Fearless

by Marianne Curley

  ‘OK, so where’s the best viewing position?’ Jordan asks as we move back from the edge.

  They agree on a rocky area hugging the western cliffs.

  ‘This isn’t a show,’ I remind him.

  Jordan puts his arm around me. ‘Good luck, Ebrielle.’

  Amber gives me a hug before turning and giving Nathaneal a harsh glare. ‘You do know what you’re doing?’

  Before he answers, Jordan tugs her away. ‘He knows. She’ll be fine.’

  Unable to take my eyes off them, I watch with clenched fists as they climb over boulders. ‘Be careful up there,’ I call out.

  Taking no notice, they leap across the boulders until they reach the one closest to the cliff edge. Amber goes straight to the outermost point, but Jordan brings her back to the safer side where they settle down together and share a quick but passionate kiss.

  My lesson begins with simple warm-up stretches, moving quickly through exercises on controlling my wings’ release and withdrawal, expanding on last night’s session. But now, in the midday glare, I notice more things about my wings. Like their size when fully stretched out, and how little they weigh, how they hold themselves up with no conscious effort. Best of all, after a while, I start to think less about the steps and just feel how I want them to move.

  We break for a short lunch and, thanks to Jordan, who packed enough food to feed a small army, we’re still eating and sipping wine an hour or so later. It’s so pleasant and relaxing that no one wants to move, and no one does for a while, content to pretend we’re just two couples enjoying a picnic together one fine afternoon on the ridge. But eventually we all notice the sun has shifted over towards the western horizon. And since no one wants me making my first flight in darkness, Amber and Jordan pack up and return to the boulder on the cliff face, while Nathaneal returns to my lessons, explaining how my wings will work in pairs.

  ‘Your smallest ones are at the top,’ he explains. ‘There’s one on each side of your spine, graduating to the largest at the lower end of your ribs.’

  Describing my wings helps me visualise the way they move. It’s then I manage to maintain a steady rhythm of running, jumping and getting the feeling of lifting about a metre off the ground. It’s a start.

  I spend the rest of the afternoon learning a technique called ‘flapping flight’.

  ‘This will keep you in the air,’ Nathaneal explains, ‘as long as you maintain a continuous fluid motion.’

  I work steadily through the flapping exercises and pretty soon I’m moving all eight wings in a rhythm of six wingbeats interspersed with two-second pretend-glides.

  ‘Breathe,’ Nathaneal reminds me. And while running alongside me, he goes to straighten my posture, putting his hands on my sides, inadvertently brushing my sensitive ticklish areas and I collapse in a heap, laughing, wings folding this way and that way over the top of me.

  Parting my wings with gentle hands, he looks down at me, his blue eyes blazing with his love. ‘Good news.’

  Uh-oh.

  ‘You’re ready.’

  ‘Really?’ I’ve worked towards this moment all day, but now that it’s here I get an instant sinking feeling in my stomach.

  He reaches for my hand between the layers of feathers and I clasp it like a lifeline. ‘Nathe …’ I glance at the cliff edge and have to swallow.

  ‘You’ll be fine. I know you’re ready.’

  ‘Hmm, maybe I should request a second opinion.’ I search the sky from one end to the other. ‘Where is my sister when I need her?’

  He takes my two hands in his. ‘You don’t need Shae. You’re such a fast learner you hardly need me here.’

  ‘Do not be ridiculous. Look, if you’re just going to throw me off that cliff hoping my natural instincts will kick in, I have to tell you, that sort of thing doesn’t happen with me. I don’t have natural angel instincts yet.’

  ‘I’m not going to throw you off the cliff.’

  ‘Oh? Well, goodie, because for a second there I thought –’

  ‘You’re going to jump off it.’

  ‘What?’

  He puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes calm energy into me. I soak it up, absorbing it all. When he releases me I mutter, ‘That’s all? If I’m going to do this, I need a lot more of your calming magic than that.’

  By now the sun is deep in the western sky, heading fast for the horizon. And it’s colder now that the day is drawing to a close. A flock of Aracals flies overhead, preparing for their usual nightly jaunts. As long as they don’t harm humans, we won’t touch the flocks trapped on Earth when the gates sealed.

  ‘May I suggest that what you’re feeling is fear?’

