The Hating Season

by Linde, K. A.

  English ignored Poppy’s question and glared daggers at me. “Yeah. Oh.”

  “Can we go dance again, Court?” Poppy asked, already bored with the conversation. She meandered back toward the dance floor without waiting for my response.

  “Yeah, Court,” English said, taking a step back, “go dance.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but what the hell could I say? It wasn’t my problem that I’d brought someone else and she’d shown up alone. She was the one who was married anyway. And I was perfectly single. She had no right to be upset. No fucking right.

  “I think I will,” I finally said.

  “Good,” English said. She smiled faintly at Gavin and Robert. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find the restroom.”

  Before I could say another word, she stalked away from me and out of sight.

  Robert smacked my arm. “Why would you think I was here with English? I’m not stupid enough to go against Camden’s word.”

  “Right,” I said. “I just assumed.”

  “English is a bit intense anyway,” Robert admitted. “Hot as fuck but really intense.”

  She really was. Intense in every aspect of her life. It’d been stupid of me to think she’d show up with someone else. My assumption had made me act like an idiot in front of her. But what else was new?

  I wanted to go after her. But what would that solve? We’d slept together, and that was that. Chasing after her would just give her the wrong impression. It would look like I wanted this to work between us.

  And I didn’t.

  I… didn’t.

  English was too complicated.

  It’d be safer to follow Poppy out onto the dance floor. To forget that English and I had ever been anything more than client and publicist.

  22

  English

  Fuck Court Kensington.

  He’d been strutting around the entire reception with a woman at his side he hardly tolerated, let alone liked. And then had the audacity to come at me about showing up with someone else. When I had come alone.

  Why the hell had I gotten my hopes up? Why had I let myself be fooled that Court was somehow a different person?

  He’d yelled at me for judging him and assuming he was a playboy. But then shown up with Poppy fucking Arlington on his arm. He might coach youth lacrosse in secret, but it didn’t excuse the way he acted. One or two good deeds didn’t cancel out years of asshole behavior.

  The truth was, Court Kensington was a train wreck.

  As much as all of my research had indicated from the get-go. Lark had said that he was a playboy. That he’d fucked around his entire life. Even his mother had feared hiring me because no woman resisted Court’s charms.

  She’d been right, of course, and it made it all the worse.

  I slammed my hand into the restroom door and nearly struck a girl in the face. “Sorry,” I muttered and hastened inside.

  I locked myself inside an empty stall. I needed a minute alone, away from this stupid fucking Upper East Side world that threatened to swallow me whole.

  I took a few deep, healing breaths, using my jiu-jitsu training exercises to try to calm down. I wished I’d had enough space to go through the tai chi forms. But the breathing techniques would have to do.

  The most obvious answer was to leave the reception. I wasn’t a part of this world. Not in the same sense. I hadn’t grown up here. I didn’t have a trust fund to fall back on. I’d just worked my ass off.

  But the other part of me said that I should stay and prove he couldn’t get to me. Because he’d done this on purpose. He’d taken my spark of hope and lit it on fire, burning it all to cinders. And I didn’t want anyone, not even Court Kensington, to think that they could force me out of a space.

  When my heart finally stopped racing, I exited the restroom and found only one other person waiting at the sinks.

  “Katherine,” I said with a note of surprise.

  “I barred the door. Someone is going to get mad soon,” she said with a disinterested shrug. “But you and I should talk.”

  “Uh… should we? About what?”

  “You and Court.”

  “What about me and Court?”

  Katherine shot me a look. “To survive the Upper East Side, you have to be observant. Being married to Camden has only honed that skill. I saw your little exchange. The body language. Everything that wasn’t said. You’re together.”

  “We’re not…”

  “Then, you’re just fucking?”

  I cringed and deflated against the sink. “Is it that obvious?”

  “To me.” She frowned. “I have some experience with Kensington men.”

  “Oh, right. You and Penn were together.”

  She glanced away and then back. “We were. On and off.” Katherine shrugged. She looked fierce and hard. But her fierceness was for me. Her hardness against the man who had hurt me. “I knew Court hadn’t brought that dipshit Poppy for no reason. Even he wouldn’t stoop that low. He clearly wanted to make you jealous. And it worked.”

  “I’m not jealous,” I said at once.

  Katherine looked incredulous. “So, you just spend a lot of time in the restroom for no reason?”

  “No,” I grumbled. Christ, was I jealous?

  “Look, just take some advice from someone who knows. Don’t fall for a Kensington.”

  “I haven’t… I don’t…”

  But the more I thought about it. Maybe… I had.

  I took responsibility for what had happened over Labor Day. I’d pushed him away. I’d let fear come between us. I’d assumed a lot about his character. Even if I wanted to strangle him right now, we’d had the start of something, and I’d smothered it. I’d projected my feelings about what was going on with Josh onto the situation. Colored it through the lens of my shattered heart until it all looked distorted.

  But if I didn’t care, would I be this upset?

  I shouldn’t give two shits that he’d shown up with Poppy. If it had just been sex, then it wouldn’t matter.

  But it did.

  Oh god.

  I took a step back. My hand went to my mouth.

