully erected barriers and unraveled his silence, resulting in him spilling his guts. He’d had no plans to tell her, but following his drunken slip of the tongue and her determined persistence, he’d had a sudden urge to offload the burden.

  This could all go horribly wrong, or it could go perfectly right. He couldn’t call it. He wasn’t worried for their reaction about his parentage so much as terrified of destroying the memory they all had of their mother. Each one of them held her on a sort of pedestal. Maybe if she’d lived, they’d have seen her flaws, recognized she was as human as the rest of them. But she hadn’t. And they didn’t.

  But he did. He knew exactly how flawed she had been.

  Dex increased the pressure on his hand. “I’m with you all the way.”

  He nodded but couldn’t speak. His mouth was empty of saliva, and he found it difficult to swallow past a huge lump in his throat. His heart hammered against his ribcage, the tender muscle bruised and battered by the very cage meant to protect it.

  Jesus, the parallel with his own existence wasn’t fucking funny.

  Jax and Indie were back at work, as though their wedding hadn’t happened. Jax was talking to a couple of guests, sharing a joke, his smile broad, open, friendly. Indie was serving a pot of coffee to a man sitting at the bar. Guess it was too early for alcohol, although Nate wouldn’t say no to a very large whiskey right at that moment. Fuck the hangover.

  Jax spotted them at the entranceway. “Hey, you found her,” he said. “See, I told you she wouldn’t have gone far.”

  “I went cycling in Central Park,” Dex offered helpfully.

  “Can’t come to New York and not take a ride through the park,” Jax said, turning to Nate with a frown. “Although you could at least have gone with her. Douche.”

  Nate couldn’t summon a smile, and Jax must have noticed because his frown lines deepened at Nate’s brooding demeanor. “Is everything okay?”

  “I need to talk to you,” Nate said, plunging in before his nerve fucked off down the street and never came back. “In fact, I need to talk to all of you. Calum and Cole, too.”

  A flicker of worry crossed Jax’s face, but he didn’t delve any deeper. He simply pointed his chin. “You two go downstairs. I’ll give them a call. I think Cole has taken Millie and Aimee out for breakfast. No idea where Calum will be, but I’m sure I can round him up.”

  “No girlfriends. Just the guys,” Nate said.

  Jax gave him a quizzical look, which Nate ignored. After Jax had left, Dex curved her hands around his neck and forced Nate to look at her.

  “Breathe. It’s going to be fine. They love you.”

  “Don’t you get it? I’m about to destroy their memory of Mom.”

  She shook her head. “Your mom had an affair, Nate. That doesn’t make her unlovable or any less the wonderful mother she was to all of you. It makes her fallible, like the rest of us.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “I hope my brothers see it that way.”

  She waited for him to open his eyes. “They will,” she said gently. “Trust me, Nate. You’re doing the right thing.”

  He briefly kissed her. This girl. He couldn’t imagine a life without her. She brought light to his dark, dragged laughter from him when no one else could, made him want things he hadn’t expected to.

  “Put her down.”

  Nate’s abdomen clenched painfully as Jax walked in. He was alone.

  “You got hold of the others?”

  Jax nodded. “They’re on their way.” He crossed to the kitchen. “You guys want a coffee?”

  “Yeah.” Nate went to sit on the sofa, taking Dex with him. “So how’s married life?”

  “He only got married yesterday,” Dex said.

  Jax grinned. “That is true. Although apart from the wedding ring feeling strange, nothing’s changed. Not that I expected it to, considering we’ve been living together for four years.”

  “What was the point in getting married then?”

  “Nate!” Dex elbowed him in the ribs.

  Jax rolled his eyes. “It’s okay, Dex. We’re used to him.”

  “It’s a genuine question.”

  “It’s a stupid question,” Dex grumbled, her reprimand pulling at the corners of his mouth.

  He’d never taken shit from a woman before, but he loved bantering with Dex. She wasn’t a girl who backed down, and he loved that.

  Jax brought over the coffees, and he and Dex chatted about nonsensical things—but Nate brooded as time passed. He wanted this shit over now.

  “Where the fuck are Calum and Cole?”

  “Right behind you, asshole.”

