Tactical Heart

by S. K. Rose

  I turn my head up, and he looks deep into my eyes with a curious expression.

  “This is kinda crazy, we just met, but...I really like you, Scarlett.”

  I bite my lip to hold back the giant grin that wants to take over my face. “I really like you too. Last night was…”

  “Perfect,” he whispers.

  I swallow hard and nod. It was hands down the best night of my life.

  Lifting my chin, he kisses me softly; there’s so much adoration in the way his thumb caresses my cheek that I feel tears pricking the back of my eyes. It’s been one night, one goddamn night, and every fiber in my body screams that I’m his.

  He steps back with a sheepish smile. “I’m gonna whip up some breakfast before you suck the remaining energy out of me.” He disappears into the kitchen, and I let my goofy smile reign free across my face.

  “That’s not the only thing I can suck again!” I call out, and something crashes to the floor. I giggle as he mutters something from the other room. “Hey, what’s that symbol on your chest? It looks really familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

  I take a seat in his plush gamer chair and wait for him to respond. After a few minutes, he comes out with a mixing bowl. “Did you ever play the game Command and Conquer?”

  My eyes widen as I place the logo. “Oh my god, your name…”

  “Yep.” He nods. “My dad is a big gamer, and Kane was one of his favorite characters of all time. His other two favorites were Max Payne and Handsome Jack...sensing a pattern here?”

  I open my mouth to respond, but all that comes out is laughter. When I regain control, I look up into Kane’s amused expression. “How the hell did your dad get away with naming all of you after video game characters?”

  “You think Mom knew that’s where they came from? She was just excited he wanted to play a part in picking out our names.” He snickers as he returns to the kitchen.

  I dissolve into another fit of giggles. I love his dad, and I haven’t even met the guy yet.

  My elbow knocks into the mouse on the desk, and his monitors jump to life. The login screen to Tactical Heart is up, the username and password box are already plugged in, sitting and ready for Kane to hit enter. The smile dies on my lips as I read his username.

  My stomach rolls, and I have a sudden urge to vomit all over his keyboard.

  No.

  I blink once, twice, but the username doesn’t magically change.

  It stays the same, staring back at me. Mocking me.

  No.

  I call out in a shaky voice I don’t recognize. “You...you’re KarnageKing13?” I ask.

  Say no.

  Say someone else was logged on to your computer, don’t tell me it’s you please, please, pleas—

  “Yeah, that’s my toon on Tactical, why what’s up?” He comes around the corner whistling but stops dead in his tracks when he sees my face. I stand up slowly, my heart pounding in my chest. I clutch my stomach that continues to churn.

  “Scarlett, are you okay?” His brows knit with worry.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and count backward from ten before I speak.

  “I’m RedWyrm.”

  He shakes his head in confusion. “Wait. What? That’s not even…”

  “You heard me,” I spit, yanking open a desk drawer and grabbing a handful of ballpoint pens. “I. Am. Red. Wyrm.” I toss a pen at him and watch it bounce off his shoulder.

  His jaw clenches as his face hardens. “What the hell are you talking about, Scarlett?”

  I cross my arms and jut out my chin.

  He takes a step back, understanding rippling through his expression. “You’re...my gamesis?” His hand flies to the back of his neck. “You’re the person who’s been ganking me for the past two years? Making my life a living hell? Do you know how many times I wanted to quit? How miserable you’ve made TH for me?!” The blood drains from his face.

  Good. Get mad. Show me your true colors, the garbage human I know you to be.

  I throw another pen, this one smacks his chest before falling to the floor.

  “Damn right, I take you out any chance I get. Not once did I let myself forget or forgive what you did, so any free moment, I spend hunting you down.” I’m seething.

  This can’t be happening to me, not now, not with him.

  He throws out his hands. “What did I ever do to you? We just met for fuck’s sake!”

  I chuck another pen, but he snatches it out of the air. Pointing the pen at me, he snaps, “Will you stop attacking me, and just talk to me?”

