The Clique

by Jay Mason

  “Voices?”

  “Oh yes, Alex. Your old friend and many more came back. You’d even been writing emails to addresses that didn’t exist. Your father only found out because they kept bouncing back in your home system. You swore on your heart you were answering emails, but the ones you thought you saw were never found. It was all in your mind, Alex. Your glorious, intelligent, imaginative brain. Your parents didn’t realize that all this came because they weren’t challenging you in the right ways. Normal school is not for you. That’s not how you think. You are brighter and more creative than that.”

  “Did you tell them that?”

  “No, you asked me not to. And my responsibility is to you, Alex. As long as I believe you sane your parents have no right to ask what transpires between us. However, when you are classified insane they have a right to ask me about you, because they become your guardians. When you are seen as incapable they have the right to control and oversee everything that happens to you.”

  “Am I insane now?” whispered Alex.

  “You are slipping, my dear. You are emailing people who don’t exist. You are talking again of occult and arcane things. You are trying to reason out a world that cannot be reasoned. That is the main cause of your insanity, when it comes. You need to make sense of everything and none of us, even the best scientists alive today, can make sense of everything. You search for and find patterns that do not exist — people and things that do not exist — because your mind requires a reason for all that happens. You find it almost impossible to accept that the world is unpredictable and that people are even more so.”

  “What do I do?” asked Alex. She knew now she could trust Dr. Straker. He wanted only what was best for her.

  “We agreed that we would keep your intelligence a secret and that you would explore all sorts of subjects at our local community college. You know that whenever you decide what you want to study I will be here to guide you. I will explain everything to your parents and we will send you to the best place to study. You will always need sessions from me from time to time to keep you on the right path, but you know I find it a privilege to guide such an exceptional mind. And you like me, Alex. You have trusted me and you can trust me again.”

  “I trust you,” said Alex.

  “Now what I want you to do is to take these pills.” He produced a packet from his suit pocket. “You won’t need to take them for very long. I will tell you when to stop. They will help you get back on track. I need you to stay away from fantasies and arcane mysteries.”

  Alex began to protest.

  “For now, at least, Alex. The promise of illusionary answers is too much for you when you are in this state. Exploring that shadowy and false world can trigger very bad episodes for you. Believe me, neither of us want to see you back in the institution.”

  Alex took the packet. “What will you tell my parents?”

  “That I have given you something to help. That the death of a fellow student distressed you, but you will be fine in a few weeks. You and I can talk whenever you wish. I will tell your parents nothing that you do not wish them to know as long as you are taking my pills. Do you agree, Alex?”

  “I agree,” said Alex.

  Dr. Straker stood up. He held out his arms. “It is a little unorthodox,” he said, “but I am very proud of you.” Alex let him enclose her in a hug. The pressure was light and quick. For a moment she felt completely safe. When he stepped away from her. She knew all she wanted was to please him. “Go upstairs now and take the first dose,” said Dr. Straker. “I will speak to your parents.”

  Alex got a glass of water from the kitchen. Then she went to her room. She took the first pill. And then because she wanted more than anything to please Dr. Straker she deleted all the files she had built up since they had come to America on things he disapproved of. She took down her website too. It was a silly childish thing. She wrote an email to c0nundrum, saying she could never contact him again. Then she felt very silly. C0nundrum was the same as her first invisible friend. He did not exist. She deleted the email rather than sending it. She made a mental note to tell Dr. Straker all about c0nundrum at their next session. She had to remember to tell him everything. Alex lay down on her bed and relaxed. She felt better than she had felt for months. She knew that everything would be alright. Dr. Straker would make her better again.

  9. Burning Up

  Alex felt calm. She felt good. Her parents had gone off to a country inn. Her father insisted it was time for them to catch a break together and now Alex was doing so well, they could go. He’d kissed her on the forehead and told her how proud he was of her just before they walked out the door.

  Today she was forgoing her morning meditation to go into college. She had deliberately chosen a time when she could sign up for next year’s classes when her parents were away. If she managed to get to the college and sign up, she could tell her parents and her father would be proud again. If she didn’t manage to make it there, then they would never know.

  Since Dr. Straker had given her the pills, he had returned at least once a week to talk to her. He had arranged with her college that she could retake any classes she wished without penalty. Only last Thursday she had walked with him to his car. It was the furthest she had been from the house since Bethany’s funeral. So today was a big deal.

  She dressed carefully. Nice jeans, but not too smart. A long sleeved, nondescript top in a neutral color and navy sneakers. She tied her hair back in a ponytail. She had finally let her mother cut it and it hung now a little above her shoulders. A tiny amount of mascara and a fabric, fringed bag. She surveyed herself in the mirror. She looked like a student. Any student. Nothing about her stood out at all. Her face was calm and expressionless. She tried smiling slightly, but it looked odd.

  Alex counted ten steps from her front door. Then she counted another ten. All she had to do was walk ten steps. That was what Dr. Straker had told her. Every time she finished ten steps she had achieved an accomplishment. She could be proud. All distances were only ten steps more. If at any time she couldn’t do another ten steps — but remember it was only ten steps — she could always turn back. So in stages of ten steps Alex reached the college.

