Protect

by Bailey, Sarah

  “He’s here,” was the only thing he said before he collapsed in a chair by the door and put his head in his hands.

  I gently moved Jen, propping her head on Jensen instead. Not sure he appreciated it but seeing to Dante was more important at that moment. I squatted down next to him and put a hand on his arm.

  “You okay there?”

  “I have a son. He’s perfect and I’m fucking terrified.”

  “Is Liora okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s exhausted, but she’s okay. You guys can go see him if you want.”

  I glanced over to where James had taken my place and had Jen’s head in his lap. We could go soon, but right now, I was worried about my best friend.

  “D…”

  “I can’t do this,” he whispered.

  “You can. Logan needs his dad.”

  He looked down at me through exhausted eyes.

  “What if I turn out like Zach?”

  “You’re nothing like him and you know that. You think Liora would’ve agreed to marry you let alone have a baby with you if you were?”

  He sighed.

  “No.”

  “Well then, stop being a little whiney bitch and introduce us all to your son.”

  “Fuck off,” he grumbled.

  I grinned. He might not like it, but I knew exactly how to get him to stop overthinking things. I straightened and nodded at the others. James shook Jen and she blinked rapidly, sitting bolt upright.

  “What’s going on?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

  “Logan’s here,” James said.

  That had her out of her seat and striding towards the door. I caught her by the arm before she could disappear.

  “There’s no rush.”

  She waited with an anxious look on her face as the rest of us got up, including Dante.

  “They’re not going to like us crowding her room,” he said as we all walked out of the waiting room.

  “Considering last time we were here Liora screamed at the nurses for trying to make her leave your side, I think we’ll be okay.”

  He smirked. I don’t think James would ever forget that moment. He told me Liora was like a hellcat and it was terrifying.

  Dante opened the door to her room and we all crowded in. Liora was sitting up in the bed with a small bundle in her arms and Fi was in the chair beside her. As soon as she saw Jensen, she was out of it and in his arms.

  “You okay?” he asked quietly.

  She nodded, her eyes glistening.

  “It was beautiful.”

  “One day that’ll be you and me.”

  Fi’s smile was electric. I turned away, not wanting to intrude further on their little shared moment. I’d always known the twins wanted to have kids by the way they’d constantly badger Aiden when he brought Afie around.

  Dante immediately went over to Liora and leant down, kissing her forehead. She smiled up at him. They looked like the perfect little family. Jen must’ve thought so too since she had her phone out and was snapping a photo of them. Liora looked up and met my eyes before she beckoned me over with a little nudge of her head. I approached them, looking down at Logan whose eyes were wide open.

  “He’s beautiful.”

  I wasn’t lying. He was perfect just as Dante had said. You couldn’t tell straight away with babies who they’d end up favouring, but Logan had dark blue eyes with a tuff of black hair.

  “You want to hold him?”

  I nodded as Liora held him out for me. I took the precious little bundle in my arms and stared down at him. He gurgled a little but didn’t fuss.

  “Hey there,” I whispered. “You look just like your dad.”

  I felt a hand on my arm and glanced over, finding Jen peering over my arm at her nephew. I lowered him a little so she could get a better view.

  “He’s perfect,” Jen whispered, reaching over and stroking his tiny hand.

  Her eyes welled with tears. One day she was going to make the most beautiful babies. And I wanted to be the one who made them with her.

  Fuck. Where the hell did that thought just come from?

  I’d never thought of myself having kids after dealing with all of Cam’s, but with Jen… that’d be entirely different. She wanted to be a mother and she’d be amazing. My heart burnt knowing I’d probably never get the chance. Jen wasn’t mine.

  I pulled my gaze away from her, knowing we were in a room full of people and promptly handed Logan off to her. Stepping back, I stood next to Liora’s bedside.

  “Your parents are getting the first flight down,” I told her.

  They’d called to let me know not long after Jen and I had arrived at the hospital.

  “Will you get them from the airport?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got the details.”

  It was gone three in the morning now. It’d mean I’d barely get any sleep, but at this point, it didn’t matter.

  “Thank you.”

  “You did good, Liora.”

  She gave me a tired smile and I knew she wanted to rest. Dante was stroking her hair and staring down at her like she was everything to him. I watched Logan get handed around all the family before he landed back with his mum. Then I hustled everyone out so Dante and Liora could be alone and perhaps get some sleep.

  We all said our goodbyes and I took Jen home. She fell asleep in the car with her face smashed against the window. When we got back, I picked her up out of the car and carried her in. She stirred when I set her down on her bed.

  “Brent?”

  “Mmm?”

  “Don’t go.”

  I didn’t answer her, merely sat down and untied the laces of her trainers, slipping them off her feet. She let me help her out of her clothes and dress her in a long t-shirt. She gripped my hand when I was done, her blue eyes drooping.

  “Please don’t go.”

  I didn’t have it in me to say no, so I stripped down to my boxers, turned out the lamp and crawled into bed next to her after setting an alarm on my phone. She curled up against me, her face half buried in my chest.

