Secrets of Spain Trilogy

by Caroline Angus Baker

  4

  Valencia, España ~ Agosto de 2009

  No matter how smooth the train trip from Madrid to Valencia was, Luna thought she would be sick. She sat curled up in her seat with her head against the window. The view out across the plains of Castile-La Mancha, with the fields of sun-scorched earth stretched out before her, but she couldn’t even open her eyes. She wanted to bawl, cry out the agony of what she had just done. Her eyes were wet under her huge dark sunglasses, and she didn’t dare move a muscle, or the droplets would pour down her face. She could barely move her muscles anyway. Her body ached, awakened when Cayetano had made love to her. She must have held on to him tight with all four limbs, because every time she moved, everything burned in pain. She throbbed from the inside out from what they had done, whether that was from the physical act that they had committed – twice – or from the guilt. She had slept with a man who she didn’t know. A few cheeky glances and a few flirty lines and she was on her back. Luna wanted to wake up this morning and feel good about herself. She had overcome a massive hurdle in moving on after the death of her husband, but she had thrown herself away on a mistake. Luna wasn’t cut out for this; she wanted to love someone. Sure, when she lay in bed at night she wanted a man there, but a physical partner wasn’t enough for her. Since there was no man for her anymore, a sexual substitute didn’t suit at all. She felt conflicted in so many ways. Cayetano had asked for her phone number, and she had given it to him, but she didn’t expect to hear from him. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear from him, but if she gave out her number it meant that she could fool herself and think that they had just had more than a cheap one-night stand. None of this made any sense. Last night it had seemed like a great idea. To have him close made her feel alive again. She had woken up to another world. A world where she wasn’t miserable, and that only brought on more guilt. Her husband was dead. You shouldn’t get over that and be happy. This man, this Cayetano, was dangerous. He had brought feelings she didn’t know she wanted to have bubbling to the surface.

  ‘Have you ever wanted to be seduced?’ ‘Many times’. Many times? How could you say something that ridiculous? Sure you think it, you don’t say it! In one night, Luna had ruined what had been a private adult life. The only man that had ever laid a hand on her was her husband, and now she had let herself be used. God, it had felt good. Caught up in the bed sheets, the way her legs felt weak when he opened them, the throbbing that pounded its way through her veins as he took her. The way his lips bit at hers as his hands ran over her naked body. The way he growled when she had placed her hands inside his firm thighs to touch him. She had done that.

  Luna took a deep breath and unlocked the door to her apartment, eager to see her family. What had happened in Madrid could stay there. She needed to go into her apartment and back into her life. The moment she stepped through the door she saw her gorgeous redheaded sons run from the living room into the entrance way with enormous smiles.

  “Mummy, you’re back!” Enzo squealed, and wrapped his little arms around one leg. Enzo was her soft, gentle one, the sweet soul, a total angel.

  “We missed you,” Giacomo said. “You’re home early. Did you bring us presents?” Giacomo was the boss of the two boys, so he thought. He had begun to develop a personality much like Fabrizio’s, which amused his mother.

  “I did,” she said, and they moved into the living room, where she unzipped her case to pull out the puzzles she had brought them, to more squeals of delight. “Where’s Darren?” she asked them. He should have been with the boys.

  “He’s in the shower,” Enzo said, without looking up from where he had sat at the table with his puzzle. “He said he would be quick.”

  “I will go and see if he’s out,” she said and ran her hand through Giacomo’s curly red hair. “Can you boys play here for a moment?”

  “Yep,” they both replied quickly in unison.

