My Life as Cheese

by K. Aten

  “Same one. Small world again!”

  I pulled the car into my parking space and grabbed my gear from the back, then we made our way to the front door. I scanned my electronic key and asked, “So, which apartment are you in and how do you like living here so far? It’s a great old place isn’t it?”

  Jen slipped in as I held the door. “Three B and I really love it. I think what caught my attention was the vaulted ceilings and the hardwood floors.” She frowned and continued. “My only complaint is that the toilet keeps running. I’ve tried everything but I can’t seem to fix it. I have to remember to call on that tomorrow as well as make arrangements to get my car fixed.”

  I gave her a ‘cheddar’ grin. “Well… I can’t do a thing about your car but I can fix the toilet. That one’s kind of tricky.” Jen gave me a curious look so I explained. “I knew the girl that lived there before you.” Very well and on more than one occasion. But I wasn’t about to tell her that!

  She smiled, taking my explanation at face value. “Oh, okay. Do you mind taking a look at it tonight for me? I know it’s kind of late…”

  I nodded and stopped in front of my apartment door on the second floor. “Sure, just let me grab my pliers and drop off my softball bag.”

  Less than ten minutes later I was putting the lid back on her toilet tank, finished with the job. “See, I told you it was easy to fix. All I had to do was unscrew the bladder so it hung down a little farther. That way when the water level rises it will push harder on the little float to shut it off with more force.” She looked pretty relieved and I could completely sympathize with her knowing how annoying a dripping faucet or a running toilet was.

  She smiled at me as I tucked my pliers into my back pocket. “I don’t understand much of what you just said but thanks for helping out. You’re a real life saver. You’ll have to let me pay you back some day.”

  I fought bravely and managed to keep the lecherous grin off my face. Oh the ways that I could wish! “It was no problem, really. I’m glad to help.” I walked through her doorway into the hall and stopped when a thought hit me. “You know, instead of trying to find a ride tomorrow, why don’t you walk to work with me? After all, we work the same hours, right?”

  She gave me a skeptical look with just one dark brow raised in an arch. “Walk?”

  I grinned. “Well yeah, it’s only six blocks. I walk to work every single morning. I found out a long time ago that, with the traffic and parking, it takes longer to drive in the morning.”

  The eyebrow stayed suspended. “Every single morning? What do you do if it’s raining?”

  “Well, I’ve got a long yellow rain coat, an umbrella and a pair of galoshes. I end up looking like Paddington Bear but I make it to work nice and dry!”

  She laughed and leaned on the edge of the door jamb. “Well you’ve got the height right! Seriously though, that sounds great. The exercise will do me some good if your team is going to run us around the field any more this season. What time do you leave?”

  “Well I don’t have to be there very early or anything. It’s about a ten minute walk and I usually leave at twenty minutes before eight.” I winked at her. “That gives me time to punch in and do my mister Rogers routine.” She gave me a confused look and I added, “You know, change my shoes and put on my sweater.”

  Jen swatted my arm again. “You’re crazy! But that sounds good. I’ll meet you in the lobby down stairs?”

  “Yup, that’s fine.” I started down the first few steps while she was still standing in the doorway. I stopped and turned for a second adding, “By the way…you don’t need the exercise, Vacuum!”

  She laughed again. “Go on, get out of here! And don’t be late tomorrow morning, I know where you live.”

  After such a fun evening, the pull of sleep was strong and I knew I’d conk out fast. There would be no time to analyze my thoughts of the day or my fascination with my new friend. I figured I’d have plenty of time the next day.

  Chapter Two

  THE NEXT MORNING I felt invigorated despite the late hour and alcohol the night before. It was strange how much I was looking forward to my walk to work with Jen. It was Friday and I found myself facing the day with equal parts excitement and dread. I was excited because it was Friday and ladies night. The dread was because it was my birthday. The downside was turning another year older but on the upside, at least I would get cake. When I got to the lobby, Jen was already waiting for me. She had a canvas bag with a strap that hung diagonally across her chest. She was dressed neatly in white scrubs, a jacket, and hiking boots. I raised my eyebrows and gave her a little grin at her un-matching choice of footwear.

