Protect

by Bailey, Sarah

  When I walked in, I found her with her head almost fully submerged and music tinkling out from her phone on the sink counter. I watched her for a minute. So beautiful. As she raised her head, she let out a sharp screech.

  “What the fuck?” she practically shouted at me as she sat up. “You scared the shit out of me.”

  I grinned and sat on the edge of the bath.

  “Sorry.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.

  “You’re not sorry. You were enjoying the view.”

  Fuck she looked so cute when she was in a huff.

  “Well, you are very… naked.”

  “Careful or I’ll pull you in here and get all your clothes wet.”

  I looked at the bath and shook my head.

  “It’d be too small for the two of us. If you wanted that, we could sneak into Dante’s bathroom and use his.”

  “He would murder us.”

  I shrugged.

  “Totally worth it.”

  She was trying not to smile. I reached out and stroked her cheek.

  “Tell you what, I’ll find a hotel which has a huge bath and make sure I take you, hmm? Then we can have all sorts of dirty fun in it.”

  She bit her lip, blue eyes darkening as her pupils dilated. Oh, Jen was definitely on board with that idea.

  “Promise?”

  “For you, I’d do anything.”

  “Ugh, why are you so perfect?”

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. Trust her to ruin the moment.

  “Time to get out, we need to head over to Cam’s.”

  “Bossy boots.”

  “And here I thought I was perfect.”

  She put her hand in the water. I jumped up and slunk away before she had a chance to splash me. I heard her little screech of indignation. As terrible as it was, I don’t think I could ever stop winding her up. Watching her get annoyed was like stoking the flames between us. And I never wanted that flame to die out.

  ***

  Cam’s boyfriend, Manny, was there when we got to the house. He had Kayden and was playing with him in the corner whilst Cam paced the living room.

  “All right, mate?” Manny said as Jen and I entered after Dad let us in.

  “Yeah, I’m good. This is Jen, my girlfriend. Jen, this is Manny.”

  “All right, love?”

  Jen’s hand in mine tightened.

  “Fine thanks,” she said as I led her over to the sofa and we both sat down.

  “Any more news?” I asked Cam.

  She stopped pacing and looked at me.

  “No. When I get them back, I’m going to fucking court again. I won’t let him near the girls. Never. Those are my girls.”

  Dad lowered himself into his armchair and turned the TV on. Silence descended over the room. Cam started to pace again. What could I even say to that? I hoped the judge would revoke his supervised visitation rights.

  “Do you think they’ll find them soon?” Jen whispered to me.

  “I hope so. He can’t hide forever.”

  I wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. Her hand went to her stomach. Strange to think a tiny person was growing inside her. It’d be a cluster of cells right now, but eventually that little cluster would become our baby. Now I knew she was pregnant, the need to protect her and make this shit with Max go away became imperative. I wouldn’t let that fucker hurt Jen or my unborn child.

  Not that I was looking forward to it, but the sooner I went and saw Zach next week, the better. We needed to know who’d blabbed to Max about the blood debt. And I needed to get leverage on the little piece of shit. Take him down so he wouldn’t reveal our secrets.

  “Should I make tea or something?” Jen asked.

  “You sure you won’t burn the water?”

  “Fuck off.”

  I grinned. Jen was notorious for her lack of skills in the kitchen. Not that I could say I was any better, but she once burnt an entire pan of eggs when she tried to make breakfast for her siblings. Dante had turfed her out of the kitchen and hired a chef so it wouldn’t happen again. I’d told him that wasn’t teaching them useful skills, but he’d ignored me.

  “Anyone want tea?”

  Cam and Manny said yes so I nodded at Jen. Dad unsurprisingly had a can of cider in his hand even though it was ten in the morning.

  “You want me to help?”

  She stood up and stroked my cheek.

  “No, I’m sure I can find my way around the kitchen.”

  I let her go and found Cam staring at me when Jen walked out of the room.

  “What?”

  “What’s the deal with you and her?”

  “I told you, she’s my girlfriend.”

  Cam crossed her arms over her chest.

  “You also said you’re going to marry her one day.”

  “I am… I just haven’t asked her yet.”

  Her eyebrows shot up.

  “What the fuck, Brent? Talk about moving fast.”

  I didn’t really want to explain this to my sister with Manny and my dad in the room, but the way she was looking at me said she wouldn’t let go of the subject.

  “You do realise Jen and I have known each other for over twelve years. Just because we weren’t together, doesn’t mean shit.”

  “Defensive much? And it does mean shit. Relationships aren’t all fun and games. They take work. How do you even know she’s that serious about you? Huh? You sure she’s not just having her fun by fucking the help?”

  “Is that what you think I am to the Bensons? The help?”

  She shrugged and put her hand out.

  “Pretty much.”

  Cam had absolutely no fucking idea about my life. None at all. I stood up and walked over to her before staring down into her dull, lifeless eyes.

  “You don’t know shit, Cam. You’re one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met. All you care about is what’s happening in your life and your fucking problems. Have you ever once stopped to ask about mine? No, because you don’t give a shit as long as I keep providing for you and Dad.”

