Tactical Heart

by S. K. Rose

  “Yeah? Didn’t stop you from trying to get in my pants every ten seconds did it?” she snarls.

  I rub my neck and look to the ceiling with a sigh. “I don’t want to fight. Maybe we could…”

  “No.” Her icy stare freezes me in place. “Your fault, my fault, it doesn’t even fucking matter anymore. We are a train wreck together, and you know it. Just, get out.”

  A single tear rolls down her face, but her features are set in certainty as she points to the door. Swallowing my words, I grab my shoes and swing open the door.

  “Women are fucking impossible,” I mutter under my breath as I slam the door shut behind me. With frustration swarming around my head like a pack of bees, I lurch forward. I don’t see the skinny kid standing outside the dorm until I’m barreling him over.

  “Shit man,” I hold out my hand to help him up. It’s not until he’s back on his feet that I realize where I know him from. “Oh perfect. Of course you’re here.”

  Brushing dark bangs out of his face, the punk known as “Wren” arches his eyebrow at me. “And from the pieces of conversation I just heard, you must be Kane.”

  “Eavesdrop much?”

  Wren smirks. “Yell much?”

  “Man, I’ve already had a huge itch to kick your ass, and if you keep talking, I’m gonna have to scratch it.” I roll my tongue across my lower gums and flex.

  “The punk and the geek? I don’t think that’s a fight anyone wants to see.”

  Fair point.

  “Why are you here anyway?” I sigh. The fight is already out of me; the brawl with Scarlett zapped my energy. I just want to get the hell home.

  “My band is playing in town, and I wanted to come see how she was doing. Last time I talked to her, she was masking her pain about you, so I wanted to make sure she was okay.”

  “Were you guys…” I can’t even bring myself to say the words. I steady myself for the truth.

  “Nah, man. It’s not like that. We’ve been online gamer friends since we were kids. Red is awesome, but she’s always been one of the guys—plus, I don’t think I could date a chick who could whoop my ass.” Pulling a cigarette out from behind his ear, Wren lights up and inhales. A sudden bang on Scarlett’s door makes us both swivel to look. Three more bangs and then silence. He holds out his hands as if that proves his point. “See? She’s fucking violent, man.”

  I chuckle. Yeah, but fuck if I don’t love that feisty side of her.

  “Got another one of those hidden in your hair somewhere?” I motion to his cigarette. I prefer weed, but I’ll take just about anything to help calm my nerves right now. He grins and pulls a pack out of his back pocket. I pull out a cigarette and take the lighter he offers me. I relish the burn as I suck in the nicotine.

  We both move to lean against the wall as a pair of college girls doing the walk of shame, strappy shoes clutched in their hands, pass by the row of dorms.

  Something still doesn’t feel quite right. “So you’re just here to be a good friend? Why not call first? She didn’t seem to have any idea you were coming...” I’ll sniff out the truth one way or another.

  Wren takes another drag on his cigarette. “Well, uh. I thought if I popped in out of the blue, maybe I would catch the roommate here…”

  I release a cloud of smoke with a laugh. “What, Vanessa? You into her?”

  His face sours. “What’s so wrong about that?”

  I suppress my laughter, not wanting to offend him. “Just...a strange match that’s all. You’re all brooding and dark, she’s loud and obnoxious.”

  He shrugs. “Love is strange.” I nod at the simple statement. “From all the shouting, I guess you guys didn’t work things out.”

  “Yeah,” I scoff. “Maybe it’s for the better.”

  “She’s talked about you a lot.”

  “All bad things I’m sure.”

  He shakes his head slowly. “You don’t get it. She’s never talked to me so much about anyone before. We kept our conversations about games, school, and sometimes relationships if her heart had been broken. But you? She wouldn’t shut up about you, man.”

  Before I have a chance to respond, I see Vanessa strolling up the path with two coffees. I nod my head her way, and Wren’s eyes widen when he sees her.

  She stops at the door and looks from Wren to me. “We havin’ a party out here, boys?”

  “Only when you showed up,” Wren responds, smooth as hell.

