The Villain Virus

by Michael Buckley

  “As you can see, today’s film shoot is tying up traffic from here to Wilshire, and I have to say, that is one amazing-looking robot,” the reporter said. “The magic of moviemaking is alive and well, folks.”

  The video cut to a man sitting at a desk. “Carla, how long do they say the shoot will last? I’m sure that’s backing traffic up for miles.”

  “At this moment there seems to be confusion as to who exactly is shooting the movie, but as soon as I get word, I’ll report back to you,” the reporter said.

  “Why are we getting involved with moviemaking?” Gluestick asked.

  “That’s not a movie. It’s the real thing. We’ve told the local press we’re a production company shooting a movie called The Monstrosity, and it’s important to keep them believing it as long as we can,” Agent Brand said. “People are already tense from the sudden crime wave. If they think a two-headed giant is terrorizing a major city it will lead to panic.”

  Pufferfish slipped on her parachute. “So, what is it—a mutant? A robot?”

  “No, it’s an actor,” Ms. Holiday said. “I’ve used facial recognition technology on one of the heads and I’ve identified him.”

  “Facial recognition technology?” Flinch asked. “What’s that?”

  “It’s a computer program. I tapped into a database filled with photos of people from all over the world. It searched every published photo, trying to match the eyes, bone structure, and nose of our giant. It took a bit longer because I was searching criminal records first. That’s the problem with this epidemic. The usual suspects aren’t the usual suspects; it’s regular people who are causing all the problems. Well, anyway, when I expanded the search I found him right away. His name is Justin Maines.”

  “The Justin Maines?” Duncan cried.

  “You know him?” Brand asked.

  “Of course! He was on my favorite show of all time, Space Trek! He was one of the red shirts.”

  “What’s a red shirt?” Braceface asked.

  “The show was about a spaceship that investigated alien worlds. The people in charge wore yellow shirts, and the science and medical teams wore blue. But if the character had a red shirt on, he was a low-level member of the team, which meant there was a pretty good chance he was going to get killed or eaten or sucked into a time vortex and you’d never see him again.”

  “Gluestick, sometimes your nerdiness is frightening,” Braceface said.

  “But he’s right, Jackson,” Ms. Holiday said. “Mr. Maines was in fifty-seven episodes of that show, and he died in every single one. Since then, he’s made a career out of playing dead bodies on crime shows. They call him the ‘king of extras.’”

  “Which makes a lot of sense when you take a good look at him—he’s got a couple extra arms and legs and an extra head,” Flinch said.

  “Let me guess: He’s got a ray gun,” Pufferfish offered.

  Ms. Holiday nodded. “We’re not sure how it works, but it appears to duplicate the molecular structure of anything it blasts, and then it rearranges the two copies into one solid form.”

  “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have two heads,” Flinch said. “I bet I could eat twice the candy!”

  “Agent Flinch, you are not allowed to get hit with the ray on purpose,” Brand ordered.

  Ms. Holiday helped Flinch put on his parachute, then passed him a sack of red ropes. He slurped down five like they were strands of spaghetti.

  She helped Duncan next. “Wow! Justin Maines!” Duncan said, grinning. “When we stop his maniacal plot to take over the world, I’m totally going to ask for his autograph.”

  “We’re over the drop site!” the lunch lady announced as he left the cockpit to help open the hatch.

  “And remember, if you feel odd, if you get a fever or a sore throat, or feel like you’re smarter than everyone else, you’re probably infected,” Brand shouted over the wind that whipped into the cabin from outside. “You must let us know right away.”

  Flinch eyed his teammates warily. Any one of them might be the next to succumb. He couldn’t help but feel suspicious, but he hated to think of his friends that way. They had been through so much together as spies and as buddies. He felt guilty preparing himself to fight them.

  And what about the adults? He was very concerned about the lunch lady, who, he had to admit, was a rough-around-the-edges type already. As an ex-soldier, the lunch lady had seen a lot of combat in very dangerous places. There were rumors in the Playground that he was once a demolition expert, only he thought using explosives was cheating and just beat the building silly with his bare hands. Mr. Brand was no slouch, either. Despite his cane, everyone knew the director was the United States’ greatest secret agent. And then there was Ms. Holiday, who looked sweet and loving but was a trained fighter. He hoped he never had to find out what it was like to go head-to-head with any of them.

