Twisted with Chaos: A CASH BAR NOVEL

by Faiman, Hayley

  HOUSTON

  “You sure this is what you want?” Tank asks me. I don’t bother answering him. It’s what I want, for both of us. He shakes his head, a smile playing on his lips. “I haven’t done a couples one in a while, I like it though, it’s different,” he shrugs.

  I’d planned on bringing Roxanne here last night, but after she sucked me off, I returned the favor, though I probably shouldn’t have, the little manipulator. Then, we grabbed a bite to eat and crashed. Today we’re getting our ink, then heading to the trailer. I’m tired of living at the clubhouse, we need a home.

  We need a place to call our own, to learn about one another all over again. You can’t do that shit in a clubhouse.

  “Where do you want the tat on her?” Tank asks.

  Roxanne watches me, she’s quietly taking in the whole scene. We’re alone in here, and I’m glad for that. Turning my head toward her, my eyes roam over her body. Where do I want her ink? I’ve thought about the design, the way it would look scrawled along her body, but never the actual location.

  “Her shoulder,” I announce.

  She blinks, looking from Tank to me, then back to Tank again. He’s designed my name the way I asked, it’s feminine, cursive, and thin lined. I don’t need to make my name obnoxiously big along her skin, because she’s never leaving my side again, so no man will even glance at her twice anyway.

  The transfer with the name Houston is placed at the side of her neck and slopes down her shoulder, stopping at her mid bicep. My tattoo is simple as well, we’ll both be in and out of here within the hour. I watch, my cock twitching as Tank guides the needle over her skin with ease.

  When she’s finished, it’s my turn. We switch places, except I lie down on the chair. My eyes focus on her as she watches. Tank doesn’t take long, the drawing already complete before I even walked through the door. The needle is swift as it moves around on the side of my neck.

  “All done,” he mutters.

  Standing, I shove my hand in my pocket and give him a handful of bills as he cleans up and preps us to leave.

  “That’s too much,” he announces without even counting the bills.

  I snort. “It’s never enough, brother, you’re a fuckin’ master.”

  He chuckles, lifting his hand and clapping me on the shoulder. “Come back and see me when you want to mark up some more of your body,” he grins.

  We leave a few moments later. “Why’d you get that on your neck?” Roxanne asks once we’re outside.

  Turning around, I grip her hips and tug her against my chest. Dipping my head, I brush my lips along hers. Lifting my mouth so that I’m only a hairsbreadth away from kissing her again, I speak.

  “I’m yours, Firefly. Just as much as that mark on your shoulder claims you as my own, this firefly on my neck claims me as yours,” I explain.

  Her breath hitches and she lifts her hand toward my neck. She doesn’t touch my raw skin but her fingers ghost over the design. It’s a firefly, black in color, detailed, and beautiful just like her. Untamed and uncaged as well, just like my girl.

  “Take me home, Tanner,” she exhales.

  Pressing my lips against hers, I give her a hard, chaste kiss. Wrapping my hand around her, I tug her toward my bike. Without another word, she climbs on behind me and we ride. I don’t take her directly to the trailer, like she demanded. Instead, I take her for a long ride out in the wilderness.

  The doctor told me to check in with her often, especially with the medication he was putting her back on. Apparently that shit’s doses need to be reconfigured often. There is no magic pill for her to take, it’s constant adjusting.

  Killing my engine, I’ve parked right in front of a lake. Most of the guys come out here when they need to get away, to think, to fish, to do whatever the fuck they want. Today, I’m coming out here to check on my woman. She’s been back a few days. She’s talked with Carson, Axe, Dice, and a doctor.

  What she hasn’t done is really talk to me. I’ve told her more about my own self than I would have a few months ago. Honest to fuck, I don’t know much of what she remembers, or how she’s doing.

  We’ve done a lot of fucking and just a little talking. Before we completely move in together, I need to make sure her head is good. If she needs to go to an inpatient facility, I want to make sure that she gets whatever she needs, even if I don’t want her to go anywhere—ever.

  “Why did we stop?” she asks as she climbs off of the bike.

