Escaping Utopia

by Lalich, Janja; McLaren, Karla;

  6.

  Tell me as much as you’d like about how you left the group. If that took place over a period of time, please explain.

  7.

  What caused you to leave? How did that come about?

  8.

  What were crucial factors in your decision to leave?

  9.

  Did you leave alone or with others?

  10.

  Where did you go at first? What did it feel like to not be with the group anymore?

  11.

  Whom did you go to for support?

  12.

  What support/aid did you have?

  13.

  What resources were available?

  14.

  What resources would you have liked?

  15.

  Did you, or do you, ever think about going back to the group? What are your thoughts at those times?

  16.

  What, in your opinion, are some positive things about the group experience?

  17.

  Some negatives about the group experience?

  18.

  Describe your relationship with your parents—then and now.

  19.

  Describe your relationship with your siblings or other relatives in the group—then and now.

  20.

  Describe your relationship with the group—then and now.

  21.

  Describe your relationship with the group leader—then and now.

  22.

  There may have been different leaders at different times, or various leaders at different levels who were influential in your life. Please describe that.

  23.

  When you first left the group, did you have contact with other former members?

  24.

  What was new or different about mainstream society from how you grew up? What, if anything, surprised you?

  25.

  On a scale of 1 to 10, how integrated do you feel into regular society? Please explain.

  26.

  What were your best experiences after you left the group?

  27.

  What were you worst experiences?

  28.

  What advice would you give to a young person thinking about leaving a group that he or she was born or raised in?

  Note

  1.

  This data were also used in a study for a Master’s Degree in Social Science in California State University, Chico, by Susan Latta, who had been raised in a cult. Her thesis, “Adult Children of Cults: The Experiences of Individuals Born and Raised in a Cult as They Transition into Mainstream Society,” can be found at htt­p:/­/cs­uch­ico­-ds­pac­e.c­als­tat­e.e­du/­bit­str­eam­/ha­ndl­e/1­021­1.4­/36­5/F­ina­l%2­0-%­20S­usa­n%2­0La­tta­.pd­f?s­equ­enc­e=1­. Dr. Lalich was the Chair of Latta’s Thesis Committee.

  APPENDIX B

  Print and Multi-Media Resources

  Useful Books

  Bardin, Livia. Starting Out in Mainstream America. N.p. N.d. http://startingout.icsa.name/.

  Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. New York: Harper Business, 2006.

  Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery. New York: BasicBooks, 1992.

  Lalich, Janja, Bounded Choice: True Believers and Charismatic Cults. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2004.

  Lalich, Janja, Ed. “Women Under the Influence: A Study of Women’s Lives in Totalist Groups (Special Issue).” Cultic Studies Journal 14, no. 1 (1997).

  Lalich, Janja, and Karla McLaren. “Inside and Outcast: Multifaceted Stigma and Redemption in the Lives of Gay and Lesbian Jehovah’s Witnesses.” Journal of Homo-sexuality 57, no. 10 (2010): 1303–1333.

  Lalich, Janja, and Madeleine Tobias. Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships. Berkeley, CA: Bay Tree, 2006.

  McLaren, Karla. The Language of Emotions. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2010.

  McLaren, Karla. The Art of Empathy: A Complete Guide to Life’s Most Essential Skill. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2013.

  Shaw, Daniel. Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation. New York: Routledge, 2014.

  Singer, Margaret Thaler, with Janja Lalich. Cults in Our Midst: The Hidden Menace in Our Everyday Lives. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 1995.

  Singer, Margaret Thaler, and Janja Lalich. “Crazy” Therapies: What Are They? Do They Work? San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1996.

  Tavris, Carol and Elliot Aronson. Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts. New York: Mariner Books, 2015.

  Tourish, Dennis. The Dark Side of Transformational Leadership: A Critical Perspective. New York: Routledge, 2013.

  Workbooks

  Allen, Roberta. The Playful Way to Knowing Yourself: A Creative Workbook to Inspire Self-Discovery. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2003.

  Kalior, Susan D. Growing Wings Self-Discovery Workbook. Tualatin, OR: Blue Wing, 2008.

  Marra, Thomas. Depressed & Anxious: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook for Over-coming Depression and Anxiety. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2004.