  “I can’t believe I have a nephew,” she whispered. “He’s the most perfect baby imaginable.”

  “He is.”

  “Do you ever want what they have?”

  “Who? Dante and Liora?”

  “Yeah.”

  I wanted it with her, but that wasn’t an option.

  “Maybe one day.”

  Her hand wrapped around my waist. I kissed the top of her head, unable to help myself. Having her right next to me felt so right. I thought she might have fallen asleep, but then she whispered something. I almost couldn’t make out the words. When I realised what she’d said, my heart raced at a million miles an hour and I had no fucking clue how to respond.

  “I want it with you.”

  Had she meant for me to hear that? Was it because she was tired and emotional? She couldn’t possibly mean it, could she? I knew I’d hurt her by refusing to entertain more between us, but her words spoke of something so much deeper. Had her feelings towards me changed that much? I looked down at her but found her breathing had become steady and even. She’d fallen asleep.

  Did this beautiful girl in my arms feel the same way I did?

  And if so, could I really choose Jen over my best friend?

  Because if Jen felt the same way as me, I wasn’t sure I’d have it in me to keep saying no.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jennifer

  I woke up when Brent’s alarm went off, the loud noise dragging me from my dreams.

  “Fuck,” he muttered, leaning over to turn it off.

  He needed to get Liora’s parents from the airport, but I didn’t want him to go. His body was so warm and I slept so well with him next to me. I let out a little noise of protest when he tried to move.

  “I need to get up, Jen.”

  “Five more minutes,” I mumbled.

  I heard him sigh before he dropped
a kiss to my forehead.

  “You’re a pain in the arse, you know that.”

  My arm around him tightened and I cracked an eye open, staring at him. The early morning light streamed in through the windows since we hadn’t closed the curtains. He was bathed in it and my breath caught in my throat. Why did he have to be so damn handsome?

  “I’m your pain in the arse.”

  He smiled. My heart ached. He wasn’t mine. Brent wouldn’t allow himself to be mine and it hurt so fucking much. He nuzzled his nose against mine.

  “Yeah, I guess you are.”

  His mouth was so close, I could feel his breath dancing across my skin. My blood fizzled sparking all those unwanted feelings in my chest and lower. And I felt entirely bereft when he pulled away and slipped out of my bed.

  “I’m going to take them straight to the hospital. I’ll be back after that.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, feeling the hollow cavern in my chest cave in.

  I burrowed further under the covers, wanting to shut everything out so I could nurse my shattered heart without an audience. When he brushed a hand over my hair and told me he was leaving, I said nothing, pretending I’d gone back to sleep. And I couldn’t help the small sob which erupted from my lips the moment my bedroom door closed behind him. Tears soaked my pillow, but I was so tired, I found myself dragged back under.

  The next time I awoke, I sat bolt upright whilst the memory of what I’d said to Brent last night came flooding back.

  “I want it with you.”

  Why the hell had I said that? And more to the point, had he heard me? I groaned, flopping back on the bed and slapping a hand over my face. Brent had rejected me enough already. I wasn’t about to tell him about my real feelings for him, the ones I was still in two minds over admitting I had.

  Stop being an idiot, Jen. You know how you feel about him.

  Yeah, okay, I did.

  I loved him.

  I loved Brent.

  And I didn’t know how the hell it had happened.

  I’d never been in love before. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling such an emotion. Of letting someone in my heart like that. But he was there. He’d always been there. Like this person in the background who I thought I hated, but really, I didn’t hate him at all. Perhaps I just hated the way I felt deep down inside and took it out on him instead.

  When I really thought about it, when I really looked inside myself, I saw the truth. Brent had been out of bounds because he was older than me and Dante’s bodyguard who’d, in time, become his best friend. I’d been a mute fifteen year old girl who’d suffered at the hands of her father only days beforehand when he’d first come into our lives. I felt something then. The moment his eyes met mine. It’d been like a frigging bullet to the heart, jolting me out of my haunted state of mind for the briefest of moments. My soul reached out and bound itself around his. And then I shut it right down and told myself it was just some bullshit response to seeing a hot older guy. From then on, I’d decided to hate him for it.

  But it wasn’t bullshit at all. It’d been real. I just didn’t know if he’d felt it too. If he’d known back then what I knew now.

  “I love you, Brent Coleman, and I think on some level, I always have,” I whispered to nobody in particular.

  Saying it out loud made the truth almost unbearable.

  How could I not have known?

  How had it been this many years I’d gone without looking inside my own heart and realising what had been there all along?

  Had I not wanted to know or was it just I’d been broken for so long, I didn’t think I had it in me to love another person?

  There was no point dwelling on my fucked up reasoning for not wanting to see what had been staring me in the face all this time. Who had been waiting for me to wake up and smell the fucking roses. There was nothing for it. I had to tell him. I had to know if he felt the same way. Spending the rest of my life without him wasn’t an option. I didn’t care about what my brother thought. Dante could take a fucking hike. He’d already interfered enough in my sister’s love life, he didn’t get to dictate mine.

  I jumped out of bed, a renewed sense of purpose flooding through me. That was until I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the fading marks on my neck. My heart sank.

