Dirty Little Secret

by Wood, Vivian

  The line of people breaks up a little here, with the hallway continuing straight to the back of the house and two open doorways on either side. I glance down at her.

  “Your choice,” I say.

  Olivia flashes me a tentative smile and then goes left. I head into the doorway that she chose, only to stop short. The room is small and dark, empty except for us. Staring back at me, made of delicate origami folds, is the word SECRETS, suspended in the air. It’s written in blood red and surrounded by sleek black folded paper, making up a unique and fragile texture.

  She moves to the side, staring. She motions me to come to where she’s standing. I head over, quickly discovering that the word SECRETS disappears in favor of a phrase. Among the same black origami, WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST DESIRE is peppered. It takes me a minute to suss out what the meaning of the words is, but I eventually get the gist.

  She grabs my hand, pulling me along. I move with her, seeing it shift once more. ARE THEY TWO SIDES OF ONE COIN. It takes me longer to put together the words in this one.

  I lean down to Olivia. “What does it say?”

  She turns to me. “Are they two sides of one coin.”

  I have to think about that for a second, juggling the context of what I’ve already seen.

  My eyebrows rise. “That is… unexpected,” I say. But in the back of my mind, I’m wondering if all the exhibits in this gallery are going to be word-centric.

  Olivia seems to realize about when I do that she’s still holding my hand. She lets go with her cheeks turning pink.

  “Sorry,” she says.

  My mouth turns up at the corners. “Don’t be.”

  She turns away, heading out of the room and across the hall. I follow her into a much larger room. A few other viewers stand and watch as a middle-aged woman folds a piece of paper into a complicated shape. Beside her are a bowl and half of a statue; a podium with a stack of the same papers as the woman is folding sits off to the side.

  “It is important to be able to hold your aspirations close,” the woman murmurs. She turns to the statues she’s making, some kind of elaborate piece of art, and attaches the paper to it. Then she clears her throat. “For those of you who would like to, please use the paper and pens there. You can write anything down, any aspiration you have yet to attain. I will not look at the words… I will just fold them into the sculpture you see here. At the end of the night, this sculpture is burned. Then your words will reach the heavens, hopefully.”

  After a second, she reaches into the bowl for another piece of paper and begins folding it. One of the women that is in front of me moves to the podium, scribbling on a piece of paper. She drops it into the bowl and then leaves the room.

  To my surprise, Olivia goes next. She squares her shoulders and goes up to the podium, grabbing the pen. She thinks for a second, then writes on the thin sheet of paper. Dropping it in the bowl, she turns to me with a smile.

  “Are you going to do it?”

  I shake my head. “Maybe later.”

  She shrugs a shoulder, heading out of the room. I follow her from room to room, spending more time watching her than looking at the actual art that I paid to see. At the back of the house, we’re ushered out into the back lawn, where all the trees in the backyard are hung with different shapes, all in white. It feels sort of like a magical place back here and there are couples and trios walking amongst the trees.

  “That was riveting,” Olivia says, cocking her head. “Especially the last room. All those facts about a person, strung together to form a human shape?”

  “Is that what that was?” I muse. “I was wondering.”

  She slides me a look. I expect her to say something, but instead she sighs.

  “What?” I ask.

  “What are your aspirations?” she whispers. “Or some interesting facts about you as a person? I feel like I know you because you’re my brother’s best friend, but actually… I don't think I do.”

  I take a minute as I guide her toward the first tree to think about that. “Mmm. I want to travel, I guess. I haven’t ever really been anywhere except for when I traveled with the Navy. Which is cool, but not relaxing. I want to take my time and see the sights. Is that enough of an aspiration for you?”

  She flushes a little. “I guess.”

  Her tone of voice says no, though. I sigh.

  “Alright. Let’s see. I’ve got my sister, who is maybe a year younger than you. I’ve got my dad, who is a fucking asshole. I can’t read, which caused my dad no end of embarrassment when I was a kid. I signed up for the Navy just to get out of the house.” I stop, screwing up my face. “I don't know. I don't know what it is you want to hear.”