  Flinch shoved three more strands of licorice into his mouth, and fearlessly jumped out of the plane into the open air. In no time he landed next to the team in the middle of Sunset Strip, one of downtown L.A.’s most popular areas. It was lined with shops and tattoo parlors, all night diners and parking garages, each with a flashy exterior that shouted “Look at me!” There weren’t many people on the street, which Flinch considered a major miracle. He hoped their luck would continue.

  As he was shoving another handful of red ropes in his mouth, an explosion shook the ground. A thick black plume of smoke climbed toward the sky. Emerging from the smoke was something Flinch’s mind could hardly process. It was the same giant he had seen on the video in the School Bus, but now that it was live and real and right in front of him, with all those extra legs and arms and the second head … well, it made him feel sick.

  “Flinch, you’re on point on this one,” Pufferfish said.

  “Me? Not again!”

  “Listen, this isn’t my idea. Brand wants you out front more. He says you are squandering your potential being in the background. You’re the strongest and fastest in the group.”

  Flinch shook his head. “Hasn’t anyone been paying attention for the last two years? I’m the hyper one. I have a hard time concentrating. I’m the freak!”

  “I don’t like it any better than you do, but right now there’s a very good reason you should take over. You’re immune to the virus,” Pufferfish said. “Any of the rest of us could get sick in the middle of the mission. So man up, Agent Flinch. You’re the boss.”

  “Fine! I’m in charge. I’m in charge? Oh boy. What do we do? What do we do?” Julio felt like he had eaten something that had gone bad. He turned the knob on his harness just to calm his nerves and help him think. There was no more time to argue. The creature was on its way.

  “We could attack the monster,” Gluestick suggested.

  “Good idea, buddy,” Flinch said. “Let’s attack the monster. So … maybe you could coat the street with some sticky stuff? Maybe it will slow him down a little?”

  “Excellent idea,” Gluestick said, and then ran off to do as he was told.

  “And me?” Braceface asked.

  “Uh, well … can you make something big with those braces? Like a big fist? Once that thing hits the glue, you could give him a big punch—you know, knock him on his back where he’ll get stuck even more?”

  Braceface grinned. “I’m on it.”

  “And me?” Pufferfish asked.

  “You’re allergic to lousy plans, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “How do you feel? Any swelling of your feet or hot rashes?”

  “I feel good. Must be a good plan.”

  While they spoke, Gluestick extended his hands and a stream of sticky paste shot from his fingertips. He coated the street with a thick layer of adhesive while Braceface’s braces twisted and turned in his mouth.

  “Look at me, Hollywood! I’m Justin Maines,” the creature shouted, completely ignoring the NERDS. “You turned your back on me! You said I didn’t have that star quality! You forced me in
to the life of an extra! Well, you wanted an extra, so I’m giving you an extra! Extra arms! Extra legs! And extra rage!”

  The monster snatched a telephone pole and pulled it out of the ground. Its wires snapped and shimmied, sending sparks into the air like angry fireflies. He seemed unconcerned with the potential ten thousand volts of electricity that could easily kill him. Instead, he hefted the pole onto his shoulders as if he were a big league hitter, then swung for the fences, smashing a car and sending it flipping end over end into a parking garage.

  “You laughed at me!” he continued. “You said I would never make it, but I’ve made it! I’m the biggest extra in the business. I’ve played a dead body over seven hundred times! I’ve been a diner in a restaurant on a thousand different prime-time shows. I redefined what it means to play the guy in the doctor’s office! I’m not just any extra. I’m the Extra! You can’t turn your backs on me. I won’t let it happen!”

  As he raged, he stepped right into Gluestick’s trap, and his feet caught fast. He pulled and pulled, doing his best to free himself, but he couldn’t budge.

