Love Me Once (The Infamous Forresters Book 3)

by Eliza Lloyd

  “Once or twice a week, perhaps.” She wound her arm in his and led him back to the house. “The rest of the week requires penance.”

  “It seems I am forgiven?” he asked.

  “Uncle, you test my patience at times, but in regard to my husband, I think you ought to have care with how lightly, or heavily, you decide to tread. He is not so forgiving of men like you, including your past associates.”

  He hmpfed.

  “Do you expect me to lie to you under the circumstances? With Roman, it is best to be direct.”

  “You mean, more accurately, it is better to have eyes in the back of my head.”

  “Uncle, your stay at Las Colinas is tenuous. Please don’t upset anyone here, especially Papa or Roman.”

  They walked up a flight of stairs to a veranda overlooking the valley. A servant followed them up.

  “A bottle of wine, Paloma.”

  “Sí, Señora.”

  “Oh, and would you let my father know my uncle is home? Perhaps he would like to join us.”

  “Sí.”

  “Not your husband?” Uncle said, as he pulled out a chair for Shelene.

  “He is not here. Roman doesn’t live at Las Colinas.”

  Uncle laughed. “He has not lined his nest yet? What a fool your husband is.” He glanced at Shelene. “What? Ho, my dear, you are making him keep his distance. That is very shrewd of you. When you welcome him home, you will get anything you want.”

  “It is not a game, Uncle. Ah, here’s Papa.” He was followed by the servant with a tray, including glasses and the bottle of wine, which was set on the table between them.

  “Belgrano. You have returned.”

  “Join us for drinks. I can tell you all about my trip.”

  “Nothing nefarious, I hope. Let me pour,” Papa said. He popped the cork and filled the three glasses, handing one to Shelene then sitting beside her.

  “Why is it everyone has a difficult time believing my past is in the past?”

  “Are you sure Shelene is the person to ask such a question?” Papa said to her uncle. Papa had understood her since she was a young girl, and even apart for so many months, he still grasped her feelings.

  “Papa, please. People change, just not the men I know,” she said. “You, for instance. Pretending you are happy on land, but knowing you dream of your ships every night.”

  Papa laughed. Uncle Francisco lifted his glass in a salute. “Saludo.” He set his glass aside. “So, where is the Lion of England?”

  “Roman? Is that what you call him?” Shelene laughed, pressing her fingers to her lips. A lion? Yes, he was!

  “He likes to roar, more than he can devour,” Uncle Francisco said.

  “Are we talking about the same lion?” Shelene asked. She was told of the brutalities her uncle had committed. War was the excuse he had used when asking for forgiveness. Those realities warred against the truth that he was family—one of the few family members she had left. He even looked like her mother when he was sipping wine on a sunny afternoon.

  When he was unhappy, and she had seen those moments too, she experienced internal fear and the sheer force of his will. Was he particularly happy now because no one challenged his position at Las Colinas?

  “I saw the new Arabians in the stalls. Is it true you are starting a new breeding program?”

  “A gift from Roman. We plan to establish a line worthy of the Hightower and Forrester dynasties.”

  “With a man you are barely talking to?”

  “Careful, Belgrano. You think Roman Forrester is the Lion of England? Have you met the Tigress of Spain?” her father said.

  Shelene glanced at her father, lids lowered, feeling a smug delight at the comparison. “You needn’t worry, Uncle. Brahim’s son, Udad, will likely handle the details. He can coordinate with Roman as much as he desires.”

  “I would be glad to be part of such an endeavor. The Belgrano line has always been a strong one.”

  “We’ve done no serious breeding over the past two years. Only maintained what we had. I think it will be best to start with new stock, rather than a ragtag group of nags,” she said. It was a poor insult, one that would hurt Cortes and Udad more than her uncle, but he raised his brows, her criticism hitting a mark. “What do you think, Papa?”