  She shrugged. “I keep my white tennis shoes in my locker at work, it’s just easier that way. Are you ready to go?”

  I zipped up my jacket because it was still a little chilly early in the morning, and hefted the second strap of my backpack onto my other shoulder. “I am now.” I held the door for her on the way out. “Follow me, I know a short cut. I like to avoid the heavy traffic streets for a quieter walk.”

  She fell in beside me. “Makes sense.” She paused and I could see her look at me out of the corner of my eye. “Can I ask you a question?”

  I smirked. “You just did.”

  I got a swat to the arm for my sass. “Smart ass.”

  “It’s true. But sure, you can ask anything you want.”

  “What is your name? Honestly, I haven’t known you that long but I feel absolutely ridiculous calling you Cheddar, or even Little Bird like Robin.”

  I laughed so loud that I think I scared two birds and a squirrel. “My full name is,” I paused for dramatic effect because I knew how stupid my name was. “Anne Elizabeth Vandercheddan.”

  I glanced over to get a look at her face. Just as I figured, Jen’s mouth hung open and she gave me an incredulous look. Then she stopped walking.

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “’Fraid not!” I took pity on her. “If it makes you feel better, you can just call me Anne.” I grinned conspiratorially. “Just don’t let any of the girls at softball hear it, you’ll get made fun of. I don’t even think they remember what my real name is any more.”

  Jen laughed. “Ok, I’ll keep it on the down-low.”

  Not long after her promise we arrived at the medical complex. I scanned my badge so we could enter one of the side doors. Once we were inside, I slid the right strap off my shoulder again. “If you want, Google Smithfield’s Auto Body. They are a popular place with the insurance companies should you ever wreck and they don’t charge an outrageous amount to fix your car.”

  She smiled. “Thanks, I’ll do that. We’re still meeting here to walk home right?”

  I returned her grin with one of my own. Who knew that walking with someone else would be so fun? “Of course! I may be a few minutes late but I’ll be here.”

  “Ok, see you then.”

  Just like that, she turned on her heel and went off in the direction of the physio wing.

  LATER THAT AFTERNOON, I found myself struggling to arrange all my stuff at the time I was supposed to meet Jen. My coworkers had surprised me with a large cake and balloons and my mother sent me flowers. I didn’t even have the option of leaving the cake in the refrigerator because office rules stated that anything left over the weekend would be thrown out. Suddenly Jen appeared in the breakroom doorway.

  She smiled shyly. “The receptionist told me you would be in here. You look like you could use some help.” Her eyes narrowed when she saw what was written on the balloons and cake. With a familiar swat to the arm she said, “You little brat! Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, mildly embarrassed. “I don’t know. It’s just not that big a deal I guess.” I gave her my best puppy dog eyes and a sweet grin. “Forgive me?”

  Jen took the cake out of my hands and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I forgive you. I’ll help but I am not carrying those!” She pointed to the vase of flowers
and the giant Big Bird and Roadrunner balloons floating near the ceiling.

  I nodded, hiked on my backpack, and grabbed the rest of my loot. “Deal!”

  By the time we got to the apartment building, I was carrying my own cake. Jen opened the door for me since my hands were full, and then held the cake while I checked my mail. “Thanks for helping me out but you didn’t have to carry my stuff for me.”

  She grinned at me. “I didn’t mind. Besides, I know for a fact that you’re nothing but a softy and would do the same for me in return. By the way, that was really sweet of you to give those kids your balloons.”

  I blushed. “Yeah, yeah, like I really had a choice. Besides, what was I going to do with them?” We both chuckled at the looks on the kids’ faces as they ran up to the fence. I have the misfortune, or maybe good luck today, to walk by a daycare center on the way home. I knew the woman who ran it. No, we didn’t date, but we did hook up a few times. It was a long time ago and she’s now happily living with someone. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, she wished me a happy birthday and I told her she could have the balloons for the kids. End of story.

