Follow Your Bliss (Bliss Series Book 2)

by Marji Spicer

  Text copyright © 2019 by Marjorie Spicer.

  All rights reserved. Published by Marjorie Spicer. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher.

  For information, you may contact via e-mail: mspicerwrites@gmail.com

  Please visit https://mspicercreativeworks.com/

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  For Jeanne, Barb and Kim. I couldn't ask for better sisters.

  Chapter One

  Joy smiled at the infant asleep in her arms. She kissed the baby’s soft cheek and inhaled her fresh powdery scent. She swore the smell of a baby was the most heavenly scent on earth. “I think I’m going to keep her,” she teased.

  Alice, her co-worker, was currently on maternity leave. That afternoon she’d brought her newborn daughter Chloe into the office. “It’ll happen someday,” Alice reassured her. It was no secret that Joy longed to be a mother. She was obsessed with all things baby related.

  “By the way, how are the wedding plans coming along?” Alice asked.

  “Only six more months,” Joy said. “Although Mike and I have talked about moving the date up.”

  “That eager to get started?” Alice joked.

  “I’ve been ready for years.”

  “And Mike is finally on board?”

  “We’ve talked about it for the past couple of weeks. Mike’s excited about it now.”

  Joy saw the look of doubt that crossed Alice’s face. She felt guilty for telling the little white lie. She couldn’t blame Alice for doubting her. After all, she had confided in her about Mike’s reluctance to have children.

  Mike wasn’t happy with the baby idea. She gave him an ultimatum. If she couldn’t have a baby, the marriage was off. Mike gave in at that point and had sulked for days.

  “That’s good to hear,” Alice said. “Who knows, maybe you’ll get pregnant on your honeymoon.”

  “That would be great. I thought I’d be a mother by now. Here I am, almost thirty, and no babies.”

  “You still have plenty of time,” Alice said.

  “I know,” she said. “It just feels like my clock has sped up, and it’s ticking louder now.”

  Joy ripped a subscription card out of a parenting magazine she’d read on her lunch break. “I’m going to fill this out and mail it on my way home. Maybe it’ll send a message to the universe that I’m ready to be a mother.”

  “I think the universe is plenty aware of how much you want to become a mother,” Alice laughed. She looked at the clock. “Now, I need my baby back so that I can go home.”

  Joy gazed at Chloe before she hugged her close to her body. “Do I have to give her back?” She reluctantly handed Alice her daughter. “Make sure you bring her back. I need my baby fix until I have my own.”

  After Alice left, Joy shut down her computer and gathered up her things to leave work. It had been another long and tedious day. She felt stuck working in an office. Her job didn’t fulfill her in any way.

  It was time to put more thought and energy into her online herbal business. Maybe she should open a store. Her on-line sales had started to pick up.

  Joy walked through the parking garage. Once in her car, she exited the structure and drove north towards the post office. She pulled into the parking lot, dropped the subscription card into the blue mailbox outside, and sent out a prayer to whoever might be listening. Please let me get pregnant fast.

  One more stop, then she could go home and relax. All she needed was deodorant. It would be a quick trip to the store. Get in and get out. Babies were expensive, so she needed to keep a close eye on her money. She was a bit impulsive and loved to shop. Joy made up a strict budget and had every intention of sticking to it. She planned to save as much money as she could before she got pregnant. She wanted to stay home with her baby. Once she held her baby in her arms, it would be hard to leave her child with anyone else.

  A few years ago, she had inherited money from her grandmother. Mike didn’t know about the money. He would insist she give it to him. He was going to be angry when he found out she’d kept it a secret from him. Mike had a big problem when it came to money. He never held onto it for long.

  Lately, she’d been covering more of the bills. She often wondered where all his money went. It certainly hadn’t been spent on her. When they’d first started dating, Mike would buy her flowers, cards, and little gifts. That was a thing of the past. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d surprised her with anything romantic. None of that mattered to her anymore. Having a baby was her number one priority now. The most important thing in the world to her was to become a mother.

  Joy pulled into the Target parking lot, parked her car, and got out. The woman in the car next to her appeared frazzled and stressed out. She yelled at her young kids as she tried to put them into her car. Some people don’t realize how lucky they are. She saw a young mother with an infant as she walked into the store. Babies seemed to be everywhere. It was a reminder that she didn’t have a child yet. This constant reminder made her feel desperate at times.

  Joy looked at her phone. No missed calls. She was shocked she hadn’t heard from Mike yet. Mike was a jealous man who acted more like her prison guard than fiancé. He wanted to know where she was at all times. At the beginning of their relationship, she had been flattered. Now, she felt unsettled. Joy tried to stop the doubts that crept into her mind. Maybe if she had more time, she would look for someone else. But time was something she didn’t have. She would make this work. When she finally had her baby, she would feel fulfilled. Things would work out.

