Desperately Seeking Househusband

by Ray, Marika

  His head shook. “I don’t know what the hell that means, but I vote yes on that switch.”

  My face stretched wide with a grin. I was happy. Standing there, inhaling goat fumes, I realized I was having more fun than at any other point in my life. All because of my fake boyfriend.

  We eventually broke apart and hunted down more goats. Frank assured us all was well between him and Natalia now. She’d left after promising to never let that happen again with a coworker. I thought Frank might have been a bit too lenient, but who was I to impose on their marriage? Whatever worked for them was fine by me.

  Three goats still evaded our capture: Ramsey, Buttinsky, and Goat Milk. We split up again, with Rhett and I going a little farther out this time, thinking maybe those three had higher endurance and had really gone for mileage when they escaped. We didn’t really know the mind of a goat, so who knew if that was the right strategy. Our cameraman decided he’d gotten enough footage and had a seat in the car, mopping his face and praying for a good breeze.

  I panted hiking up the hillside, my legs on fire and no goat in sight. Rhett took mercy on me by wandering under a huge scrub oak tree and taking a break. The mid-day sun brought intense heat that didn’t help the situation. Rhett sat with his back to the tree trunk, pulling me down in front of him and between his legs.

  If this was meant to be a cool-off, it was failing miserably. His strong arms, the ones with streaks of dirt and a few red slashes from an angry goat’s horns, were banded tightly around me and pressing me into his hard chest.

  “Lay your head back and relax,” he murmured in my ear.

  “Don’t mind if I do.” I tilted my head back and laid it on his shoulder. I was thoroughly cocooned between the bracket of his legs, arms, and his scratchy chin next to my ear. With the breeze drifting below the giant oak branches and cooling the sheen of sweat on my skin, I closed my eyes and truly relaxed. This was heaven.

  A buzzing sensation beneath my skin kept me from nodding off into a nap. If I wasn’t mistaken—and I could be as it had been a while since I’d felt it with this force—the buzz was sexual awareness. Rhett was all over and around me, yet I needed more. Swiveling to the left, I let my lips graze his neck, finding his pulse beating far faster than sitting called for. He tasted faintly of salt and what I could only describe as Rhett. His signature taste was already imprinted in my head where I tucked that information away for my senses only.

  Rhett made a noise, half grunt half moan. His arms tightened around me and I knew it wouldn’t take much to ignite a wildfire out here on the hillside. Apparently Rhett wanted to test that theory as he lifted me up and guided my legs to straddle him. His hands cupped my face as he brought me in close. He didn’t immediately kiss me, which had me rocking against his lap shamelessly. Instead, he just nuzzled my face, inhaling me as he rubbed our cheeks together, first on one side, then the other.

  Just when I couldn’t take the tease any longer, he gave me his lips, plucking and tasting lightly when I wanted to be consumed. Rhett’s words from earlier had had time to seep into my awareness, waking me up to a whole new belief about myself. I wasn’t boring. I never had been. Now that I’d tossed aside Hew’s incorrect version of me, I was left feeling like I’d shed an old skin that had never fit me to begin with.

  I was wild.

  I wanted to be wild.

  I wanted to get wild with Rhett.

  His hand slid up the back of my shirt and for just a moment, I reverted to Gabby 1.0 and worried about how sweaty I was. Not knowing where my head was at, he nibbled on my lip like it was his to do with as he wished and I completely forgot about worrying. If we did it right, we’d be sweaty in a few minutes anyway.

  That hand slid around and cupped my breast through my bra, making my breath hitch. A strong breeze came through, cooling off my exposed back and leaving goose bumps in its wake. The rasp of his beard against my face felt carnal and necessary for my survival. The swipe of his tongue instigated my hip movement, the grind down against his hardening length as natural as breathing. Every sensation felt heightened. One kiss and he’d turned up the dial on every feeling. Sure, he’d already made me come in my bed with just his fingers, but this felt far more intimate.