  ‘No, you may not. I’m not afraid. You heard our High King – he said I was fearless in the face of a daunting enemy. Nathe, I want to fly.’

  His grin is lopsided. But I suppose he’s right. Why wouldn’t I be at least a little anxious? But fear has never stopped me moving forward before. ‘OK. OK. So how far from the edge do you think I should stand?’

  He walks me over to where the clearing begins at the base of a rock face. Then he turns me to face west and the cliffs that overlook the valley.

  He can’t be serious.

  ‘You can do it!’ Amber cries out.

  I glance across the grassed area between where I’m standing and the cliff I’m going to jump off. Shadows are making it hard to tell where the ridge ends and the sheer vertical drop begins.

  ‘Ebrielle,’ Nathaneal says, his voice a soft plea as he steps in front of me and touches my cheek with his knuckles, ‘trust me.’ His eyes blaze bright blue, reminding me of his angelic heritage – my heritage. Flying is the last link I need in order to belong.

  To really belong.

  ‘I’ve got this.’

  He smiles and slides his arms around me, lifting me off the ground. When he brings me down he whispers into my mind, Thank you, and kisses me long and hard and … oh so sweetly.

  ‘More,’ I whisper when we part.

  ‘When you return.’ He winks.

  He steps back and opens his arms wide for me to pass. Amber pulls Jordan up on his feet, sensing that this time …

  I psych myself up for the run. ‘Nathe, if something goes wrong, you will catch me, right?’

  ‘Every time.’

  I take a deep breath, and as the sun sets fire to the splatter of low clouds on the horizon, I keep my eyes focused on the disappearing orange orb and run straight at it. Keeping my head and back upright, I ignore the urge to drop and roll to safety as I approach the cliff edge. Instead, I accelerate over it.

  Oh shit, shit, shit.

  I start to drop immediately. One second is all it takes for my feet to feel nothing but air and the knot in my gut explodes. I start over-breathing, a very human reaction to stress. But I’m not human.

  I’m an angel.

  And I have eight astonishing wings that only I can control.

  With all my wings out and spread wide, I realise I’m not dropping but gliding.

  ‘Look at her, Jordan,’ I hear Amber say.

  ‘She’s like an eagle,’ he replies, awe in both their voices.

  But my wings aren’t actually lifting me yet and the angle of the glide is heading pretty quickly towards the rocky ground and a narrow part of the river below.

  I know how to do this, with six deep wingbeats interspersed with two seconds of –

  Oh, forget that! Just flap those wings with strong purposeful beats. Move! Up. Down. Up …

  I close my eyes and let myself go – really let go.

  The sound of Nathaneal’s wingbeats tells me he’s not far away. I like the comfort that brings, but I don’t need rescuing. I did it. I’m flying on my own.

  He draws alongside me. ‘Open your eyes, Ebbie, you’re missing the view. It’s spectacular up here.’

  When I open them, the first things I see are his eyes, iridescent, brilliant blue, shimmering with love and pride. ‘Wow, it sure is.’

&nbs
p; His laughs, tossing his head back. ‘Come on, let’s go higher.’

  Without calculating the degree I need to tilt my wings, I simply allow the notion of lifting to enter my thoughts and visualise feeling myself rising.

  And my reward is a sense of being profoundly and uninhibitedly free.

  As we swing round and fly past the western cliffs, Amber and Jordan jump up and down, cheering me on.

  Beaming inside, I glance at Nathaneal. ‘I could get used to this.’

  ‘You were born to fly.’

  ‘You know, I think you’re right.’

  We land on the ridge and Jordan and Amber run and jump down from their perch, still whistling and cheering. They hug me, then each other, and it’s a rare moment of complete and utter elation. I savour it. I lock it away, adding it to all my other memories that I now get to keep forever.

  46

  Jordan

  On Sunday morning I wake with a sick feeling of dread in my gut. Today is the day the angels leave. Today Thane will take the girl I knew as Ebony to make a home together in Avena.

  ‘What time are they leaving?’ Amber asks, waking up after a restless night.

  I tighten my arms around her, pulling my quilt up over her shoulders. Some of her tousled blonde hair, damp with recent tears, falls over her eyes. I tuck it gently behind her ear. ‘After we get up.’

