Watched from a Distance

by Allison B Hanson

  “I want to apologize again,” she whispered, “but I’m not sure if you’ll accept it.”

  He sat on his bed across from her and nodded. “Go ahead. Get it out.”

  “I’m sorry I lost it. I’m sorry I cried all over you. I won’t let it happen again, I swear.”

  He’d expected another apology for Tobey. Not for crying on his shoulder.

  So much for the not touching thing.

  He went to sit next to her. He put his arm around her, and she allowed her head to fall to that place on his chest where she’d cried her heart out. She didn’t cry now. She’d probably cried herself out earlier. She seemed to be in a better place now.

  “I accept your apology. Can you accept mine? I’ve been nothing but rude and hateful. I didn’t even stop to consider you might be dealing with something as bad as I was.”

  “I understand. I don’t blame you.”

  “Thank you,” he said, and held her out so he could look her in the eyes. “I want you to let it go, this whole situation with Viktor. I want you to stop blaming yourself for everything. You’re doing your best. That’s all anyone can ever do.”

  She nodded, but he didn’t think she’d be able to give up the guilt. He wouldn’t.

  “Get dressed. We have some kids to save,” he said, and she smiled.

  The real smile.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Like the day before, Lena took turns driving with Dane. But unlike yesterday, today she felt hopeful for the first time in months.

  They’d spent the whole day talking about their kids. It felt nice to talk about Kenzie. All this time she hadn’t spoken to anyone about her daughter. There hadn’t been anyone to tell.

  Telling her story that morning had relieved some of her burden. She hadn’t realized how tiring it was to carry it around until it was gone.

  She was exhausted now. But it was a good exhaustion. They’d been driving all day toward something. Toward a resolution. Toward a chance.

  Dane used Viktor’s card to reserve a hotel room in Texas, while they actually stopped for the night in Virginia.

  “Thank you for today,” she said as she sat on the edge of her bed. Her hair was still wet from the shower and dripped on her leg like the tears that were coming again. It seemed like they’d never stop.

  But these weren’t tears of pain and despair. They were tears of gratitude to this man who had given her a chance to do something, and an opportunity to talk about her child.

  She wiped the tears away. “I wish to God you weren’t going through this, but I’m so glad you’re here. I know that doesn’t make sense.” She shook her head, embarrassed by her words and the fact she was crying again. She was just so overwhelmed with hope.

  He sat next to her on her bed, and she went eagerly into his open arms. She didn’t let go of him even when the tears subsided. She felt safe in his arms. She’d been holding it together for so long, she’d forgotten what it felt like to have someone help. By silent consent, he didn’t let go of her, either. Instead, he kicked off his shoes, pulled her back against his chest, and flipped the covers over both of them.

  She felt him kiss the top of her head as she was sucked under by the weight of sleep. Her last thought was how perfectly his body fit against hers.

  She wasn’t alone anymore. There was someone here to help carry the weight.

  She continued to drift into the deepest sleep she’d had in months.

  When she woke, it was almost six. She was well rested, and Dane was still in her bed. They’d shifted during the night and he was lying behind her, his chest to her back, his arm draped across her waist, and his arousal pressed against her backside. It was much like the dream she’d had.

  She tensed. Which woke him, though he didn’t move away from her. She could tell he was awake by the change in his breathing and quickened rate of his heart against her shoulder blade.

  Why wasn’t he moving away?

  The only answer was a slight movement of his hips as he pressed closer, and the lurch of his erection in response.

  Very slowly, she let out the breath she was holding, so he wouldn’t know she was awake. She knew this was just a normal morning reaction. He didn’t actually want her. There was no way he could see her as anything but the woman who had endangered his life and been too weak to help his son.

  His hand moved from her waist to her hip, and his cock throbbed against her again. She couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped her lips. She was a woman, but she hadn’t allowed herself to feel like one in so long.

  Would it be so bad to have a moment of pleasure in this unending hell?

  Without consciously answering the question, she pressed back against him and another soft sound left her lips.

  His body went rigid where it was pressed to hers, and she expected him to push her away.

  Clearly, this was not the right time, but she wanted to feel closer to him. She needed a moment to feel normal and alive for just a little while. Maybe sex would help her to forget the pain for a bit.

  When he pulled away from her, it was to roll her onto her back so he could look at her. “You awake?” he asked.

  She could tell his question was asked to verify consent rather than the state of her consciousness. She’d probably made similar sounds in her sleep the other night when she was dreaming about him.

  Dreaming about this—him in her bed, touching her and looking at her like a man looked at a woman instead of the way a deputy marshal appraised a criminal.

  “Yes,” she answered and moved toward him.

  Her leg brushed up the outside of his, her knee resting at his hip as she leaned up to kiss him. Any moment he would stop her, and she would let him. But until then, she would greedily accept any attention he gave her. Any distraction.

  His lips softened to hers, and his hand came up to capture her face and tilt it so he could delve deeper. In a flurry of need, they pulled and tugged each other’s clothes off.