  She makes a tsking sound. “Sorry, el diablo, this is one fire you couldn’t handle.”

  “Only one way to find out,” he growls back.

  She rolls her eyes with a scoff, but gives him a small smile before disappearing into the dorm.

  I clap him on the shoulder. “Dude, you’re fucking crazy, and I dig it.”

  He smirks back and puts out his cigarette butt. “I’m gonna head in. We should game sometime. I want a chance to kick the champion’s ass on Tactical Heart.”

  Agreeing, I start heading toward the parking lot and pull up the Uber app on my phone. Realizing I have no idea what his gamertag is, I turn to see him frozen with his handle on the door. His eyes are downcast, and I could swear he was just...checking out my ass?”

  “...he’s into crazy chicks and crazy dicks for that matter.”

  Yep. I understand that phrasing now.

  Face red, I flip back, and his laughter follows me to the parking lot.

  30

  Scarlett

  Reaching under my bed, I pull out a small wooden treasure chest. Flipping open the lid, I hear a symphony of angels as I feast my eyes on the overflowing stash of candy. As if I would only have one emergency stash. I grab a pack of Skittles, a Pez in the shape of Porky Pig, and a rope of Nerds. Ripping open the Nerds first, I bite off a piece and chew it angrily.

  How dare he.

  How dare he be here a—a—nd help me get home when I was drunk and have fears about things not working out.

  How dare he look sexy without a shirt on and feel so good with his chest pressed against me in my bed.

  But most of all, how dare he give up so easily. He should have stayed, should have fought, but he gave up. He gave up ‘cause he’s a fucking coward.

  Grabbing a sneaker from the shoe rack, I throw it at the door.

  Fuck yeah that felt good.

  I grab another. Thump.

  Two more. Thump, thump.

  I cringe when the heel of a stiletto chips off paint from the door. Flopping back onto my bed, I chew off another bite of the rope covered in delicious nerd candies. I almost cry when I turn into the sheets and inhale his faint scent of weed and Irish Spring soap all around me.

  I don’t know how long I’m lying in a pool of self-pity when Nessa comes flying in. I have the bag of Skittles opened and ready to pour into my mouth when she locks eyes with me.

  “Scar…” She sets the two coffees down slowly on my desk. “You don’t have to do this. Put. The. Bag. Down.”

  I angle the bag, and two Skittles plop into my greedy mouth.

  “Think of the calories!” she cries out, lunging forward to snatch the bag. Before she can reach me, I pour the entire bag over my face, darting out my tongue to catch as many as I can.

  “Pendeja!” She laughs, scooping up a pile of Skittles and throwing them at me. I’m in the middle of scooping up my own ammo when there’s a knock at the door.

  “El Diablo,” Nessa whispers as she makes the sign of the cross across her chest.

  “Kane is not the devil.” I sigh. “He’s just an asshole.”

  “Not that one, I’m talking about the cabrón in all black with a dark soul.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “He’s got the pentagram tattooed on his arm. Malvado. Evil.”

  “Oh, chill out.” I cross the room and open the door to find Nessa’s devil—Wren. “What the heck are you doing here?” I squeal as I yank him inside.

  He gives me a sheepish grin before his eyes dart to Nessa and back. “My band is playing in town this weekend, and I just
wanted to check on you.”

  I bounce between him to Nessa and give him a knowing look. “Uh huh. I see. Well, besides this massive hangover and being pelted with candy bullets...I’m fine,” I lie.

  “Yeah, usually when I hear people screaming at each other, it means everything’s just fine,” he says sarcastically, taking a seat at my desk and making himself comfortable.

  “Eavesdrop much?” He laughs and shakes his head. “What? What’s so funny?”

  “That’s exactly what the boyfriend said to me.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “By the way, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about until he walked away, and the view was mighty fine…”

  “Don’t check out my boyfriend!” I screech and slap a hand over my mouth.

  Crossing his arms with a smug smile, Wren kicks his feet up on my bed and leans back into the chair. Scuttling forward, I kick my foot out, and his studded boots fall back to the floor with a thump.

