Watched from a Distance

by Allison B Hanson

  One who needed the man next to her so she wouldn’t fall to pieces, she told herself.

  She knew Dane was doing the same thing.

  Maybe they were using one another…but wasn’t that exactly what they would have been doing if their meeting at the bar had been real? They would have shared a night together. Relieved some stress, and gone on their way.

  Except, now she didn’t know what would happen when it came time for her to go on her way.

  She could have her daughter back in a matter of days. This whole mess could be over, and she would be free to continue on with her life.

  That thought stopped her short. What life?

  She didn’t have a home or a job. She had some money in the bank, but it wouldn’t last long. She couldn’t go back to Miami—Viktor would be looking for her. Unless he was in prison. But even then, he would probably send someone after her to make her pay for her betrayal.

  Would she be offered protection in exchange for her testimony? She wasn’t sure the prosecutor would need her testimony. She could easily be discredited, since she’d helped Viktor.

  The spaghetti on her plate looked as appetizing as a pile of worms. She swallowed to keep from gagging, and sipped her water.

  The rest of the group had moved on, and were talking about more important things than her sex life.

  “You okay? You look pale,” Dane whispered.

  “I’m fine.”

  No. She wasn’t fine. She was terrified.

  She tried to erect a bubble of protection to keep the anxiety about the future at bay, but there was no stopping it.

  In less than a week, the future would be upon her. One way or another.

  She wasn’t ready.

  Chapter Sixty-Seven

  Dane wasn’t sure what was wrong with Lena, but he was positive there was something bothering her. Correction—there was something else bothering her.

  The poor woman had the weight of the world on her shoulders. He wanted to take some of the burden off her, but he was weighed down at the moment, too.

  There was only one way he knew to make her more at ease. And they’d spent all afternoon doing it. He decided to focus on finding a different way he could relieve her worries over the mission.

  He thought back to the first time he went out on an op. He’d only had one concern. Well, one concern other than possible death.

  “Colton?” Dane said, causing the other man to look up from his food while slurping in a noodle. “How many times have you been shot?”

  Colton wiped his mouth on his napkin and smiled. “Seven times.”

  “One of those times was my fault,” Angel offered with a frown. “I froze and didn’t react. Colton got shot.”

  “But he survived. Every time,” Dane pointed out. He turned his gaze on Angel. “How about you?”

  The group seemed to realize what he was doing, and he could feel their eagerness to share their stories. He loved these people and their willingness to take in anyone. Even a scrawny executive like him, who hadn’t even known how to shoot a gun the first day on the job.

  He exchanged a glance with Supervisory Deputy United States Marshal Thorne. The boss had a gift for seeing someone’s potential and standing back as they got their feet under them. It would have been easy to stick Dane in a small town all alone and hope for the best, but Thorne had seen something in him. Something more. And Dane couldn’t have been more grateful for the opportunity.

  “I was shot once,” Angel answered. “Stabbed once, and cut more times than I can count.”

  “Forty-three times,” Colton said. When Angel looked at him askance, he shrugged. “I counted up your scars once when you were naked and I couldn’t sleep.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “I’ve been shot four times,” Justin jumped in, though it wasn’t his turn.

  “Four for me, too,” Garrett answered when Dane pointed at him.

  “I hope you’re not counting that cut on your arm,” Justin teased.

  “It took stitches to stop the bleeding. It counts,” Samantha came to her husband’s defense. She had been the one to stitch him up. She grimaced. “I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job.”

  “I would have been dead without you,” Garrett said with a wink.

  Thorne steepled his fingers and shook his head. “I make it a point not to let people shoot me,” he said it with an air of superiority.

  However, Dane noticed he hadn’t really answered the question. Not letting people shoot him didn’t mean he hadn’t ever been shot.

  He let it go and turned to Lena. “I’ve been shot three times, stabbed twice, stuck on a fence, and bitten by a wicked beast.”

  “Hey, now,” both Angel and Colton protested. The beast had been their German Shepard who had been ordered to attack him.

  “The point is, we’ve all been injured and we’ve all survived. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

  Lena pressed her lips together and gave a quick nod. She was quiet for the remainder of the meal.

  Hmm. Maybe she hadn’t been worried about the danger, after all.

  After dinner, they spent a few hours going over every last detail of the plan once more, and mapped out a timeline. Everyone knew what they needed to do, even if they weren’t on board with their duties.

  “I’m still not sure why I can’t go along,” Colton complained while everyone stood to leave the lodge. “I spent two years with Viktor Kulakov. I know the son of a bitch better than anyone.”

  “Which is why he’s gone to such extreme measures to get you back. We can’t have you stroll in there and not expect him to do something desperate,” Thorne replied while Angel kept her eyes on the baby in her arms.

  It was clear she was struggling with what she knew as a marshal, versus what she felt as a wife and mother. She wanted to keep her husband out of harm’s way.

  “We can handle it,” Dane said. “You and Angel will feed us information and keep us coordinated.”