  She looked up at the main doors and she felt emotions flood through her. All at once she was a jumble of fear and excitement. She stepped off the path and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths. She centered herself as Dr. Straker had taught her. She imagined the churning sea inside her and little by little she calmed the roaring waves, until the center of her being was smooth as glass. She felt nothing but calm.

  She walked forward and into the college. “Hallo,” she said to the receptionist, “I have come to register for my classes. I believe you have the forms for me to sign. My name is Alexandra Morgan.” She twitched her lips into a smile.

  She sat down and began to methodically go through the forms. She had decided to take the courses that would lead towards her getting into a pre-med course at university. It would be a very long time before she qualified as a doctor, but along the way she would be able to help people and she liked that idea.

  Vaguely she registered the receptionist was whispering on the phone. If she listened harder she might be able to make out what she was saying, but Dr. Straker would tell her to ignore other events than the ones that directly concerned her, so she did.

  She was carefully signing the last form when the door to the little reception room burst open and Savannah burst in, followed by Charisma and Tiffany. Alex looked up and nodded at them. Then she began to fold her forms.

  “You have a nerve,” said Savannah.

  “How dare you come back here!” said Charisma, her voice rising to a squeal.

  “Did you think people would have forgotten?” said Tiffany. “Can you be that naïve?”

  “That self-centered,” said Savannah.

  Alex felt her calm ripple. “Can I help you with something, girls?” she said.

  “Yeah, you can give us our friend back
!” said Tiffany.

  “Bethany?” said Alex. “She is dead. She cannot come back.”

  Savannah took a step towards her. “And whose fault is that?” she said.

  Alex repeated what Dr. Straker had told her. “She suffered an extreme allergic shock. It was very sad.”

  Savannah shook with barely contained rage. “It was your fault!”

  “Leave her,” said Tiffany. “The others will be here soon. They’ll show her she is not welcome here.”

  “You should never have come back,” said Charisma. “You’re going to be hounded out. It’s less than you deserve.”

  Savannah looked over Alex’s head and smiled. Alex heard footsteps. Lots of footsteps coming along the corridor. “I know this place is backward, but have you tried to get together a posse?” she asked in disbelief.

  “We let some of Bethany’s friends know you were here,” said Tiffany. “They were eager to see you.”

  Alex thrust her completed forms at the receptionist and left the room. She didn’t run. The skin between her shoulder blades prickled. She felt extremely vulnerable. She didn’t believe any of them would hurt her, but they might throw eggs. But then again, she knew the IQ of a mob was always lower than its members and it wasn’t as if they were starting off with a good score. She began to walk more quickly.

  By the time she broke out of the main door and into the street she could hear the students behind her. Someone shouted a profanity and a glass bottle arced over her head. It smashed as it hit the ground sending a spray of glass towards her. Alex decided the time for dignity was gone. She began to run.

  The hairs on the back of her neck rose. Her instinct told her something was wrong. Without looking she knew they were changing. Someone howled. A spike of fear drove through her heart. She pushed on.

  Her legs burned with effort. Breathing became almost impossible. Her heart felt liable to burst. But a terror, primitively and maddening, kept her going.

  She reached the house. Slammed the door behind. What could she push against the door to hold it? The hall table was covered in China. In things her mother loved. She pushed the table roughly towards the door. Vases and figurines smashed around her.

  Rusty had seen Alex come into college. She had walked straight past him with a serene look on her face that was totally un-Alex. He’d called after her, but she’d not responded. She’d gone into reception, so he’d hung around wanting to catch her. She didn’t see right.

  And she had sprinted out of the office with Tiffany, Savannah and Charisma hot on her heels. The girls had ugly expressions on their faces and the words they were yelling were even uglier. A group of boys had been arguing about something and one of them had thrown a bottle. As it smashed on the ground Alex put on a spurt of speed that surprised him. He realized she thought it had been aimed at her. There was a look of terror on her face as she had passed him that he had never seen. Alex being afraid wasn’t right. The girls were nasty, but Alex was fleeing as if the hounds of hell were on her trail.

  Not entirely knowing why, he chased after her. He was relieved to see her run home, but as he approached the door, he could hear the sounds of sobs and furniture being dragged across the floor.

  “Alex! Alex! Let me in!”

  “I can’t let you in,” she said. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but they’ll get me too. I’m so sorry.”

  “Who?” said Rusty. “You left the girls in the dust. I didn’t know you did track.”

  “The dog people. They’re behind you. Don’t you hear the howling? You have to run Rusty. It’s me they want. Run. Run.”

  Rusty looked round again. The fear in her voice was so real he almost believed her. There was nothing and no one behind. “Alex, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “But they’ll tear you to shreds.”

  Rusty looked behind him again. He licked his lips. Alex was behaving as if — as if she was what? Dreaming? Trapped inside a nightmare? He’d heard of schizophrenia, but you didn’t suddenly catch it did you? Could she be hallucinating? Was c0nundrum right and she was taking drugs? Whatever was going on, it was clear she was in no state to listen to reason. He’d have to play along. “What are you going to do?”

