“I understand,” he said softly. “Maybe it’s too much to ask you to have a little faith, but would you at least give me the chance to prove it to you? I can help your horse.”
He already had, getting Snookie to respond better in just a few short interactions than she had with weeks of training. But why did it have to be him?
Just this morning she’d been praying, asking God to help her find a way to keep Snookie. She’d even gone so far as to call some of the local boarding facilities, to see if they had space for her. But word had already gotten out about her misbehaving horse, and no one wanted to take a chance on having her there, disrupting their space.
Was God’s answer to her prayer really the person she despised the most in this world?
Fernando had gone around to the other side of Snookie and was touching her in swift, firm motions, like what she’d seen on some of the horse training videos.
“I’ve already done that with her,” Nicole said.
Fernando continued the motions, not looking at her as he said, “Not enough. You can’t rush or skip any of the steps in training a horse. It’s easy to think a horse is ready, but you must exercise patience to look for signs that will tell you when they really are.”
She’d heard one of the trainers on one of the videos say something similar, but he’d only spent fifteen minutes on this part of the training.
As Fernando continued with the exercise, his hands brushed her again, and she jumped back at the unexpected jolt.
“I’ll just get out of your way,” she said.
Fernando’s dark brown eyes were all too human in the emotions she thought she spied. She walked slowly backward to the fence, not liking the idea that Fernando was anyone other than the person she’d been vilifying over the past year.
But she couldn’t help looking. Seeing the dark hair with waves that would probably be similar to the gentle curls Adriana used to hate for being too unruly to do much with put a pang in her heart over the loss of her friend. It was hard not to notice how much Fernando resembled Adriana.
It was even harder noticing how he didn’t. Like the softness and gentleness in his face, and the tenderness with which he spoke to Snookie. And to Nicole.
Adriana used to say that he was the best big brother in the whole wide world and that she didn’t know how she could ever live without him. Watching Fernando now, Nicole couldn’t help remembering all the reasons she’d loved Adriana, and it made her heart hurt to allow that crack in the walls she’d kept around herself to numb the pain.
Because that’s what no one understood. Nicole had gone from one day believing that she was marrying an amazing man, and that she couldn’t imagine having a better best friend than Adriana, to realizing that they’d both betrayed her in the worst possible way. She’d lost so much and had no idea why.
“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” Leah said, nudging Nicole. “He’s like that guy Shane took us to see, only better.”
“I’m sure we can’t afford him. We couldn’t afford the other guy,” Nicole said.
“Maybe he’ll give us a friend discount.” Leah’s voice sounded hopeful, and it hurt to realize that her sister didn’t understand the problem.
“We’re not friends,” Nicole said.
Leah sighed. “It’s not good for you to keep holding a grudge. I get it. What his sister did was terrible, and yes, it was awful of him to not tell you. But anyone can see how bad he feels, and maybe, rather than taking your grief out on him, the two of you could grieve together?”
Nicole spun to face her sister. “What are you saying?”
“Did you ever think that he’s lost someone, too? That he’s also hurting? You keep making this all about you, but maybe if you let someone else in, you’d realize that you’re not alone.”
The tenderness in Leah’s eyes made it impossible for Nicole to be angry with her. But it didn’t mean Leah was right. Yes, Leah knew what it was like to suffer tragedy, and she knew what it was like to lose someone she loved. But Nicole’s pain was different, and to suggest that Fernando would share it was absolutely ridiculous.
Leah reached out and touched Nicole’s shoulder gently. “I’m sorry if I’m pushing too hard, but even if you can’t accept that Fernando might need you just as much as you need him, you can’t deny that he’s doing wonders with your horse.”
Nicole turned around to watch Fernando work with the horse, and as she leaned against the rails, from the other side of the fence, Leah put her arm around Nicole.
Leah didn’t have to say anything, and even though Nicole was still technically mad at her sister, she knew Leah loved her. And as she relaxed into her sister’s embrace, Nicole realized that she couldn’t fight the situation anymore.
Nicole loved Snookie and desperately wanted to keep her horse. But she knew Shane was right. Snookie was a danger to her nephews. Fernando’s interaction with Snookie told her that he was probably her last hope in being able to keep the horse.
If God wanted to answer her prayers with the person who reminded her most of her heartbreak, then fine. Let Him. She’d accept Fernando’s help with Snookie, but there was no way she’d give him access to her heart.
Chapter Two
The mare pawed at the ground and tugged at the rope. Fernando had been holding her back, and she was getting impatient at being restricted. She reminded him of the horses he’d trained in prison. Straight off federal lands, the wild mustangs had to learn how to be part of the human world.
“She doesn’t like you,” Nicole said, sounding petulant as she stepped forward. “Let me take her back.”
No, Nicole didn’t like him. Her attitude toward him was less about the horse and more about her personal feelings toward him. The horse was still figuring him out, deciding whether or not she could trust him. He would earn this horse’s trust, and maybe Nicole’s.