  Her face draws down. “I don't know. Anything. Anything that actually means something to you. Stop… like, reciting facts. Tell me what is in here.”

  She taps my chest, just over my heart. I catch her hand before she can withdraw it, holding it against my sternum. She looks at me, her eyes so damn blue that they take my breath away. She blushes but she doesn’t look away. She just bites her lower lip gently.

  “I was surprised when you turned up at the Morgan estate,” I rumble. “Surprised and annoyed. But… I don't know. I am just… I’m glad that you’re here. I’m… enjoying getting to know you, for us to get to know one another, as adults.”

  She couldn’t look more surprised if she tried. “You are?”

  My face creases when I smile down at her. “Yeah. Duh. You’re worth knowing, Olive. This is part of our journey, I guess.”

  She beams at me, making my heart falter.

  “You shouldn’t do that,” I say.

  A hint of puzzlement edges into her smile. “What?”

  “That,” I say, shaking my head. “Smile at me like that. It’s not fair.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

  “I’m completely serious.” I grip her captured hand harder against my heart. “You should be giving that look to anyone but me. Give it to someone who can make you happy, Olive.”

  She stares at me for a few seconds, then shakes her head and wrests her hand from my grip. “You have a funny definition of unfair.”

  She whirls, stalking away. And I stare after her like a complete fool, wanting her all the more, knowing I can’t have her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Olivia

  It’s a Sunday, late in the afternoon. I’m in Aiden’s Jeep, with my head out the window, resting on my arm. I reached a stopping point in my work at almost the same time as Aiden came bounding up the staircase to the ballroom, asking me if I wanted to go visit Grayson with him.

  Grayson is apparently taking a break from roughing it in the wild with Rachel, his ex. I haven’t actually laid eyes on her yet, but I’m sure things haven’t gotten less weird between them in the five years since they were last together. It’s probably angst city over there right now.

  Unless they’ve started sleeping together again. That is a whole different ball of wax, I guess. At any rate, I wouldn’t wish their situation on anybody. I wouldn’t trade places with Rachel or Grayson, that’s for sure.

  So I said that I would come, despite the fact that Aiden hasn’t said a word to me since the other night. I shift in my seat, sneaking a glance at him. He’s driving, staring at the road ahead with a slight scowl on his face.

  And yet, even with the blatantly unfriendly expression, he still looks ridiculously handsome. Dark hair, dark eyebrows, dark eyes. And all of that put on top of a big guy?

  Come on. He was created to seduce.

  It just so happens that he doesn’t think I’m worth seducing.

  That thought echoes through my head, making me look away from him. I’m half pouting now but there is nothing I can do but just… wait until we reach our destination, I guess.

  We still have to drive to Whiskey Bend, which is the spot deep in the woods where the National Park Service has their base camp for the Olympic Park area in western Washington.

  In his car on the wa
y over, things are tense and awkward.

  “How far is it to Whiskey Bend?” I ask.

  He looks at me and sighs. “About twenty five more minutes.”

  Then Aiden turns up some late 90s alternative rock on the car’s stereo to dissipate the atmosphere a little. So now I’m listening to some guy sing mournfully about bittersweet symphonies while strings play behind him. I close my eyes, feeling the rush of air as it rushes against my face.

  Otherwise I would actually have to interact with Aiden. And after the last time we talked, I don’t have the willpower. I just feel like I’m going to crumble into dust and blow away every time I think about arguing with him again.

  For his part, Aiden is brooding and silent, both hands on the steering wheel. He stares at the road ahead like it did something to personally offend him. I’m not even sure why he invited me to come to Whiskey Bend. Actually, he probably wouldn’t have if it wouldn’t have made Grayson ask a lot of questions.