  She spins around in my arms and looks into my face. ‘Then let’s stay in bed all day.’

  I’m not sure but I think she’s serious. ‘Great idea. On any other day I would take you up on that offer, but …’

  ‘Just not today.’

  ‘I suppose we should get this over with. It won’t be easy for Ebrielle either.’

  ‘I know.’ She sniffs and swallows down her tears.

  Man, how are we gonna make it through the goodbyes? I’m glad Ebrielle saw her parents last night. Taking the opportunity to practise her flying, she and Thane flew down into the valley after dinner to Amber’s parents’ house. And on their return they found the seven dark forces waiting on the front deck. One after the other, the small fierce-looking angels, glowing like shooting stars, fell to their knees and swore fealty to her, promising to protect her for eternity.

  Who would have thought?

  A knock at the door is Thane. He pokes his head in. ‘Sorry, guys, but we need to get moving.’

  ‘Yeah, OK. Give us ten minutes?’

  ‘Sure. I thought it might be easier for Ebbie if you two were there when she says goodbye to Shadow.’

  ‘Oh hell,’ Amber says.

  ‘If this is too hard for you, Amber –’

  She doesn’t let him finish. ‘No. I’ll be there. Wait for us.’

  We dress without talking. I’ve felt sadness before. Jeez, my mother died – twice. But I don’t remember ever feeling like this – sluggish inside, with heavy limbs, unwilling to move.

  We meet at the back door where the girls hug and walk to the stables arm in arm. Beside me, Thane looks grim.

  I haven’t had much to do with horses, but when the girls stop about halfway from the barn and glance at each other with startled expressions, I get the feeling this is gonna be harder than anyone imagined.

  The girls start running. Thane takes off after them.

  ‘Hey, what’s going on?’ I call out. They’re too busy opening gates and barn doors to answer, but then I hear it.

  I’ve never heard a horse cry. It’s a shock. It gets inside you. The shrieking, screaming noise Shadow is making leaves no doubt that the big guy knows exactly what’s about to happen.

  By the time I get there, Ebrielle and Amber are all over him, whispering, trying to stroke his head, but he’s jumping around, lifting his front legs into the air, his eyes almost all white.

  Thane moves into Shadow’s stall. ‘Hey, hey, hey, boy,’ he croons, bringing the stallion’s head down and holding him by sheer angelic force. Amber steps back for Thane to work his magic, and he does what he does best, pushes calmness into Shadow’s chest through his glowing hands.

  Ebrielle inhales a shuddering breath and glances at Thane. ‘Thank you.’

  He nods and moves out, leaving Ebrielle stroking Shadow’s face with tender fingers and talking to him in a voice that’s both calm like honey and soaked with sadness. ‘My beautiful boy, I’m not going to draw this out because it will only hurt you more. You know that I love you. You know that, right?’ He neighs a long trill sound and moves his head up and down. She pulls him back to her. ‘Of course, I know. Don’t worry, I know that too.’

  She takes a deep breath. ‘Shadow, even though we c-can’t be together any more, I’ll still be with you.’ Her hand slides down to where Shadow’s big heart is thumping away. ‘Wherever you go, I’ll be in here. Always. Remember that, OK?’

  Shadow nickers and shakes his head. He understands her, but he’s not happy. He starts kicking and pawing the ground, but then Ebrielle gathers her breath for one final goodbye. He senses this and, when she leans into him, putting her face flush against his neck, he holds still for her. ‘Thank you for being there when I needed you, which was a lot of times, I know,’ she says with a wry smile, tears pouring out now. ‘Be good to Amber, OK? And … ride fast, baby, ride as hard as your heart desires. Goodbye, Shadow. Goodbye, my beautiful boy.’

  Thane motions to Amber, who hurries Ebrielle outside, then waves me over to help him hold Shadow down while he pushes his calm healing powers into the horse.

  But we’re not fast enough. We just get our arms around him when he lets out a wild primal scream that shakes me to my core.

  47

  Ebony

  Leaving Cedar Oakes and everyone I love behind is crushing me. I said goodbye to Amber’s parents and my mum and dad last night. It was hard and everyone cried. And now Shadow. Any more, and my soul will curl up and die.