  I met him with every thrust of his tongue, answering with enthusiasm in the form of involuntary groans and hands clutching at his clothing. He had way too much on, not nearly enough skin available for my liking. His mouth broke away from mine, moving down the column of my neck while he held my hip and encouraged the pace of my slow grind.

  When he licked my ankle, my eyes popped open to see the trunk of the tree we leaned against. Damn, that boy was flexible. He licked again and the lightbulb went off.

  We had a visitor.

  We’d become a threesome.

  I yelped, scrambling off Rhett’s lap to spy a goat standing by our feet. His horns looked unusually large from ground level. I grabbed Rhett’s shirt and pulled, like it could provide the shield I needed to ward off the amorous advances of the goat variety.

  “Help!” I yelled to anyone who would listen. I took one eye off the goat to glance at Rhett. He had a dazed smile on his face and he wasted precious time adjusting the flesh pistol. Had time allowed, I would have rolled my eyes at his masculine priorities. Instead, I decided this was my time to shine. I was Wild Gabby, ready for action and adventure in whatever form it came.

  “Stay back!” I hollered at the goat, jumping into a crouching position, hands out, poised to karate chop that motherfucker to the ground.

  Instead of a fight, he bleated rather pathetically and keeled over, legs stuck straight out like he was having a seizure. His name tag, Buttinsky, jangled as it hit the ground.

  I stared at him, horrified. “Did I just kill a goat?”

  Rhett stood up and pulled me out of my ninja crouch. “Nah. I think you just made him faint from surprise. I don’t think he’s used to badasses.”

  He pulled me in for a hug, while I made sure to keep an eye on the animal, feeling rather smug with my goat wrangling skills. For all I knew, though, that thing could spring back up. I wasn’t sure if goats knew how to play dead to get their way. My godsons sure did and I wasn’t falling for that crap.

  Rhett started to shake. For a split second, I thought the seizures were spreading.

  A ten-year-old girl’s giggle hit my ears and I realized Rhett was laughing.

  Laughing at me.

  I disentangled from his arms and stalked off to find greener pastures. On principle, I had to leave him there. There I was, saving us from being licked to death by Buttinsky and all I got was laughed at.

  “Okay, well, good luck carrying him back to the trailer,” I called over my shoulder. I mean, I would have stayed, even with the laughter at my expense just to get some more make-out time with Rhett, but with the half dead goat there, it would have been a little weird. I had standards.

  I could still hear Rhett laughing and then he said something loud enough I could hear, “There really is something primal about these damn goats.”

  I had no idea what that meant, but he could explain right after he apologized for laughing at me after I’d been assaulted by a deadly goat.

  23

  Rhett

  “Gabby…” I pleaded. Yes, actually pleaded with Gabby as we climbed the stairs to our bedroom. After trailing behind Gabby and her gorgeous ass booking it across the mountainside while I hauled Buttinsky back to the trailer, she’d given me the silent treatment in the car ride home. I’d tried all my usual tactics: jokes, compliments, distraction, and then finally hand holding that turned into more of a tug of war as I tried to keep us on the road and keep some part of me touching Gabby.

  At first I didn’t think she was all that upset about me laughing. I mean, come on. She’d literally scared the shit out of that goat, her chest puffed up with pride at her work. It had been the funniest thing I’d seen in years. Let’s not even get started on where all the blood flow was in my body at that point either. I h
adn’t really been thinking, I’d just been reacting. Not that I’d ever say this to Gabby, but really, my laughing was her fault. She’d kissed the hell out of me, making me discombobulated, and then knocked out a goat in a comical fighter stance without a gorgeous strand of hair out of place.

  That shit was funny.

  And totally her fault.

  She threw open the door to the bedroom and stalked to the bathroom, whipping her shirt over her head and throwing it to the ground in what might have been my dream come true. I nearly tripped over my own feet and came to an abrupt halt to take in the show.

  “Wait! Stop!” I threw my hands out, part of me slapping myself for stopping the strip show I’d give my life to see.

  She turned around, intrigued as I was that I wanted her to stop undressing. I swallowed hard, threatening my eyes with a roll in poison ivy if they drifted below her neck.

  “Please. Stop undressing or you won’t take my apology.”