  Rosenbloom, Dena, and Mary Beth Williams. Life after Trauma: A Workbook for Healing, 2nd ed. New York: Guilford Press, 2010.

  Williams, Mary Beth, and Soili Poijula. The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2002.

  Memoirs by Adult Children of Cults

  Allred-Solomon, Dorothy. Daughter of the Saints: Growing Up in Polygamy. (New York: Norton, 2004.) A memoir of life in a polygamous Mormon fundamentalist cult, and in the family of the leader and naturopathic physician, Rulon C. Allred. The author describes fleeing raids, the assassination of her father by a rival group, and leaving the group over ideological differences.

  Arkin, Cassidy Elizabeth. Little Brown Girl. (N.p.: Cassidy Elizabeth Productions.) 2015. The author describes her and her mother’s experiences reintegrating into mainstream society after living in the Marin County, California, utopian community of Synanon.

  Barlow, Kate. Abode of Love: Growing Up in a Messianic Cult. (Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada: Goose Lane Editions, 2006.) Barlow describes her childhood living with her mother, sisters, and twenty women inside the Agapemone, a religious cult led by a man claiming to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Her family is involved in a scandal as her grandfather, the group’s founder, takes on “spiritual” brides.

  Buhring, Juliana. This Road I Ride: Sometimes It Takes Losing Everything to Find Yourself. (New York: Norton, 2016.) A Children of God survivor tells her story of becoming the fastest woman to cycle around the world and reclaiming her life in the process.

  Coburn, William. The Spanking Room. (Enumclaw, WA: Wine Press, 2008.) An account of the author’s abusive childhood in the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  Connolly, Ray. Something Somebody Stole. (Charleston, SC: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2011.) The author’s account of his recruitment and twenty-year experience in the Children of God, having parented seventeen children with two women. He discusses notions of self-responsibility, recovery, and the difficulties of leaving the group.

  Dugard, Jaycee. A Stolen Life: A Memoir. (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2011.) This memoir tells the story of the author’s kidnapping in 1991, and her nearly twenty years in captivity as well as her survival and the reclaiming of her life.

  Dugard, Jaycee. Freedom: My Book of Firsts. (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2016.) The author describes her experience upon gaining her freedom and the many things she did not believe she would do in her life.

  Edge, Charlene L. Undertow: My Escape from the Fundamentalism and Cult Control of The Way International. (Winter Park, FL: New Wings Press, 2017.) The author describes her teenage recruitment into The Way International, one of the largest cults in the United States, and her seventeen years moving through the ranks of the organization. This memoir highlights the manipulative tactics of the group’s leader as well as the author’s recogniti
on of the need to escape.

  Feldman, Deborah. Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots. (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2012.) This is a memoir of the author’s youth in and escape from the Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism, where she found herself in an unhealthy arranged marriage as a teen and forced to live under oppressively strict rules.

  Garrett, Ruth Irene. Crossing Over: One Woman’s Escape from Amish Life. (San Francisco: HarperOne, 2003.) This is a memoir of a member of an Old Order Amish community in Iowa, who recounts the strict traditionalism of the group and her eventual escape from her family and her way of life.

  Gingerich, Emma. Runaway Amish Girl: The Great Escape. (N.p.: Progressive Rising Press, 2014.) The author’s account of her childhood in an Amish community and her eventual escape, which sent her family and friends into turmoil.

  Griffin, Misty Elaine. Tears of the Silenced: A True Crime and an American Tragedy; Severe Child Abuse and Leaving the Amish. (Charleston, SC: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2014.) The author describes her childhood in an abusive Amish sect, the sexual assault that resulted in her escape, and the shock of entering the outside world with minimal education and few resources.

  Guest, Tim. My Life in Orange. (London: Granta Books, 2004.) An account of the author’s experiences growing up in a commune based on the teachings of guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and the solitude faced as the child of a devoted member of the Sannyasin.

  Hoffman, Claire. Greetings from Utopia Park: Surviving a Transcendent Childhood. (New York: Harper, 2016.) The author’s account of her childhood inside a Transcendental Meditation community in the 1980s and ’90s.