  She didn’t know why this was happening, she didn’t know what would happen afterward, but she wanted it. She wanted him. She wanted to pretend for a little while that her life wasn’t a complete disaster. She wanted to believe she remembered how to be a woman, and how to be happy.

  “Lena,” he said her name in a low whisper.

  Her only answer was, “Please.”

  She didn’t want to hear all the reasons why this was a bad idea. There would be time enough for regrets later. She couldn’t walk away now. She needed this too much.

  He bent closer, resting against her. The hard warmth of his body came down to cover hers, and she felt safe under him. A small grunt of pain reminded her of his injured leg and how it bothered him more in the mornings.

  Not wanting him to be uncomfortable, she rolled him over so she was on top and he wouldn’t need to tax his leg. But he wouldn’t have it.

  He swung her onto her back again and grinned. “Let me be the man,” he said before taking her mouth again. His teeth caught her lip, but his tongue quickly swept out to ease the nip. He moved across her jaw and down her neck to her aching breasts.

  She’d somehow forgotten all these sensations…maybe some she’d never felt before. Now she greeted them openly, knowing he was too far gone to stop now. Whether he truly wanted her or simply the release, he would continue.

  Another moan—louder this time—left her as he moved to her other breast. Again, he used his teeth and tongue in a satisfying combination as his fingers trailed down her stomach and reached between her thighs.

  She was wet and ready for him. As if her body knew what to do, even if she couldn’t quite remember. It had been so long. And even before her divorce, she’d given up on enjoyment from a man.

  Dane’s fingers stroked her perfectly, and she cried out when he removed them. She’d been so close.

  She opened her dazed eyes and whimpered as he reached out for his wallet and retrieved a condom. Once he was covered, he nudged her legs apart and joined them in one movement.
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  Her gasp of surprise echoed in the small room.

  “Are you okay?”

  She nodded, unable to speak.

  Passion promised oblivion, and she already felt the initial stirrings of her body taking over. An exquisite pressure began to build as he moved.

  A groan of pleasure escaped her lips, driving him on, harder and faster. He seemed as lost as she was. Her orgasm came on embarrassingly quickly, but he was not far behind.

  She blinked up at the sunlight slanting across the ceiling as his weight rested along the side of her body. Their chests heaved in an effort to catch their breath and she smiled, then closed her eyes, enjoying just one more second of pleasure before allowing the fear and dread of reality to sneak back in.

  That second was over much too soon.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Dane might have thought what had just happened was a dream, except for the pain in his leg and the trickle of sweat running down his back. He didn’t dream with such detail. Damn. He should work on that.

  In the past when he’d had sex dreams, he’d woken hard and throbbing. He didn’t climax. And he never dreamed about what happened afterward.

  The fact that Lena was still in his arms proved it was real.

  He’d had sex with Lena Scott. The woman who’d bashed him over the head with a whiskey bottle. The woman who was enslaved by Viktor Kulakov. The desperate mother who would do anything to save her daughter. Except maybe risk the life of his son.

  Pulling her closer, he kissed her hair and wondered what kind of damage he’d done. Had she truly wanted this? Or had she given herself in sacrifice to earn his forgiveness? He wouldn’t put it past her to go along with sex to please him.

  Had he taken advantage of her guilt? Damn it to hell.

  She’d been amazingly responsive, and he’d felt her pleasure grasping him, pulling him toward his own. He’d been relieved she finished so quickly. With his leg tweaked, he didn’t have the longevity he used to claim. He could only hope he hadn’t destroyed what trust he’d managed to nurture between them.

  Neither moved, even after their breathing had leveled out to normal. They couldn’t stay like this forever. One of them would have to speak. They needed to continue on their trip. Time was of the essence.

  “Should one of us say it was a mistake?” he asked, his voice rough.

  “Do you think it was a mistake?”

  “I’m sure it was…but I don’t regret it. At least not yet.”

  “Let’s just lie here for a few more seconds. I’m sure we’ll start to feel guilty any moment now.” Her body moved against his in soft laughter, and he smiled up at the ceiling, not regretting a damn thing.

  They were both consenting adults. They were dealing with a shit-ton of pain and anxiety, and had needed the release sex provided. All perfectly acceptable. Except he wanted her again, and he knew he had another condom in his wallet.

  The first time could be excused as them losing their minds from all the pressure. But why was his body responding to her warm breath on his skin, and the way her leg was twined with his?

  She raised her head and looked at him, the smile melding into a different look. Apparently, it wasn’t enough for her, either.

  The last time he’d wanted to push into her, to be in control of their pace, but now his leg protested, and he was happy to position her over him once he had the other condom on. She sank down on his length with a moan of pleasure, and he enjoyed the opportunity to take her fears away, if only for a little while longer.

  She rode him slowly, teasing him with a naughty smile. He snaked his hands along her thighs to her hips and pulled her down on him when she was not expecting it.

  The room filled with the sound of her husky laughter…and his heart filled with a different desire. Not just lust or need. He understood his desire to protect her. What he didn’t understand was this brand-new feeling that took over as he touched her face and pulled her lips to his.