  “Your mother loved her horses, but I’ve always been more interested in wine and cheese. But it can never hurt to have additional sources of income to ensure Las Colinas prospers,” Papa said. “Aside from the horses, what other business opportunities have you been pursing. In Malaga?”

  “Not business. Pleasure. I have friends there.”

  “One hopes it isn’t the sort of friends to bring ill-favor upon our serene valley,” the commodore said.

  Shelene glanced between the men. He father, not of great stature, but of great presence, had the sort of authority that Roman did. Her uncle, on the other hand, tried to make his presence formidable and often he tried too hard.

  “I am of the opinion that we must always be prepared, no matter the circumstance. You know there is trouble brewing in all the provinces. It is imperative that we have the right friends,” her uncle said.

  “It is rather more imperative that we keep everyone in the valley safe,” Shelene said. “Possibly even from your friends.”

  Uncle pursed his lips. “You say that as if I don’t care what happens on Las Colinas.”

  “We are just talking. And drinking wine, Francisco,” her father said. “It’s a beautiful day here in the valley. I’m so lucky to be back with my family. Oh, have you heard? Shelene and Ana-María are planning a party to welcome Roman home.”

  “I’m doing it for you too, Papa.”

  He laughed. “And I promise to enjoy every moment of it. I might even dance with your aunt, if she will accept my steps will be a little slower. You’ll need to invite Oliver and Mrs. Spencer as well. I am sure they would enjoy the varied company a ball would provide,” her father said.

  “Yes, a joyous party would be just the thing,” her uncle said.

  * * * * *

  A certain tension filled the valley. Livestock had been killed, their carcasses hauled away. Buildings had been burned, far from Las Colinas’ immediate buildings, but on the vast estate. Small huts that sheltered shepherds while they herded. Lean-tos that kept larger animals sheltered from storms and heat. Meant to agitate more than cause panic.

  Francisco Belgrano was also back.

  One could not happen without the other.

  Roman had asked that the information be kept between him and Brahim. Mostly, he wanted to keep Shelene safe, and Brahim was quick to recognize Roman as the head of the household, even with the commodore home and the rightful head of the family. Once Belgrano made an obvious misstep, Roman would share his plans with Shelene. Until then he would stay as close as Shelene would allow.

  He waited in the courtyard, expecting to hear her determined footfalls any moment, and at the familiar sound he glanced up.

  “Good morning again, Roman.”

  “Antonio was rather happy this morning. He must be overjoyed to be with his father again,” he said, taking Shelene’s hand and kissing the back of it. She allowed this courtesy.

  “Or he had intestinal vapors,” she said as they took the few steps toward their breakfast table.

  Roman laughed while he held a chair for her. Coffee and tea were set in front of them, followed by breads, jams, honey, cheese and anything else in the Las Colinas larder that would fit on the table.

  After a few bites, he said. “I think it would be a good idea if I stayed at Las Colinas for the next few weeks. Now that your uncle has returned, it necessitates change.”

  “You are my neighbor. I don’t think it is a good idea to have a neighbor stay in my home when that neighbor has such a nice home himself.” She sipped her coffee, holding her cup with both hands.

  “And what would your husband say?” He raised one brow.

  Shelene hid her expression behind another
sip. “We are estranged.”

  “How unfortunate. A woman as beautiful as you. So young and vibrant. Your husband is a fool.”

  “Yes, you are, Roman. But I’m just your wife. Why listen to me?”

  “For everyone’s peace of mind, consider it. You have an estate full of people who rely upon you. And you have an estate full of family who would do anything to protect you.”

  “Uncle hasn’t made a nuisance of himself since his return. I think everything will be fine. And he has been quite helpful while Tía Ana-María and I plan our grand celebration.”

  “Is it too late to convince you that the party should be delayed?”

  “I owe our friends and neighbors a celebration since my wedding was cancelled so abruptly. And they all want to welcome Papa home, too. I thought you were learning to accept Uncle’s return since you’ve said nothing in the days since he’s been back. That doesn’t seem like something a lion would do. Ignore a threat.”

