Twisted with Chaos: A CASH BAR NOVEL

by Faiman, Hayley

  My lips automatically turn up into a smile. “You feel like home, Tanner. Dice doesn’t.”

  He chuckles, his eyes focused on mine and I swear they twinkle. He doesn’t respond, except his smile growing wider.

  “Change, we leave soon,” he announces as he turns his back and begins to walk toward the door.

  “Tanner?” I call out.

  He stops, turning back to face me. “I want to remember you, at least,” I admit.

  Something dark crosses his face, he nods once. “I’m not going anywhere, babe. You’ll never forget me again.”

  He leaves me alone to dress. I frown at the clothes that he’s handed me. A pair of short cutoff jean shorts and a very small tank top. I quickly pull them on. They’re tight, and I find that I don’t like the way they feel against my skin. For a brief moment, I actually miss my dress.

  Shaking my head, I ignore the thought. I can’t miss anything about that place. It was bad, evil, and so were the people inside. I’m with Tanner now, where I was always meant to be. I can feel it, being with him is right. My heart and body knows where it belongs, I just need my mind to catch up.

  The door slowly opens, Tanner is standing on the other side, his eyes watching me. “Are you ready?” he asks.

  “I am ready to go home.”

  His lips twitch. “Let’s go home, Firefly.”

  Tanner holds his hand palm out for me. Without even thinking about it, I lace my fingers with his. I’ll follow him now and I have a feeling I’ll follow him always. He tugs me a little closer to his body, my side pressed against his as we walk out of the bedroom and toward the bar. I’m barefoot, wearing someone else’s clothes with no undergarments, but I don’t care.

  I’m at Tanner’s side.

  I’m home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  HOUSTON

  I follow behind Dice’s bike. Well, the rest of my brothers drive their cars either in front of him or behind us. He’s the only one I see though. There is something that he shares with Roxanne, something that I don’t have with her and I’m curious.

  “Tell me about the people you said who were my family,” she says, breaking my thoughts of Dice. Reaching across the car, I wrap my fingers around her knee and give her a gentle squeeze.

  Clearing my throat, I speak. I tell her as much as I can about Carson and Axe, about our journey from Texas to Canada. Without thinking, I begin to stroke her inner thigh as we talk. My fingers stroke her soft skin, and only when I hear her hitch in breath does my hand freeze.

  “Don’t stop, I liked it, a lot,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

  “Roxanne,” I rasp.

  Her fingers wrap around my wrist, keeping my hand against her upper inner thigh. “I am not broken, am I?” she asks.

  “Babe…” The word trails off.

  I’m not sure how to address this situation. I do not want to take advantage of her, I don’t know the hells she’s lived and the doctor swore he would expedite her tests, but even with that, I don’t want to damage her mind further.

  “If I don’t like it, you’ll stop,” she nods.

  We’ve only been back with each other for mere hours. She didn’t even remember my name and now she wants me to touch her. This is wrong. I should tell her no.

  “I’d like you to touch me, it feels so good when your fingers are on my skin. I can’t help but think that they would feel even better there.”

  “Fuck,” I hiss. My resolve is gone. I thought it was gone, at least. Except, it completely dissolves the second she shimmies out of her shorts and spreads her legs for me. “Roxie,” I groan.

  “Make me feel good, please,” she begs.

  My shoulders jerk. The voice inside of my head, my conscience, it fucking disappears. My fingers dance up her thigh, I moan when I come into contact with her damp pussy. She sighs, her head falling back against the headrest. Two of my fingers slip inside of her, at the same time she lifts her hips to take them deeper.

  I finger fuck her until she cries out, her pussy squeezing my fingers in its pulsing grip. Her breathing is heavy, my fingers stay planted inside of her. I’m unable to remove myself, now that I’ve felt her again, I never want to be away from her, not fucking ever.

  “Tanner,” she breathes.

  My gaze shifts over to her. She’s looking at me, her nipples hard beneath the borrowed tank, her legs spread wide, and her lips curved into a small smile.

  “Roxanne,” I grunt.

