by Lucy English
I looked at the pizza—barely touched. Never had pizza been so ignored as that Sunday in June.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I’d forgotten completely about my date to talk to Marco on Sunday. He called at midnight, which was five in the morning where he was.
“It’s still Sunday there!” he said by way of greeting.
“Sorta. Why are you up?”
“Never went to sleep! You sleeping?”
“I wish.”
“I’m coming home Wednesday.”
“Wow, that’s great!” I meant it but my voice pitched a little high.
“You don’t have to see me if you don’t want to.”
“No, I do. I’m sorry. I’ve had the longest, longest day.” I was also feeling pretty jealous imagining him out partying all night with the beautiful women in the Twitter photo.
“All right, pretty one. I’m going to text you tomorrow and we can talk later. I love hearing your voice, if groggy and brief.”
My heart skipped a beat. “I love hearing your voice too. I really can’t wait to see you. Sorry I’m so useless right now.”
“Just go to sleep now. We’ll find good uses for each other when I get home.”
“Night, Marco.”
“Night, beautiful.”
I slept like death until my phone jarred me awake at six Monday morning.
“Hello?”
“Penny, this is Maggie Lowry.”
“Hi, Maggie. What’s up?”
“Desiree just brought Legend here and begged me to take care of him for a while. She dropped a backpack full of clothes, kissed him, and ran off before I could ask what was happening!”
“Oh no.” I was sitting up by then, still foggy but getting clearer quickly.
“Okay, let me see what I can find out. Wait—can you? Can you watch him for now?”
“Of course. I’m not gonna put him on the street!”
“Will you call DCF and let them know that he’s with you?”
“Yes. I’ll take care of that.”
“Great, Maggie. You’re wonderful. I have to go find Desiree! I’ll let you know as soon as I have any news.”
I got in the shower. Sometimes it’s the best place to think, but I was also being practical. I had a feeling I had a sweaty day ahead.
As soon as the water hit me I realized I didn’t have time for a shower. I couldn’t send Conner or the police after Desiree. I had to try to find her myself before she got out of town. I jumped out of the shower and threw on shorts and a T-shirt. I pulled on sneakers, grabbed my bag, and ran out the door.
I ran to the T and took it one stop to South Station. It was close to Chinatown and the place to get a bus or a train out of town. She had to be there.
I took the escalator up from the subway and stood in the “great hall” of South Station, a gigantic granite building built in 1899. I ran to the board listing trains and stared at it for the brief moment I needed to realize that I had no clue where she’d go. I looked around the station. I ran from one waiting area to the next looking for Desiree. I didn’t even know if she would take a train. The bus terminal was a separate building next door.
I did my best in the great hall and didn’t see her, so I went across to the bus terminal and did the same thing. Still no Desiree. I went back to the great hall and looked again. I was losing hope.
I bought a donut and some coffee to console myself for my failure. I sat on a bench and ate. I pulled out my phone to look at the time and realized I needed to get home and change for work. I was already running late even though I’d been in fast motion since six.
I took the T back to my station and walked home buzzed on sugar and caffeine.
I ran most of the way to work. Who knew my training would be put to professional use? That is, if trying not to get fired is a legitimate professional use.
I knew I couldn’t spend the day trying to find Desiree because then I’d get fired for sure. When I finally had a free half hour I went and found Nathan.
“I need help.”
He turned from his desk and smiled at me. A cheetah was in mid leap across his sweatshirt. “What’s up?”
“Can we have therapist confidentiality?”
“Sure.”
I caught him up on the situation.
“Do you have cell numbers for anyone in Desiree’s world? Do you have one for her?”
“I texted her a few times but no answer of course. I might have Gabe’s number.”
I pulled out my phone and scrolled. I’d gotten his number when I was planning to take Legend out to dinner with him. “Bingo! I have Gabe. But Gabe doesn’t trust me. If he knows where she went he won’t tell me.”
“What if you say you have to speak to her urgently about Legend?”
“He’ll offer to relay the message.”
“Maybe we can search the internet for relatives. What’s her last name?”
“Walker. Walker! Can we find a more common name?”
“But sometimes those online search things are surprisingly helpful. We should try.”
“Wait! I’ll have Toryn try. He’ll have better access to information, and maybe there was a relative other than Gabe listed on her legal stuff when they put her in jail!”
“Do it.”
I sent a text to Toryn with the request.
“Do you think Legend will be okay?” I asked. “Is this going to make matters worse? Is he ever gonna speak again?”
“He’ll speak again. This doesn’t help, but Desiree knew he would feel safe at Maggie’s and it was a good place to take him. It may have been worse to drag him with her wherever she’s going. This way he can go to school at least, and have a little normalcy. You should spend some time with him if you can.”
“I have the feeling I’m gonna be off and running after Desiree.”
I decided the Tasha part was going to have to just play itself out for a little while. I hoped that was hours rather than days.