  Joy passed the shopping carts and walked straight to the Health & Beauty aisle. She picked out her Secret brand, deodorant. As she walked towards the front of the store, a display of doughnuts caught her eye. She stopped and grabbed a box of chocolate ones. Sweets were a big weakness for her. Especially anything chocolate. Next, she went to the book section to pick up a baby name book. She hoped Mike would be in the mood to help her choose names for their baby. More than likely, she’d do it on her own. He would tell her he didn’t care what name she picked. One last stop, and then I’m out of here. Joy couldn’t resist baby clothes. She loved the frilly girl’s outfits. She had her fingers crossed that she’d have a daughter first. But she would be just as happy with a son.

  Joy looked at her phone and realized she’d been in the store for over a half-hour. It was time to get out of there.

  She glanced up. Crap! It was Denise who was always so put together. She was a petite blonde with big blue eyes and a pixie style haircut. She didn’t appear to be wearing any makeup. But she was the type of woman who didn’t need help from cosmetics. Denise was naturally beautiful. She wore a cute blue gingham dress that tied at the waist and showed off her baby bump. She looked to be at least seven months along. It was true what they said about pregnancy because she glowed. Life wasn’t fair. Why should she have everything? I’ll probably look like a mess when I’m pregnant.

  Denise absently rubbed her belly as she flipped through the rack of baby dresses.

  Of course, she would be having a girl.

  Joy swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. The first time she’d met Denise, she had been out to dinner with Mike. They were leaving the restaurant at the same time Denise walked in. Mike reluctantly introduced her to Denise after sh
e’d said hi to them. Denise was someone you couldn’t forget. She genuinely cared about people. You had to like her. Mike wanted to leave as soon as he saw the two of them had hit it off. They probably could have become good friends. Mike warned her that Denise was bad news. He never elaborated on it. Mike didn’t want her to have friends. They took time away from him.

  Joy needed to get out of there before Denise spotted her. She had run into her before, and they’d talked briefly. But now Denise was pregnant. Joy was jealous and didn’t want to visit. She was acting petty, but it was a reminder of what she didn’t have yet.

  Chapter Two

  “Joy, is that you?”

  Shit! Denise had caught her staring at her. She had to talk to her now. It would be rude to leave and not say anything. She walked towards her. “Hi, Denise. How are you?”

  “Great,” she said. Denise grabbed her belly. “Oh,” she gasped.

  “Are you ok?”

  “Yes,” she laughed. “The baby just kicked me. That’s all.”

  “Oh, can I feel?” Denise took her hand and placed it on her belly. Joy’s face lit up when she felt the baby kick. “Oh my God,” she said. She wanted to feel that for herself. If she didn’t have a baby soon, she felt like she’d curl up and die. She jerked her hand from Denise’s belly. “I’m sorry. I hope that wasn’t too weird.”

  “No, it’s fine,” Denise smiled. “At least you asked. You’d be amazed at the number of strangers who feel like they have the right to touch your belly when you’re pregnant. It’s kind of creepy. Anyway, enough about me. How have you been doing?”

  “I’m doing great.”

  Denise glanced at the book in her hand. “Are you pregnant?”

  “No,” she said. “Not yet.”

  “Two more months for me,” Denise said. “I can’t wait. I feel so huge already. I’ll be glad when I can see my feet again.”

  “After the wedding, Mike and I are going to start trying.”

  “Mike?” Denise’s face paled. A line formed between her eyebrows as she bit her bottom lip. She looked troubled now.

  “I can’t wait,” Joy said. “I’ve wanted to have a baby for so long. Something always came up, but I’m finally ready. My ducks are all in a row now. You’re so lucky,” she said wistfully. “I hope it doesn’t take too long. I know sometimes it takes a while to conceive.” She was babbling. Denise’s sudden silence made her feel uncomfortable. When she was uncomfortable, she tended to ramble on. It was weird talking to Mike’s ex-wife about wanting to get pregnant by him even though they’d been divorced for seven years now.

  “Did you guys try?” she blurted out.

  “Yes, we did for years,” Denise said softly.

  “Oh, you never got pregnant?” Joy stopped talking. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “Why not?”

  “It was insensitive of me. You didn’t miscarry, did you?” Dammit, there she went blurting out shit again.

  “I didn’t miscarry. I never got pregnant.”

  Joy was confused. From the look on Denise’s face, she thought something tragic had happened.

  “Does Mike know you want kids?” Denise asked cautiously.

  “Yes, in fact, we’re planning it.” She lifted up the baby name book. “We’re even picking out names.”

  “Listen, do you have time to sit down for a cup of coffee?” Denise asked. “I don’t want to overstep my bounds here, but there are a few things I feel like I should tell you. I don’t think I could live with myself otherwise.”

  Joy’s stomach knotted up. Her gut feeling told her something was wrong. The look on Denise’s face told her it was going to be bad.

  “Sure, I can spare a few minutes.” She placed her items on a shelf and followed Denise to the cafeteria area. Joy ordered a black coffee, and Denise bought a bottle of water. They sat down at a small table.

  “I can’t believe he’s doing this to you,” Denise said through clenched teeth.

  “Doing what?”