  “I feel it inside of me,” she oddly says. “I love you.”

  Removing my fingers from her warmth, I continue to watch the road, wishing that I could pull over and look into her eyes.

  “I loved you the moment I saw you,” I admit.

  “Me too,” she breathes.

  Though I don’t ask her to clarify her words. I’m sure she means the second time that she saw me, not the first, but I don’t care. She’s here with me, whether it’s because this is where she thinks she needs to be, or if she’s truly comfortable here, I don’t give much of a fuck.

  All I care is that she’s here, at my side. Where she will always fucking stay. I’m not allowing her to ever walk away from me again. Did that fuckin’ shit once, twice, too many times.

  “Get some sleep, I doubt that the Old Ladies will let you have a second’s rest by the time we get home,” I suggest.

  “Okay,” she sighs.

  She pulls her shorts back up her long legs, then to my surprise she unbuckles her seatbelt and lays her head in my lap. Releasing one of my hands from the steering wheel, I run my fingers through her hair. We stay like that for hours. Her head in my lap, her breath slow, steady, and even with my fingers sifting through her soft hair.

  My phone vibrates in my cut’s inner pocket. I glance at the clock and my surroundings. We’re only an hour from home, and I’m growing nervous with each mile I drive. I don’t bother looking at the caller ID before answering the phone.

  “It’s Doc,” the voice on the other end announces.

  My heart slams against my chest. No way could he get any tests back, yet, could he?

  “Expedited for the Devils is different than for someone else,” he announces.

  I can’t breathe. I’m unable to speak. He must understand my reaction, because he keeps talking.

  “She’s clean.”

  He doesn’t say another word, just ends the call and I’m left staring at the road in front of me. Clean. The word never meant much to me. Although, I did get tested after that whore, Dimples, fucked me. I was glad that I didn’t get anything from her, but hearing it right now it’s different.

  Maybe because Roxanne doesn’t remember anything, maybe because it’s her, and she wouldn’t deserve a disease, but me, I would deserve that and so much more for as reckless as I have been in my life.

  All I know is that I’m relieved. So fucking relieved that she can leave the past two months in the past. I hope that she never has to think of any of it again. Not ever. I fucking pray that she never remembers a goddamn thing.

  ROXANNE

  Tanner’s eyes shift over to me from time to time. He doesn’t say anything, and the silence, it makes me feel weird. The voices begin to grow louder inside my head. I know that’s where they are, because he’s not acknowledging them. Also, they’ve been with me for so long now that I consider them friends. They were the only voices I heard for days, weeks, sometimes.

  We don’t like him.

  Get rid of him.

  Run away.

  I shake my head, pinching my eyes closed, refusing to listen to them. They don’t speak for me. They don’t know what I need. I can feel it, from deep inside, Tanner is right. He is my comfort—my home. The voices are just selfish, they get me into trouble more times than not.

  Fuck him. I want him inside of me. Right now.

  “Roxanne,” Tanner calls out.

  Opening my eyes, I look over at him. The car is stopped, he’s watching me and there’s a furrow to his brow. He is c
oncerned. “You’re going to be okay now. I still have your meds, I didn’t get rid of those. We’ll get you to your doctor as soon as we can,” he murmurs.

  Tilting my head to the side, I watch him for a moment without speaking. “Is there something wrong with me?”

  I watch as pain slices across his face. He lifts his hand, wrapping his fingers around the width of my neck. I can smell myself on them, the scent causing my body to heat. Pressing my thighs together, I try to fight the desire to have his touch again.

  “Not a fucking thing is wrong with you, Firefly,” he smiles. “Let’s go inside, some people are waiting to see you. They’ve been missing you.”

  Leaning forward, I don’t let him release me right away. Pressing my lips to his, I taste him. His mouth is warm as my tongue peeks out, his lips soft against my own. His fingers grip the back of my hair, tilting my head to the side as his tongue dives deep into my mouth.