A text vibrated in during my last session of the day and I fidgeted with impatience while trying to focus on my client. Finally my day job was done and I checked my phone
Toryn: She has a cousin in Hartown PA
I looked up trains and buses. She could get there for seventy bucks on the bus and it would take her eight hours with two transfers. I could get there in under six hours driving. I’d just grab a Zipcar and go. I wouldn’t be able to beat her there, but I felt sure Toryn could provide the cousin’s address. I texted him back.
Me: Going. Need address.
Toryn: Coming with you.
Pick you up in 30.
I hurried home and stuffed a backpack with a change of clothes and snacks. Toryn was right on time. I texted Gloria, who was still at work, and Toryn and I hit the road.
In a movie we would have flown out of town with the windows down and the wind in our hair, but we kept the windows up because we were pretty much sitting still in exhaust for the first hour trying to get to I-90 and out of town. The traffic let up about twenty miles west of Boston and we relaxed a little. Toryn was pushing the speed limit in his old Mercedes, but I was glad. It was going to be a long drive.
“What did you find on the cousin?” I asked.
“Her name is Sharma Lou Green. She’s sixty-eight and lives in a trailer park in Hartown.”
“What could Desiree be thinking to go there?”
“We don’t know if she’s there.”
“Oh God. You’re right. You are insane to pick me up and drive me on a fool’s errand!”
“I absolutely am.”
We rode in silence for a while. I was trying to think of plans B and C, preferably plans that I could put in motion simultaneously with this one, since the likelihood of this one failing was so high. I didn’t come up with anything.
A few hours into the trip we’d eaten most of the snacks and were sick of all our music. I’d googled Hartown and supplied the critical information that it was rumored to be named after the guy who invented the m
otorized ice cream cone—a plastic cone that turns your scoop so you don’t strain your tongue.
When we’d juiced that for all it was worth, Toryn started to wax philosophical. “I don’t know how straight people do the whole kid thing. Or gay people for that matter, when they do. I mean, I can’t keep a relationship together for a year. If there was some screaming brat around I don’t think I’d last a month!”
“Some people like kids. Some people are bonded by their kids. And some people feel stuck in their relationships because of kids. That’s when it’s bad.”
“You don’t think people should stay together for the kids?”
“Not if it sucks for everyone.”
“Yeah.”
“Did I do the right thing with Will?” I asked.
“I guess so. Are you doubting?”
“No. Not really. It’s just that I look at Legend and Desiree and all they want is a normal, calm family life. They want exactly the predictable security that I gave up.”
“But you didn’t have a guarantee that it would be so secure. What if you and Will didn’t work out together?”
“I know. I worried about that but more about the general idea of settling down. Next thing you know I don’t have time for my job so I’m not helping anyone, just raising a couple of spoiled brats.”
“You don’t think you could keep working?”
“Look at me! I’m spending the night chasing someone across a couple of states and I’m probably not even chasing her! She’s probably drinking Chardonnay on a houseboat or something.”
“Yeah, and you almost got smashed by a train last year.”
“Exactly my point.”
“But in Wisconsin social work must be different. I mean, how many murders are there out in the boonies?”
“I think a lot of people get shot during hunting season.”
“That doesn’t require any sleuthing, so you could stick to helping with typical life problems like a normal social worker.”
“Normal.”
“You say it like a cuss word.”
“Sorta is.”
“How about regular?”
“That means you poop on time.”
“Okay, can we go with not-quite-such-a-lunatic?”
“Yeah, okay.”
The miles passed with us each lost in our thoughts. Finally I was so sick of the dialogue that was cycling over and over in my head I broke the silence.
“You doing okay on the Brent thing?”
“Not really. I associate everything with him. Why does the kitchen sponge make me think of him? Sponges should be agnostic.”
“Oh god, I know.”
“I brush my teeth and hear him saying ‘Oh, Tom’s toothpaste, I love it!’ I look at my apartment and I remember him saying I could be a museum curator. He said ‘There’s decoration and there’s design. Decoration is just distracting junk. What you have here is design.’ You know I’ve lived there for six years. Now everything about it is associated with a guy I dated for a couple of months? Where’s the universe’s mercy?”
“After he-who-shall-not-be-named broke up with me, every song I’d listened to that year was tarnished,” I said. “Not only that, but pretty much every song with lyrics was ruined. If it was a love song I thought of him. If there was anger, him. Sadness, him. Elation? The good times with him. I had to listen to purely instrumental music for six months.”
“Why does it fuck us up so much? I mean I can try to think of it biologically and understand that you breeders need to bond in the hopes you’ll raise your kids together at least for a little while, so nature creates this emotional thing to ensnare you. But how does that explain me? We were definitely not gonna make a baby!”
“I heard a TED talk about the chemicals that are released with orgasm. Oxytocin and something. They bond us to the object of our desire. So people watching porn are like bonding to computer screens or whatever. It talked about how it strengthens fetishes and stuff. Kind of weird and interesting but not my point. My point is that maybe we’re helpless against the chemicals. Or maybe we’re just stupid and needy and sick.”
“Yeah. Probably all of that.”
We finally reached Sharma Lou’s house around midnight with help from Siri. We kept making wrong turns, and I was sure I’d finally proven that her voice does get irritated.
