Joseph Andrews, Vol. 1

by Henry Fielding

  CHAPTER XII.

  _A very delightful adventure, as well to the persons concerned as to thegood-natured reader._

  Adams, Fanny, and the guide, set out together about one in the morning,the moon being then just risen. They had not gone above a mile before amost violent storm of rain obliged them to take shelter in an inn, orrather alehouse, where Adams immediately procured himself a good fire, atoast and ale, and a pipe, and began to smoke with great content,utterly forgetting everything that had happened.

  Fanny sat likewise down by the fire; but was much more impatient at thestorm. She presently engaged the eyes of the host, his wife, the maid ofthe house, and the young fellow who was their guide; they all conceivedthey had never seen anything half so handsome; and indeed, reader, ifthou art of an amorous hue, I advise thee to skip over the nextparagraph; which, to render our history perfect, we are obliged to setdown, humbly hoping that we may escape the fate of Pygmalion; for if itshould happen to us, or to thee, to be struck with this picture, weshould be perhaps in as helpless a condition as Narcissus, and might sayto ourselves, _Quod petis est nusquam_. Or, if the finest features in itshould set Lady ----'s image before our eyes, we should be still in asbad a situation, and might say to our desires, _Coelum ipsum petimusstultitia_.

  Fanny was now in the nineteenth year of her age; she was tall anddelicately shaped; but not one of those slender young women who seemrather intended to hang up in the hall of an anatomist than for anyother purpose. On the contrary, she was so plump that she seemedbursting through her tight stays, especially in the part which confinedher swelling breasts. Nor did her hips want the assistance of a hoop toextend them. The exact shape of her arms denoted the form of those limbswhich she concealed; and though they were a little reddened by herlabour, yet, if her sleeve slipped above her elbow, or her handkerchiefdiscovered any part of her neck, a whiteness appeared which the finestItalian paint would be unable to reach. Her hair was of a chesnut brown,and nature had been extremely lavish to her of it, which she had cut,and on Sundays used to curl down her neck, in the modern fashion. Herforehead was high, her eyebrows arched, and rather full than otherwise.Her eyes black and sparkling; her nose just inclining to the Roman; herlips red and moist, and her underlip, according to the opinion of theladies, too pouting. Her teeth were white, but not exactly even. Thesmall-pox had left one only mark on her chin, which was so large, itmight have been mistaken for a dimple, had not her left cheek producedone so near a neighbour to it, that the former served only for a foil tothe latter. Her complexion was fair, a little injured by the sun, butoverspread with such a bloom that the finest ladies would have exchangedall their white for it: add to these a countenance in which, though shewas extremely bashful, a sensibility appeared almost incredible; and asweetness, whenever she smiled, beyond either imitation or description.To conclude all, she had a natural gentility, superior to theacquisition of art, and which surprized all who beheld her.

  This lovely creature was sitting by the fire with Adams, when herattention was suddenly engaged by a voice from an inner room, which sungthe following song:--

  THE SONG.

  Say, Chloe, where must the swain stray Who is by thy beauties undone? To wash their remembrance away, To what distant Lethe must run? The wretch who is sentenced to die May escape, and leave justice behind; From his country perhaps he may fly, But oh! can he fly from his mind?

  O rapture! unthought of before, To be thus of Chloe possess'd; Nor she, nor no tyrant's hard power, Her image can tear from my breast. But felt not Narcissus more joy, With his eyes he beheld his loved charms? Yet what he beheld the fond boy More eagerly wish'd in his arms.

  How can it thy dear image be Which fills thus my bosom with woe? Can aught bear resemblance to thee Which grief and not joy can bestow? This counterfeit snatch from my heart, Ye pow'rs, tho' with torment I rave, Tho' mortal will prove the fell smart: I then shall find rest in my grave.

  Ah, see the dear nymph o'er the plain Come smiling and tripping along! A thousand Loves dance in her train, The Graces around her all throng. To meet her soft Zephyrus flies, And wafts all the sweets from the flowers, Ah, rogue I whilst he kisses her eyes, More sweets from her breath he devours.

  My soul, whilst I gaze, is on fire: But her looks were so tender and kind, My hope almost reach'd my desire, And left lame despair far behind. Transported with madness, I flew, And eagerly seized on my bliss; Her bosom but half she withdrew, But half she refused my fond kiss.