  She took a step back, her mouth falling open.

  “If you bothered to ask me, then you’d know the Bensons are my fucking family. We’ve been together through thick and thin. I’d protect them with my life and you know why? They give a shit about me. And that girl in there? She’s the love of my life. So don’t you stand there and tell me she’s just fucking the help.”

  All of my pent up resentment towards my sister overflowed. I couldn’t stop the words falling out of my mouth even if I wanted to. Yes, Cam was under a lot of stress because her girls were missing, but she did not get to stand there and talk shit about my girlfriend.

  “She might not be perfect, but she’s perfect to me. Jen’s been through the worst shit imaginable and she’s a fucking fighter. She’s fiercely protective of those she loves. When she’s around, the world is full of colour. She’s the brightest thing in my life. She’s smart, successful, has the most beautiful soul and she loves me. She fucking loves me, Cam. You’re not in a position to judge anyone so take your fucking opinions of Jen and keep them to yourself. You don’t know her. You don’t know me either. So just shut up and stop being such a bitch to everyone around you because you hate your own fucking life.”

  A long moment of silence ensued before I heard movement to my right. Looking over, I found Jen in the doorway with two mugs of tea in her hands and wide eyes. So she’d heard what I said. I didn’t give a shit. It was all true.

  Walking in, she set the mugs on the table before walking over to me. She took my hand and turned me to face her, completely ignoring Cam and the wide eyes of Manny and my father. Reaching up, she cupped my face with both hands, pulling me closer to her.

  “Thank you for defending me. No other man has ever made me feel so loved, cared for and wanted. I didn’t know it was possible to love anyone as much as I love you.
I swear I fall deeper every day. And just so you know, you’re the love of my life too.”

  Then she kissed me and everything melted away. I barely even registered the sound of Cam’s indignation. All I could feel was Jen. Her mouth against mine. Her body pressed to me as I wrapped my arms around her. When I pulled away, I rested my forehead against hers and stroked her cheek.

  “My firestorm,” I whispered.

  “You’re my knight in shining armour… and if you tell anyone I said that, I will hurt you.”

  I bit my lip. Jen didn’t do sappy love shit except when she was with me. I loved that about her. I loved everything about this woman.

  I let her go when the doorbell went. Continuing to ignore Cam, I wrapped an arm around Jen and led her out of the room. She gave me a squeeze before going back to the kitchen to get the other mugs whilst I answered the door to two uniformed police officers and a detective.

  “Hello, is Miss Coleman here?” the detective said.

  “Yes, I’ll just ge—”

  “Uncle Brent,” came three high pitched screams before three girls ran past the police officers’ legs and barrelled their way into me.

  I knelt down and hugged the three of them, relief pouring out of me. They all started sobbing.

  “Shh, shh, I’m here,” I murmured.

  “We were so scared,” Crystal wailed. “Daddy was so mean to us.”

  I stroked her hair whilst April and Jacqueline held onto me for dear life.

  “Girls?” came Cam’s voice from behind me.

  “Mummy!”

  The girls promptly let go of me and squeezed by so they could get to their mother. I stood up and watched Cam hold them, tears pouring down her face. Turning back to the officers, I gave them a smile.

  “Why don’t you come in?”

  The next hour was spent with the officers, the detective and two ladies from social services going over all the details with Cam and me. Jen took care of the girls with Manny. They kept asking her a million questions about what she did, which was a little distracting.

  Sid had been arrested for possession of illegal substances. They’d found him by triangulating his phone signal. He’d taken the girls to one of his druggie friends. The house had been full of used needles and drugs, thus endangering the girl’s safety. They’d all been checked over before they were brought here.

  Things weren’t going to be easy for Cam now social services were involved, but that was her problem to deal with.

  Jen and I stayed the second night in Essex because the girls didn’t want me to go anywhere. They were all clambering over me after the officers and social services left, seemingly okay after their experience with their father. They asked me if Jen was my girlfriend and if they could call her Aunty Jen. I think it made Jen happy when I said yes and the girls screeched with excitement much to Cam’s disapproval. I’m pretty sure she was pissed off her girls were more interested in spending time with me and Jen than fawning all over her after their disappearance. Couldn’t be helped.

  By the time we go back to London, Jen was fidgety and unnerved. I kept asking what was wrong, but she told me she was fine. I rang Doctor Williams and arranged for him to come see her to confirm the pregnancy. And when we were upstairs with Dante, Liora and Logan, she kept looking at the baby with this strange expression on her face.

  She was asleep before I had a chance to ask her about it when we went to bed. One way or another, I’d get it out of her. I knew deep down, she wanted this baby, but I think she was worried about how we’d cope. How we’d deal with all of this when our relationship was so new. All I could was reassure her every day.

  And when the ring was resized and ready to pick up from the jewellers, I’d make sure she knew I’d stay by her side forever.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Jennifer

  When Doctor Williams confirmed I was pregnant, I had no idea how to feel about it. On the one hand I was happy because I’d always wanted children, but the larger side of me happened to be terrified of the whole thing. Probably why I was at Jensen and Fi’s right now without Brent and sitting in Jensen’s home office with him.