  Luna headed down the hall, past her office and the children’s room, past her own bedroom, and down a second hallway to Darren’s room. He had a large bedroom and bathroom in a separate part of the apartment, away from the bustle of children. Luna had given it to him when he moved in, in case he had a girlfriend to bring home and didn’t need the interruption of his best friend and her two kids in the way. Darren never had given her any indication that he was seeing anyone. Ever. Not once in the almost three years he had lived there since Fabrizio had died. She knocked on the partially open bedroom door, to no answer. She went into the empty room, but she could hear a noise in the bathroom. She sat down on the end of the bed. Then it hit her - she couldn’t tell Darren about last night. Imagine how hurt he would be, that she would do something like that behind his back. Behind his back? You aren’t with Darren, Luna. You should be with him, and you know it. That is why he doesn’t bring women home – you are the woman in his life, and you let him think that. Luna watched Darren come out of the bathroom in just a towel, and his face lit up in a mixture of shock and surprise. “Lulu! What are you doing here?”

  “I live here.”

  “I was going to meet you at the Estació del Nord.”

  “I got the early train instead. I wanted to come home this morning.”

  “I was watching the kids, I swear. I was in the shower for only a few minutes. I thought they would be fine,” he stuttered.

  “Of course they are,” she dismissed his worry. “You have done a great job with them. I appreciate it.”

  “I have something to tell you,” he said as he tightened the towel around his waist. “But… it’s quite serious. About Giacomo.”

  “What?” she frowned. “What happened?”

  Darren crossed the room and poked his head down the hallway, to make sure the boys weren’t in earshot. He turned back to her and ran his hand over his mouth. “This morning, I made them breakfast. When I gave Giacomo his cereal, he just looked up at me and said, ‘thank you, Papá’.”

  “Shit,” Luna said slowly. Giacomo and Enzo didn’t know their father at all, and never would. Luna and Darren had never given them the impression that Darren was their father.

  “I guess the other kids talk that about their fathers at school, you know, talk about their home lives.”

  “The day had to come where they started asking questions.” There he was - Luna’s best friend since she was 18. The man was gorgeous, stood there in next to nothing, his toned athlete body still a little damp. Luna knew how he felt about her, but she always felt too guilty to act on it. If she could whore herself out, she could take her relationship with Darren up a gear. Her kids thought he was their father. He had done so much for her. He knew her so well. He was the one she had to be with in a relationship. You can move on, and the perfect man is right in front of you.

  “I have to confess, I didn’t correct him,” Darren said, and watched her stand up. “I didn’t know what to say, so I just let the moment pass. I... I didn’t know how you would react.”

  “They do what they feel is right,” she replied. She took a few steps to stand right in front of him. “You’re the male role model in their lives.”

  “I take it seriously.”

  “Thank you for giving me a night off.”

  “You’re very welcome. Do you feel better for it?”

  “I have had a lot time to think,” she replied. “About me, the kids, you… did you miss me?”

  “I did. I put the kids to bed last night, and then had no one to curl up with on the couch.”

  “Would you like to curl up with me now?”

  “I think you know what I want.” He didn’t touch her, in case he frightened her off. He had hoped so many times that she felt the same way he did, but he had never been sure, and couldn’t push her. Not after all she had been through with Fabrizio.

  This is where you belong, Luna. Forget last night. Do you want a man in your life? Make the logical choice. She reached up and grazed her lips against his, and hoped he would take the lead from her. She kissed him just a little, just to try o
ut the moment that would take them from friends to something considerably more. She felt him respond, and kissed him again, fuller this time, and he took over the power of the moment. He brought his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace and thrust his kiss on her lips, which opened her unguarded mouth with his tongue. For the first time in 15 years, he was able to explore what it would be like to kiss her. Luna ran her hands around his bare body, to knead his flesh with her fingers. It didn’t have the excitement she had hoped for, but she could feel that he enjoyed it far more than she did.

  “Mummy!” they heard Enzo call down the hallway, and they pulled themselves apart. Darren tightened his towel again just as the boy appeared in the doorway. “Mummy,” he said again. “Can we go to see the dolphin show again today?”

  “Sure, why not,” Luna said.

  “Are you going to come, Darren, or do you need to go riding?” the boy asked innocently.

  “It’s a family day, of course Darren could come, can’t you?” Luna asked.

  “I don’t want to be anywhere else,” he replied.

