“I’m sorry,” I interject, “but I don’t see the wrong in any of that. I’m all or nothing. If you only want half, I’m nothing.” There’s no way him going demon or me wanting to move away from my mother and father will change that. If we have to deal with bad things, we are going to deal with them together anyway. Dropping the subject, I reach around him for the popcorn and eat it, trying to catch up with the movie.
Nathan stares, burning a hole in the side of my head.
I ignore him. I think I’ll have him take me home in the morning. I’ll deal with the pain away from him, rather than with him. There’s a craving within me for us to become one, but that’s not enough for him. The ache may be worse initially, but I’m strong enough. If he’s able to deny me and take it, so can I. I can’t deal with this blockage and the feeling like something huge is missing within me. Like I’m living with only half of a heart, taking half breaths.
I watch the movie, and Nathan watches me.
A loud, standing beep echoes off the walls. I jolt forward, throwing my hand to my chest. “What is that?”
“The intercom,” he says. He heads toward the door and sticks his hand behind the TV. “Yeah?” he requests.
The intercom beeps again. “Melissa is here asking for you,” a man says in a bored tone.
Melissa…? I’ve seen that name flash across his phone a few times. He said she was a girl he used to fool around with and he cut her loose. I didn’t think anything of it, but maybe I should’ve.
“Tell her to leave,” Nathan says.
There is a long pause, and Nathan walks away, but the intercom beeps again. “Nathan! I’m not going anywhere. What are you doing that you can’t talk to me and have been ignoring my calls?”
Nathan shakes his head, continuing to the bed.
“Nathan!” Melissa yells into the intercom.
I sit up on the bed, trying to keep myself calm. Anger flashes through me hearing her shout his name. “What—the—hell?” My insides react violently, and I don’t know if it’s the mating or what, but she has to stop.
“She’ll go away.” Nathan scratches the back of his head. “I don’t know how that crazy girl found out where I live.”
She screams his name at the top of her lungs and is driving me into action. “We need to go take care of it.” I can hear her through the closed window! Maybe this is what he felt when Michael was outside my window acting a fool.
“Don’t blow up, Tracey.”
“I’m not going to hear anything from you but come on, Tracey.” I look over to him pulling on his shirt. “I’m over playing this game with you.”
He stops and stares at me with narrowed eyes. My chest aches, seeing the mistrust in them. I turn away from him, heading for the door.
He’s there before I can reach for the knob. “Tracey, wait.”
I throw a glance over my shoulder to where he was standing by the bed and then back in front of me where he is now. “How the hell did you do that.?”
“Let’s talk about this, Tracey.”
“Nope.”
“Nathan!” Melissa shouts, voice echoing through the house.
“Whatever you have to say can wait.” I leave his room, and he follows me out.
“I don’t see why we can’t just let her yell,” he mutters.
“The same reason we didn’t just let Michael yell.”
He pulls his arms behind his back and mumbles, “Touché.”
I unfortunately don’t know my way around yet, and Nathan guides me to the door. Melissa’s yelling his name again as we walk outside. Taller and thinner than me, Melissa is gorgeous with her Pocahontas locs flowing eloquently over her shoulders and down her back. But she wears way too much makeup and is an annoying tramp.
“Can you please shut up?” I snap before Nathan makes it to my side.
She shifts her weight to her left foot, curling up her lip. “And who are you?”
Nathan slightly steps in front of me. “Melissa, it’s late and you’re outside losing your mind, yelling and disturbing my family,” he says calmly. “How’d you even find out where I live?”
She smiles. “I’ve been trying to see you. I’ve been calling you and you haven’t been answering.”
He snorts. “That’s a hint.”
“Well, can we talk for a while without the extension?” She points at me in a sassy nature.
Loud mouth, here, is about to lose a finger. I step forward and Nathan wraps his bear arms around me, as if he’s hugging me instead of keeping me back. “No, Melissa. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen occurrences, I’m no longer available.”
Those are my words, thief!
“Now, if you’d leave, I’d appreciate it. You’re ruining our evening.” He dismisses her and backs us toward the door.
She isn’t budging.
“Or I can have you escorted off my property.”
Insulted, she glares at him before flicking her evil gaze to me. She flicks me off, and I smile and wave.
“This is not over, Nathan!” she yells over her shoulder, heading back to her car.
relinquished
I shuffle out of Nathan’s arms as we walk back into the house.
“Tracey, why are you acting like this?” he blurts a little louder than I expect him to with us in the doorway of his home.
I ignore him as I remember the way to his room. I’ve never been a fan of secrets or mind games, and that’s what he’s been giving me, exactly what I’ve asked him not to do.
I head to the bathroom to wash my feet and Nathan’s hot on my heels, eyeing me with a contemplative glare.
“If you turn me into sand,” I start, leaving the bathroom, “I’m going to be so peeved. And I doubt Pailen will enjoy cleaning me up.”