  Their situation and all the emotions had created a bond between them. An accelerated reaction that would have taken months to form naturally.

  She paused, looking down at him with a strange expression. He wanted to ask if she felt it, too, but to do so meant putting whatever it was into words, and he wasn’t able to do that.

  A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he reached up to brush it away.

  “I wish I had just been a woman at the bar,” she whispered.

  He smiled. “Me, too.” He sat up so he could kiss her.

  The change in position caused her to gasp in pleasure. Using his hands, he guided her up and down in a vigorous pace, until she broke around him, her hair covering his face as he held her close and rode out the spasms. When they subsided, he pushed up into her the half dozen times it took to finish, then he collapsed back down to the mattress.

  His leg was killing him, but his heart and mind were soaring.

  For the moment.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  “Am I a bad mom?” Lena asked when she’d caught her breath enough to speak.

  While she didn’t regret being with Dane, the guilt of her brief happiness was starting to tarnish her memories of their passion.

  “No. You’re not a bad mom.” He kissed her cheek and brushed a stray piece of hair from her face. “There’s nothing we can do for either of them right now. There’s no shame in wanting to feel good if you have a chance.”

  Surely, this wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be allowed to have even this brief respite from the pain.

  He stood and stretched “I’ll grab us breakfast while you get ready. Can we leave in a half hour?”

  Nodding, she watched his glorious body unwind. She noticed the scars on his leg and fought the urge to wince.

  “I know, it’s ugly,” he said.

  “I wouldn’t say that. It looks painful.”

  “It wasn’t fun.”

  He hadn’t told her what had happened, but she could guess, based on his occupation.

  “You were shot?”

  He smiled. “Yep. And bit by a dog, and I fell off a roof and got caught on a fence.”

  She choked out a laugh of sympathy. “Are you making that up to get pity?”

  He pulled his shirt down over his lean chest. He wasn’t ripped, but he had definition. Including those lines she could still see at the waist of his low jeans.

  “I don’t need your pity. But I’ll take a kiss.” He leaned down and stole one. “You can pity me tonight when we’re in bed again. For now, I need to find food, and we need to get on the road.”

  “Okay.” She bit her bottom lip, feeling shy about their plans. She’d assumed this was a one-time thing. A release of tension.

  He winked at her before grabbing up his phone and heading for the door. “Be back soon.”

  She carried her phone into the bathroom and turned on the water to wash her face. The woman in the mirror was smiling at her. A mischievous, happy expression she hadn’t seen in years. Not since she was still in love with Brandon, and Kenzie started sleeping through the night.

  After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she smiled, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world.

  She dressed and tossed her things in the bag, so she’d be ready when he returned. According to the GPS, they would arrive at their destination by five o’clock this evening. He hadn’t told her who would be waiting there. Maybe he would share the details today.

  She was humming a happy tune when her phone rang its own happy tune.

  She swallowed and pulled the device from her back pocket. She saw her daughter’s smiling face on the screen. Every ounce of joy fell away as she swiped to answer.

  “Hey, baby. How are you?”

  “Hi, Mama. Are you coming to get me today?”

  The familiar pain seared through her heart as reality crashed in and stole her tiny moment of joy.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Dane felt like a high school kid as he paced by the condom selection for the third t
ime. Unlike when he was in high school, his hesitancy had nothing to do with whether or not to try the ribbed variety, or any worry that his father might walk into the store while he was paying for them.

  His concern today was whether or not he should even buy them. To do so would mean he intended to keep sleeping with Lena. Part of him—most of him—wanted to buy the big box and head back. But there was another part of him that thought it was a bad idea.

  This wasn’t a honeymoon, or even a vacation. This was a desperate mission to save two children. Possibly more, since Tobey’s new roommates were most likely also missing children.

  It wasn’t the first time he’d found himself torn between duty and pleasure. How many nights had he come home to his family and taken refuge in his wife’s arms, back when his money-laundering boss had made vague threats if Dane didn’t go along with their plans? He knew from talking to a couple of his current team members that it was a common need with soldiers, as well.

  After a battle it was important to feel alive again. Sex made a man feel alive.

  Dane hoped it had made Lena feel better. If only for a little while.

  He picked up the bigger box and went to the counter. He wasn’t sure if he’d have occasion to use them, but he wanted to be prepared.

  They were ready to fight for their children’s lives. There was no reason they couldn’t help each other relieve the tension until the time came to act. Until they had a plan of attack, they could use sex to expend the restless energy.

  He frowned when he walked into the hotel room and saw her sitting cross-legged on the bed, talking on the phone. Now that he knew her better, he knew exactly how strained that smile was, and sensed the struggle it took for her to keep it in place.

  Anyone else might not realize the happy woman with the cheerful laugh was a fraud, but Dane knew. He could feel the stress coming off of her and reached out to touch her knee, hoping to offer her some strength to hold on until the end of the call.

  “When are you coming to get me?” he heard the little girl ask, and watched as Lena pressed her lips together. He knew this was the hardest part. The lying.