by Sian Ceinwen
Becky pushed Lita’s legs off her lap and moved over to put an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay to be scared, Lita. This is a lot for anyone to go through. You’ve got lots of support, though. Nothing is going to happen to you or the baby.”
Lita nodded and wiped the tears away from her eyes as her phone lit up with a reply from Heather.
Tell Becky I think Sebastian is in looooove. You know this. I’ve told you already, darling.
Lita rolled her eyes as she read it. Becky saw the text as she was moving back to the other end of the sofa and said, “See? I told you so!”
“I don’t think Sebastian Fox is capable of the kind of relationship I would want from him, so it’s a moot point, to be honest. Besides, I fucking like what we’re doing; why ruin what we have with feelings?” Lita asked her.
“What sort of relationship would you want from Sebastian Fox, Lolita Ciccone?” Becky raised an eyebrow at her.
“Like, an actual relationship? Duh,” Lita laughed.
“Okay, so, you two together with your baby and a ring on your finger? Where would you live?” Becky asked her.
“This is dumb. Why are we even discussing this? Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I say I’m happy with what we’re doing? I am not about to try and change that man. Eventually, I’ll find a man who can actually give me what I want, and I’ll still have an amazing father for my child, who loves our baby.” Lita frowned in frustration.
“I don’t think you see what we see,” Becky said slowly. “Antonella said he was completely into you from what she could see.”
“Can you please stop gossiping about Sebastian and me with every man and his dog?” Lita glared at her. “Like, it’s not cute anymore. This is my life. These are my feelings. Sebastian and I would never have seen each other again if it wasn’t for a faulty condom. We would’ve had a one-night stand like the thousands of others he’s had in his lifetime, and that would’ve been it. Just because we’ve been thrust into this weird situation doesn’t mean we’re going to end up married and popping out more babies after this one.”
“It doesn’t mean you won’t, though,” Becky said quietly.
“Fuck off, Becky. Stop that shit. Do you think I don’t fantasize about a reality where the father of my child is madly in love with me, and we could be a traditional family?” Lita hated that she was starting to cry now. “Because I do. I hate that I won’t have that. I didn’t plan to have this life; it just happened to me.
“Wanting that for myself doesn’t mean I’m not okay with what I do have. Part of life is accepting things aren’t always going to be perfect. My reality is a man who sleeps with other women but is also amazing at giving me orgasms. A man who wants to be involved in our baby’s life. A man who, yes, can provide very well for his child. A man who is kind and caring. There are a lot of women out there having babies to men who are nowhere near the caliber of man Sebastian is.
“But, shit, when you and Heather, and apparently even fucking Antonella, want to start this bullshit that Sebastian is anything other than the man I know him to be, it’s hurtful. It makes that stupid part of my brain wish things were different, even though I have accepted the way they are.”
“Are you in love with him?” Becky asked her.
Lita sighed and, instinctively, she put her hand on her growing bump. “No, Becky, I am not in love with Sebastian. I care very deeply for him, as the father of my child, but I don’t love him. We have a bond in our mutual love for our baby, but when I talk about wanting those things, and that kind of family, it’s more about having them with a man, not Sebastian specifically.”
“What is love, if not a deep affection for someone else, though?” Becky wondered.
“I think, honestly, I could have fallen in love with him in an alternate world where this didn’t happen. In a world where he was just the man I met that night. In that world, though, he doesn’t sleep with every woman who comes near him. In that world, he’s not Sebastian Fox, so how can I even be sure I’m falling in love with him, and not just some fantasy man?”
Lita paused for a moment, allowing herself to spend a second imagining the alternate reality where she was having a baby with a man who was actually capable of being in the kind of relationship she wanted.
She sighed and continued, “Because I can’t change any of that. I won’t fall in love with a man who sleeps with other women, regardless of how good things are between us. The only relationship I’m interested in is one where my boyfriend is faithful to me. A man who sees me as enough, so he doesn’t feel the need to go out and sleep around. Sebastian is not that man. He never could be.