  “So why was your ‘not boyfriend’ here anyway?”

  I look toward the wall. “He kind of stayed the night.”

  Wren swivels toward Nessa. “Can you keep up with them? ‘Cause I gotta say, it’s all very confusing.”

  “Not even a little,” Nessa responds. “But they’re nerds, this stuff isn’t really their thing.”

  I let my head loll back with a sigh. “I’m literally right here.”

  Wren’s eyes don’t even flick away from my roommate. “When I know what I want, I go for it. No games. Know what I mean, Vanessa?”

  She clears her throat and pretends to ignore him as she starts rummaging around her desk drawer and pulls out a bottle of nail polish.

  “Wren,” I snap.

  With a smirk, his gaze slides back to mine. “Alright, Red, so what happened? Catch us up.”

  Leaving out the more embarrassing parts, I tell them about my interesting night. Starting with the messages I found waiting for me on Tactical Heart. Once I’m finished, I cringe, waiting for the proverbial anvil to crash on my head.

  “Let me get this straight,” Nessa begins evenly. “You went out to a bar without anyone having to knock you over the head and drag you there by force? Puñeta!”

  “I did it for women empowerment, Nessa. I had to!”

  She makes a clicking sound in her cheek but seems to decide it’s an argument for another time as her voice drastically softens. “You acted out of crazy jealousy last night. You’ve got it bad, chica.”

  “I do not.” I turn back to Wren. “Do you really have the sign of the Devil tattooed on you?” I ask, more curious than anything.

  “Who wants to know?” He looks Nessa up and down, but she’s suddenly focused on painting her nails. He grins wolfishly as if he enjoys the challenge.

  “I want to know, you little weirdo.” I snap my fingers in his view.

  He laughs and rolls up his sleeve to show me. “Nah, I don’t worship the Devil, just really frugal with my money.” Inked above his bicep is the star of David.

  “You’re Jewish?”

  “Right out of the Promised land, baby.” He rolls his sleeve back down and turns to Nessa. “But the nice Jewish girls Ma brings around don’t really do it for me.”

  “In your dreams, Diablo,” she hisses.

  “We’ll see.” His amused gaze returns to me. “So, seems like you guys ended on a good note. I mean you did ask him to stay the night, so why kick the nerd out?”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t hear with your ear pressed to the door,” I snap. “He purposefully distanced himself because he’s got commitment issues or whatever. I love games but not when it comes to a relationship. I need a man, and he’s proven himself to be just a boy.

  “He’s got some fears, and you put a video game over having a relationship. I’d say you’ve both got issues but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a shot.”

  I scowl at the implications. “It wasn’t just a video game; it was my career.”

  He holds up his hands in defense. “I know. I know. I’m just saying, maybe cut the guy some slack. The pain was written all over his face; he really cares about you.”

  “As if you could tell he was in pain. What—did he cry on your shoulder out there?”

  “I’m a musician, Red. You think my best work comes from tuning into my own devoid soul? Nah, I read people, I tune into their body language, and I watch their story unfold with my eyes. Shit, I’m itching to write some lyrics just being around all this emotional distress.” With that, he snatches a notebook and a pencil from my desk and starts furiously writing.

  “Aww,” Nessa coos. “He’s writing a song about your nerd love.” I shoot her a glare that she doesn’t see as her eyes are glued to her nails as she holds them up to the light.

  “Of course I like him, and miss him, and think about him all the fucking time, but—”

  “Stop,” Nessa demands. “Mi amor, that right there? I’ve never felt even a little bit that way about anyone. No lo sigas negrando—Don’t keep denying this. If you’ve found someone who makes you crazy, happy, and alive—you’re even more of a pendeja than I thought.

  “More importantly,” Wren interjects, looking up from the notebook. “Is he worth pausing a video game for?”

  I think back to our first date. How much I laughed when he tried to break into the claw game and the fire I felt with our first kiss in the photo booth. He’d selflessly convinced my mom to watch me compete, ultimately leading us down a path of reconciliation. He blew into my life with his geeky charm and everything in my life is better because of it.