  I square my shoulders to him. “Video games were my only solace when I was a fucking pariah at school.” I hate the pathetic wobble to my voice. “Four years ago, I met you in Tactical Heart, Karnage. Of course I had a different username back then. I didn’t know you from Adam, but your record was impressive, always at the top of the leaderboards, and I was excited when you picked me to team up for the first national Tactical Heart tournament. I spent months grinding for the best armor and weapons. I honed my skills, and for the first time, I felt good about something. My father’s body wasn’t even cold yet, everyone at school despised me, and I was a disappointment to dear ole mom. The tournament was the only thing keeping me afloat. Then it was the morning of the tournament. Do you remember what you did to me, Kane?” I ask, venom dripping from my tongue.

  His eyes widen with recognition. “You...you were ScarScion?”

  “In the flesh,” I mock, throwing his words from yesterday back in his face.

  He moves to the living room and drops to the futon. “Fuck.”

  “What did you do to me? I want to hear you say it.”

  He gulps, looking away in shame. “I threw you out of our team the day of the tournament.”

  “That’s right,” I spit. “What else?”

  He cringes at my words. “To make sure you didn’t report me to the officials I...I got your character banned with some bullshit story.” His eyes become glued to the floor. “I thought you were just some annoying girl.” He blanches. “I was just using you as a placeholder for my friend.”

  My blood boils as I’m transported back to that day. “That’s fucking right. I suppose your sexist comment yesterday should have tipped me off, but I guess I’m still the fool. You dropped me because I was a nobody, a girl, and then not only was I unable to compete, but my toon was fucking wiped out of the game, all that hard work was ripped out from beneath me. Deleted forever.”

  And a Mavis doesn’t just hold a grudge, we get even.

  “Scarlett, please listen. I was a senior in high school and thought I was hot shit. Four years ago—that isn’t who I am now. I didn’t care about anyone or anything except my idiotic friends and winning. I was an asshole, and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I’m so, so sorry.”

  I ignore his solemn tone, and his bullshit words and push forward. “Of course, when I did finally create my new character, the first thing I did was hunt you down and take you out. And then I did it the next day, and the next day after that. Each kill feeling a little better than the last. As soon as I saw that you also applied to compete for the EkoTek Internship, I started coming after you even harder. Stunting your progress, so you would choke during the competition.”

  He shakes his head in confusion. “Wait, you’re competing for the internship, too?”

  “Of course I am,” I snap. “To do the art and animation for one of the best gaming companies in the world? I would do anything to get my foot in the door at EkoTek.”

  “Scarlett, you don’t understand. I need that internship. I only have one more year of college, and I need to make sure I’m going to get a good job. Doesn’t your family have loads of money? I’m sure you can use some elite connections to get in, but I don’t have that luxury.” He scrubs a hand over his face in frustration.

  My eyes narrow as the truth comes out. “That’s what you think? I’m just some princess who gets everything she wants at the snap of her finger?”
<
br />   He groans and drops his face into his hands. “That’s not at all what I meant. Can’t we put this behind us? I know I was a dick, a major dick, but I’ve changed so much since then. Besides, it has been years since this shit; with all the torment you’ve caused me, I would say we’re even. We can both compete and still be... Fuck! I really like you, Freckles, please don’t end this over a stupid mistake from my past,” he begs.

  I let out a cold laugh as I pick up my purse from the floor and move to the door. “Oh, do you really like me?” My voice is rising, but I don’t care. I’ve waited so long to get this off my chest, and he’s going to listen to every damn word. I no longer see the sweet date from last night anymore, nor the guy who rocked my world. Through the red haze, all I see is my enemy, the guy who crushed me without a second thought. “Since you really like me, that should erase the humiliation, the years of trying to prove to myself that I’m just as good as any gamer who has a dick hanging between his legs,” I snarl.