“She’s angry that she cannot be free to do what she wants. But like a child, she must learn that we have rules to keep her safe. Once she learns that we mean her no harm, she can develop a respect for humans, and she’ll be easier to work with.”
Maybe Nicole and the horse weren’t so different.
He brought the horse in to him and began touching her. “Hey, Snookie girl. We’re going to help you learn, okay?”
Not all trainers talked to the horses, but for a long time, horses had been the only creatures Fernando could trust. Conversations with them were easier than with people.
Probably why Nicole was channeling all her grief into the run-down ranch. Though Fernando could see places on the house that had obviously been recently repaired, new fences mixed in with the old, there were also a lot of broken-down outbuildings, worn-out equipment and other signs of neglect. He knew they had inherited the ranch from a long-lost relative, but until Leah had mentioned it, he hadn’t known it was a former stepmother.
Judging from the condition of the ranch, the woman had probably been too old to take proper care of things. Though he knew that Leah and their other sister, Erin, had also gone through tragedies around the time of Nicole’s failed wedding, and it probably seemed like a good idea to all of them to escape Denver and come here for healing, he had to wonder if they’d all taken on more than they could handle.
Maybe he could help them fix things up while he was here. He had nothing better to do until the job with his uncle started in a month, and even then, he wasn’t excited about it. Unskilled labor, acting as a helper to the better-paid framers on his uncle’s crew. Though Fernando had years of construction experience, he’d been let go from his last job as a foreman with a large construction firm in Denver because he couldn’t pass the background check they needed to get clearance on one of their jobs. And he hadn’t been able to get hired elsewhere because of his record.
Though he was grateful his uncle was offering him a job, he was also a bit resentful that Sergio knew of his skill but
was taking advantage of his desperation and offering him something so beneath him. Fernando would probably end up doing the job of the foreman while accepting the pay of a helper. His uncle was a known cheapskate, and he recognized Fernando had no other options.
It was too bad Fernando couldn’t get a job working with horses. Fresh out of prison, he’d tried, thinking that the horse training he’d done there would give him the necessary qualifications. And it did—to an extent. But just like with construction work, people saw the felony on his record and used it as either an excuse to pay him peanuts or not hire him. Or worse, if something went wrong, the felon was always the convenient scapegoat. So he’d gone back into construction, something he’d done since he was young, hoping that someday he’d have enough money to buy a small place and a couple of horses for himself.
The familiar motion of working the horse blocked out all the nagging thoughts. He touched Snookie’s back firmly, assuring her that he was there and he wasn’t going to hurt her. The harsh breath coming out of the horse’s nostrils slowed, and he could feel the rhythm of her heartbeat.
As he ran his hand along the horse, looking for sensitive places, she tensed up under his touch. A couple of unusual places for most horses, but to Fernando, they told a story. A sad story of someone who had asked too much, too soon, and hurt her when he didn’t get it.
“Who hurt you, girl?” he asked softly, touching her in another way to comfort her. He said a prayer that God would guide him and lead him as he helped her. Lord, show me exactly what I need to do to help this horse.
As he began the process of earning her trust, he could feel her leaning in and trusting him more. He continued bringing her through the exercises. She was a smart horse, a good horse, and she already knew all the things he was trying to teach her.
Snookie calmed down, and once she had settled, he knew it was time to stop.
He turned to Nicole. “We should put her away for the day. She’s been worked hard, but we’re in a good place.”
She stared at him. “What just happened there? I’ve seen things like that on videos, but never in person.”
“That was amazing,” Leah said, coming around Nicole. “I’ve never seen that horse so calm.”
He gave a quick nod to acknowledge Leah’s compliment, even though he’d done nothing special. Anyone trained to work with mustangs could have done what he just did, but it seemed rude to say so.
Nicole frowned. “How do you even have experience with horses? Adriana said the only horses you were interested in were under a car’s hood.”
He figured he’d get this question, but he wasn’t ready to answer it.
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, just as I’m sure there are things I don’t know about you. I’ve spent a great deal of time working with horses, and I’ve been trained by some of the best. Maybe if we took some time to learn about each other...”
Nicole’s face darkened. “I don’t want to get to know you. I thought I made it very clear that I don’t want you in my life. You’re just here to help Snookie.”
His only concern was with making sure she was safe. But it was hard not to take her attitude toward him as a challenge. A defiant horse was often a hurting horse. Which made him wonder if her treatment of him was about her deeper pain. Could he help Nicole as well as the horse?
Even though she’d just told him she only wanted his help with Snookie, he couldn’t help but smile in response to her words.
* * *
Of all the nerve.
She’d just told him she didn’t want him here, and he’d smiled. Smiled!
“Let’s get Snookie put away,” he said. “And we can worry about the rest later.”
She’d have liked to have come back with a snappy retort or something, but Nicole could tell that her irritation was grating on her sister’s nerves. Leah had questioned her negativity earlier, and it wasn’t really directed at her sister, but she’d taken it that way.
Mostly, Nicole’s life was good. Other than the fact that she was still struggling with her fiancé and best friend running off together and getting themselves killed. Oh yeah, and they’d been carrying on behind her back for months.