  Sitting here in the car, the silence between us weighing heavily on me, I feel like I’m invisible again. He’s ignoring me like nothing ever happened between us. Like we never kissed, at least. It is almost the most miserable feeling I’ve ever had in my whole life.

  Not quite, but close.

  We drive deeper and deeper into the woods, on smaller and smaller roads, until we come around a sharp turn. Then we pull into a gravel parking area.

  There is the camp, laid out before us. It’s basically a collection of rustic-looking cabins, the largest of them the mess hall. Behind that, there are some facilities cabins, and then a spread of tiny staff cabins sprinkled here and there toward the back. In the distance, almost hidden amongst the trees, is a ropes course.

  Aiden is already out of the Jeep, slamming the door and walking away. I move a little slower, getting out and stretching. I see Aiden heading for the mess hall, probably straight to my brother.

  Wandering in that direction, I think about Rachel. A park ranger crosses my path, dressed in a pair of cargo shorts and a loose gray tank top. Her arms are full of firewood; I don’t think she sees me.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” I say shyly.

  She looks up, surprised. “Hey! Are you from the tour group? Did you get lost?”

  “No. I’m Grayson’s sister, Olivia.”

  Her eyes widen. “Oh! Now that you say it, I sort of see the resemblance. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Jade.”

  I give her my most awkward smile. “Same. Listen, do you know where Rachel Black is? She’s the girl my brother has been squiring around? Short, slim, sort of blonde?”

  “Oh! Yeah, I saw her heading toward her cabin. Cabin fourteen, maybe? It’s back that way.”

  “Thanks. See you around.”

  Jade flashes me a half-smile and then continues on her way.

  After hunting for the right number for a few minutes, I knock on the door of cabin fourteen.

  “Yes?” a young woman’s voice answers.

  “Rachel?” I ask.

  There is a pause. A moment later, Rachel pulls the door open. She looks exactly like I remember, a few inches shorter than me, her long mane of amber hair swept up in a ponytail. Her features are still as delicate as before, her long lashes and perfectly flushed cheeks seeming like they were crafted by a doll maker.

  “Olivia!” she says, a look of total surprise on her face.

  I smile a little, feeling as awkward as ever. “I heard you were here so…”

  Rachel’s brow pulls down in a delicate wrinkle. She gives me a hard look. Crossing her arms, she cocks her hip. “Yes. I found your brother by accident, it seems.”

  I bite my bottom lip, concerned. “I’m sorry, Rachel. Really I am. I thought that Grayson was dead just like you did for almost a year, though. And he made me swear not to tell you once Aidan contacted me to tell me my brother was alive.”

  She narrows her eyes and blows out a breath.

  “Do you want to take a walk?” she asks. “It’s so nice out today. There are some picnic tables over by the mess hall that have been calling my name.”

  I feel relief. It’s not that I’m stupid enough to think that I am forgiven, but I’m glad that Rachel seems neutral about the whole thing.

  I perk up. “Sure. That would be great.”

  She slips on a pair of shoes. We’re mostly quiet on the way to the picnic tables. I glance up at the canopy above with something like wonder, feeling in awe of the canopy as I always am.

  Rachel smiles a little. “The trees that form the ceiling must be old. I mean, to have a roots system that allows them to be so far away.”

  I smile softly. “It’s a pretty magical place.”

  She nods. “Are you in school somewhere?”

  I chuckle. “I just graduated from Kean University. I was in the top of my class, which means absolutely nothing.”

  “No?”

  I look at her, sarcasm heavy in my tone. “No. It’s not like I graduated from Princeton or something. Hardly anyone showed up for the graduation of my class, including the class members themselves.”

  We reach the picnic benches and sit down on top of one.

  “I’m guessing from your tone that Grayson and your mom were not there to cheer you on.”

  She laughs again. “Umm… well, Grayson came out for the weekend and watched me walk. Mom fell off the map a few months ago. I don't even know if she’s alive.”

  Rachel is quiet for a moment. “I’m so sorry, Olivia.”