  Anger flashes through his eyes. “Look, I was an asshole…I’m not denying that. But nobody can make you feel like shit about yourself except you, don’t put that on me. It was fucking forever ago, Scarlett. I grew up, I changed, why can’t you see that? Hunting me down in Tactical is equally as selfish and childish as what I did to you, isn’t it? I can say I’ve matured since then—but can you?”

  I grit my teeth in fury. Moving lightning fast, I stand before him and shove my middle finger in his face. “Why don’t you sit and spin?” I shout, almost foaming from the mouth with rage.

  His eyebrows pop up. “You need to calm your ass down, crazy.”

  I crack my neck from side to side. “Oh, you haven’t seen crazy yet.”

  He looks to the ceiling and exhales through his nose. “What the hell do you want from me? I apologized, but you seem to just want to hold onto your fucking grudge. Nothing I say is going to matter, so just leave.” He points to the door, and I flip my hair and stomp over to it.

  “Best suggestion you’ve had yet. You’re a selfish prick, Kane. Me and you? We. Are. Done. You’re my enemy, and I will win the competition, get that internship, and fucking crush you in the process.”

  “Hah!” he shouts, waving his hands wildly. “Bring it the fuck on!”

  I reach for the door handle, but it turns before my fingers touch it. I jump out of the way as it swings in, almost hitting me.

  Leo strides in, hands full of groceries. Distracted by juggling a case of beer with several plastic bags, he passes right by without noticing me.

  “Kane, buddy, there’s more in the car, help me out, won’t you?” He sets down the beer and claps him on the shoulder. “Oh, Julie told me that the date went great, so you definitely earned those video games. Just tell me which ones you want, and I’ll buy them next pay…” His voice trails off when he sees Kane wince and jerk his hand across his neck, motioning for him to cut it out. Leo’s head swivels to follow Kane’s line of sight, his mouth forming an “o” when he sees me.

  “Oh shit, Hey S—Scarlett,” Leo sputters.

  Kane takes a step forward, his face softening “Scarlett, I—”

  My chin trembles, but I refuse to let him see me cry. “You had to be bribed to go on a date with me?” I whisper.

  He grabs fistfuls of his hair as he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

  I swallow hard. “Class act all around, Karnage. Glad we finally met, you’re exactly how I always imagined you to be.”

  Trying to muster what’s left of my dignity, I swallow hard, stand tall, and slam the door behind me.

  11

  Scarlett

  When the Uber drops me off at the arcade, I stalk to my car, kicking an empty can of cola that dares lay in my path. Thoughts buzz like a thousand bees in my head as I fire up the engine and rip out of the empty parking lot.

  Kane is Karnage.

  Karnage is Kane.

  Kane and Karnage are one in the same.

  No matter how many different ways the words form and reform in my head, the fact remains the same. The harsh truth sat right there, blinking on the monitor. Now all that’s left is for me to process like the calm and collected adult that I clearly am.

  Rolling up to the café, I order into the speaker box, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel until the car in front of me is gone. I force a smile at the freckled youth at the drive-thru window as he hands me a paper bag with my cookie dough cake pops.

  He smiles back and props himself up on his elbows. “Just waiting on your coffee, how are you doing this fine morning?”

  That fake smile was all I had left in my bag of sanity. Something inside me snaps as I dig inside the paper bag and yank out a cake pop.

  “Well, I just had the perfect date. And I mean fucking perfect; after a revolving carousel of men who hardly kept my interest, he was a nerdy beacon in the dark. And the sex?” A high pitched giggle emits from my throat. “The sex was transcendent, meet your maker magical, you hear? But it turns out that I banged the one fucking human on this earth who I loathe. The one person I imagine creative ways to mutilate in the dead of the night when I can’t sleep. That’s how my day is going—” I glance at his name tag. “Chuck.”

  My smile has stretched unnaturally wide, and my unblinking eyes remain trained on the barista. I open my clenched fist and feel bits of cake crumble into my lap.

  “I-uh. Well, that’s not,” he stammers, looking relieved when someone sticks a coffee into his hand. “Here’s your coffee and um here.” He turns quickly and snatches up another cake pop and offers them both out to me. “O—on the house.”