  “We should let Darren get dressed,” Luna said and ushered the boy from the bedroom. Last night may have been a secret, a stolen season, but it had opened up Luna’s world and attitude all of a sudden.

  The day had passed like any Saturday in the Montgomery house. Luna and Darren took the kids to the aquarium for a family day out. They had sat either side of the boys at the dolphin show. Darren’s arm was stretched out around the boys, and he twirled a lock of Luna’s black hair in his fingers while they sat there. She didn’t dare move the entire time. Every time she closed her eyes she could see last night, and she was full of guilt.

  The boys were tucked up in bed at their usual time, exhausted from a day out in the Valencian heat. Luna cleaned the kitchen as Darren read the twins a book and put them to bed. When Luna had finished in the kitchen, she wandered out into the living room, where Darren sat with his feet up on the couch in front of the television. He glanced up over his shoulder when she came into the room, and gave her a smile without a word. Luna stood for a moment, and wondered what to say. Her spot was right next to him in the evenings. She would sit against him with her head on his shoulder. To start with it had comforted her night after night while she cried after the death of her husband. Then she began to feel better, and now it was… habit? Comfort of another kind? Just 24 hours ago she didn’t need to question anything. “Where am I supposed to sit?” she asked him. Darren pulled his feet back, and she sat down next to him. “What are you watching?”

  “The news has some story about a bullfight in Madrid. It was a big one. One of the most revered and admired toreros in Spain.”

  “Ooh, sexy matadors.”

  “Not matadors, they’retoreros. Remember your Spanish.”

  “Don’t pick on my Spanish! Fine, toreros. Either way, you’ve got to love those tight pants.”

  “I thought that’s what you loved about us cyclists.”

  “Yeah, I like you boys for that. Yesterday was crazy in Madrid. They enjoy their bullfighting season.” Cayetano was probably there at Las Ventas tonight. He had rushed off for work.Just don’t think about him. “Who is this bullfighter that we are waiting to see?”

  “The one and only‘El Valiente’ Beltrán.”

  “‘El Valiente’ is his nickname?” Luna asked, sceptical at the cheesy title. “I guess we’re about to see how brave ‘the courageous’ one really is when faced with a bull.”

  “Apparently he is pretty good.” Darren glanced back to her, and she looked right at him. “Are you going to tell me what this morning was about?”

  “Did you not like it?”

  “I think you could feel how much I liked it.”

  “I don’t know what that was about.”

  Darren reached out and took her hand. “Why don’t you come here and try to explain it?” he suggested. She moved over to lie against him as the two of them reclined on the couch. The atmosphere between them had changed. Wasn’t that what she wanted when she kissed him? She looked at her hand that sat on his chest. “I’m confused.”

  “What can I say that might help?”

  Luna looked up at him, and he stared straight back. “I know you are in love with me. I know you have been the whole time you have lived here. I know you were even when I was married.”

  “I will apologise for that, but I won’t apologise for loving you now.”

  “I have thought about moving on after Fabrizio died,” she said. “But… it never seemed the right time to do that. The whole thing is still so fresh.”

  “Only you know what is right for you, Lulu. I’m never going to ask anything of you.”

  “I’m lonely. I’m lonely in a way that a friend can’t help. I want to take my life back. I’m angry about what happened to me. I’m upset Fabrizio is dead. I want to be myself again, not the widow. Not the single mother. Last night, in Madrid, I was myself.”

  Darren chuckled at the determined yet cute look on her face when she spoke. Luna wasn’t a sweet girl. She had a temper. She was strong. She obviously wanted her feisty nature back, just like Darren did. “Maybe it was time I just said what I think every time I look at you.”

  “What?”

  “I love you. Every time I look at you, I know I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be with the boys. I love everything you do, every time we are together, no matter what you’re doing. I want you. When I am away for work, I want you to come with me. I am in love with you.”

  Luna leaned forward and kissed him just once. “I want you to show me where we go from here,” she whispered against his lips.