We sat in the car for a minute feeling bad about waking Sharma Lou, but then the door to her trailer opened and we saw an old woman silhouetted against the flickering TV light. She looked really old, way older than late sixties.
“Can I help you?” she called.
I got out of the car. “Yes. I’m a friend of your niece Desiree, and she left town today upset over something, and I wanted to see if she’s okay and see if I can help.”
“Desiree not here.”
“Have you heard from her?”
“Can’t say I have.”
I stepped closer so she could see my sweet, earnest face. “I’m really worried about her. Do you know if she has any other family she might turn to if she needed help?”
“Not much of this family left,” she said, stepping out onto the door stoop and letting the screen door shut behind her. She was stooped way over. I told myself I should do yoga or something to keep my spine flexible. It looked like in a few years she would only be able to look down.
I looked at the window and while I couldn’t really see in, I believed Sharma Lou that Desiree wasn’t there. Not only did her voice sound sincere, but Desiree would probably come bounding out to give me an earful if she were there.
“My name is Penny Wade. I’m a social worker and I’ve been helping Legend through the difficulties he and Desiree are experiencing. I care very much about their safety.”
“Where’s Legend?” Her dark wrinkles deepened around her eyes and mouth.
“Desiree left him with the foster home where he stayed while she was in jail. Do you know that story?”
“I know a little bit about it.”
“So he’s safe, but I know he wants her to come home and I also know that we can’t solve her problems if she runs off. If she comes here or contacts you, will you please tell her I want to help? Ask her to call me?”
I went to the car and grabbed my bag and pulled out a business card. I handed it to Sharma Lou. “Thanks for any help you can give me. I’m really worried about her and Legend. Tell her I found some out some things that will help us.”
“I don’t know I’ll be hearin’ from her, but I’ll tell her what you said if I do.” She looked me in the eyes for the first time and I could see a weary, wary intelligence. I believed her.
“Thank you.” I smiled a nice girl smile and got in the car.
We wound our way back through town, arguing a little about which way. We’d driven around so much trying to get there that everything looked familiar. Eventually we found the county road that would take us out of town and back to the highway. We figured we could get back in time for work.
“This sucks. I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Totally sucks, but don’t be sorry.”
“Do you want me to drive and you can sleep?” I asked.
“Maybe later.”
The road was nearly empty and I was trying to watch for deer. It seemed like the kind of road where a deer might jump out and attack the car.
A car approached from the other direction. The lights were weaving side to side. “Watch it, drunk approaching,” I said.
It found its lane and passed.
“That’s Martel!” I yelped.
“Martel? Are you sure?”
“Martel or Martel’s car! There can’t be many of those hideous things on the roads!”
Toryn slowed down and found a farm road entrance where he could turn around.
Back we went toward Sharma Lou’s.
Toryn hung back a little so Martel wouldn’t know we were following. When we got back to Sharma Lou’s single-wide, the car was there, the house lights were on, and I could see
Desiree inside leaning toward Sharma Lou and talking nonstop while waving her arms. There was no sign of Martel.
Toryn had turned off the headlights and stopped a trailer early, so they didn’t see us approach. I went to the screen door and tapped on the frame. Toryn waited a few steps behind me.
Both heads snapped in my direction.
Desiree yelled “Ahh!” and slammed the real door.
I opened the screen and tapped on the door.
“Go away!” she yelled.
“Please can we talk and then I’ll go away?”
I waited.
Crickets. Literally crickets! When I say that in the city it’s just an expression, but here there really were crickets chirping! I wondered what other wildlife was out there in the darkness.
I tapped again.
Desiree opened the door. “I can see you determined to bother me and Aunt Granny here.”
“I’m determined to help you!”
Just then she caught sight of Toryn behind me.
“Who’s that?”
“This is my friend Toryn. Toryn, this is Desiree and Sharma Lou.” I turned to Sharma Lou. “Should I call you Aunt Granny?”
“Either one fine,” she said. “Now you two come in. I know you mean no harm.”
The two women stepped back and we entered the trailer. Four people was a lot for that trailer. It smelled like stale cigarette smoke and cat pee.
“Sit,” Sharma Lou said. “I’ll make coffee.”
We sat. Sharma Lou put a kettle on to boil and took a jar of instant coffee out of the fridge. She set it on the kitchen table where Toryn and I were sitting. Desiree was still standing, digging around in her backpack. She pulled out a wad of cash and slammed it on the table.
“This all I got. Three hundred seventy dollars. It won’t last me too long, even here with Aunt Granny.”
“So what are you saying?” I asked.
“I don’t know! I’m saying alls I got is three hundred seventy dollars!”
Desiree finally pulled up a chair and sat at the table. Sharma Lou set mugs in front of each of us and filled them with hot water. She set a spoon by the jar of instant coffee and we took turns adding the stuff to our water. There was a pour container on the table and Desiree added a long stream of sugar to her coffee. I usually take my coffee black so I took a sip. Desiree looked at me and slid the sugar over. I poured it in and passed it to Toryn, who was clearly terrorized by the coffee thing.