  Jeffs, Brent W. Lost Boy. (New York: Broadway Books, 2009.) The nephew of Warren Jeffs, leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), describes his experiences growing up on his uncle’s compound and the threatening attitude toward and sexual abuse of young boys in the cult. He describes his choice to leave and the struggle of adjusting to another way of life.

  Jessop, Carolyn. Escape. (New York: Broadway Books, 2007.) The author describes her life born into the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), as well as her oppressive polygamous marriage and risky escape with her children.

  Jessop, Carolyn, and Laura Palmer. Triumph: Life After the Cult—A Survivor’s Lessons. (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2011.) An account of Jessop’s escape with her children from the FLDS cult, as well as the raid on its Yearning for Zion Ranch, followed by the public trial of leader Warren Jeffs.

  Jessop, Flora, and Paul T. Brown. Church of Lies. (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2009.) Jessop’s account of her childhood of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse inside the polygamous FLDS cult and her attempted escapes. She also discusses her efforts to help other women and children flee similar circumstances.

  Jones, Kristina, Celeste Jones, and Juliana Buhring. Not Without My Sister: The True Story of Three Girls Violated and Betrayed. (London: Harper Element, 2007.) Three sisters describe their sexually abusive childhoods in the Children of God as well as their three respective escapes and the aftermath of their experiences.

  Kelly, Richard E. Growing Up in Mama’s Club. (N.p.: Richard Kelly, 2008.) The author describes a childhood full of emotional and religious abuse deep inside the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  Kelly, Richard E. The Ghosts from Mama’s Club. (Tucson: Parker Ridge, 2012.) In this sequel to Growing Up in Mama’s Club, the author tells the story of his escape from the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  Kirkby, Mary-Ann. I Am Hutterite. (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2010.) A look at the life of a Canadian Hutterite family that leaves their colony under dire circumstances, and their struggle to integrate into mainstream society.

  Kocsis, Vennie. Cult Child. (Tacoma, WA: Angela “Vennie” Kocsis, 2014.) A first-person telling of the author’s abusive experience in the fundamentalist cult, Sam Fife’s Move of God. The author describes moving around the country with her family, and the leader’s violent teachings.

  Lee, Brenda. Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman’s Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult. (Bandon, OR: Robert D. Reed Publishers, 2006.) A memoir and self-help guide based on the author’s abusive childhood in the Jehovah’s Witnesses, the loss of her family upon leaving, and her personal growth outside of the cult.

  Miscavige-Hill, Jenna, and Lisa Pulitzer. Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape. (New York: William Morrow, 2013.) A now-critic of Scientology describes her childhood as the niece of Church of Scientology leader, David Miscavige, her position in the church’s highest ministry, and the loss of her family upon leaving.

  Musser, Rebecca. The Witness Wore Red: The 19th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice. (New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2014.) The author’s account of her upbringing in a polygamous family, her abusive marriage as the nineteenth wife to the FLDS prophet, and her participation in the trial to bring down her former group’s leader, Warren Jeffs.

  Palmer, Debbie, and Dave Perrin. Keep Sweet: Children of Polygamy. (N.p.: Dave’s Press, 2004.) Palmer describes her childhood and thirty-three years in the abusive polygamous Mormon fundamentalist community of Bountiful, British Columbia.

  Pena, Theresa. Run. (Charleston, SC: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.) A novel based on the true events of a teenage girl’s fleeing from a harsh and corrupt drug rehab facility and the aftermath of her escape.

  Perks, Micah. Pagan Time: An American Childhood. (Washington DC: Counterpoint, 2001.) An account of the author’s childhood in a New Age mountain community built by her parents for troubled teens in the 1960s.

  Peterson, Grace. Reaching: A Memoir. (N.p.: All Things That Matter Press, 2013.) A telling of the author’s abusive childhood, followed by a brainwashing relationship with a Luciferian New World Order cult leader and her eventual steps toward recovery.

  Powers, Carla. Matches in the Gas Tank: Trial by Fire in the Armstrong Cult. (Houston: Bright Sky Press, 2009.) Powers tells the story of her childhood in the Radio Church of God, which included harsh restrictions, arranged marriages, and deprivation. She flees the group and finds great success on the outside.