  Nate glanced over his shoulder. The knot in his stomach tightened. No backing out now. Calum flopped into the chair to Nate’s right, and Cole perched on the arm.

  “Well, you summoned us, and we’re here,” Calum said. “What’s so fucking urgent that I got dragged over here on a Sunday morning when I should still be in bed with my girlfriend?”

  Jax glared at him, but Calum simply returned his stare with one of his own.

  Nate’s tongue dampened his dry lips. He felt sick. How did he begin? What should he say first?

  Dex’s hand slid across his thigh, the warmth from her palm bleeding through his jeans, grounding him right when he needed it. He could’ve kissed her, and not only because it’d distract him, but because when he was kissing her, he forgot everything except how good she felt.

  “You have to let me finish.” Said for Calum’s benefit—Nate knew Jax and Cole wouldn’t interrupt. “Or I can’t do this.”

  Calum’s eyes narrowed. “You’re starting to worry the shit out of me, little brother.”

  Jax leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “You can tell us anything, Nate. We’re your brothers and we love you.”

  Nate squeezed his eyes shut. The back of his throat ached, and he had difficulty swallowing. His pulse began to race, speeding up with every passing second. Come on. Spit it out already.

  Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked at each one of his brothers in turn. “That’s just it. You’re not my brothers. Not full ones anyway. Mom had an affair. I’m the result.”

  Apart from a buzzing sound coming from the fridge, no one spoke. Sweat coated his palms, and his mouth was so dry his lips stuck to his teeth. God, this was awful. Hideous. He held his breath, waiting for the ax to fall.

  Jax’s posture stiffened, his spine rigid, and Cole’s mouth dropped open. Calum, on the other hand, shot him a disbelieving look.

  “The fuck you talking about?”

  Nate’s insides boiled at Calum’s blunt response, and he curled his hands into fists. “Want me to say it in fucking French?”

  Calum’s eyes widened, and a nerve ticked in his jaw. “You might as well, because you’re talking out of your ass.”

  “Shut up, Calum,” Jax said, beating Nate to it. Except his response would have been “Fuck you.”

  “Why do you think Mom had an affair?” Jax asked, the question accompanied by a painful wince which Nate mirrored.

  “I found a letter. Years ago when I was home for Thanksgiving. It was from him. Apparently Mom had broken off their affair, and he was writing back to acknowledge her wishes. Her letter was included with his. That’s how I know I wasn’t Dad’s real s
on.” He flinched again, and his chin trembled. He clamped his jaw tight and tried to breathe through his nose.

  Realization crossed Jax’s face. “Seven years,” he mumbled. “That’s when you found it, didn’t you?” Nate nodded, and Jax continued. “And that’s why you stopped coming home, unless forced.”

  “Yep.”

  Jax swept a hand over his head and muttered, “Jesus.”

  Nate glanced over at Cole who still hadn’t said a word, but then that was so like him. He’d hold his tongue until he figured out the right thing to say. Except not even his composed, unflappable brother would be able to find the words to fix this fuck-up.

  “Where is this so-called letter?” Calum said.

  Heat flushed through Nate’s body. He poked his finger in Calum’s direction. “Fuck you. You think I’m making this shit up?”

  Calum must have realized he’d screwed up because he blushed red as a beet. Calum never blushed. Cole glared at him, his eyes glinting with fury. “Shut the hell up, dickface.”

  “Of course I don’t think you’re making it up,” Calum backtracked, ignoring Cole’s interjection. “But if, as you say, you discovered this information years ago, then you’ve had years to come to terms with it. Remember, we’re hearing this for the first time.”

  “Come to terms,” Nate said through gritted teeth as his anger reached boiling point. “You think I’ve come to fucking terms with the fact I’m not a Brook? That we’re not fully related? That the mother we all adored had an affair? Jesus, you are a fucking piece of work, you know that?”

  All three brothers started talking at once, but Nate was done listening to this crap. He launched to his feet, dislodging Dex’s vise-like grip on his arm. He stormed across the room. Cole shot in front of him.

  “Don’t go. Not like this. We need to talk.”

  Nate shoved him out of the way, which wasn’t an easy feat because Cole was two hundred pounds of solid muscle. “I’m done talking.” And with that, he took off upstairs. If one of them dared to follow, he’d knock their fucking teeth out.