  As I reach out, I nod fiercely, blinking back tears as I cradle the treat and steaming coffee against my chest. “You’re a good man, Chuck. A good man,” I choke out, wiping away a line of snot with the back of my hand. His nervous smile is the last thing I see before I hit the gas and make my way home where I can have my mental breakdown in peace.

  With trembling hands, it takes me a few tries to get the key in the lock and open the door. For a split second, I’d considered going to Mom’s house where Julie would be when she got home from work. That idea washed away quickly with the image of my mother’s clasped hands and heavy sigh, her way of telling me how disappointed she is. Nessa should be in class for a few more hours at least; I’ll be able to wallow without her demanding to know every little detail of what happened. I don’t have the energy for that shit.

  Slamming the door shut behind me, I crawl into bed and yank the covers over my head. My nose is slammed with the lingering scent of weed and cologne. With a strangled yelp, I burst out of the covers and strip down to my underwear, tossing the tainted clothes into my hamper. With my knee on the mattress, prepped for my Olympian dive back into the sheets, I give a furtive glance back to my desk. Stomping over, I yank open the last drawer, jiggling the handle until it falls completely out of its slot. Dumping out the pencils and random junk to the carpet, I slide my nail along the inside edge until the false bottom pops up. Holding the drawer like a baby in my arms, I take it back to bed with me.

  Gently, I remove the long purple box from inside the hidden compartment and tear off the letter glued to the top.

  Scarlett,

  It’s you…Scarlett. There’s only one reason you would be opening this box right now. Shit has gone sideways, your world is crumbling, or the period cramps be strong. At this point in time, I’m betting it’s something the Momster did. She can be a right bitch, can’t she? Anyway, I’m here to remind you that this shit was expensive. Only to be used in a DIRE EMERGENCY. So bitch, you better be crying or dying. Oh um, I’m not good at this shit but...sorry? And feel better and stuff. Ooh, if somebody cheated on us again, kill them! I vote for murder, you know Jules will help you bury the body—she owes you. Okay, well, enjoy and don’t forget to replace it for the next time we might need it. Kisses for my bitches.

  XOXO, Past you.

  I roll my eyes at, well, myself, and toss the letter to the side. As I remove the li
d with elegant gold writing, I can almost hear a symphony of angels as I’m presented with row after row of smooth chocolate. Nestled in their beds, my eyes devour one exotic truffle at a time until I’m salivating. My prized treasure, French gourmet chocolate, that melts on your tongue in an explosion of flavor. I would say it’s better than sex, but that’s before I met…

  With a whimper of pity, I snatch up a red dusted truffle and pop it into my mouth. I lay back against my pillow and let the delicious taste of raspberry flavored chocolate chase away all thoughts of him. I tug the blanket back over my head, and in my little fort, nothing bad can reach me. It’s just me and the chocolate I spent a small fortune on to have shipped to me overseas.

  After I open the Spotify app and hit play on my favorite My Chemical Romance album, I lose all sense of time. The haunting voice of Gerard Way lulls me into a false sense of security, and I find myself blinking long and slow. Memories I thought were good and locked away come rushing back like they just happened.

  “Scarlett, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”

  I took a deep breath and slowly turned to face her. Her puffy face was mostly hidden by a black shroud, but I could still see her mouth set in a deep frown.

  “What?” I snapped, although I knew exactly why she was upset.

  “I put out a beautiful dress on your bed, go change right this instant.”

  Nails bit into my palm as I clenched my fist. “Do you really think Dad would give a shit if I’m in a dress or not?”

  The visible part of her face paled. “You will not speak to me that way. Go put on the dress. Now.”

  Tears filled my eyes for the tenth time since I’d rolled myself out of bed. Looking down, I traced my finger along the dragon on my chest. “Dad brought me this shirt the last time he came home.” There was a wobble to my voice that I hated. It showed weakness.