  We had arrived at my door and I was itching to shower and change for my night out. I looked up into Jen’s eyes, and noticed they were an amazing shade of blue. I must have zoned for a second because suddenly she was waving her hand in front of my face. “Hello, I said thanks for the walk.”

  I blushed, of course. “Sorry about that, I just zoned out for a second. And you’re welcome to walk with me any time. As a matter of fact, you should consider it even when you get your car fixed. It’s good for the environment and good exercise.”

  The look Jen gave me was soft and genuine. “I may just take you up on that offer, thanks.”

  I was just stepping through my door way when I heard her call my name. I turned around and she was halfway up the next flight of stairs. “Yeah?”

  She gave me a curious look. “How old?”

  Recognizing the slight interest she had displayed since we first met, I gave her a Cheddar grin. “Thirty-four.”

  Both dark eyebrows went up. “Really? I thought you were younger than me.”

  When I gave her a curious look in return she answered, “Thirty.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “And not a day less than beautiful. See yah later, Darlin.” I could only imagine her blush as I stepped into my apartment and shut the door. I had things to do and people to see. Or maybe it was the other way around. The night was young, and a girl can never tell.

  THE EVENING STARTED when I met with my friend David and his new boyfriend, Brodie at a little restaurant in Eastown. After that I rode with them to another bar to shoot some pool before walking next door for ladies night. The boys like to go to Kipper’s for ladies night because they could dance their asses off without getting harassed by the other guys for a quick hook up. I sometimes laughed at that because I went to Kipper’s to dance my ass off and to look for a quick hook up!

  It was later that night when I thought I caught a glimpse of Jen and Robin out on the dance floor. I was up on one of the boxes with the dancers at the time. But the grinding in front and in back of me soon put it out of my mind.

  I didn’t go home alone. As a matter of fact, I didn’t go home at all. I met this cute chick named Sandy halfway into my evening at Kippers and we went back to her apartment. She had the nicest smile and the best collection of toys. Oh yeah, we had a lot of fun. I was still sore as I walked up to the front door of my apartment building the next morning. I had a cup of coffee and a box of bagels from the bakery down the street. I was starving and had to pee like crazy. I was still trying to balance the box and coffee while reaching into my back pocket for my electronic key-card when Jen jogged up.

  “Need some help?”

  I groaned. “God yes! I think I’m going to pee my pants if I wait much longer.” She scanned the door and opened it for me. I burst through it, took one look at the winding staircase then turned right back and deposited my items in Jen’s surprised hands. I yelled over my shoulder as I took the steps two at a time. “I’ll be right back for those!”

  After I finished my business, I walked out of my apartment and looked down into the lobby from the stairway. Because they wind in a circle, straight up the middle of the building, I could see Jen wasn’t down there. So I headed up to her apartment, figuring that’s where she went with my breakfast. I timidly knocked on her door.

  When she answered it and let me in she was happily munching away on one of my bagels. The icing on the cake was when she took a sip out of my coffee cup. “Mmm, how did you know I liked Hazelnut with cream and sugar?”

  I sighed and slumped my shoulders in defeat. So much for getting any coffee this morning. “Just a lucky guess.”

  She laughed and placed the half-eaten bagel on a paper plate. “Poor you! Good morning Anne, have a seat and your breakfast will be served.” She then placed another paper plate on the table next to the cream cheese tub. On the plate was a perfectly toasted bagel.

  As I sat down and started fixing my bagel she poured a cup of coffee in a large mug, added cream and sugar and set it down in front of me. I looked at her then scowled down into what was probably an inferior blend. Cautiously, I took a sip and smiled in surprise. “Hey, this is the same stuff!” I took another sip and groaned when the flavor hit my taste buds. “Oh yeah, come to mama!”