  Dane took Lena’s hand as they walked to their cabin. “Are you okay?” he asked when the silence grew and they’d reached the tiny porch of their temporary home.

  “I wasn’t worried about getting hurt,” she confirmed his earlier thoughts.

  “Then, what’s wrong?” He opened the door for her and followed her inside the cozy cabin.

  “For months, I’ve wanted to do something to get Kenzie out of Viktor’s grasp. At the time, I had no idea how to do it. I just wanted to get her away from him. But now that the time has come to make a move, I’m worried about the risk. I mean, she’s fed and healthy, and she gets to do crafts. If this doesn’t go right…”

  “I get it. There’s some comfort in inaction, since the kids are not in immediate danger. But that won’t last forever. This is our chance to get them back. Kenzie might be okay right now, and I’m glad, but she’s not happy. She misses her mother. We have to do this.”

  “You’re right. I know that. Just tell me this is all going to be okay.” She rested her forehead on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her back, feeling the tension in her shoulders.

  “It’s going to be okay. My team is the best. You can trust us.”

  She let out a breath and nodded. “I do trust you,” she whispered. “Completely.”

  Chapter Sixty-Eight

  When Lena looked up at Dane, it was obvious her words had touched him.

  The air between them seemed to sizzle, but with something more than sexual desire. It was a slower, warmer kind of feeling.

  His palm held her cheek as he gazed at her without moving. Something was happening between them. When he kissed her, she felt her world was righting itself.

  She thought he might push for more, especially when he pulled off his shirt. But when he helped her out of her clothes, he handed her the T-shirt he’d been wearing, still warm from his body.

  They’d showered after their earlier activities, so after getting ready, he slid right into bed and held out his arms. “Let me hold you
tonight.”

  “Are you afraid I might fall apart if you don’t hold me together?”

  “I’m worried I might fall apart if I don’t have you to hold onto.”

  Tears came to her eyes as she snuggled against his chest. His warmth soaked into her bones as well as her heart.

  Whatever happened next, she knew she would be facing it with Dane standing next to her. She was as ready as she could be, and the plan was solid.

  It was time to take the risk.

  It was time to change from the mouse hiding in the corner into the fury pounding down Viktor’s door.

  He would pay.

  She would make sure of it.

  Chapter Sixty-Nine

  Dane and Lena didn’t speak, but that didn’t mean they didn’t communicate. They’d found another way to offer each other strength and assurances. As if he had lain with her every night for a hundred years, Dane could tell she wasn’t sleeping. He could feel the stress in her body and knew she was playing out every dark fear in her mind.

  He rubbed her back and kissed her hair.

  “Don’t,” he whispered.

  It might have been easy to keep kissing her and lull her into a sex-induced oblivion. But they were too close for sex. The moment too intimate to use lust to distract them from their worries.

  “Tell me there’s nothing to worry about and I’ll stop,” she challenged.

  He could have lied. He could have told her everything would go according to plan, and it would be easy…but if it wasn’t…

  “Worrying won’t do anything but wear you out and make you sluggish tomorrow,” he said.

  “I know. But every time I close my eyes I think of something that could happen that I’m not prepared for. Tell me a story, so I’ll fall asleep.”

  He laughed and tucked her a little closer to his chest.

  “What kind of story? Like with princesses and dragons?”

  “No. Something boring. So I’ll doze off.”

  “It’s too bad my father isn’t here. He could put a rock to sleep.”

  “He’s a professor?”

  “Was. He died about two years after I…died.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s sad, really. He was the only person I wasn’t worried about leaving. He wasn’t a bad father. He didn’t beat me or yell at me. But he forgot I was even there, and in some ways, that might be worse.”

  “Was he always like that, or just after your mother died?”

  “My mother forced him to be present. But I never could. I couldn’t make him be something he wasn’t. He never got it. He didn’t realize that people mattered more than books and papers and someone’s ideas and strategies for a war that happened years ago. He missed out on knowing me. And he never learned from that.”

  “You mean Tobey?”

  “Yeah. For some reason, I expected Dad to take an interest in Tobey. Probably because I was so interested in him. Every moment he did something new and amazing, I couldn’t imagine missing any of it.”

  Until he’d been forced to miss all of it.

  “I don’t think it was unreasonable to think he might like being a grandfather,” she said. “Many people who didn’t appreciate parenthood relish the idea of being a grandparent.”

  He went on to tell her how his father had forgotten Christmas. Twice. And how Dane had gone overboard with everything, trying to be a better father than his own.

  His strategy worked. At some point he said something funny, and she didn’t laugh. When he leaned over to look at her, she was asleep.

  He wasn’t far behind.

  But unfortunately, he didn’t get to stay asleep for very long. He was awakened by a gut-wrenching sound from his past.

  Chapter Seventy

  It took a good minute for Lena to realize the child screaming didn’t need her. It wasn’t her child, but maternal instincts were difficult to suppress.

  Poor John was having a rough night, which meant his parents were also having a rough night.

  “I remember cringing at that sound,” she said into the darkness as baby John gave his lungs a workout in the next cabin. “Because it meant I had to get up, and I was always so damn tired.”