  I give her my smile that says she’s making too much of it. “Don’t be. I’m making it just fine.”

  “That doesn’t make me any less sorry.”

  I respond by rolling my eyes at her, which is probably not the best answer. But it’s the only way I know how to answer questions about my mom. “Tell me about how hiking with my brother has been. I’m guessing it is something of a challenge, being that Grayson can be such a jerk.”

  Rachel releases a bark of laughter.

  “It’s been fifteen days. Longer than I thought Grayson and I would make it without killing each other. So high five for that.”

  She holds her hand up and I give her a high five.

  “Thank you for not killing him. Trust me, I know it must be difficult.”

  “It really is.” She sighs. “But also this working vacation is going by way too quickly. When it’s over, I have to go back to New York.”

  She wrinkles her nose.

  “Yeah.” I pull a face too. “Real life sucks. I suppose the alternative is to become some sort of hobo and live in the woods like some people we know.”

  “The idea of living out here appeals to me sometimes,” Rachel confesses.

  I lift my eyebrows, a little surprised. Isn’t she sort of a Fifth Avenue princess?

  “Really? How could you decide to leave everything that is back in New York behind for this? I understand why Grayson did it, I guess. But you… you have everything.”

  She chuckles. “So my family likes to remind me.”

  I just shrug. My attention is pulled away from the conversation by the Aidan and Grayson thumping down the front stairs of the mess hall, intent on a conversation between themselves. Aidan runs his hand through his dark hair.

  All I can do is stare. He really is just about perfect, if you can ignore the fact that he sleeps around a ton and has probably never been in a relationship longer than a week.

  “Oh my god. Are you into Aidan?” Rachel blurts out.

  I immediately blush as red as fire. “What?”

  “You are!” She accuses. “You’re totally head over heels in love with Aidan.”

  I push a lock of my dark hair behind her ear, shaking my head. “No. Definitely not.”

  Rachel grins. “You are!”

  I give her a withering glare. “And you’re not still hung up on my brother? Why else would any sane person still be here when their ex turned up?”

  She blushes prettily. “If I protested too hard, my father would make sure that I was on the very n
ext plane back to Manhattan.”

  “Yeah right. You have it bad for Grayson. You always have. It’s almost gross if it wasn’t kinda sweet.”

  She frowns at me. “I’m not sure that I’m glad you are here, Olivia.”

  That makes me give her a devilish grin. “I won’t say anything to my brother if you don't tell Aidan all the crazy things you’ve been saying. Deal?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Deal.”

  “Speaking of Grayson…” I nod my head to where Aiden and Grayson have stopped outside the mess hall. They are clearly arguing about something, but I don’t know what.

  She wrinkles her nose, sliding off the table. “That’s not a bad idea. The mess hall should be serving dinner about now.”

  I stand up, dusting myself off. “That sounds delightful, actually.”

  “I have to grab a jacket out of my cabin. I’ll meet you there?”

  I stare at Aidan again, my bottom lip caught between my teeth. I suck in a breath. “Sure, yeah. See you there.”

  Mulling over the situation, I head toward the mess hall. Before I can get a hundred yards closer to the mess hall, Grayson jogs over to me, a frown lining his face.

  “What?” I ask, looking around me. There is no one there, though, no one else who might be the object of his frown. “Am I in trouble or something?”

  He looks a little uncomfortable. “Olivia, I didn’t want to have to talk to you about this…”

  I made a face. “So don’t.”

  “I think it’s necessary. Aiden—”

  “Oh god,” I groan, rolling my eyes. “Please don’t.”

  Grayson reaches out and grabs me by the arm, looking at me with a hard expression.

  “I am serious, Olivia. Aiden is going through a really rough patch right now. And… he may try to… you know, romance you…”

  I’m half mortified, half outraged. “Grayson, shut up. I can take care of myself.”

  He grips my arm harder. “I know you can. But I’m saying… if he does try to… talk about sex with you…”