“You and Heather need to realize that. You seem to think that, somehow, I don’t know, I have the magic vagina which will make him change his ways.” Lita laughed. “Well, I hate to break it to you all, but we’ve been fucking for two months, and he’s still the same old Seb. The good news is he can make me come so hard I see stars, and you all wonder why I’m fine with what we have.”
Lita was frustrated as she finished talking, so she grabbed her phone and announced, “Allow me to clear this up.”
She opened a text to Sebastian and sent him a message.
Yo, dude. Heather thinks you’re in love with me. Can you tell her your baby mama is nothing more than a good fuck? Thanks!
Lita handed her phone over to Becky with a laugh. “There you go, let’s get it straight from the source. No more roundabout bullshit.”
Becky gasped as she read the message and dropped the phone down on the sofa between them. “You don’t fuck around. You’d better expect a reaction from that message.”
As Lita reached out to pick it up, it started vibrating, and the words ‘Baby Daddy’ were displayed on the screen.
“Fuck,” Becky whispered. “That was quick.”
“Hi, Sebastian Fox, who isn’t in love with me, Becky’s here with me, and you’re on speaker,” Lita said when she answered the phone. “Calling for any particular reason?”
“Yeah, just wondering why you’re sending me random texts about love on a Friday night when I’m meant to be focusing on this radio event I’m at tonight,” he laughed.
“Trying to settle an argument,” Lita said, then asked him, “Is Heather there with you?”
“She is; want to speak to her?” he asked.
“No, that’s fine. Can you do me a favor, though?” Lita asked casually.
“Anything for you, princess.” Sebastian sounded amused.
“Could you just, I dunno, fuck a woman in front of her or something? Whatever it is you have to do to prove to her that you and I are nothing more than fuck buddies. Then, fly here tomorrow so you can fuck the shit out of me in a hotel room in Seattle,” Lita added with a smirk. “Also, bring your checkbook because, by tomorrow night, you’re definitely going to owe me ten thousand dollars.”
“Okay, a few things, princess. Firstly, you and I are more than fuck buddies; I’m surprised you wouldn’t know that. We’re having a baby together, so immediately, you’re more important to me than any fuck buddy.
“Secondly, I’ll do my best, but I’m not sure if I can find someone willing to fuck me in front of Heather, or if Heather would actually want to witness that, but I’ll see how it goes.”
Lita heard Heather’s exclamation of surprise in the background, and Sebastian laughed.
“Okay, Heather’s not down for that, sorry, princess. Finally, I’ll bring my checkbook, but I’m so sure I won’t need it that I’m upping the ante. Twenty thousand if you’re successful, but only if it’s sometime tomorrow, otherwise you’re back to ten. I have to go, but I can’t wait to see your sexy ass tomorrow, princess.”
“Bye, Seb. Fuck you tomorrow.”
“Bye, princess. Looking forward to fucking you tomorrow.”
The call ended, and Lita looked over at Becky. “See?”
“Uh, no. He told you that you’re not just a fuck buddy. He would do anything for you. I know you don’t want to hear it,
but Sebastian Fox is in love with you.”
Lita’s phone lit up again between them.
I’m not sure what point you’re trying to prove, darling, but Sebastian could fuck a thousand women in front of me and it wouldn’t change a thing.
Lita inhaled and blew out a deep breath. “I hate this so much. I hate that you guys are making me think this shit. I miss Sebastian. When he’s here and we’re fucking, it all makes sense. Like, even knowing he’s out tonight and will probably have sex with someone else, I’m fine with that. It’s only you guys saying this shit that makes me question anything.”
Lita wrote out an honest answer to Heather, through tears that were threatening to fall.
Becky thinks that it’s romantic Seb wants to get a place here. It’s not romantic, it’s practical. He and I just want to have some great sex, be good parents and be good friends, but everyone keeps trying to marry us off. It’s annoying.