  “I don’t want to push you.”

  “I want you to push me.”

  Darren swamped her lips with his, and brought her body on top of his. He placed one hand on the back of her head and gave her a furious kiss. It was the woman he had yearned for, at last letting him follow his desires. She kissed with all the power he imagined. She was no shrinking violet under his spell, and her strong will was behind every move. He got his hand up under her shirt, but just as his fingertips dipped into her bra cup, the television roared, and it broke the spell.

  “Cayetano is down!” the presenter yelled at the top of his lungs. “He’s injured, this is incredible!”

  “He got gored!” Darren exclaimed. He looked past Luna at the screen. “Typical, all these years of watching fights and now a guy gets gored, and we missed it!”

  “His name is Cayetano?”

  “Yeah, Cayetano ‘El Valiente’ Beltrán Morales.”

  Luna scrambled from Darren and stared at the screen. Sure enough in the close up shot, there was Cayetano. Her Cayetano. Works at the bullring, he said. Helped with the bulls, he said. Cayetano was a torero, a matador. Not just any bullfighter, but the best. Her eyes could barely keep up with what she saw. The replay was of Cayetano doing the faena, the display with his red cape and sword. He was dressed in a red and gold traje de luces, his suit of lights. It was so well-fitted to his muscles. That was the man she had been with last night; only now he was a whole new person. His face was stone cold with concentration, his curly hair slicked back. She watched the replay as the bull rammed its horn into his thigh, and blood spilled onto the dusty earth beneath him. She watched as the bull was chased away by the cuadrilla, Cayetano’s entourage of fighters, but he lay in agony. The medic crew had rushed to his aid. “Oh my God,” she muttered.

  “He will be all right,” Darren said. “It looks as if the bull grazed him. It’s not a full goring.”

  “I cannot believe it!” the Spanish presenter cried, as excited as a starving dog who could see dinner. “Never has Beltrán suffered a loss of concentration like that!”

  “He has paid for it!” the other presenter said. They had to yell over the cries in the full arena. “Rumour had it this morning that he was late to his preparations, and was out last night. He could be tired out there in the ring today.”

  “That is not behaviour
typical of Beltrán,” the first presenter said. “But if it’s true, he has paid dearly.”

  “How would they know he was out last night? How would anyone find that out?” Luna asked. Oh shit. He had been tired from last night and messed up, and it could have killed him.

  “Maybe they guessed,” Darren shrugged. “If you watch the replay, he does seem a little slow out there.”

  In the replay, all Luna had seen was the fire in his eyes, the honey brown filled by the flecks of green, just like she had seen the night before when they had sex. This whole thing no longer seemed like a stolen moment. Now it had a consequence.

  “His wife is down at the ringside,” the presenter said. “She will be able to see him once they take him from the ring.”

  “His wife!” Luna cried. “This guy is married?”

  “Yeah,” Darren said. “To that woman on Tele 5, who fronts that lifestyle programme. María something. María Medina? Why?”

  “Nothing,” she snapped. “He’s a fool. A fuckwit who kills animals for entertainment.”

  “Are you okay, Lulu?”

  Luna turned in her seat and faced Darren. Now the mistake she had made was a thousand times worse. Stupid fucking girl. “I’m not good enough for you,” she shot out in an abrupt subject change.

  “What?” Darren frowned. “Why would you say that?”

  “I’m an idiot. You need a woman who will treat you the way you deserve.”

  “That sounds like a bullshit way of giving me the brush off.”

  “It’s not. I just… why would you wait for me to make my mind up about us?”

  “Because I love you,” he shrugged. “It’s pretty simple.”

  Luna glanced back at the television for a moment. She would have felt sorry for Cayetano if he hadn’t been married. She turned back to Darren, who sat there full of expectation. To tell him about the night before wouldn’t to do any good. She did feel guilty, and she wouldn’t feel that way if she didn’t have feelings for Darren. “I love you, you know that, right?”