  I follow, shifting off as well. Taking her hand in mine, I guide her down, closer to the small lake. There’s a path that encircles the body of water, and together we walk.

  “I wanted to talk to you,” I admit.

  Inhaling a deep breath, I take a moment to just feel the sun shining on us. It makes me think about finding her in the dark, moon bathing, a few days ago. I know that’s her illness that causes her to go and do shit like that, but I would be a liar if I said that I don’t love the adventure that is Roxanne.

  “You haven’t talked to me,” I blurt out.

  I feel like a fucking pussy, but I’m beyond that being a bad thing. I am a pussy, for her, for her safety I have to be. I’m okay with that. My woman’s mind may be fragile at times, but fuck, she’s the strongest person I have ever met in my life.

  “The doctor told me that I should tell you everything that I’m thinking as often as I can. But that is a burden too great to bear, Tanner,” she whispers.

  Stopping, I look down at her. Keeping her hand in mine, I give her a gentle squeeze. Her eyes lift and her water gaze crashes with my own. “Nothing you can give me is a burden too heavy, Firefly,” I whisper.

  “There are demons inside of me, Tanner. They come and go, but they’re there,” she rasps.

  Lifting my hand, I wrap it around the back of her neck, massaging her as I move even closer toward her body. “Give them to me, Roxanne. Give me everything, Firefly. I want it all, every deep dark thought. Every burst of mania, every sleepless night, every moment of restlessness. You do not have to live this life alone, not anymore. I am yours, give me everything,” I plead.

  “Okay,” she exhales. “Okay.”

  My lips touch hers, my tongue invades her mouth, mainly because I cannot help but to taste all of her. It’s been too long, it’s been hours since I’ve had my tongue somewhere on her body. Her hands grab onto my hips as I grind my length against her belly.

  ROXANNE

  The trailer’s front door stares back at me. A million memories flood my mind just by looking at the door. I remember walking up the first time with Carson and Axe at my side. I remember falling into a deep depression after being here for a few days when everything started to settle around me, when reality finally sank in.

  My breath hitches. There’s a warmth against my back which causes me to sigh and lean against the warm chest behind me. Tanner’s hand wraps around my hip, then slowly slides over to my belly.

  “Are you okay to go inside?” he asks.

  I don’t turn around, instead I keep my focus ahead of me. “I remember. I remember it all,” I admit.

  His body tenses, his fingers flex against my stomach. Inhaling, I close my eyes when his lips touch the side of my neck. “You’re not leaving me, Firefly,” he mutters.

  I hum, turning around in his arms. Sliding my hands up his chest, I wrap them around the back of his neck, careful not to touch his new firefly tattoo.

  My tattoo.

  The piece of me that is represented on his skin. It’s beautiful, not just because it’s artistically appealing, but because of what it stands for—love. Unwavering love, something that I never thought possible, something that I fought until it got me hurt almost beyond repair. Though, won’t I always be repaired, as long as I have him at my back?

  “No, I’m not. I’m done fighting against you, Tanner. I love you and you know all there is to know about me. You love me despite my illness, and you know we will never have a family of our own, you know and you’re still here, still fi
ghting for me.”

  His lips brush mine, his forehead rests against mine and he inhales deeply before releasing his breath. “I will fight for you until my dying breath, Roxanne.”

  His words wash over me, they’re beauty like nothing else I’ve experienced in this entire world.

  “Walking into this trailer, this is us walking into our new lives together. There is no more push and pull, there is only coming together as one,” he murmurs against my skin.

  I hum, taking a step back from him. Holding my hand out, I wait for him to slip his fingers into my waiting palm. He does, and I turn, taking a step toward the front porch. One step at a time, we walk up to the door. Turning the knob, I push it open and step inside.

  My senses are flooded as more memories slam into me. I’m overcome with overwhelming emotion just at the first step inside. I feel like I want to retreat into myself to deal with the way I’m feeling, but I don’t, I push through and continue walking into the small trailer.

  “We won’t live here forever. We’ll find a place of our own,” Tanner announces as if he can feel the same things as I can. My heart slams against my chest, turning around, I look at him.

  “Yeah?”