“I’m sorry, Lita,” Becky said, her eyes downcast after she read the message Lita had written. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s fine; I’m just hormonal as shit right now. The only things I know for sure are that I love this baby, and that Seb loves this baby. Those are the two things I am one hundred percent certain of.” Lita wiped a tear away and rubbed her bump with her hand.
Lita’s phone buzzed and lit up again, and Heather’s name was displayed on the screen this time. Lita didn’t really want to answer it, tonight was turning into drama central, but she answered it anyway.
“Hi, Heather,” Lita said.
“Oh, you’re crying,” Heather exclaimed, “I’m sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to do anything to upset you. Hang on, just let me go somewhere more private, okay?”
“Sure,” Lita told her.
The background got quieter, and Heather asked, “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“You’re always incredibly honest with me, Lita. Can I be honest with you too?” Heather asked.
“Why not? I’m already crying, fucking hormones.” Lita laughed through her tears, and Heather laughed as well.
“Okay, well, here it is. Sebastian is one of my closest friends. I’ve watched him for fourteen years just move from one woman to another, never giving anyone a second glance. He gave you a second glance, Lita.” She said it as though this was meaningful, somehow.
“Yeah, after he knocked me up.” Lita rolled her eyes.
“No, Lita, you slept in his bed, and he had sex with you in the morning. That was when you two had your accident. He didn’t send you off with Daryl at two a.m. to go back to your hotel. He gave you a second glance long before he knew you were pregnant,” Heather said.
Lita felt unbearably sad, because the alternate universe was calling out to her. “Please stop, Heather. I am happy with what Sebastian and I have. I know what he’s like. I know he sleeps with other women. That is not what I want in a life partner; surely you of all people know that.”
“Ouch, Lita. Thank you for that very painful reminder of the worst time in my life.” Heather’s tone was cool.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant…” Lita paused and thought about it. “Fuck, I don’t know. I guess that I’m fine and accepting of that behavior in a baby daddy, in my friend who gives me multiple orgasms when we’re in the same city. What I’m not okay with, is that behavior in a man who is my partner. I want to be enough for the man that I’m with. I want him to want me and only me. Sebastian is not the man for me; he never could be, so please, stop pretending like he is.”
There was silence from Heather’s end of the line for a minute. “You don’t know Sebastian as well as you think you do, Lita. I’m hearing what you’re saying, though. I’m sorry if I’ve contributed to you being sad tonight; I never intended it. I’ll stop with the jokes about you and Sebastian, especially if they’re hurting you, darling. Regardless of what you think of all of this, you and Sebastian do have a relationship, if only as parents of your baby.
“I also want to say this: I’m glad you’re in his life, Lita. Maybe you think he’s completely incapable of change, but for those of us who’ve known him the longest, we can see the changes in him. He loves you, and he loves your baby. Even if you don’t think it’s romantic love, you must at least be able to see that.
“Anyway, I guess I should go; I’ve been hidden out in this corridor long enough. Even if you can’t accept that Sebastian loves you, I hope you’ll accept that I love you, at least. I accept your apology for what you said before. I think you’re awesome, and I can’t wait to see you the next time you’re in Chicago.”
“Thanks, Heather,” Lita choked out.
“Bye, darling. We’ll talk soon.”
Lita hung up the phone and sighed. How did her life get so fucking complicated?
15
LEVEL 15.6 – Revelations
Pregnancy hormones can also cause gum inflammation, so they might bleed while you’re brushing. It’s important to keep brushing and flossing, though, and make sure to see a dentist during your pregnancy to check on your dental health. In other news, your boobs are probably still growing, so rock those low-cut tops, and enjoy the one pregnancy side effect that isn’t entirely annoying!
Lita was lying under the covers of the bed in Sebastian’s hotel room, completely naked, but having learned her lesson from her previous experience. She eventually heard the door to the suite open and was unsurprised, this time, when Daryl Kelly walked into the room.
“Hi, Daryl.” She smiled at him.