  She cocked her head. “Explain that.”

  I took a step forward, clenching my hands into fists at my sides to keep them from reaching out to touch all that smooth skin already on display. “If you get undressed and I apologize, you’ll think I’m only saying sorry because of your naked status. And that would be untrue.”

  Gabby crossed her arms over her chest, which so didn’t help things. The movement pressed her breasts up higher and my damn traitorous eyes took it in before I wrangled them back up to her face. “Continue.”

  I nodded once. “The thing is, I think you’re adorable and so lovely I can’t help but be happy around you. And when I’m happy, I laugh. A lot. I can’t seem to help it. So, when I was laughing after you knocked out Buttinsky, it wasn’t laughter directed at you. It was just me being happy with your methods of goat apprehension. Distinct difference. I’m sorry you thought I was laughing at you, but I would never disrespect you like that.”

  She assessed me, those golden brown eyes flitting over my face and then briefly down my body, like the truth to my statement was down there somewhere. When the blush hit her cheeks, she nodded. “Okay, apology accepted. Wanna shower?” She uncrossed her arms like that was that, then hooked a thumb over her shoulder.

  I nearly swallowed my tongue. “Um, hell yeah, a shower would be great.” Did she mean together?

  She reached behind her and unsnapped her bra, letting it drop, along with my jaw. Of course. I should have known. Gabby, with the perfectly straight nose, gorgeous almond-shaped brown eyes, the always manicured burgundy nails, and gorgeously curved body that I was finally being granted the right to behold, had the most luscious breasts I’d ever laid eyes on. They weren’t big enough to distract from the rest of her, yet I knew from experience they’d fit perfectly in the palm of my hand. Her nipples pebbled as I watched. The sight stole the breath from my lungs. If this was my last moment on earth, it was well spent taking in the statuesque beauty of Gabriella Cole.

  Gabby lifted her hands to cup her own breasts before traveling down her flat stomach to the waistband of her jeans, popping the button and sliding the zipper down. Who would have guessed that Gabby was actually a seductress under those suits she wore to the office? I continued to watch, mesmerized. I may have even drooled a bit, but I think I was allowed a bit of bodily function loss, given the sensory overload.

  The jeans hit the tile floor before being kicked to the side by one perfectly muscled leg I’d seen in—and been tortured by—pajama shorts every night. All that stood between my eyes and Gabby’s naked body was a pair of black lacy underwear that matched her hair falling all around her shoulders. I finally moved, reaching for the wall next to me. I was a bit dizzy.

  Gabby hooked her thumbs in the sides of the thong, slowly inching it down her hips and then down her thighs. She turned, hips swaying in a mesmerizing motion, and I got an unobstructed view of her ass. When she finally stood back up, her thong pooled at her feet, she lifted her arms and gathered her hair to one side of her shoulders.

  I swallowed hard and followed the line on either side of her spine, taking in the whole of her. She was simply magnificent.

  In the next moment, I was moving without thought, needing to be closer to her like the air I really needed to breathe in if I didn’t want to pass out. My head lowered and my lips met with the back of her neck. She gasped. A waft of her perfume, plus a touch of sweat hit my nose, conjuring up images of sweaty skin sliding together. My body practically vibrated with need. Need to touch, need to taste, need to devour.

  “Rhett…” Her breathy moan was all the invitation I needed.

  My hands smoothed her hair away from her back, giving me full access to the skin I’d been dying to see and touch at will. Trailing a single finger down her spine, a pleasing sense of pride flooded my system as I saw her skin ripple in response to my touch. When I reached the swell of muscle below her waist, I fell to my knees and kissed each globe in reverence, holding her up when her knees buckled. My hands trailed down her legs, tracing the muscles I’d enjoyed seeing flex and move so gracefully these last few weeks, taunting me with their flawlessness.

  “Shower,” she breathed.

  I stood up, all too happy to follow her commands, even if they came out as moans. I moved away to flip on the water. When I turned back to her, she was now facing me, eyeing me in a way that heated my blood far hotter than any shower could.