  Advances like these made me bold; I whisper'd her--Love, we're alone.-- The rest let immortals unfold; No language can tell but their own. Ah, Chloe, expiring, I cried, How long I thy cruelty bore! Ah, Strephon, she blushing replied, You ne'er was so pressing before.

  Adams had been ruminating all this time on a passage in Aeschylus,without attending in the least to the voice, though one of the mostmelodious that ever was heard, when, casting his eyes on Fanny, he criedout, "Bless us, you look extremely pale!"--"Pale! Mr Adams," says she;"O Jesus!" and fell backwards in her chair. Adams jumped up, flung hisAeschylus into the fire, and fell a-roaring to the people of the housefor help. He soon summoned every one into the room, and the songsteramong the rest; but, O reader! when this nightingale, who was no otherthan Joseph Andrews himself, saw his beloved Fanny in the situation wehave described her, canst thou conceive the agitations of his mind? Ifthou canst not, waive that meditation to behold his happiness, when,clasping her in his arms, he found life and blood returning into hercheeks: when he saw her open her beloved eyes, and heard her with thesoftest accent whisper, "Are you Joseph Andrews?"--"Art thou my Fanny?"he answered eagerly: and, pulling her to his heart, he imprintednumberless kisses on her lips, without considering who were present.

  If prudes are offended at the lusciousness of this picture, they maytake their eyes off from it, and survey parson Adams dancing about theroom in a rapture of joy. Some philosophers may perhaps doubt whether hewas not the happiest of the three: for the goodness of his heart enjoyedthe blessings which were exulting in the breasts of both the other two,together with his own. But we shall leave such disquisitions, as toodeep for us, to those who are building some favourite hypothesis, whichthey will refuse no metaphysical rubbish to erect and support: for ourpart, we give it clearly on the side of Joseph, whose happiness was notonly greater than the parson's, but of longer duration: for as soon asthe first tumults of Adams's rapture were over he cast his eyes towardsthe fire, where Aeschylus lay expiring; and immediately rescued thepoor remains, to wit, the sheepskin covering, of his dear friend, whichwas the work of his own hands, and had been his inseparable companionfor upwards of thirty years.

  Fanny had no sooner perfectly recovered herself than she began torestrain the impetuosity of her transports; and, reflecting on what shehad done and suffered in the presence of so many, she was immediatelycovered with confusion; and, pushing Joseph gently from her, she beggedhim to be quiet, nor would admit of either kiss or embrace any longer.Then, seeing Mrs Slipslop, she curtsied, and offered to advance to her;but that high woman would not return her curtsies; but, casting her eyesanother way, immediately withdrew into another room, muttering, as shewent, she wondered who the creature was.

  CHAPTER XIII.

  _A dissertation concerning high people and low people, with MrsSlipslop's departure in no very good temper of mind, and the evil plightin which she left Adams and his company._

  It will doubtless seem extremely odd to many readers, that Mrs Slipslop,who had lived several years in the same house with Fanny, should, in ashort separation, utterly forget her. And indeed the truth is, that sheremembered her very well. As we would not willingly, therefore, thatanything should appear unnatural in this our history, we will endeavourto explain the reasons of her conduct; nor do we doubt being able tosatisfy the most curious reader that Mrs Slipslop di
d not in the leastdeviate from the common road in this behaviour; and, indeed, had shedone otherwise, she must have descended below herself, and would havevery justly been liable to censure.