  “Barricade the door. I have to do it now.”

  I have to make her think she needs me in there with her, thought Rusty. “Won’t they come through the windows?”

  “Oh god, yes, they will,” said Alex. “I’ll have to block those too.”

  “You don’t have time,” said Rusty. Now she’ll have to ask me in, he thought. Come on Alex work it out. Even if you’re out of your head you don’t want me eaten my dogs, do you?

  “I have to try,” sobbed Alex.

  “Let me in. I’ll help.”

  He heard the sound of locks being pulled back. The door opened and Alex pulled him roughly in. She was shaking from head to foot. “Help me,” she said as she locked the door and went to drag the table over. “They are almost here.”

  He had to try and talk her down. Rusty put his hands gently on her shoulder. “Alex, there is no one there.”

  “Help me! We are going to die!”

  “Alex. I promise you there is no one outside. Think for a minute. Do you really believe there are dog people running through the town? Take a breath. It’s not possible.”

  “The Center. They’ll be from the Center.”

  “Where your parents work,” said Rusty. “I think they might have mentioned working alongside a pack of werewolves.”

  “I never said werewolves.”

  “You said dog people. Howling dog people. That sounds like every werewolf I’ve ever seen in a movie. It isn’t real, Alex. Look at this.” He held out his phone to her, clearing displaying the text.

  Stop her taking the pills. C0nundrum

  “No,” said Alex. “‘He isn’t real. I made him up. I only thought he sent me emails.”

  “Look Alex. I can see it too. It says stop her taking the pills, c0nundrum. He’s the guy that sent me to find you in the tunnels, isn’t he?”

  Alex took a step back from him. “Oh god,” she said. “You’re not real either are you? I’m imagining all this. I’m having a psychotic break just like Dr. Straker warned me might happen.”

  Rusty took a deep breath and slapped her. He readied himself to dodge. “Sorry,” he said. “Did that feel real?”

  Alex rubbed her cheek. Then faster than lightening she slapped him back even harder. It was incredibly sore. She hit hard. “Sorry,” she said, “just checking.”

  Rusty grinned. “That’s my girl. Now, where are the pills he gave you?”

  “Upstairs, beside my bed,” said Alex. “But they are helping me. I feel so much better. I’m calm and happy …”

  “And seeing werewolves — sorry, dog men,” said Rusty. He pushed past her and ran up the stairs. Alex ran after him. “You mustn’t. You can’t. He’ll be so angry,” she called. Rusty ran into her room. He saw the pills and picked up the tub. His heart began to thud in his chest as he read the label. These were the same ones Dr. Straker had tried giving his mother. She hadn’t started seeing things like Alex, but she had become extremely anxious and paranoid. In the end he had thrown the pills out. In less than a week his mom had gone back to her normal self. He could hardly believe Dr. Straker thought he could get away with the same trick twice.

  He went into the bathroom and emptied the pills down the toilet. He could feel anger building within him. How much would that man get away with before he was stopped?

  Alex burst into the room. Rusty didn’t stop. “These are the same things he tried to give my mom,” said Rusty. His face was flushed with anger. “They made her sick too.”

  “But I’m fine,” said Alex. “You don’t understand. I need them to stay sane.”

  Rusty threw the empty container in the bin. “And a fine job they have been doing.”

  Alex stared at the empty tub. “I have to phone him. I have to get more. I can’t …”

  “Yes, you can,” s
aid Rusty. “Where are your parents. I’ll tell them …”

  “I’m on my own this weekend.”

  “Shit,” said Rusty. His mom had verged on violence when she had thrown out her pills. Violence alternating with recurring thoughts that she didn’t deserve to live. He couldn’t leave Alex to go through that alone. “I’ll have to stay with you. I saw what happened to Mom when she stopped.”

  “But I don’t want to stop taking them,” begged Alex.

  “You want to believe c0nundrum isn’t real when he obviously is? You want to believe it was your fault Bethany died rather than uncovering the truth? You want to give up on all those mysteries you’ve spent so much time studying?”

  “I deleted my files,” said Alex. “They were making me sick.”

  Oh shit, thought Rusty. How complete a job has she done? “How do I log in?” asked Rusty going over to her computer.

  “There’s nothing left,” said Alex.

  “Show me!”

  Alex showed him. For the first time in his life Rusty felt like screaming. All that work gone. He had to prove to her that Dr. Straker was not her friend. Then it hit him. “Get the empty pill tub from the bathroom.”

  When Alex returned he’d opened a website listing medication. He highlighted a line. “Compare that name to the one on your tub. It’s the same, isn’t it?”

  Alex looked from one to the other. She nodded.

  “See what it says. Here.” He pointed to the screen. “Sedative, strong. Use with caution may cause hallucinations, paranoia and suicidal ideation.”

  Alex followed his finger as he ran it along the words. “No,” she said quietly. “No, he was helping me. He cares about me.”

  “Look Alex!” Rusty could barely stop himself from shouting. “These pills have no other use than to sedate you. To stop you being you. And they can make you think you’re mad. How is that helping you?”