  “Pardon?”

  “The Lion of England? My uncle said—”

  “Pay no attention to such drivel. I was a king’s man doing my job.” He hmpfed. “I’ve gone my entire career without being reminded of that bit of foolishness.” Except for the occasional barbs from his friends.

  “It has a certain appeal. I’m sure it put the fear of God in your enemies.”

  “Not like you’d think. But Shelene, this is a serious matter.” He put his hand over hers. “I told him he had to leave. That deadline is fast approaching.”

  “What will you do if he doesn’t?” She pulled her hand away and dished a spoonful of roasted potatoes and eggs onto her plate.

  “He will.”

  “Then I will encourage him to do so. I think he will listen to reason. If I can’t convince him, Papa will be able to.”

  “I’ve been doing my best to avoid him, but honestly, I am very worried.”

  “It is your training. It is natural for you to be suspicious. I, on the other hand, am his niece.”

  “Shelene, it is commendable to support your family, but not after all the crimes he has committed. Not after all the people he has already hurt. He should not get the benefit of the doubt, no matter your desire to present a unified family front. I know you want a peaceful life here in the valley, but your uncle presents every kind of danger that is threat to my family, my wife, my child. I must do all I can’t to protect you from him.”

  “He is an imperfect man, there is no doubt.” She was all buttoned up and proper, with quaint lace along her neckline and bodice. She wore a black skirt and white shirt but no jewelry. The flowers around the house did not compare to the freshly washed and scented body and hair of his wife. The sunrise did not compare to Shelene’s honest beauty.

  He braced his arms on the table and leaned forward. “I will have proof soon. Until then, please be cautious.”

  “So, this is the only reason you wanted to have breakfast with me?”

  He bit his lip then squinted at her. “What I wanted was to drink coffee from your navel, but that may need to wait until another day.”

  Shelene’s face flamed, and she took a steadying breath. It was easy to forget that his wife and the mother of his child was also naïve and innocent. She glanced around to see if anyone had heard him. “You shouldn’t speak so in a public area.”

  “May I speak to you that way in your bedroom?” There was no one listening to them; they were all busy with their day-to-day activities, leaving the mistress of the house time for her duties. And her husband. They all treated him like Shelene’s husband even if she didn’t.

  “Roman! Stop.”

  “When I tell you that I want you more than I want anything in this world, do you believe me?”

  “It’s hard to know what to believe with you.”

  “Since we are talking about you being naked—”

  “We are not having such a conversation.”

  “Once you are naked, I would like to lick honey from your nipples.”

  Her eyelids closed. She bit lightly at one corner of her lower lip. There was more he wanted to do to her. While he was determined to be patient, he was also determined that he would have his wife as only as husband could. Freely. Thoroughly. Devastatingly, if he could control his bodily impulses and keep her in bed from sunset to sunrise.

  “I have several tasks that I must complete. I’m sure you should be about your business as well.” Her chest heaved and she tried to keep a direct gaze.

  “We have servants, Shelene, who will do your bidding. We can escape for a few hours, and none will be the wiser.”

  “To do what?”

  “You can’t imagine? Or you can’t admit you want the same thing I do?”

  “It is hard to believe I enjoyed the conversation about my uncle more than this.”

  He laughed. “You know we will be married for the rest of our lives, don’t you? We might as well enjoy our time together. And we should start to build our family. I’m sure Antonio would enjoy having a brother or sister.”

  “Almost,” she said.

  “Almost what?”

  “Almost you make me believe.”

  “I believe enough for both of us, Shelene.”

  * * * * *

  Shelene stared at Roman, wanting to see what floated in his cunning mind where all his plans and schemes simmered with terrible efficiency. She understood why he was so valuable to the Home Office. When challenged, he didn’t flinch.

  She buttered another biscuit and slathered it with strawberry jam. She set the knife aside. She wasn’t hungry, but she needed a distraction. Heat radiated from her middle. Even the tips of her ears were on fire. All because Roman had a way to light fires with simple words and blistering looks.