“Hi, Miss Ciccone. I’ll be gone in a minute,” he said.
“No worries, Daryl,” she laughed.
He looked into the bathroom, then the closet, and said, “Bye, Miss Ciccone, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Such a professional way of telling her that he was leaving her alone to fuck Sebastian. Lita got out from under the covers, then lay there naked and exposed to wait for him. She was starting to feel a bit self-conscious about her baby bump. It wasn’t the sexiest thing in the world—what if Sebastian was turned off by it? Although, she thought, there were probably very few things which could turn Sebastian off; he was intensely sexual.
The door opened and Sebastian walked into the room. He saw her lying there, naked, and a seductive smile crept across his face. “Well, hello there, princess.”
“Hi, Seb.” Her heart was racing at the sight of him; three weeks was a long time without seeing him.
“You are wearing exactly as many clothes as I like to see you wearing, princess,” Sebastian said, as he started taking his shoes off.
“Is that so?” Lita laughed.
“Most definitely.” He pulled his t-shirt off over his head before dropping it onto a chair, and Lita bit her lip.
He looked as glorious as ever, and she couldn’t wait to have him inside of her. “Well, hurry up and wear the same amount of clothes as me; I need a good fucking. Three weeks is a long time, you know.”
“You’re telling me,” he laughed as he unbuttoned his jeans to pull them off, and Lita could see he was already semi-erect. “I think I might explode.”
Lita’s mind started whirling. Surely, he just meant sex with her. The things Becky and Heather had been saying to her last night had gotten in her head. She definitely didn’t want to ask because she’d specifically asked him not to tell her, so it wasn’t fair.
As he started walking toward the bed, Lita couldn’t resist saying, “As if you’ve ever gone that long without sex.”
“No, but it’s a long time without having sex with you, princess,” Sebastian told her as he climbed onto the bed and lay down next to her. “I think I’m getting addicted to having kind of epic sex regularly.”
Lita turned to face him, then wrinkled her nose. “I know I’m going to hate myself for asking this, but is the sex you have with other women not that good?”
“It’s really just glorified masturbation.” A slow smile crossed his face as he said it. “Look, about
the shit from last night—”
“Let’s not talk about it,” Lita said quickly.
“No, Lita,” Sebastian said sternly. “We need to talk about it.” He reached his hand forward and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I don’t like hearing you say you’re nothing more to me than a fuck buddy.”
“But that’s what we are, aren’t we?” Lita was confused; she had thought she’d finally found her place with him, and now he was telling her she hadn’t.
“Why do you still think I have no feelings? Especially for you?” he asked her.
“Probably because you sleep with other women?” Lita gave him an incredulous look.
“Lita, they mean nothing to me; I can take or leave them. You have the ability to hurt me. I’m terrified for you, for your wellbeing, and for our baby. I’m terrified for me that one day you’ll decide to have nothing to do with me.
“I have spent my life avoiding relationships, except with people I know and trust. I had no desire to have a girlfriend, even while Gabriel, Hayden, and Harrison got partners. I had no desire to have a fiancée, even when Harrison proposed to Heather, and Gabriel proposed to Ariana. I had no desire to have a wife, even when seeing how blissfully happy Harrison and Heather were.
“I never imagined a woman would come along who would challenge those desires. I still don’t want those things; I just want you. I want you beneath me in my bed, panting and wet. I want your mouth around my cock, trying your hardest to last ten minutes, even though you fail every time.
“I’m a narcissistic fucker. Do you know how much it turns me on to know you’re pregnant with my baby? Seeing you, glowing and beautiful with the pregnancy, which is mine, while our baby grows inside you, is crazy hot. Fucking you without a condom, the only woman I’ve ever done that with, is amazing.
“Lolita Serafina Ciccone, you mean a thousand times more to me than you apparently know.” He rested one hand protectively on her baby bump as he said this.
Lita thought about what he’d just told her. It was a proclamation of a sort of love. He loved her in his own way, as the mother of his child. The same way she loved him.