  Prophet, Erin. Prophet’s Daughter: My Life with Elizabeth Clare Prophet Inside the Church Universal and Triumphant. (Guilford, CT: Lyons Press, 2008.) The author describes growing up in her mother’s End-Times cult, and having to reassess her life, her beliefs, and her relationship with her mother as her mother’s prophesies repeatedly fail.

  Richmond, Ivan. Silence and Noise: Growing Up Zen in America. (New York: Atria Books, 2003.) The author describes his childhood living in silence in a Zen Buddhist monastery with his family in Northern California, followed by his family’s leaving in the early 1980s and his acclimation to mainstream society.

  Rugullies, Christine. Caryatid: Memoir of Life in a Religious Cult. (Brooklyn: Long Dash, 2008.) A memoir of the author’s thirty-three years in a Christian cult in mid-century America, written over the course of twenty-five years.

  Sand, Marlowe. Paradise and Promises. (N.p.: O-Books, 2015.) The author’s recollection of her recruitment and fifteen years of experience as a student of guru Andrew Cohen, a self-professed radical Buddha.

  Sayrafiezadeh, Saïd. When Skateboards Will Be Free. (New York: Dial Press, 2010.) Growing up in the Socialist Workers Party, the author’s memoir discusses negotiating his Iranian-Jewish heritage as well as the instability of childhood in the midst of the cult’s preparations for the revolution that never was to come.

  Schmidt, Susan. Favorite Wife: Escape from Polygamy. (New York: Lyons Press, 2009.) The author tells the story of her upbringing in a polygamous Mormon cult (in which nearly two dozen people are killed), and her eventual escape.

  Spencer, Irene. Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist’s Wife. (N.p.: Central Street, 2007.) The author describes her experience in a polygamous marriage and the fundamentalist Mormon village of Short Creek, Arizona. The village is rai
ded, and she and her family flee to the Mexican desert.

  Spencer, Irene. Cult Insanity: A Memoir of Polygamy, Prophets, and Blood Atonement. (N.p.: Central Street, 2009.) The author’s experience being raised in polygamy is described in this account of her life of abuse and a polygamous marriage in a cult in which her brother-in-law proclaimed himself to be a prophet and murdered any who questioned his authority.

  Tamm, Jayanti. Cartwheels in a Sari: A Memoir of Growing Up in a Cult. (New York: Harmony Books, 2009.) The author describes her childhood as the “Chosen One” in the widely popular cult of guru Sri Chinmoy. She discusses her relationship with the guru, her appointed path to enlightenment, and her decision to leave.

  Tate, Sonsyrea. Little X: Growing Up in the Nation of Islam. (San Francisco: HarperSan Francisco, 1997.) The author shares her experiences as a girl growing up in this radical and mysterious group, shedding light on the contradictions of life in the group, and bringing new insights to its controversial leaders.

  Taylor, Kim. Daughters of Zion: A Family’s Conversion to Polygamy. (Grants Pass, OR: Rogue Hill, 2008.) Taylor tells the story of her childhood as she is uprooted from Utah to live in a Mormon polygamous colony in Mexico. She describes her experiences being courted for plural marriage and the violence that ensued in her colony.

  Wagler, Ira. Growing Up Amish: A Memoir. (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2011.) Wagler describes his childhood in an Amish settlement in Iowa and his decision to leave upon entering adulthood.

  Walker, Jerald. The World in Flames: A Black Boyhood in a White Supremacist Doomsday Cult. (Boston: Beacon Press, 2016.) Walker describes his childhood in the 1970s with two blind parents and six siblings in Herbert W. Armstrong’s Worldwide Church of God. He details the group’s strict rules regarding medicine and the belief in members being the chosen people as well as the group’s failed apocalyptic prophecy of the Great Tribulation.

  Wall, Elissa, and Lisa Pulitzer. Stolen Innocence: My Story of Growing Up in a Polygamous Sect, Becoming a Teenage Bride, and Breaking Free of Warren Jeffs. (New York: Harper, 2009.) A memoir by a young woman born into the Fundamentalist Church of the Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) and her experience providing testimony to aid in the conviction of cult leader, Warren Jeffs.