  He kisses me like he owns me. He holds me like I’m the only woman on this earth. He devours me, and I let him, this is where I was always meant to be, I can feel it deep in my bones. There’s a knock on the window which causes us to break away with a jerk.

  Tanner turns his head, then quickly rolls down his window. He isn’t able to speak, this man on the other side of the window opens his mouth quickly, rambling words that are too fast for me to understand.

  “Keep them away,” he says before turning around. I watch him walk toward the building in front of us.

  “What’s happening?” I plead.

  Tanner grunts. “Fuck.” He turns his head away from the man’s back, then looks over to me. “I need to go inside and deal with whatever the fuck they got goin’ on. I need you to stay right here, do you understand me?”

  I open my mouth, but he cuts me off with a quick kiss. “Not fucking around, Roxanne. I do not have time for you to get involved. You stay right here. I’ll be back.” He jumps out of the car without another word.

  He has his phone against his ear, then I watch as he pulls something out of his cut, a gun. My heart stops beating for just a second. I hold my breath, too. The vehicles that were with us on the drive, they are nowhere to be found, which causes me to frown. Where could they all be? He disappears inside of the building and I wait.

  The minutes tick by. There is no sound, no shots, nothing from the building. The man who walked up to the window hasn’t been back either. Shaking my head, I climb out of the car and against Tanner’s orders, I walk toward the building.

  I recognize the brick on the outside the closer I get. Reaching out, my fingers dance along the rough exterior. Closing my eyes, I inhale, memories flooding me instantly. This place is somewhere that I’ve loved and hated. This place has felt like home, and also felt like hell at the same time.

  I don’t remember instances, just emotions. I’m not sure I need to remember exact moments, these feelings are enough for me. Reaching for the doorknob, I twist as I push the door open.

  Gasping, I take in the scene in front of me. There’s a woman that I don’t recognize, she’s got her front plastered against Tanner’s body. Her hands are against his chest, her head tipped back and a smile on her lips. It isn’t a sweet smile, it looks, menacing.

  I’m unable to see anything else, but I can feel the presence of others in the room. “I knew she would come,” she says before she lets out a laugh.

  Tanner growls, his hand wraps around the front of her throat. She continues to smile, her body shaking slightly with her laugh. Then her head turns toward me, her eyes meet mine and I notice she’s got a deep dimple in the side of her cheek.

  “Did you tell your woman all about me, Houston?” she asks, her eyes focused on mine.

  “Shut your whore mouth,” Tanner growls.

  Lifting my hand, I place my palm against my forehead, my head aching and confused.

  “Maîtriser sure did a number on her. I knew he would love her,” she says, continuing to smile her evil smile.

  “You know Maîtriser?” I ask.

  My heart starts to thump against my chest, moving so quickly, beating so hard that it makes my entire body ache. I’m scared. I can actually taste the fear on my taste buds. Taking a step back, something wraps around me, looking down, I gasp. There is a man’s arm wrapped around my waist. My stomach turns immediately. I have to swallow the bile that threatens to escape at this man’s touch.

  “Let her go or you’re dead, prospect,” Tanner yells.

  My eyes shift from the woman to his. His gaze isn’t on me though. His hand is still wrapped around the woman’s throat, his eyes on the man behind me. “I don’t think that I will, and I won’t be dead. I’ll be taking Maîtriser’s toy and keeping her for myself. I’ve already heard all about her,” he grins.

  Tanner’s eyes darken, his jaw clenches and just when I think he’s going to release the woman in front of him and turn to this man, he squeezes her neck tighter. Her eyes widen, her hands wrap around his wrist, but he doesn’t stop.

  “Dimples is dead if you don’t let my woman go,” Tanner growls.

  The man behind me bursts out laughing, his arm tightening around my waist. “I could give a fuck if that bitch dies. Would actually be doing me a goddamn favor. She’s worthless. Can’t breed, not a decent whore, and has zero trade value.”

  Tanner blinks, then he smirks. “So what, you’re going to breed Roxanne?” he asks.

  “Do you think I’m stupid? She has actual value. She’s broken, completely fucking broken.” His other hand comes up and smooths down my hair as if I’m a child.