  “When Mike and I married, we never talked about having kids. We were so young. I felt we had plenty of time to start a family. I quit using birth control after we married. The first year went by, and I didn’t get pregnant. I didn’t think too much about it. I started to get a little concerned after another year passed,” Denise paused for a moment as if collecting her thoughts. “Mike told me there had to be something wrong with me. I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. Everything checked out ok. I begged Mike to get checked. He refused to let me go with him to his appointment. He said there wasn’t anything wrong with him. Two more years passed and no baby,” she said. “I finally came to terms with the fact that I might never get pregnant. Mike refused to talk about adoption. He said if I were meant to be a mother, I would get pregnant.” Denise took a deep breath and let it out. “The thing is, I never got pregnant because Mike had a vasectomy. I found out by accident. He was away on business, and I needed a tax paper. I searched through his desk. That’s when I found the old bill from his surgery. All those years, he let me take the blame.” She shook her head. “I was devastated. I wanted a baby. I knew I would never have one with him. That’s when I finally left. There had been too much deceit in our marriage.” Denise blinked her eyes to hold back her tears. “It sickens me that he was going to do this to you. He caused me so much pain and suffering. I was heartbroken. I went through years of depression as I tried to deal with it all,” she said. “He told me he never wanted children. Did he change his mind and get a reversal done?”

  Joy was beyond shocked. She tried to wrap her mind around the things Denise had just told her. Out of everything Denise could have said, this was the last thing she expected. She was glad she was sitting down. She felt lightheaded, and her skin turned clammy. The bitter taste of coffee in the back of her throat made her feel sick. Feelings of betrayal and pain warred within her body. No babies? It couldn’t be true.

  Denise took the cap off her unopened bottle of water and handed it to her. Joy reached for the bottle and took a long drink. Her eyes were wide and full of tears. “This can’t be true. I can’t believe—I mean—why?”

  “I’m sorry I had to tell you this,” Denise said gently.

  “How could he do this to me?” Joy whispered. “He promised me I could have a baby. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  Joy thought back to their past conversations. They were always one-sided. Mike would change the subject whenever she started to talk about babies. But he promised her they could try as soon as they got married.

  Denise felt sorry for Joy. Having been in her shoes before, she knew how she felt. “Are you going to be ok?”

  “I’ll be alright. I’m just really shocked right now. I never expected anything like this.”

  “I feel terrible now,” Denise said.

  “Why? It’s not your fault.”

  Denise reached forward and touched her arm. “The last thing I wanted to do was cause you pain. I could never live with myself if I didn’t say anything. I’d hate for you to suffer the way I did. I was an emotional wreck and went through so much pain. It took two years of therapy to deal with it all. I know what it feels like to want a baby more than anything. I can tell this is very important to you.”

  “I’m glad I ran into you and that you told me the truth. Mike would have let me believe I was at fault too. You’ve saved me a lot of heartache. I need to become a mother.”

  Her phone rang. Joy knew who it was before she looked at it.

  “Mike?” Denise asked.

  “Yeah. Was Mike this way with you too?”

  “Jealous and controlling?” Joy nodded. “Yes, he was. Mike is poison. He’ll destroy you. I learned in therapy that I was dealing with a narcissist. They’re dangerous people,” she warned. Denise rummaged through her purse, took out a business card and handed it to her. “I’ve taken up enough of your time. Here’s my number. Call me if you need me.” They both stood up. “Please be careful.”

  “I wi
ll, and thanks again for telling me.”

  Denise smiled and hugged her. “You’ll have a baby someday. Please don’t give up or lose hope. There’s a great guy out there for you that will make a wonderful father.”

  Chapter Three

  Joy felt like her heart shattered that day. A different woman walked out of Target than the one who had walked in. She’d had it with men, lies, and the bullshit of relationships. She would never give her power away to another man. There was only one thing she wanted from a man now. She had no choice in the matter. Other than a needed donation, she was going it alone. If there were a way to have a baby without a man’s help, she’d take that route.

  Mike knew how important becoming a mother was to her. It hurt to think about all the pain he was willing to put her through. She would have wasted years with him trying to get pregnant. If she hadn’t found out the truth, Mike would have placed all the blame on her. Her time would have run out. He would never own up to his deceit.

  She wondered how many other lies he had told her. The more she thought about things, the more the hurt solidified into anger. She had never felt this much rage in her life before. A storm slowly brewed inside of her. Hurricane Joy was about to be unleashed upon a lying bastard. She wanted the truth, and tonight she would have it.

  Luckily, she made it home in one piece. She was surprised she hadn’t gotten into an accident with how upset she was.

  Of course, Mike wasn’t home when she got there. He always had to know where she was. If she questioned him about his whereabouts, he would rant about her lack of trust in him. Half the time, she didn’t even care if he was around. That should have told her something.

  Trust, what a joke!

  Joy grew angrier as the minutes ticked by on the clock. She paced back and forth across the carpet while she waited. That fucking bastard! Her hands curled into fists, and her nails dug into her palms. Her jaw started to ache from clenching it so tightly. She needed to calm down to get through the first part of her talk. It was going to be a struggle to keep her temper in check long enough to talk to him.