  “Um, I know you’re in charge, and I don’t want to be pushy, but right now would be the perfect time for Braceface to do his work,” Pufferfish said as she scratched at her leg. Flinch knew she was also allergic to not being in charge.

  “All right, Braceface!” he shouted. “Let him have it!”

  An enormous fist made of orthodontic appliances shot out of Jackson’s mouth. It clocked the Extra in the chin, and the monster teetered, dazed.

  “Hit him again?” Flinch asked, looking to Pufferfish for reassurance.

  She nodded her approval.

  “Hit him again!” Flinch shouted.

  Jackson’s metallic mitt reared back for another punch, but this time the Extra caught it in his hand. With an angry wrench, he pulled Jackson off his feet and flung him into the air behind him. The Extra roared with anger, but he was still stuck fast in Gluestick’s paste. He struggled to free himself, straining with all his might.

  Just when Flinch was sure the monster was caught tight, the Extra did something no one could have expected. Instead of freeing his foot, he pulled a big chunk of the street underneath him completely out of the ground. Then he did the same with the other foot. He continued his rampage, but each step landed him in more paste, so he was forced to rip more and more chunks of pavement from the road. With each new layer beneath his feet, he grew taller and taller.

  Flinch turned to Pufferfish. “OK, as the leader, I am commanding you to take charge.”

  “Sorry,” Pufferfish said. “I’m not allowed. Time for Plan B.”

  “I didn’t have a Plan A!” Flinch cried, eating another red rope, which didn’t help calm his nerves in the least. “Gaargggggahhhab!”

  “Don’t freak out!” Pufferfish said as Gluestick raced to join them. “You can do this. Just keep your team and what they can do in your mind. First, Gluestick is still here. I’m still here. Braceface is probably in the next county, but you still have you, too! Supersticky, superitchy, and superstrong—what can you do with that?”

  Flinch stared at his friends, then at the approaching creature. Suddenly, it came to him. “Pufferfish, you’re allergic to getting killed, right?” he asked.

  Ruby nodded.

  “You can sense it before it happens and get out of the way, right?”

  She nodded again, though this time a little hesitantly. “What do you want me to do?”

  “Go fight that thing.”

  “Really?” Ruby cried.

  “Yes. Really.”

  Much to Flinch’s surprise, Pufferfish grinned. “I never get to fight!” Then she raced ahead to do as she was told.

  “What about me?” Gluestick asked.

  “Pufferfish is going to keep the Extra busy, but there’s no reason we should take any chances,” Flinch said. He picked his friend up off the ground and held him above his head with one hand.

  “Buddy? What do you have in mind?” Gluestick said.

  “Be quiet. I’m aiming for the telephone pole,” Flinch said, and then he tossed his friend high into the air.

  Gluestick sailed through the air and latched on to the telephone pole the Extra was still holding like a bat. The creature was too busy trying to crush Ruby to notice Duncan, and as Flinch hoped, his friend took advantage. He sprayed glue into the monster’s eyes. It reared back, and that’s when Flinch leaped into the air. After a massive windup, he punched the Extra in the head. It was a knockout punch, but unfortunately this particular monster had a second head.

  “OK,” Flinch said with a sigh as he turned the power up on his harness. “One down, one to go.”

  This time, Flinch climbed the Extra’s body, using his giant clothing as handholds, and when he got close enough to the creature’s other chin, he delivered a powerful uppercut, then leaped down and out of the way. That proved to be a big mistake. The Extra didn’t have any fight left in him, but his falling body was still dangerous. With Gluestick on the pole and Pufferfish and Flinch in the Extra’s path, they were all sure to be crushed to death. Flinch closed his eyes and prepared for the worst.

  But after several seconds during which he did not feel—or hear the sound of—crushing bones, he opened his eyes and saw the Extra lying flat on his chest, safely wrapped in a bed made entirely out of braces.

  A crowd of onlookers clapped as if they were watching a movie shoot. Flinch smiled and waved. He had never had anyone cheer for him. “Should we sign autographs?” he asked the others.

  “There he goes, taking all the credit,” Pufferfish grumbled.