  I liked him.

  Oh no. This was… no.

  “Maybe it’s too late for that,” Katherine said, seeing my distress. “It usually is too late when it comes to a Kensington. But if you want my advice, don’t nurture it. Let him have his Poppy Arlington. Forget about him. Forget it all.” She nearly choked on her words. “Otherwise, he’ll just leave you for a nobody from nowhere. And you’ll have to watch him parade around with his new wife as if the last fifteen years didn’t matter.”

  Katherine’s heartbreak cut deep.

  I knew that pain. Knew the depth of betrayal that came from it.

  That was the pain I’d had when Josh stomped on my heart and deigned to say I was overreacting.

  I didn’t know why Katherine let herself be vulnerable with me. But I wouldn’t break the facade by telling her that I was actually the nobody from nowhere. She didn’t really know that about me. Pretty much nobody did. Josh and Lark and Poise gave me social proof in these cutthroat industries. But I was no different than Natalie.

  Which made it all the more problematic.

  Because no fairy-tale ending waited for me and Court.

  No wedding in Paris and a reception at The Plaza.

  That was never going to happen.

  I’d fooled myself into it once with Josh, and look at how well that had turned out.

  No, Katherine was right. It didn’t matter that I’d fallen for Court Kensington. That I… actually liked him. Because it was hopeless for a girl like me to end up with a guy like him. Not when I was clearly destined to end up just like my parents.

  I needed to walk away. Just walk away from it all.

  “Thanks,” I finally got out. “Your insight is helpful.”

  She nodded once. I could see the thoughts swirling through her head. She was so cold and abrasive to so many people. But
I could see the pain in that moment.

  “What about Camden?” I managed to ask.

  She lifted one shoulder. “He’s Camden.”

  “Do you love him?”

  Katherine met my gaze. “It really doesn’t matter.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he doesn’t love me. He’ll never love me.”

  Then, she unlocked the restroom door. A line had formed, just like in Robert’s apartment. But Katherine disappeared through the door like a specter through walls. I wished that I’d had that ability.

  I took another breath and then followed her out. I just needed to find Lark and let her know I was heading home. There was no reason to stay here and torture myself. No reason at all.

  Lark and Sam held each other like a lifeline as they slow-danced. I had to meander around an array of couples before I reached them.

  I tapped Sam’s shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?”

  Sam jolted and then saw it was me and laughed. “Sure thing, English.” He winked at Lark. “I’ll get us drinks.”

  Lark glowed as she looked at him. Then, she turned her attention back to me. “What’s going on?”

  “I didn’t mean to ruin your dance. I just wanted to tell you that I was leaving.”

  “Leaving?” she asked in surprise. “But the reception just started.”

  “I know.”

  Lark took my arm and pulled me off the dance floor, stopping only when we were in a secluded area together. “Will you tell me what’s going on? Is it Josh? I knew that a wedding reception would be hard for you. But I thought since there was no ceremony…”

  “No,” I said hastily. “It’s not Josh.”

  Lark held my hand. “You can talk to me.”

  I opened my mouth and then closed it. I had no idea how to tell her this.

  “English, I feel like something has been bothering you for weeks. You were the only one who was really there for me when all that stuff happened with Sam. I couldn’t imagine going through that alone. Whatever it is, I don’t want you to go through it alone either.”

  “I slept with Court,” I blurted out.

  Lark’s jaw dropped. “What? When?”

  I winced. “Which time?”

  “Oh fuck,” Lark said with wide eyes. “I never thought you and Court…”

  “Me either.”

  “I mean, I suggested you for the job, knowing you were immune to douchebag behavior.”

  “I know. I know.”

  “How did this happen?”

  I ran a hand back through my hair and sighed. “At first, it was because I was so upset about Josh. I was taking all my anger out on Court. And it just exploded between us. I thought it was all rebound…”

  “But it’s not just rebound?” she asked, her green eyes wide.

  “Oh god, Lark, stop looking at me like that.”

  Lark ran a hand down her face. “I’m sorry. I’m in shock. Is this why you were asking me if he was a playboy the other day? Why you were acting so weird together at the primary?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “And now, you… what? Do you like him?”

  I winced again.

  “Fuck,” Lark whispered.

  “I know. Look, I told him we were a bad idea. That I’d end up fired. That we couldn’t do this. Plus, I was just some notch in his belt. That he was just a playboy and that he’d cheated on Jane. I just laid into him.”

  “But like… all of that is true?”

  “Well, I guess he’s not a playboy anymore? I don’t know, Lark. He said he didn’t cheat on Jane, and I was the only person that he’d slept with since Jane.”

  “He’s here with Poppy Arlington,” Lark said, throwing her hand out. As if that proved that he was back to his manwhore ways.

  “I know. Trust me. I don’t know what to believe. All I know is that I hurt him by saying it, and then he brought Poppy to hurt me back. And it worked. I don’t want to like him.” I glanced down at the ground and shrugged. “I’m still married, for fuck’s sake. This is the last thing I need.”

  Lark let out of a long breath. “Okay. Okay. It’ll be all right. We can figure this out. You can hang with me and Sam. We don’t have to worry about Court or Poppy or anything.”