  His lips twitch into a smile, he tugs me against his chest, his hands finding purchase on my ass and squeezing. “This is a stepping stone. One that almost every member of the club, or their woman, has taken. We watch out for the bar, we live here, and we wait until we find something that fits us in town. I’d rather buy, than rent, but sometimes that can take a while.”

  “Buy, buy a house?”

  He laughs. It’s beautiful, his smile is wide, his eyes glittering, then he immediately grows serious. “Yeah, Firefly. We’re going to buy a house together. It will be ours. Not mine, not yours, but ours. You need stability and roots, and I need you.”

  Tears fill my eyes. His words. They mean everything—everything.

  “I can’t wait,” I breathe.

  His mouth slams against mine, immediately his tongue fills my mouth and he tastes me… all of me. His hands slide down my ass to my thighs and with a grunt, he picks me up. My legs wrap around his hips, our kiss never breaking. He walks me toward the back of the trailer and into my old bedroom.

  Setting me down on my feet, I almost don’t want to look around the room, but I can’t stop myself. I gasp at the sight. The bedroom is completely different than the way I left it. “What on earth?” I breathe.

  Tanner chuckles. “Carson wanted to make sure you were in a new space when you got home,” he states.

  My eyes water immediately. “It’s been like this for months, hasn’t it?” I ask, remembering when Carson and Ace came to visit me, and she told me that she had this trailer all ready for me. Guilt fills me. I have so many people that care for me, love me, and I treated them like garbage.

  “No, you didn’t,” Tanner says.

  I blush, embarrassed that I spoke my internal thoughts aloud. Shifting my gaze over to him, I suck in a breath. “I did treat you like crap, Carson too. I’m a bitch,” I whimper.

  Tanner smiles, then chuckles as he reaches for my hips, tugging me against him. “You have had a hell of a life, Roxanne. None of us thinks you’re a bitch. We love you, everybody who knows you loves you. You were sick, Firefly.”

  I shake my head, tears falling down my cheeks. “That’s no excuse, not even a little. It’s selfish, and crude of me not to take care of myself, not to take my meds,” I say.

  Tanner wraps his hand around the side of my neck, his thumb grazing along my lips as he watches me, following its path. “The fact that you recognize the mistakes you’ve made, that means that you aren’t selfish, Roxanne,” he says. “You’ll do better this go around, and if you slip and fall, then you’ll pick yourself up and do better the next time, won’t you?”

  Nodding, I keep my watery eyes focused on his. “I’ll pick myself up for you, for Carson, and for myself,” I admit.

  His thumb presses against my lower lip, right in the middle as his eyes roam over my face. “Fuck, Roxie. Fucking shit, I love you, Firefly,” he rasps. His mouth touches mine and immediately, all of my fears and worries vanish as he consumes me.

  He peels my clothes from my body, then removes his own until we’re standing completely naked in front of one another. He places his palm in the center of my chest and gently pushes me down onto the bed. I sigh as my skin comes into contact with the velvety grey comforter that Carson picked out for me.

  “Show me what belongs to only me, Roxanne,” Tanner demands.

  My heart skips a beat. I shouldn’t like the way he claims ownership over my body, but I love it. Spreading my thighs, I place the bottoms of my feet onto the mattress and bend my knees, exposing all of me to him.

  Tanner’s finger slides through my center, circling my clit, then dips inside of me. I fist the comforter with my fingers, holding onto the material so that I don’t reach for him and pull him down on top of me demanding that he makes me come immediately. I’m pretty sure he would not be okay with that move.

  My eyes focus on his, my breath hitches when he slips his fingers into his mouth and tastes me. He lifts a brow, then slides his finger out of his mouth. “Perfect,” he grunts, causing my pussy to clench.

  His cock juts straight out, begging to be touched, to be sucked, and to be fucked. He denies himself, just as he denies me, I hate it, and yet I love the anticipation of what is to come.

  “On your stomach. I have a taste for you, Roxanne,” he orders.

  I don’t remind him that it would be easier for him to taste me from my current position. Rolling onto my stomach, I immediately rise to my knees and stick my ass out for him. He grabs ahold of my cheeks, spreading me wide. I feel his breath against my back entrance, and I sigh, dropping my head down.