  “Just like always,” Gluestick snarled.

  Flinch turned to face his friends. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve taken the glory for our hard work,” Braceface said. He looked flushed and ill.

  “I’m sure you’ll go back to the base and laugh about it,” Gluestick said. “Well, we’ve stood in your shadow for far too long, Flinch. It’s time the real brains of this team were given the credit they deserve!”

  Gluestick raised his hands and looked ready to coat him in glue. Jackson transformed his braces into a giant trident. Pufferfish punched her fist into her other hand. There was no place to go.

  “You shouldn’t have laughed at me!” Gluestick said.

  “He shouldn’t have laughed at me!” Braceface said.

  “He was laughing at me first,” Gluestick said. “And when he laughed at me, it was louder and more hurtful. I should get to kill him.”

  “No! The Prince of Paste will have his revenge!” Gluestick cried.

  “No! Metal Mouth’s vengeance will not wait!”

  The boys raged at each other and rushed to attack. Flinch bounded skyward to escape the dual attack, and the two boys accidentally turned their powers on each other. Gluestick coated Braceface with a thick layer of sticky syrup. Jackson was locked in place, but his braces were still active. He transformed them from a trident into a giant boot and kicked Duncan down the street.

  “You’ll find that I’m a little harder to take down than those imbeciles,” Pufferfish said. Of all the members of the team, she was probably the least powerful. Her many allergies wouldn’t help her much in a fight. Still, the girl stood confidently with her hands on her hips.

  “Pufferfish, you have to listen to me,” Flinch said. “You aren’t acting like yourself and—”

  He was hoping for an argument, but he got something far more painful instead. Pufferfish took a running start, leaped into the air, and kicked him in the chest. He fell backward, stunned.

  “You have all underestimated me,” she said, standing over him. “You think I have the weakest upgrades, but you have no idea what I’m capable of!”

  “You’re sick, Pufferfish,” Flinch said as he crawled to his feet. “I won’t fight you.”

  “Then you will make it very easy for me to take you down,” she said, throwing three fast punches in a row. Flinch
was ready for them, and deflected each one. Undeterred, his teammate followed her assault with several kicks. None of them connected because of Flinch’s speed, but he could feel their force. Pufferfish wanted to hurt him.

  “You think I don’t know you’re laughing at me?” Pufferfish said. “When Brand gave you this mission, he chuckled. I heard him. He wanted to embarrass me and put me in my place. He’s intimidated by how smart I am. All of you are!” She attacked with three karate chops followed by a roundhouse kick that, if it had connected, would certainly have taken Flinch’s head off his shoulders.

  “Look at you!” she continued. “You’re bewildered. You have no idea what to do. You’re not leadership material. You’re the team freak. The joke. You’re the comic relief, pal. You’re only on the team because Brand has no idea what else to do with you!”

  Flinch tried not to listen, but the words hurt. He was the freak. He knew that. But was he a joke? Brand had never put him in charge until recently, and he probably wouldn’t have done it this time if the others weren’t vulnerable to the virus.

  Pufferfish kicked him in the face several times, then in the knee, knocking him down. The pain was searing, like he had hopped into a frying pan. He wasn’t sure he could stand, let alone get away.

  “Oh, did I hurt you?” Pufferfish taunted. “I can tell. I’m allergic to the weaknesses of others, which means my upgrades can help me pinpoint exactly where to hit you. Like for instance, your right shoulder still hurts from the fight with Wheezer.”

  Pufferfish ground the heel of her boot into his shoulder. It seared with pain.

  “And now I can tell you want to get up and run away,” she said, scratching her scalp. “I can feel what you are planning before you do it. There’s nothing you can do that I can’t sense before you try.”

  She was right. He scrambled to his feet and tried to punch her, but she deflected it with ease. All of his attacks missed the mark. Pufferfish seemed to know when they were coming as if he had written down all his moves and e-mailed them to her the day before. Her head bobbed and weaved. She ducked away from a kick at just the right time, and while his rib cage was facing her, she socked him with a powerful shot. It nearly knocked the wind out of him.