  Amber rushes me away, but I still hear his scream. I want to run back and comfort him, blanket him in my love, wrap him up inside it so tightly it will keep the two of us bound together forever – how we should be. I never thought I would have to part from him except in death. Not like this. To walk away feels so wrong.

  But letting Shadow see me again would be cruel. Too cruel. So I stand here and let the shuddering sobs work through me, layer after layer.

  ‘I’ll take good care of him,’ Amber says. ‘How could I not love him? He’s my link to you.’

  ‘Thank you, Amber.’ It occurs to me how hard this is for her too and I ask, ‘But who’s going to be there for you?’

  Just then Jordan comes out. Amber catches my eye, lifts her eyebrows and shrugs.

  ‘You know, Amber, it will be more like you taking care of him.’

  ‘I know!’ she says, carrying my joke a little further with a shaky smile.

  ‘But only until I polish up my Guardian skills. Amber, Jordan’s life is going to improve. It’s going to be amazing.’

  She smiles at this, but neither of us can hold a happy face for long, and when Jordan arrives he finds us in a tight embrace with Amber whimpering, ‘I’m happy for you, hon. I really am. It’s just that I’m going to miss you like crazy.’

  ‘I’ll miss you too, Amber. You have been more than a friend, especially this year with all that we learned about me and the Earth and its different worlds. Thank you for not simply assuming I was crazy and petitioning to have me locked away.’

  She wants to laugh, but trying to be brave is stopping her. I press my forehead against hers. ‘You don’t have to say anything. I know. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ever have.’

  She bites down on her lower lip and nods.

  Nathaneal joins us and we head to the portal, walking along the meandering paths through the forest that’s growing back with lush, deep green foliage. At the portal we find Shae and Isaac waiting with my personal guard, the seven angels who were born of evil but now have sworn to protect me.

  For the next few minutes everybody exchanges hugs and kisses. Then it’s Nathaneal’s turn t
o say goodbye to Jordan and they hug. Nathaneal gives Jordan encouragement and advice for the years ahead and hands him a set of keys, then as he steps back he musses Jordan’s hair.

  The keys puzzle Jordan and he holds them up. ‘What are these for?’

  ‘The house, everything inside it, the land it sits on – oh, and the car.’

  ‘Are you serious?’

  Nathaneal smiles. ‘I’ve signed everything over to you. The house is in trust until the day you turn eighteen, but yours to live in from today. The paperwork is in one of two envelopes sitting on your new desk in your new study with the phone number of the solicitor who will lodge the documents with the courts as soon as you add your signature. There are also two financial accounts set up in your name. One is for your tertiary education, the other for living expenses. The details, account numbers, key cards are in the second envelope.’

  ‘I-I-I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘Didn’t I tell you that once you helped me find Ebrielle and she returns home to Avena your life would improve?’

  ‘Yeah but, Thane, this … this is so much more.’ He turns to me. ‘Did you know?’

  ‘Only this morning. Come here, Jordy.’ He steps into my arms and I hold him tight.

  ‘I’m not sure whether I thanked you for saving my life,’ he says. ‘I owe you both so much.’ He glances at Nathaneal. ‘I’ll pay you back one day.’

  ‘Jordan, you don’t pay back a gift.’

  ‘Thane, I won’t let you down. I’ll make something of my life.’

  ‘Choose to be happy, Jordan.’

  ‘Besides,’ I tell him, ‘you can’t go wrong now that I’m watching over you.’

  ‘Yeah, about that, you haven’t explained yet how the bond works. I don’t have to look over my shoulder every time I take a –?’

  Nathaneal cuts him off as gently as a brick through a store window. ‘Ebbie, your uncle has been allowed to say goodbye.’

  ‘Zavier is here? Now?’

  He steps out from behind a thatch of trees, Brother Alex a pace behind him. He walks up to me with an uncertain smile. ‘I’ve been under a code of silence since the acceptance of my plea to become a Brother of the Holy Cross. Brother Alexander is my mentor and he is allowing me to break my code for the purpose of saying goodbye to my niece, and to ask …’ He pauses to gather his breath. ‘Ebrielle, I’m sorry for all the harm and all the pain I brought down upon you. I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but I want you to know that I regret it all.’