  Be it known then, that the human species are divided into two sorts ofpeople, to wit, high people and low people. As by high people I wouldnot be understood to mean persons literally born higher in theirdimensions than the rest of the species, nor metaphorically those ofexalted characters or abilities; so by low people I cannot be construedto intend the reverse. High people signify no other than people offashion, and low people those of no fashion. Now, this word fashion hathby long use lost its original meaning, from which at present it gives usa very different idea; for I am deceived if by persons of fashion we donot generally include a conception of birth and accomplishments superiorto the herd of mankind; whereas, in reality, nothing more was originallymeant by a person of fashion than a person who drest himself in thefashion of the times; and the word really and truly signifies no more atthis day. Now, the world being thus divided into people of fashion andpeople of no fashion, a fierce contention arose between them; nor wouldthose of one party, to avoid suspicion, be seen publicly to speak tothose of the other, though they often held a very good correspondence inprivate. In this contention it is difficult to say which partysucceeded; for, whilst the people of fashion seized several places totheir own use, such as courts, assemblies, operas, balls, &c., thepeople of no fashion, besides one royal place, called his Majesty'sBear-garden, have been in constant possession of all hops, fairs,revels, &c. Two places have been agreed to be divided between them,namely, the church and the playhouse, where they segregate themselvesfrom each other in a remarkable manner; for, as the people of fashionexalt themselves at church over the heads of the people of no fashion,so in the playhouse they abase themselves in the same degree undertheir feet. This distinction I have never met with any one able toaccount for: it is sufficient that, so far from looking on each other asbrethren in the Christian language, they seem scarce to regard eachother as of the same species. This, the terms "strange persons, peopleone does not know, the creature, wretches, beasts, brutes," and manyother appellations evidently demonstrate; which Mrs Slipslop, havingoften heard her mistress use, thought she had also a right to use in herturn; and perhaps she was not mistaken; for these two parties,especially those bordering nearly on each other, to wit, the lowest ofthe high, and the highest of the low, often change their partiesaccording to place and time; for those who are people of fashion in oneplace are often people of no fashion in another. And with regard totime, it may not be unpleasant to survey the picture of dependance likea kind of ladder; as, for instance; early in the morning arises thepostillion, or some other boy, which great families, no more than greatships, are without, and falls to brushing the clothes and cleaning theshoes of John the footman; who, being drest himself, applies his handsto the same labours for Mr Second-hand, the squire's gentleman; thegentleman in the like manner, a little later in the day, attends thesquire; the squire is no sooner equipped than he attends the levee of mylord; which is no sooner over than my lord himself is seen at the leveeof the favourite, who, after the hour of homage is at an end, appearshimself to pay homage to the levee of his sovereign. Nor is there,perhaps, in this whole ladder of dependance, any one step at a greaterdistance from the other than the first from the second; so that to aphilosopher the question might only seem, whether you would chuse to bea great man at six in the morning, or at two in the afternoon. And yetthere are scarce two of these who do not think the least familiaritywith the persons below them a condescension, and, if they were to go onestep farther, a degradation.

  And now, reader, I hope thou wilt pardon this long digression, whichseemed to me necessary to vindicate the great character of Mrs Slipslopfrom what low people, who have never seen high people, might think anabsurdity; but we who know them must have daily found very high personsknow us in one place and not in another, to-day and not to-morrow; allwhich it is difficult to account for otherwise than I have hereendeavoured; and perhaps, if the gods, according to the opinion of some,made men only to laugh at them, there is no part of our behaviour whichanswers the end of our creation better than this.

  But to return to our history: Adams, who knew no more of this than thecat which sat on the table, imagining Mrs Slipslop's memory had beenmuch worse than it really was, followed her into the next room, cryingout, "Madam Slipslop, here is one of your old acquaintance; do but seewhat a fine woman she is grown since she left Lady Booby's service."--"Ithink I reflect something of her," answered she, with great dignity,"but I can't remember all the inferior servants in our family." She thenproceeded to satisfy Adams's curiosity, by telling him, "When shearrived at the inn, she found a chaise ready for her; that, her ladybeing expected very shortly in the country, she was obliged to make theutmost haste; and, in commensuration of Joseph's lameness, she had takenhim with her;" and lastly, "that the excessive virulence of the stormhad driven them into the house where he found them." After which, sheacquainted Adams with his having left his horse, and exprest some wonderat his having strayed so far out of his way, and at meeting him, as shesaid, "in the company of that wench, who she feared was no better thanshe should be."