Fernando could’ve saved her a whole lot of humiliation and heartbreak, and maybe even kept Brandon and Adriana from dying because they wouldn’t have needed to run off together in the middle of the night. They could’ve just been together in the open, because Nicole would’ve dumped Brandon’s sorry self and told Adriana thanks but no thanks.
But apparently, Fernando wasn’t willing to give her credit for being strong enough to deal with that information. Clearly, he didn’t think she could handle her horse, either. But he’d already proven that he knew way more about horse training than she did, so she couldn’t tell him to bug off.
“Her stall’s this way,” Nicole said, taking the rope out of his hands and leading the horse. He might have shown some skill in training, but this was her horse.
Fernando nodded and stepped in line behind her.
Why did he have to be so agreeable? It was like he knew she was only grudgingly allowing him to be here, and he was doing his best to make her like him.
She took a deep breath and willed the threatening tears to stay back. She wouldn’t cry over this. Especially not in front of anyone else. Nicole’s job in the family had always been to make them smile. Maybe it wasn’t her official title, but that’s what she knew her sisters counted on her for. Being cheerful, happy and the life of the party.
Maybe that was who she used to be, but it wasn’t who she was anymore. The animals were the only safe things in her life. More important, they weren’t telling her what to do, how she should live her life. They just let her be her, without judging her.
Fernando opened the barn door for her, a task she could have done on her own, but he seemed determined to prove that he could help her.
So Fernando felt bad about what happened? Good for him. Maybe he thought that by doing a few good deeds for Nicole, everything would be all right. But it didn’t work that way. And even though everything that happened technically wasn’t his fault, it was nice to have someone to blame, since the real people she was mad at were dead.
She led Snookie into her stall and removed the halter. “There you go, girl. Nice job today. Are you ready for your supper?”
It was tempting to add that the silly horse was a traitor, falling so easily for her sworn enemy’s charms. Because he was charming. And once, back when her life seemed simpler, she’d even joked to Adriana that were Nicole not happily engaged, she’d have thought Fernando a hottie.
“I can help, if you like. Two flakes of hay?”
Once again, Fernando was trying to be helpful. Were it any other person, she wouldn’t feel so much resentment about his assistance. In fact, she’d be grateful.
But this was the man who symbolized all her pain.
And yes, she knew all the classic psychological speak for everything going on. People acted like she was stupid because she was a preschool teacher. But she did have her master’s, and she’d taken enough psychology courses in the process to grasp all the technical details about what she was dealing with. All the classic stages of grief.
“Yes,” she muttered, trying not to sound like such an ingrate. Were a stranger to peek into her life, they might think she was a horrible person for how she was treating Fernando.
In a way, she kind of felt that way about herself. But the pain in her heart was like a throbbing headache that only got worse when Fernando was near. Right now, it was like the kind of migraine that made you throw up.
Once Snookie was fed, Leah invited Fernando into the house for a glass of iced tea while they waited for Shane to come over, making the pain in Nicole’s heart even worse. Throwing up was almost an option. But instead, Nicole smiled. And she meekly followed them into the house, keeping the smile
firmly planted on her face while figuring out how she was going to handle accepting help from the person she despised the most.
No, it probably wasn’t the most healthy thing for her to be doing, but it felt a whole lot better than falling apart over something that could never be fixed.
Fortunately, Shane didn’t take too long in arriving.
“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. The fence on the back pasture is down in a few spots, and I wanted to get it fixed before you guys moved the herd there tomorrow.”
Shane’s engagement gift to Leah had been a herd of cattle that had initially come between them but was now what the sisters had hoped would be the start of turning their property back into a real working ranch. Which seemed like an impossible dream, considering they only had one horse, and that horse was not yet able to work the ranch. But on their budget, finding what Shane called a good horse seemed next to impossible.
Leah gave Shane a quick hug and kiss. “Oh, good. Erin took the boys over to the Double R Ranch to borrow a couple of ATVs so we can get the herd moved.”
Then Leah gestured at Fernando. “I want you to meet Fernando Montoya, an old family friend who says he can help with Snookie.”
Nicole would have liked to have argued with Leah about the old family friend part, but since Shane and Fernando were already exchanging pleasantries, it seemed like it would just be an act of meanness to do so. Especially since Leah looked so happy.
It was nice that Leah had found a man she could trust after her disastrous first marriage. Her husband had become addicted to painkillers after a skiing accident then died of a drug overdose, leaving Leah and her children destitute.
Even their sister, Erin, who also had a terrible first marriage, seemed to believe that love was possible again. Nicole wasn’t so sure.
As Shane and Fernando talked, Leah led her into the other room.
“I’m sorry if this seems presumptuous, and maybe it isn’t the right thing. But I’m really worried about you and the horse. Is there something else that happened with Fernando you haven’t told me? I’ve always thought that you’ve treated him unfairly and were punishing him unjustly. Like I said earlier, I think it would be good for both of you to spend some time together and deal with your mutual grief.”
The Cowboy's Faith Page 2