  “Ugh,” I grumble. Scooting to the end of the bed, I reach over Wren and yank open the desk drawer. I fish out my silver dragon ring and hold it between my fingers.

  I need to sleep on this, no more rash decisions. I’ll be an adult and figure this shit out in a responsible manner.

  You know what you want.

  Shit, I hate when inner Scarlett spits the truth. I slide the ring on my finger and feel my lips tug into a small smile.

  “Date the man, don’t marry him,” Wren chides.

  I roll my eyes and flop back onto the mattress with a heavy sigh.

  31

  Kane

  “You look like hammered shit.”

  “Love you too, pops.” I drop onto the couch beside my little brother who’s engrossed in his cartoons.

  “Jack, go watch TV in your room. I need a chat with your older brother.”

  “Ooh, you’re in trouble.” He smirks. I stick my tongue out, and he smiles as he saunters off to his bedroom.

  Dad takes Jack’s seat beside me and looks over with concern. “Last time you were here, you were over the moon, excited to start your internship. What’s going on?”

  I groan and scrub my face with my hands. “I’m an idiot.”

  “He messed things up with Scarlett again,” Mom talks over a running faucet from the kitchen.

  “Is that right?”

  I blow out a breath. “Is she ever wrong?”

  Dad chuckles. “Not often, son, not often.”

  “I keep screwing things up. Pushing her away ‘cause I’m scared of not having her in my life.”

  “You want to be with her but...you...don’t want to be with her?” He scratches his head in confusion. “Son, I don’t think I’m following.”

  There’s a clatter of dishes from the kitchen, and we hear Mom sigh. With a dish towel strung over her shoulder, she comes barreling in.

  “Darlin’, I was really rooting for you, but I think I better take this one.”

  Dad rockets to his feet with a scowl. “I can handle a simple girl problem, woman, get back in that kitchen.” He seems to regret his words immediately as he swallows hard and takes a small step back.

  Mom’s voice drips with venom. “Wanna run that by me again, husband of mine?”

  Plucking the towel from her shoulder, he gives her a meek smile. “Let me, uh, finish drying those dishes for you, sweetness.”
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  “Why that would be wonderful of you, dear.”

  The nicer she sounds, the scarier her eyes get. Dad must be into that kinda thing since he married her. Although Scarlett is kinda scary and assertive, too.

  Did I... fall for a girl just like my mom?!

  A shudder works its way through me as I push the thought into the depths of Hell where it can’t hurt me.

  “Now, honey.” Mom sits beside me and places a hand on my back. “When I met your father, I had the exact same fears. He was so handsome, so wonderful, that the thought of having him and losing him terrified me.”

  “Really?” Finally, someone who understands.

  She presses her lips together as if she’s fighting off a laugh. “No. Your father was a slob who drank too much. Only reason I gave him that second and third date was because he was wild between the sheets.” She looks into the distance fondly as if reliving a memory.

  “Hey-ohh!” Dad shouts from the kitchen.

  My insides coil in revulsion. “Gross. Please stop or kill me.”

  She chortles. “You’ve always had your head in the future. Worried about your brothers, worried about me and your old man, stressed about getting perfect grades and the perfect job. But if you keep worrying so much about the future, the present is gonna slip by under your nose. It’s okay to take chances, to take risks, because honey, those gambles can come with the sweetest rewards.”

  “I think I love her, Mom,” I say the words out loud and realize there’s no question that I do.

  “You wouldn’t be such a mess if you didn’t, sweetheart. Better pull up your britches and make things right before it’s too late.”

  “It might already be.”

  She pulls me in for a tight hug. “Only one way to find out.”

  The gears in my head grind with different ways I can win Scarlett back. I can’t just show up with flowers and an apology; she’s not just any girl. She’s proud, and I’ve wounded her ego by being a tool.

  Then it hits me. I think back to our first date and realize I know the perfect way to not only show her I’m completely in, but maybe even do a little damage control in the process.