He grabs my wrist, twisting me around. “Stop it, Tracey.” His gaze demands my attention and his mesmerizing voice requires I listen. “Just stop. The things I’m doing are not to patronize you, but to protect you. Being in your head, I know what you can handle and what you can’t. This, what we have going on right now is fine. You’re painless. You’re free. Please, just accept that,” he begs, taking on a worried expression. “The sense of yearning to have all of me is conquerable. It’s not a requirement. It just feels like it because the mating wants it. Granted, I could be wrong about what would happen if we were bound, but I know you like to have choices and make your own decisions. I don’t want to take that away from you. If we became bound, you’ll be mine and only mine. There’re no friends, no family unless I’m providing it to you. Haven’t you thought about why Glen hasn’t been home? Why she hasn’t required her best friend even though she’s going through hell?”
I hadn’t. . .
“She can’t and doesn’t care, and what’s worse, she doesn’t even know if she wants to or not.” My legs walk backward without my will. “My having you will strip you of your will and living without choices is a shitty life to live. Not that I intend to abduct you from your life.” His tongue rolls over his bottom lip as he pulls it in his mouth. He rolls his eyes upward and thinks for a minute. “The bond gets easier for you to control sometime after. You mature into it, and it’s better when your mate is helping, giving you guidance and helping you control some changes you may experience―considering as a human, with all of this being new to you, I’d expect much of it to damn near tear you apart. But getting to that point while trying to stay alive is the hardest. And right now, with everything that’s going on, I don’t want to risk it and have someone come around trying to kill me like the three eels did today. And believe me, they come around often. Now, when I brought you into this with me, I asked you if you would trust me.” The back of my thighs hit the bedside, and he lifts me, sitting me on the bed. “You told me you did, and that you would.” He removes his hands and steps away. “And now you’re thinking you want to leave? This is not trusting me.”
I try to tear my gaze away from his, but I can’t. I try to bite my lip, but can’t do that either. There’s a
restraint on me.
Nathan moves over me, and I fall back on the bed. With his hands planted firmly on its cushion, he hovers over me, saying, “You know I won’t force you to stay. And if leaving is what you want, I have to give it to you.”
So, this want he can give me.
“You’re over-thinking everything, babe.”
“Or, maybe you’re not thinking enough.” I touch my hand to his cheek, and he turns to it, kissing my palm. “There’s no real difference. There is no in-between. You either leap or you walk away.” I let my words settle before adding, “And for the record, I’m plummeting, never hitting bottom.”
“How do you know your emotions are real, and it’s not just me making you feel that way?”
“I know what I want. Even if you’re influencing my thoughts, before now, before we kissed at Andrew’s house, I’ve anxiously wanted to meet you, I’ve wanted to share a date, and take long walks. I’ve wanted to get lost in your eyes and wonder if, in mine, you could see how much I wanted you. I’ve wanted to hear you tell me you love me, and I repeat it, and we get lost in our affection.” I look up, concluding about this whole bond thing. “We’re meant to be together by some higher power. We’re here, and becoming bound is the seal to complete it, right?”
His left brow hitches. “Right.”
“So, you don’t want to complete it?”
“No, I’m not saying that, Tracey. This bonding shit, it sounds good. The mating makes you think it’ll be good, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve seen this firsthand. Are you ready to dedicate all of you to me and take on me giving you all of me? I’m still new to you in so many ways, even though you think you know me well enough.”
Am I ready? I can say yes, but is it me giving in, wanting to fulfill this requirement because I want him so badly? Giving into whatever this pull is we have?
“Exactly.”
“What am I giving up now, if not all of me?”
His green and brown eyes swirl clockwise as he answers, “Your time.”
My time. . ? Crossed, I juggle what’s to come from this. I know what I want, but something makes me second-guess myself. Do I want all of Nathan like I think I do? Being obligated to him. What does that even mean? It sounds like marriage. I don’t want to be married. But I want him to enclose an oath, love, dedication, and the promise I willingly made of my own accord.
At least, I think I do.
I flick my gaze to a corner of the room and consider the detriments of my decision. I could be just falling victim to our mating and desiring the more of him I can’t handle. The more of us I’m not ready for. Yet, I’m still unsure what the more is, what the worse of being bound to a demon-tainted Sephlem entails. I’d be solely reliant on love to rescue me―us―if things took the turn he predicts they may take. Our life is far more important than risking its departure.
Wait! I shake my head. Why am I arguing with myself? These aren’t my thoughts. . . “Nathan!” I snap as a ton of thoughts clash in my head. He raises an inquisitive brow. “Did you just try to change my mind? Did you seriously just get in my head and rearrange my thoughts?” He’s crossing major boundaries.
“Tracey. . .”
“Don’t lie,” I warn.
He clicks his tongue, and his eyes roll upward. “I did. I wanted the idea to occur to you, to see if that would affect your decision.”
“And did my feelings change? Tell me, do I feel any different,” I fire off, angered by his blatant distrust. “Not cool, Nathan.” I push him. Well, try to push him, but he doesn’t budge. “Excuse me,” I say reluctantly. He moves to the side. I turn and climb onto the bed, trying to keep my head clear.