  “How are you feeling?”

  I looked up at him. His expression was neutral as usual with him being in therapist mode.

  “Honestly? I don’t know how to process this at all. How can I have a baby when I’m still so… broken?”

  He leant forward in his chair, placing his elbows on his desk.

  “You’re not broken, Jen.”

  “I feel it.”

  “You’ve made a lot of progress since you started therapy, doesn’t that count for something?”

  I sighed, rubbing my temple.

  “I guess so. It’s just so sudden. In the space of a week I’ve got myself a boyfriend, realised I’ve been in love with him since I was teenager and now we’re having a baby.”

  “That’s a lot for anyone to process in such a short space of time. Do you want to talk about your realisation about you and Brent?”

  I tapped my hand on the arm of my chair and looked away.

  “I met Brent for the first time just days after what Dad did. Fi and I were only two days away from being sixteen at the time. As soon as I laid eyes on him, I felt something, you know, but I was so messed up and he was totally out of bounds. I mean he was our bodyguard and five and a half years older than me. Plus, I was still really fucked up over Dad. So I buried those feelings and pushed him away. I tried to convince myself I hated him instead, but I think I hated myself for having feelings for someone forbidden. Someone I barely even knew. It didn’t help that he kept pushing me into talking to him.”

  I’d mentioned a little about this on the phone to Jensen yesterday when I’d arranged this meeting. Getting my head on straight was best for all involved. Brent especially since he kept looking at me like he wanted to ask what was wrong. He’d held my hand when the doctor was over and had told me he’d arrange for my care going forward. I’d known Doctor Williams for years, so I trusted him to make sure I got the very best. Dante wouldn’t settle for anything less, but he didn’t know about the pregnancy yet. We were going to have a family meal this week so we could tell everyone at the same time. Jensen and Fi already knew, but that was beside the point.

  I looked up at Jensen again, feeling the weight of it all crushing my chest.

  “I blame myself for not realising sooner how I felt about him. I buried it so deep and I was awful to him instead. Taking out my anger and frustrations with myself and my own stupid feelings on him.”

  Jensen leant back again and observed me for a moment.

  “Do you think placing blame for this situation is helpful? You were sixteen and had been through a traumatic experience. I imagine you didn’t expect to want someone after what your father did and you didn’t know how to cope with it. Especially not when he happened to be employed by your family to protect you and your siblings. You recognise you made a mistake which is good, but you can’t spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for not realising sooner how you felt about him. That’s not going to be productive to you or your relationship with him. You need to forgive yourself, Jen. Not just for this, but for all the things which happened to you that were out of your control.”

  Trust Jensen not to sugar coat the truth for me. Forgive myself? How the hell did I even do that? The guilt I felt for not protecting my sister even though she never resented me for it ate me up inside. Even though we’d discussed this subject on numerous occasions now, I still hated myself for it. And I hated myself even more for the way I’d treated Brent.

  “How?”

  “How do you forgive yourself?”

  I nodded.

  “By letting go of the past and accepting there was nothing you could do to change what happened to you and Fi. You aren’t to blame and you can’t keep shouldering it. Do you think your sister blames you?”

  “I know she doesn’t.”

  �
��Then why do you think you keep blaming yourself?”

  I considered the question for a long moment. All these years I’d hated myself for what happened. Couldn’t see myself as anything other than a failure although I tried to be strong. But it wasn’t my fault. None of it had been. I hadn’t asked for. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Fi and I were victims in my father’s fucked up manipulation games. So who’s fault was it really?

  Your father. It’s always been your father. You know that. You blame him entirely. You always have. You hate him for making you hate yourself so much.

  “It’s Dad’s fault not mine. He did this to us but blaming him isn’t helping me either.”

  “Placing blame rarely helps anyone. Accepting you weren’t at fault is the first step. Forgiveness will come in time. You and your sister were thrust into a situation beyond your control and neither of you are to blame for what happened that day. You did nothing wrong. You’re so much stronger than you think you are, Jen. Just look at what you’ve endured throughout your life and yet you’re still here. You’ve never given up.”

  He was right as usual. Sometimes I hated how he always knew the right things to say, but right now, I was grateful.

  “You’ve opened up your heart to someone. Did you think you were capable of that?”

  I shook my head. My heart was closed off to love entirely. I didn’t think I was worthy of such a thing.

  “You blame yourself for not realising the truth of your feelings towards Brent sooner, but don’t you think he also shoulders some of the responsibility for your situation by not telling you how he felt? Nothing in life is ever one sided when it comes to relationships. There is always give and take. You both made mistakes, but you’re together now. Isn’t that far more important than living in the past with what could’ve beens?”

  I looked away, unable to take his gaze any longer. Brent and I were both responsible for not communicating with each other.

  “I guess it is.”

  “Forgive yourself, Jen, but most importantly, forgive him.”

  “I don’t…” I sighed. “You’re right. I do blame him too. I wish he’d said something. Wish he hadn’t just taken my shit. But I can’t dwell on it, like you said, the now is what I should be focusing on. And the now is fucking terrifying.”