  I shook my head. “No, I think I’m just going to go home.”

  “English…”

  “It’s for the better.”

  Lark sighed. “I can go with you. You shouldn’t be alone. You’ve gone through a lot.”

  “You can’t leave your oldest friend’s wedding reception.” I laughed softly and held my hand out. “Stay. Have a good time. I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive,” I lied.

  Lark dragged me in for a hug and promised to check up on me later. Then, I walked the perimeter of the room toward the exit. I took one last look over my shoulder and found Court dancing suggestively with Poppy. I cringed, hating that I felt anything at all, and then left the reception behind.

  23

  Court

  “Come to the restroom with me,” Poppy said. Her arms dangled around my neck. Her eyes were wide, pupils blasted out until they were nearly indistinguishable from her dark irises.

  “It’s barely been an hour,” I told her.

  She tightened her lips, that euphoria heading straight into irritability. She was coming down from her high. “I just need a little more.”

  “Poppy…”

  “If you won’t go with me, then I’ll go alone,” she snapped.

  “How much have you had today?”

  Jesus, I was policing her. But it’d been a while since I was around someone whose drug use worried me. No wonder she’d been in and out of rehab so much.

  “Who the fuck cares?” She ripped herself away from me. “I’ll be back.”

  I ground my teeth in frustration. What a nightmare. Why had I listened to Camden? So much for choosing someone hot with no baggage. I was beginning to think that didn’t exist.

  A hand latched on to mine—hard. I whipped around to snap at Poppy, but it wasn’t Poppy.

  “Lark?” I asked in surprise.

  She looked furious. Beyond furious. In fact, I didn’t think I’d ever seen her look like this before. Like she might cut off my balls and force me to eat them for breakfast.

  “We need to talk,” she growled low.

  “About what?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “I think you know.”

  English.

  She wanted to talk about English. So, that meant that Anna had finally told her what had happened between us. Great. Just what I wanted to deal with.

  “I don’t think so.” I tried to extract my arm from hers, but she didn’t release me.

  “Oh no, this wasn’t a suggestion.”

  “Lark, it’s whatever. She made her point clear. To be honest, I don’t want to rehash it with you.”

  “You fucking idiot,” she snapped at me.

  I jolted back. I hadn’t heard Lark talk like that in… literal years. She was so professional. There was a reason she was my mother’s deputy campaign manager. She knew how to get shit done. And now, she had her sights set on me.

  “I’m not my brother,” I huffed. “Your anger doesn’t turn me into a sad puppy dog that makes me want to make it all better.”

  “Maybe it should! Can’t you think about someone other than yourself for one minute?”

  “When has that ever helped me before?”

  She shook her head at me. “You’re just proving her right. You are a train wreck. The playboy train wreck of the Upper East Side. And that is all you’ll ever be.”

  I ground my teeth together. That wasn’t even fucking true. I should just let her believe it. What the fuck did it matter to me? She was goading me. But it worked.

  “Fine. You have until Poppy comes back,” I said and then strode off the dance floor.

  “What exactly are you doing with English, Court?” Lark asked, crossing her arms over her chest. />
  “Currently, I am doing nothing with her. As you can see, I brought a date.”

  “Yeah. On purpose, to hurt her!”

  I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t know my motives. She was the one who said that this wasn’t happening. Neither of you can blame me for moving on.”

  “Is that what you think you’re doing? Showing up here with Poppy Arlington and dancing like you’re going to fuck her on the dance floor?” Lark glared at me. “I’ve put up with a lot of crap from Kensington men in my life, but honestly, this takes the cake.”

  “Really?” I asked in exasperation. “Me showing up with someone else when she said she wasn’t interested.”

  “Do you know how to read between the lines at all? You think she wanted to see you with someone else? You think that saying she can’t be with you is the same thing as she’s not interested?”

  “What else am I supposed to believe?”

  Lark shook her head. “Put yourself in her shoes. She’s getting a divorce. She’s fragile. And she’s worried about her career.”

  “I know all of that.”

  “Then, why are you being an idiot? I have no idea why she likes you.”

  I came up short. My eyes shifted to Lark’s in surprise. “What? What do you mean, she likes me?”

  “Why do you think she slept with you?” Lark asked.

  “I’ve slept with plenty of women who didn’t like me.”

  Lark held up her hand. “I don’t need to know that.”

  “But English, I didn’t think…”

  “You’re dense. Both of you. Why do you think she was upset in the first place? Why do you think she left?”

  “She left?”

  Something sparked in my chest. I didn’t fucking know what it was. But I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to tell me exactly what she was thinking. No more games. No more cat and mouse. Just the truth.

  “Yes. She went home. Obviously, she didn’t enjoy watching you with Poppy.”

  “Fuck,” I whispered.

  “Now, you’re getting it.”

  I shook my head, shaking something loose. I’d been an idiot. I was mad at English for taking me at face value, but I’d taken her at it. She’d pushed me away because she liked me. She felt something for me that… scared her? It was unfathomable that someone like English would do that. It had never crossed my mind.