  The horse was no sooner put into Adams's head but he was immediatelydriven out by this reflection on the character of Fanny. He protested,"He believed there was not a chaster damsel in the universe. I heartilywish, I heartily wish," cried he (snapping his fingers), "that all herbetters were as good." He then proceeded to inform her of the accidentof their meeting; but when he came to mention the circumstance ofdelivering her from the rape, she said, "She thought him properer forthe army than the clergy; that it did not become a clergyman to layviolent hands on any one; that he should have rather prayed that shemight be strengthened." Adams said, "He was very far from being ashamedof what he had done:" she replied, "Want of shame was not thecurrycuristic of a clergyman." This dialogue might have probably grownwarmer, had not Joseph opportunely entered the room, to ask leave ofMadam Slipslop to introduce Fanny: but she positively refused to admitany such trollops, and told him, "She would have been burnt before shewould have suffered him to get into a chaise with her, if she had oncerespected him of having his sluts waylaid on the road for him;" adding,"that Mr Adams acted a very pretty part, and she did not doubt but tosee him a bishop." He made the best bow he could, and cried out, "Ithank you, madam, for that right-reverend appellation, which I shalltake all honest means to deserve."-"Very honest means," returned she,with a sneer, "to bring people together." At these words Adams took twoor three strides across the room, when the coachman came to inform MrsSlipslop, "That the storm was over, and the moon shone very bright." Shethen sent for Joseph, who was sitting without with his Fanny, and wouldhave had him gone with her; but he peremptorily refused to leave Fannybehind, which threw the good woman into a violent rage. She said, "Shewould inform her lady what doings were carrying on, and did not doubtbut she would rid the parish of all such people;" and concluded a longspeech, full of bitterness and very hard words, with some reflections onthe clergy not decent to repeat; at last, finding Joseph unmoveable, sheflung herself into the chaise, casting a look at Fanny as she went, notunlike that which Cleopatra gives Octavia in the play. To say the truth,she was most disagreeably disappointed by the presence of Fanny: shehad, from her first seeing Joseph at the inn, conceived hopes ofsomething which might have been accomplished at an alehouse as well as apalace. Indeed, it is probable Mr Adams had rescued more than Fanny fromthe danger of a rape that evening.

  When the chaise had carried off the enraged Slipslop, Adams, Joseph, andFanny assembled over the fire, where they had a great deal of innocentchat, pretty enough; but, as possibly it would not be very entertainingto the reader, we shall hasten to the morning; only observing that noneof them went to bed that night. Adams, when he had smoaked three pipes,took a comfortable nap in a great chair, and left the lovers, whose eyeswere too well employed to permit any desire of shutting them,
to enjoyby themselves, during some hours, an happiness which none of my readerswho have never been in love are capable of the least conception of,though we had as many tongues as Homer desired, to describe it with, andwhich all true lovers will represent to their own minds without theleast assistance from us.

  Let it suffice then to say, that Fanny, after a thousand entreaties, atlast gave up her whole soul to Joseph; and, almost fainting in his arms,with a sigh infinitely softer and sweeter too than any Arabian breeze,she whispered to his lips, which were then close to hers, "O Joseph,you have won me: I will be yours for ever." Joseph, having thankedher on his knees, and embraced her with an eagerness which she nowalmost returned, leapt up in a rapture, and awakened the parson,earnestly begging him "that he would that instant join their handstogether." Adams rebuked him for his request, and told him "He would byno means consent to anything contrary to the forms of the Church; thathe had no licence, nor indeed would he advise him to obtain one; thatthe Church had prescribed a form--namely, the publication of banns--withwhich all good Christians ought to comply, and to the omission of whichhe attributed the many miseries which befell great folks in marriage;"concluding, "As many as are joined together otherwise than G--'s worddoth allow are not joined together by G--, neither is their matrimonylawful." Fanny agreed with the parson, saying to Joseph, with a blush,"She assured him she would not consent to any such thing, and that shewondered at his offering it." In which resolution she was comforted andcommended by Adams; and Joseph was obliged to wait patiently till afterthe third publication of the banns, which, however, he obtained theconsent of Fanny, in the presence of Adams, to put in at their arrival.

  The sun had been now risen some hours, when Joseph, finding his legsurprizingly recovered, proposed to walk forwards; but when they wereall ready to set out, an accident a little retarded them. This was noother than the reckoning, which amounted to seven shillings; no greatsum if we consider the immense quantity of ale which Mr Adams poured in.Indeed, they had no objection to the reasonableness of the bill, butmany to the probability of paying it; for the fellow who had taken poorFanny's purse had unluckily forgot to return it. So that the accountstood thus:--

  L S D Mr Adams and company, Dr. 0 7 0

  In Mr Adams's pocket 0 0 6 1/2 In Mr Joseph's 0 0 0 In Mrs Fanny's 0 0 0

  Balance 0 6 5 1/2

  They stood silent some few minutes, staring at each other, when Adamswhipt out on his toes, and asked the hostess, "If there was no clergymanin that parish?" She answered, "There was."--"Is he wealthy?" repliedhe; to which she likewise answered in the affirmative. Adams thensnapping his fingers returned overjoyed to his companions, crying out,"Heureka, Heureka;" which not being understood, he told them in plainEnglish, "They need give themselves no trouble, for he had a brother inthe parish who would defray the reckoning, and that he would just stepto his house and fetch the money, and return to them instantly."

  END OF VOL. I