  I hate his words. I hate how they make me feel. I can hear Maîtriser’s voice saying them in my head, over and over. Reminding me how fucking broken I am. But why? Why am I broken and why do they want me to be? There has to be a reason.

  “Why?” I ask speaking up for the first time since walking into this room.

  “Why what?” the man asks behind me.

  “Why do you want me broken? What value does that hold?”

  He hums. Tanner is focused on him, obviously curious about the answer as well. He’s still holding his grip firm against the woman’s neck, but she’s no longer fighting his hold.

  “Most women have purpose, Roxanne. Yours is not to breed, but to be completely submissive to the life that our group provides. It’s why Maîtriser had to have you, why he needed you so badly. Had you been any other woman, you would have been easily dismissed, but you’re special.”

  Tanner snorts. “Control, sex, and desires. It’s all too simple, it doesn’t make sense. There is more, there must be.”

  The man takes a step back, dragging me along with him. “It takes many sheep to form the perfect group. Your group has already destroyed us, tenfold. No more, Houston. No more.”

  Tanner laughs. “If you think you’re walking out of here alive with my woman, you are sadly mistaken. There’s a reason we keep destroying your little cult.”

  “Jealousy. I already know.”

  Tanner laughs, his hand tightens around the woman’s throat again. “Wrong. Because you are all fucked in the goddamn head and don’t deserve to live. None of you.” He lifts his hand, pointing his weapon behind me.

  I hear the gun’s blast before I’m forced to the ground. I hear the woman’s gurgling, then the door bursts open and light spills inside. Chaos erupts, but I can’t move. I’m frozen, the man behind my back, his arm no longer tightly gripped around my waist. The ceiling is the only thing I see, that is until Tanner’s face appears in front of me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  HOUSTON

  One prospect dead. One whore dead. Both vetted by Snake. My eyes lift to the man himself. He walked into the room just as my gun went off and killed the prospect. My teeth grind together, anger flowing through me.

  Turning my gaze over to Skinner, I lift my chin. “I want their rooms inspected. We need everything brought out here. I don’t care who does it, but it’s done in pairs.”

  “You’re overstepping your bounds. You a
ren’t even a position holding member. Hell, you’re barely a brother,” Snake announces.

  My eyes shift back to him, stopping him in his tracks, I’m so goddamn pissed off right now I could kill him and not think twice about it. “My woman being held captive for months. This whore. That prospect. All of it. I’d say I ain’t oversteppin’ shit.”

  His eyes widen, then narrow on me, but I ignore him. Skinner walks away, Ice close at his back, following my fucking orders. Walking over to Roxanne, I reach my hand down, looking into her confused and frightened face.

  “C’mon, Firefly,” I rasp.

  She slips her hand in mine, and I immediately lift her body from that motherfucker’s. Turning back toward Snake, I lift my chin as I tuck Roxanne against my side.

  “You had some spies in your club, spies you vetted, more than once. Maybe you should think on that fucking shit.”

  Turning away from him, I guide Roxanne toward my room. I have no doubt that Skinner and Ice will find evidence of those fucks’ backstabbing, maybe even whatever shit Dimples gave me to fuck me while I laid there, feeling fucking helpless.

  Closing my bedroom door behind us, I lock it, wishing to lock us away from the world. Leaning against the wood, I lift my gaze to Roxanne. She’s standing just a few feet away from me, but it feels like a goddamn mile.

  Weeks. She’s been away from me for weeks—months. To most, it wouldn’t seem like that long of a period of time, but the woman who looks back at me is a stranger. With her memory shot to shit, she isn’t the same woman. Even if she had her memory, I’m sure she wouldn’t be the same. I have no doubt that she has seen some shit the past few weeks.

  “Where’s Dice?” she asks.

  I shake my head once. “Somewhere around here. You can see him later,” I rasp.

  My voice feels thick, my throat too fucking tight. I could have lost her again today. She didn’t listen to me, she didn’t stay in the car. I wanted to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck those two were up to.