  Max.

  How the hell could I tell Brent how I felt when I had Max to contend with? Or should I say we had Max to contend with since Brent had agreed to help me with the situation.

  Fuck this shit.

  I needed Max and his blackmail crap out of my life before I went after my heart’s desire. Things between Brent and I could wait. Max couldn’t. He was a threat to all of us which needed handling.

  “Fuck, fucking fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  I dragged a hand through my hair, irritation driving through me. Instead of allowing it to consume me, I pulled on a robe and trudged out to the bathroom to take a shower. Hoping it would wash away my fucked up state of mind so I could perhaps think more clearly.

  By the time I’d showered and dressed in a top which covered my neck, I heard voices floating up from downstairs as I descended them. I found Brent in the conservatory with James, Ellie, Fi and Jensen. When the hell had they all got here?

  “Morning, or should I say afternoon sleepyhead,” James said with a smirk.

  “Fuck off,” I grumbled. “Why are you so perky?”

  “We have a new family member.”

  I hadn’t forgotten Logan was here, but it hadn’t been my first thought when I woke up. My eyes drifted to Brent who seemed to be deliberately ignoring my gaze. Fi got up and gave me a hug before pulling away and giving me a look which said ‘I know something’s up with you’. I sighed, tugging her into the kitchen and shutting the doors behind us.

  “Okay, I’m done tiptoeing around this with you,” she said as I went over to the kettle, filled it and flipped it on. “What the hell is going on between you and Brent?”

  “Everything, nothing and all the stuff in between.”

  I glanced at her, finding a raised eyebrow and a sceptical look in her eyes.

  “Jen…”

  “I’ll tell you, just help me make something to eat.”

  Fi and I weren’t particularly adept in the kitchen, but we didn’t burn toast so it would have to do. She dropped two slices in the toaster and I grabbed the butter and jam.

  “I know better than to ask this, but Jensen didn’t say anything to you, did he?”

  “You told him?”

  “He’s my therapist.”

  She put her hand up.

  “You know what, I’m not even going to go there. No, he didn’t tell me anything.”

  I nudged her with my shoulder as I dumped a tea bag in a mug. She understood. Our relationship changed after we started therapy, but I’d come to accept it had been necessary. We deserved our own lives and to learn to grow. And she’d blossomed so much since she’d met and fell in love with Jensen.

  “You know when I said Brent was probably shit in bed?”

  “Mmmhmm.”

  “I was wrong.”

  She stared at me for a long moment before breaking into a huge grin.

  “You and Brent are a thing?”

  I looked away, fiddling with the mug on the counter.

  “No, we’re not a thing. He won’t entertain the idea of more. He thinks Dante would kill him.”

  “Uh well, that’s not exactly an unfounded fear, you know.”

  I sighed and began to explain how we’d ended up like this. She listened intently, buttering my toast whilst I made tea. I missed out the parts about Max as I couldn’t tell her about that, but everything else was fair game. I sipped at my tea when I was done. Her eyes were wide and bright. I snagged a slice of toast, deciding it was better to dig in before Fi started off on one.

  “This is so exciting,” she said, clapping her hands together.

  “What?” I muttered with a mouthf
ul of toast.

  “You’ve been completely oblivious to his feelings for you, Jen.”

  I looked at her, wondering what the hell she meant.

  “I’ve had a suspicion for a while now. I think James was right that day, Brent has totally liked you forever. He doesn’t look at me the way he does you.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Uhuh, he gets this look in his eyes like he adores you but feels guilty about it.”

  I frowned. I’d never seen him look at me like that. Yeah, I’d seen desire in his eyes several times since the night we’d slept together, but adoration? Not so much.

  “It doesn’t matter, he’s never going to change his mind.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

  I rolled my eyes and took another bite of toast. Maybe he would change his mind if he knew I was in love with him. Except I’d already decided I wasn’t going to tell him until we sorted out this issue with Max.

  I heard the front door open and voices floating down the hallway. The distinct sound of Liora’s parents and Dante. I guess they’d been discharged from the hospital. Fi stuck her head around the door before pulling back and grinning.

  “Our nephew is home.”

  “Dibs on holding him.”

  She rolled her eyes. She’d got to be with Liora when Logan came into the world so she better let me hold him first.

  “What? I need baby cuddles. Not like I’m going to have one of my own any time soon.”

  “And I am?”

  “Don’t tell me you and Jensen haven’t discussed it.”

  She gave me a knowing smile.

  “Perhaps we have.”

  I pointed at her.

  “I fucking knew it. You’ll be knocked up and married in no time at all.”

  “Who’s getting married?” Dante asked as he came in the room.

  “No one,” Fi said.

  “Fi and Jensen,” I replied.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “We are not! He’s not asked me.”

  “Yet. He’s not asked you yet.”

  She stuck her tongue out at me and moved away, opening the conservatory doors.

  “Leave her alone, Jen,” Dante said, giving me the once over. “There’s no need for them to go rushing into any major commitments like that. Besides, you should be hassling your brother, him and Ellie have been together longer.”