  Jen laughed, shaking her head at my antics, then sat down in the chair across from me to finish her own bagel. “See, I told you I liked that kind.”

  “Yeah, I guess you did. Thanks again for holding breakfast while I took care of my business.”

  “No problem at all. Thank you for buying breakfast.” My eyes were drawn, momentarily, to her tongue as she licked the last bit of cream cheese off her fingertips. Oh, to be those fingers…I was snapped from my musings by her question.

  “So, did you have fun at Kipper’s last night?”

  I dropped my bagel on the plate and pointed a finger at her. “I thought that was you and Robin last night! Why didn’t you come over and say hi?”

  She gave me an amused look. “Well, you were pretty busy at the time and we left shortly after that.”

  I snorted and explained. “You must be talking about Suzy and Sheila, the box dancers. They’re good girls. They’re both in college and have boyfriends. They do the dancing gig to help pay for school. Suzy still has two years until she gets her Bachelor’s in accounting and Sheila is a really talented artist. My friend David and I went to her show a few months back and she’s got serious potential. She plans on being a teacher when she graduates.”

  “That’s really cool. I don’t like how everyone assumes dancers and other entertainment workers are all brainless and have no responsibility. Most of the ones I’ve met are just trying to pay their way like everyone else.”

  I smiled because Jen got it. “Yeah, sometimes they bring me up into the box to dance with them to liven up the night. It gets the other women in the bar fired up which makes for better tips later.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s because they both know me pretty well that they know I won’t take anything they do too seriously. I’m a safe prop to work with.”

  She gave me a wry smile. Subtly pointing to her own neck, she said “Well you must have taken someone seriously last night.”

  Realization of what she was said hit me and my hand immediately went to my neck, like I could actually find the offending mark by touch alone. “Aww, shit! No she didn’t!”

  By now, Jen was outright smirking and nodding her head. “Oh yes she did!” She winked and added, “So, was she any good?”

  I heat up and sputtered, “Bu… I… I can’t talk to you about that!”

  “Why not?”

  Something told me that she didn’t really want to know, that she wasn’t the kind of person who would normally ask questions like that. “Well for starters, I don’t kiss and tell. Second, I don’t know you well enough to talk about other women with. And third—” I stop
ped, not really sure what the third reason was.

  Jen’s gaze was serious. The intensity of her blue eyes made me a little uncomfortable. “What’s the third reason?”

  “I…uh, I don’t really know. I just can’t talk about that kind of stuff with you.” I stood and took my coffee over to the sink, ending the conversation abruptly. “Thanks for the coffee and the company but I really have to go.” She looked doubtful, and admittedly it did sound like an excuse to leave. “Seriously, I have to pick up my grandma from the nursing home and we’re spending the day at my parents’ house for my birthday.”

  She gave me an unreadable smile and walked me to the door. “That’s alright and thanks for breakfast.” Once the door was opened she gave me a hug goodbye. “Happy birthday and I hope you have fun today.”

  “Thanks, you too.” I smiled one last time and made my way back down the stairs. The end of our interaction together felt weird. I wondered briefly what was wrong with me that I was so strangely reticent to be completely transparent about my evening activities.

  WHAT WAS EVEN weirder was the phone call from Robin on Sunday, completely out of the blue. I was sure it had something to do with Jen because Robin kept skirting around the subject. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “Just spit it out, Robin. Why are you really calling? I know it’s not to see if I can give Jen a ride to the next game because she would just ask me herself.”

  She sighed over the phone before she answered me. “Little Bird, Jen is my favorite cousin and I really don’t want to see her get hurt.”

  It was one of those comments that later, witnesses would say, “Left field, I swear it just came out of left field.” I was confused and I had to make sure she knew it. “What the hell are you talking about? Jen’s a good girl, I like her. What would I do to ever hurt her, huh?” I think I had a small clue where she was going but I thought she trusted me better than that.