I lay down, and his phone rings from the TV stand, blaring a siren-like-screech. “God, that’s annoying,” I mutter.
He pulls his gaze away from me, walking over to it. Answering it, he listens, then informs someone about the incident from earlier at the beach. He tosses the phone back onto the TV stand and thrusts his hands through his hair as discomfort contorts his relaxed expression.
“What was that all about?”
The bed dips inward when he sits beside me, a hint of regret still resting in his eyes. “Shit is about to get worse for me, Tracey. Not even three hours ago, it happened, and my brother already knows about me ending the three eels from earlier. Meaning more may come with the word traveling so fast. Things may be about to change for the worse, and there will be sides of me I don’t want you to see. Seeing me kill. . . And when the anger overpowers me, my appearance changes. You’ll still recognize me, but I can take on the appearance of a beast—my demon, and that’s when I’m out of control. If you’re caught in that crossfire and I hurt you―” He aborts his sentence, leaving for the bathroom. I jump when the door slams.
I cross the room and slide down beside the closed bathroom door, swearing, “I’m all in, even when you go full demon.” I quiet, realizing showing Nathan works better than telling him. “Touch your chest, Nathan. My heart’s beating, not yours,” I assure in a faint whisper. “I’m permanent, through whatever, forever. I don’t care if you tear the world apart and smile when you finish. I’ll stand by you and with you, watching it crumble. The day I turn on you will be the day you rip my heart from my chest, and that will be the day we both fall.”
The bathroom door opens.
I look up, meeting his gaze. “How can you ask me to trust you if you don’t trust me?”
He pulls the door closed behind him, slides down it, and sits beside me. “What are you saying, Tracey?”
“What does it sound like?”
“Sounds like something I need to hear.”
“Or something you need to listen to.” I lay my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of my heart. “I get your biggest concern is me getting hurt, either by you or someone else. But we’ll cover each other. You never have to worry about my discarding you. No matter how you look, what you are, or what you do. And that’s me talking, not the mating.” I poke his arm. “You know this is all your fault. If you wouldn’t have crashed into me, you could’ve been all demon by yourself, as you want.”
“Nah, I like being with you more than I like being alone. You give me reason. And I like having something and someone to keep me leveled and my head on straight.” He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t expect you to accept me like you do. Or want me, want this, the way you do. I just knew, after you saw my performance today, that was it. And I wouldn’t blame you for running out on me.”
I shake my head. “I think I’ll stick around. Put in a little more time getting to know you. If you don’t want to give me one hundred percent, I’ll take your twenty.” To turn my back on him all because I don’t understand isn’t the best start to a relationship. That was a little childish. “I’m sorry.”
Nathan scrapes the nail of his thumb over his beard. “If you want one hundred, I’ll give it. But there’s no going back. We’ll just have to figure it out as we go, like what you’ll do about your family, how you will finish school, and how to avoid getting killed, but. . .” He shrugs.
“You’d let me get killed?” I ask, feeling my brows arch high.
“Never.”
“Then don’t talk crazy.” I stand, pulling him with me. “Let’s start the movie over. We can figure everything else out later.” I hope. “Maybe you can try that feather trick with your tongue,” I joke.
He laughs. “You know something, Tracey?” he says, following me to the bed.
“What?”
Twisting me around, he slips his arm around my back and picks me up. “You’re freaky.”
I waggle my brows.
“Nice,” is the last thing he says before I’m in heaven.
I’m high off Nathan, inebriated from his scent, his kiss, and this touch. His touch is vibrant, his kiss is exotic, his smell’s enticing, and when he speaks in his language, although I don’t understand a bit of it, it makes everything impassioned. How he does it, I do not understand, bu
t I experience euphoria.
I straddle his lap, letting the crave drive every action. Nathan pulls the elastic from my ponytail, letting my hair fall around my shoulders. A second passes as he watches it fall, and then he leans up from the bed. I push him back down as I’m bending over to kiss his chest. Quicker than I can blink, he’s flipped me on my back, and my bra’s off. “Stop it,” he mumbles against my lips.
No. Raising my toes to the waistband of his shorts, I inch them down and kiss him, hoping he doesn’t notice.
“I notice,” he mutters. But he doesn’t stop me.
I pull at the drawstring of my shorts. He snatches my hands up in one of his and pins them over my head. Dipping his head beside mine, he applies sinful, body-scorching kisses against my neck and behind my ear, setting me on fire as his free hand travels along my curves. It leisurely slides across my shoulder, over my breast, down my stomach to my shorts, and pulls them loose.
Nervous, tremor-inducing butterflies flutter in my chest and stomach. I let out a quiet breath, but it doesn’t calm them. Without a struggle, my shorts slip down my legs while Nathan lathers me in his skin-biting pecks. Heat rolls over our bodies as our anticipation rises for what’s to follow.
A double knock pounds against the door, watering―no―icing out our ambitious kindle.
Nathan grunts, looking down at me.
“You cannot be serious,” I say, borderline annoyed. Now?
Plight: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 1) Page 17