  “I want your face and tits on the mattress, arms behind your back. All I need is this gorgeous little ass in the air for me,” he rasps against me.

  With a full body tremor, I do what he asks. Lowering everything but my ass to the mattress, I shift my arms behind my back and grab onto opposite elbows. Closing my eyes, I feel the velvet comforter against my cheek and sigh. I feel safe, at ease, and at peace in the moment.

  Tanners tongue swirls my clit, then tastes my pussy, slipping inside before he tongue fucks me. I moan, relishing in the sensation of his mouth against my center. Whimpering, I push back against him, enjoying the way he feels, relaxing against his mouth.

  Then, he moves toward my back entrance. I don’t flinch, in fact, the second his tongue touches me back there, I let out a cry of pleasure. This is ownership. This is what he needs. This is what I want.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  HOUSTON

  The world could crash down around us right now, and I would give not one fuck. Not a single goddamn fuck. Roxanne is a writhing mess beneath me. She pushes against my face, her thighs shaking, her cries filling the small trailer, her pleas for more are the best part, though.

  Standing from her, I reach into my jeans and pull out a condom. Sheathing my cock, I align my head with her sweet ass. Without a word, she reaches behind her, grabbing ahold of her ass cheeks and spreads herself wide for me, silently begging for me to fuck her.

  “Firefly,” I groan. Without hesitation, I slowly guide myself inside of her tight entrance.

  I hear her hum as I bury my cock down to the root, deep into her ass. Slipping my hand around her hip, I fill her dripping pussy with two fingers, pressing my palm against her clit.

  “Fuck me, Roxanne,” I grind out.

  If I move, if I even attempt to move, I’m going to pound into her and hurt her, then come too goddamn fast.

  She sighs, her pussy clenching around my fingers. Slowly, she moves along my dick. I watch, enjoying the way she fucks me. I watch my cock disappear into her body, over and over, her movements quickening their pace.

  “Hold still now,” I gently order.

  She makes a noise of protest. I can feel her body rising toward its climax,
but I’m not ready for that yet. Moving my fingers inside of her, I focus on her pussy. Pulling my fingers out, I find her clit and begin to gently pet her, all the while I stay buried in her backside.

  “Tanner,” she gasps.

  “You’re going to come, Roxanne. You’re going to come and then I’m going to fuck you so hard that you lose your voice from screaming as you come a second time.”

  Her entire body shivers. “I can’t,” she whimpers.

  “You can and you fucking will,” I grind out as my fingers move even faster against her clit. She’s close, she’s so goddamn close. Closing my eyes, I clench my jaw tightly as I focus on her, on her pleasure, on her sweet little clit.

  It doesn’t take long, a few more strokes, pets, and gentle flicks then she comes. Her hips involuntarily buck, her ass clenches, and she lets out a sob of pure pleasure as her orgasm rushes through her. When I’ve wrung the climax from her, I do as promised.

  Wrapping my hands around her hips, I fuck her, I pound into her sweet ass harder than I probably should. She doesn’t complain, she doesn’t ask me to stop. Instead, she shifts back, opening herself even more for me.

  “Play with your pussy, Firefly,” I grunt.

  She does, I feel her fingernails gently scrape against my balls. Moaning, I thrust into her harder, faster, and she uses her fingers to fuck herself. I’m sweating, I watch as a bead falls from my forehead and lands on her lower back. Her body is beautifully bowed for me, sweaty, open, and mine.

  “Come, Roxanne. Fuck, come,” I groan, my balls pulling up, my back tingling and I know that I won’t be able to hold off much longer, not at this pace.

  I hear her gasp, then feel her ass squeeze me. Closing my eyes, a roar escapes as she rips the orgasm from my body. I bury myself deep inside of her as I come, my hands hold onto her hips but my arms quickly give out, and I end up folding over her back. I bury my face in her neck, inhaling her scent, her sweat-soaked, sex-filled scent.

  She turns her head, her breath fanning against me. “Tanner,” she breathes.