  Dane chuckled softly. “I remember pretending to sleep through it so my wife would have to go take care of him. She eventually figured it out. Who would be able to sleep through that?”

  They laughed together.

  “Now I feel ungrateful,” she said. “What if losing Kenzie was payback for all the times I complained or didn’t get up right away? I should have cherished every single second.”

  Another wave of guilt crashed over her, nearly drowning her with the intensity of her failures.

  “There are some things about parenthood that would be impossible to cherish. Like when they come into your bedroom in the middle of the night because their stomach hurts, and proceed to throw up all over you.”

  She groaned.

  He continued. “How about when you just want to run into the grocery store for one quick thing and your kid asks for something. And when you say no they start screaming and throw themselves on the floor in some kind of alligator death roll.”

  “What about when someone gives them a gift and they scrunch up their nose and throw it.” She shook her head and made a face.

  “Oh, yes. I wanted to shake the little shit,” he said without real conviction.

  “You don’t have a girl, so you probably haven’t had to deal with six changes of clothes in one day. Or all the laundry.”

  “No, but I did have to deal with ripped knees and grass stain on every pair of pants.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’d take all of it and then some, just to have her back again.” Lena’s chest felt tight and her throat burned.

  “I would, too,” he said with a roughness to his voice.

  “It’s worse for you. Even if everything goes according to plan, you won’t get Tobey back,” she said sadly.

  “True. But it’s okay. I gave him up before for his safety. I can do it again. Especially now that I was able to tell him I still love him.”

  She didn’t possess the kind of strength it must take to be able to walk away from your child, knowing they were better off without you. She hoped she never needed to find out.

  And as hard as it was for Dane, it would be all that more difficult for Tobey. Because even if he now had an inkling of the danger, he surely wouldn’t understand the reason Dane had walked away. He would always know Dane was out there somewhere, but wasn’t able to be with him.

  “Tobey won’t want to give you up,” she said.

  He looked conflicted. “Maybe not.”

  “What will you do?”

  “I’m not sure. It won’t be easy. I guess I’ll have to ask him to keep it a secret.”

  She felt for him. What a thing to ask of a child. “Don’t you marshals have something to wipe out a person’s memories?” she joked.

  “I wish. If we did, I’d use it on you.”

  She glanced at him in surprise. “On me? Why?”

  He grimaced. “I’d wipe out your memories from our first few days together. When I was such an ass. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain.”

  Her pulse came back to normal. “I didn’t deserve it. I hurt you and Tobey. I should have done someth—”

  He cut her off. “No. If you had made a move against Viktor, he would have had you killed.”

  There was little doubt about that. “And yet, I’m getting ready to make a move on him tomorrow.”

  “Right, but you’re prepared now. It’s different.”

  God, she hoped so.

  Chapter Seventy-One

  Everyone was in their zone during breakfast the next morning. Most of the team had a routine they followed when mentally preparing for a mission. Some paced, some meditated. Justin cracked jokes, while Angel went on the internet and looked up photos of cake disasters. Garrett checked and rechecked his weapons and ammo.

  Dane
tended to pace and think. But of all of them, his routine was the one that seemed to drive the rest of the team batty.

  As soon as he’d made his first lap, Angel groaned and got to her feet. “I can’t watch this. It makes my blood pressure go up.”

  Fortunately, they weren’t made to wait long. Thorne came in and told them everything was a go, and they immediately grabbed their gear and went out to the vehicles.

  Lena had gone off alone to make her call to Viktor, who still thought they were in San Antonio having difficulty with Masters. She’d told him one of Masters’ co-workers had tipped him off, but they’d pressured the co-worker into calling him and telling him the coast was clear.

  When the last of the stuff was in the Jeep, Justin pulled Dane aside. “You okay?”

  Dane took a calming breath. “Yeah. How about you?”

  Justin would be working with Garrett to get Tobey and the other boys out of the bunkhouse in Vancouver.

  Justin nodded. “I’m ready. I just want you to know that Tobey is in good hands.”

  “I know. I wouldn’t be heading to Savannah right now if I didn’t trust you to get my son to safety.” He hadn’t even questioned it.

  It had never been a matter of doubting his team. It was more that he felt he needed to be there. But that wasn’t the plan, and he was determined to do whatever he could to help not only Tobey, but Makenzie Scott, as well.

  His friend squeezed his shoulder. “You’re holding it together really well. If someone had taken my daughter, I would have lost my shit,” Justin confessed.

  Dane gave a humorless laugh. “I did lose it. You missed me puking by the side of the road,” Dane admitted while rolling his eyes at his weakness.

  Justin thumped Dane’s shoulder gently with his fist. “I’m just saying I understand how much your son means to you, and because of that, how much he means to me. I’ll do everything you would do if you’d been allowed to come on this mission.”

  “I appreciate that.” Dane gave him a fist bump. “Thank you. I know you’ll take care of him. Be safe.”

  “You, too. I’ll see you in a few days.”