  “Take off your shirt.” Gabby’s eyes widened, like she was surprised the words came from her mouth.

  I, for one, was delighted with her forthrightness. I loved a woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Especially when the commands, still on shaky newborn legs, came from Gabby, a woman just learning she deserved everything she desired from a man. Confidence wasn’t something she lacked in other areas of her life, so to see it come alive here in the bedroom—or bathroom—with me was hot as hell.

  Without missing a beat, I wrenched off my shirt and waited for her to tell me what else she wanted. She could take all day if she wanted. I had the best view in the house.

  She tilted her head while her gaze raked over my torso like an actual caress. A red-tipped nail found its way to her lips and I changed my mind. She didn’t have all day. She had precisely one minute before I tipped the scales and took over. I’d already exploded in my pants that one night. I wasn’t sure my ego could handle that happening again.

  “Pants,” she said, her voice gaining volume with each command.

  I kicked them off in record time, my muscles twitching with the effort of holding myself back. There was far too much space between the two of us.

  “Boxers.”

  I slid those off too, standing tall and proud, seeing her look her fill. I’d been dealt a few shitty hands in life, but I’d been dealt a damn good hand when it came to the thunder down under, if I do say so myself. He was proud of himself too, standing straight up at attention, all too happy to have the gaze of a beautiful woman.

  “Shower.” Gabby’s voice came out strangled, the pink of her cheeks turning decidedly red.

  I lunged for her hand, hauling her into the shower stall with me. She gasped as the spray hit us both, dousing us immediately. Her skin turned slick and now that she was in my grasp, I let my hands roam. She swiped her hair back from her face and I took the opportunity to get her lips back on mine. Her body melted against me as I deepened the kiss. Every second of wanting I’d felt the last few weeks, being in her presence and not being able to touch her like I wanted, rumbled through me, intensifying the kiss until it raged out of control.

  I pulled back abruptly, the image of Gabby fluttering her eyes open, her lips puffy from my kiss, the water sluicing down her naked body, engrained in my brain for all eternity. The thing was, I wanted her so badly I physically ached to lift her up and take her against the tiled wall until I couldn’t stand on my own two legs any longer.

  But more than that, I wanted to show Gabby a level of respect and care that she deserved. Which meant the shower wall was out of the
question. Clenching my jaw and summoning a level of maturity I had yet to reach in my twenty-eight years, I grabbed the soap instead of Gabby, sliding it across her belly. The sooner I got us cleaned up, the sooner we could be in her bed, setting the sheets on fire.

  She smiled shyly, always enchanting me with the many sides of Gabby. Just a moment ago, she’d been the seductress, telling me exactly what she wanted me to do. I could spend a lifetime trying to figure her out and still find something new to delight in.

  After she was thoroughly soaped up, she grabbed the bar out of my hands and returned the favor, taking her time on my chest and arms, then sliding down my abs. The tip of her tongue appeared between her lips and I just about reverted to my original plan of using the shower wall. Her slick hands wrapped around my gearshift and all thought was swept from my brain. I was just a pulsing organ at her mercy. She gave him a thorough washing, all the while I bit my lips and thought of all the things I hated in the world to keep from spilling myself all over her before I got inside of her.

  Pickles, natural deodorant, stingray stings, hangovers, cracking knuckles…

  “Did you say something?”

  Opening my eyes, I saw Gabby staring at me intently, the bar of soap no longer in her hands and the soapsuds completely washed away.

  Shit, I was wasting valuable time. I smiled at her, kissing away her confusion. I got us wrapped in towels and out of the shower.

  “Excuse me, I have to send a text.” I grabbed my phone out of the pocket of my shorts that lay on the ground. I thumbed out a quick text and waited for a reply.

  “Really, Rhett?”

  Gabby’s face held a trace of hurt, which jolted me out of my single-minded thoughts.

  “No, I—I’m texting the studio to get them to shut off our bedroom camera. I don’t want to share you.”

  Her face melted into the sweetest smile, making me feel ten feet tall. My phone pinged with a text confirming they’d shut it off for the night. Thank God. Game on.