  What could she say, other than what she had already tried to convey? How could she make him glance away? Or better, see deep into her heart all those things he’d done to wound her?

  “I did want to invite you to Cadiz with me next week. Señor Madrigalas sent me a note that his new horses are arriving from Morocco. We will be back in time for your lavish party.”

  “And you want my opinion? You really ought to take Udad. He is a much better judge of horseflesh than I. Or Papa, for that matter.”

  “I would be terribly bored with Udad. And I’ve spent enough time with your father in the last several months.” He placed his hand over hers again. This time, his heat traveled up her arm.

  “What about Antonio?”

  “Of course he will come with us, and whichever of his nurses you wish to take along. Perhaps we should leave early then you can do some shopping?”

  “I’m planning a party. A jaunt to Cadiz will hamper my efforts to impress the neighbors. Roman, you don’t need to do this. To try so hard.” She let out a breath. Around her, life went on. She stared down where Roman’s hand lay over hers.

  “I must. I don’t have what I want yet.”

  He wasn’t hearing her. He didn’t believe that he caused her pain. “I don’t know how to love you any way except fully, so I can’t love you at all. Strangely, no matter what I do, love you or hate you, the pain is still the same. Here or gone, the pain is still the same. You are like the sky to me. Beautiful and warm and glowing, and dark and hard and unknowable. Always the promise of a glorious day. But always a storm on the horizon,” she said.

  “You know me. Better than anyone. I may be those things. I am those things! But you see through the darkness. You shine a light that draws me more completely than the air I breathe. No matter where I think I have to be, you are with me. You draw me. You save me. I’m not leaving again, Shelene. I am here to stay.”

  “I’m not safe with you. Everyone around me is safe, but I am not. I need to go, Roman. I have important things to attend.”

  “Will you go with me to Cadiz?”

  “No.”

  “Then I will not go either.”

  “Don’t be foolish. If there are horses you want to purchase for your estate, you should go.”


  “The horses were for our future. Our estates. Our heirs. You have made your point many times over. I broke my word to you, but I am trying to make things right. To have you believe in me again.”

  “It’s easy enough to go to Cadiz without me,” she said, trying to wiggle away from the hard conversations they continued to have.

  “Everything is a test. I am not going to fail by going to Cadiz alone. Do you want me to include your father, so you don’t have to be alone with me?”

  “I’m not afraid of you.”

  “Aren’t you? I think you are very afraid that I will sneak into your bedroom one of these evenings and show you just how much you don’t care.”

  “Why can we not have a normal conversation?”

  “A husband suggesting he would like to bed his wife seems fairly innocuous to me.” He reached a hand beneath the table and stroked along her thigh. “I remember a time when you wanted very much to experience the marriage bed. I can hardly believe that has changed.”

  Whatever she said, Roman would detect the lie. Instead, she would just keep lying to herself. “You can hardly countenance the silly needs of a delusional, virginal bride.”

  “I don’t believe that any more than you do. Except you are still virginal.”

  “Oh for the love of God, I’ve had a child. Your child!”

  “That’s the most emotion you’ve shown since I’ve returned. Maybe there is hope.”

  “Father Etienne would appreciate that my confession is only about anger instead of murder.”

  He chuckled, then moved his hand to the inside of her leg. “It must have suited you when Belgrano shared the news of my demise.”

  “Don’t jest about such a thing. I was devastated.”

  “You haven’t forgiven me for leaving and you haven’t forgiven me for dying.”

  “Roman, you have always left, and somehow I forgave you because of who you are and what you did for your country. But you gave your word to me, and you broke it. We were supposed to be together from that day forward, and no sooner than the words were out of your mouth, you were gone. And as soon as I let my guard down again, you will be gone again. Do you not realize how many times I had to watch my mother cry over my father? Weeping in despair because she didn’t know when he would return? If he would return? That’s not love, Roman. That is a fool in love with a fanciful dream.”