She smiled at her sister. “I’ve dealt with my grief. I’m fine. I just don’t need the constant reminders of my perfect life falling apart and having no clue.”
She glanced in the direction of the kitchen, noting that Fernando and Shane appeared to be in a very deep conversation. Like they were getting along. But that was the trouble. Great that they were friends. But did anyone think about what it meant to her?
What did Fernando think he had to gain in this situation? If he felt so bad about his sister’s cheating, then why hadn’t he just told her to begin with? Why had he let her be played for a fool, when apparently everyone else seemed to know? Her family hadn’t, but they’d been dealing with their own stuff.
Every time she thought she was over it, Fernando had to step in and remind her. Even worse, he’d just shown her that the one thing that had been bringing her comfort after everything—working with this horse—was just one more mistake she’d made.
The men walked out of the kitchen, and she pasted a smile on her face.
“He’s good,” Shane said. “I’m really impressed with his horse knowledge. You’d be blessed to get a trainer like him. He’s promised that he’ll work with you and teach you. You’ll still do most of the training yourself, but with his guidance.”
Then his gaze landed firmly on Nicole. “I stand by what I said the other day. Unless Snookie gets proper training, she has to go.”
Even though Shane had told her this before, it felt like the knife was being driven in even deeper.
“I’m sorry, Nicole,” Shane said gently, looking at her like he did the boys when he was trying to be compassionate. “This is why I warned you not to fall in love with an animal just because it was pretty. I told you not to buy her, so now that you’ve got her, you need to do the right thing. Get her properly trained or give her to someone who can handle her.”
She knew what he was referring to. The Springs Haven Animal Rescue was just a few miles outside the other end of town. They provided homes for abused and neglected animals, as well as animals that were surrendered by owners who could no longer care for them. She’d vowed not to be that kind of owner, someone who promised a home to an animal, then gave it up when the going got rough. Besides, at the last fund-raiser for the animal rescue, Margaret Cooke, the owner, had told people that she wasn’t sure she’d have the funding to keep it going much longer. If the rescue closed, what would happen to Snookie? Shane looked regretful at reminding her of that option, but she knew that the boys’ safety was his primary concern.
Fernando gave her a smile. “All is not lost. I think she’s a good horse, very smart. But she’s scared. Even though you’re doing your best by her, your actions are making her more fearful because they’re inconsistent with her nature.”
Her fault. Wow. So much for thinking she could do the right thing.
But before she could even process the thought, Fernando stepped into her space and spoke quietly. “Don’t be hard on yourself. You meant well, and most people would’ve made the same mistakes you have.”
She nodded slowly, fighting the tears. This horse was supposed to help her, and she was supposed to help it. And together, they were going to help each other.
He touched her arm lightly. “Let me help you help this horse. I believe you can do it. I know there is love in your heart for her, so let’s get her to see it, too.”
The last thing she ever wanted in her life was to have Fernando here. To have Fernando be a part of the peace she’d so carefully built around her heart.
But as she looked out at the barn, she knew she didn’t have a choice. Her last hope, her only hope, was this man. She didn’t like it, but how could she let this beautiful horse down?
Even though she’d already decided to let Fernando help her, she knew everyone else thought she was being difficult and needed convincing. But they didn’t understand the emotional cost of admitting out loud that someone she held partially responsible for her pain was the right person to help her horse.
* * *
Fernando hated the way Nicole looked at him. Like he’d just taken a whip to poor Snookie himself.
But she had to understand the importance of the situation. Of doing the right thing by this horse.
“All right,” Nicole said. “You can help with my horse.”
Her tone was like that of someone agreeing to a root canal. But at least it meant he could stick around for a while. Figure out what happened to the woman who’d lost the light he’d once seen shining in her eyes.
Horses had saved him from a very dark period in his life. Maybe, if Nicole had the same chance he was given, she could find a new reason to be happy. A new reason to smile again, and not have it look like it caused her pain to contort her face in such a way.
The door opened, and Nicole’s sister Erin walked in, followed by Leah’s two sons, Dylan and Ryan.
“Fernando,” Erin said, smiling in the fake way Nicole had been doing. “What brings you here?”
“I’m going to help Nicole train Snookie,” he said. Nicole could fill her in on the rest. By the way Erin looked at him, it was clear she shared Nicole’s anger at him.
“I see,” Erin said. “Boys, why don’t you get cleaned up for supper, then we can tell your mom all about what you saw at Mr. Ricky’s.”
The two boys raced past him, barely acknowledging him. He turned and watched them leave, appreciating their zest for life.
Fernando had once hoped to have a family of his own. But who would marry someone who’d been to prison? When he’d been arrested, Destiny, his fiancée, had told him she’d stand by him. But once they realized that the authorities were going to make an example of him, she’d slowly pulled away. Until she finally confessed she was embarrassed to admit he was in prison and didn’t want her future children to face the same stigma. Every time he dated a woman and that fact came out, she lost interest.
Still, it bothered him to think that some of his most treasured dreams would never come true.
“Don’t get any ideas,” Nicole said, coming up behind him. “Even if you manage to befriend the rest of my family, you and I are never going to be friends.”
“That’s kind of harsh, don’t you think?” Shane stepped forward. “I know you’re mad at Fernando for keeping things secret from you, but maybe you should give him the chance to explain, to see things from his side.”
Leah put her arm around Shane’s waist. “Exactly. I don’t think it was right for Fernando to not tell you about Adriana’s affair with Brandon, but having seen him with Snookie, and how hard he’s trying to do the right thing here, I have to believe that there’s more to the story. Give him a chance.”
Instead of Leah’s words being encouraging to Nicole, they only seemed to make Nicole’s face scrunch up, like she was trying not to tell Leah exactly what she thought of her sisterly advice. But then, just as quickly as the anger filled her face, the fake smile returned.
“I’m letting him train my horse, aren’t I? As for why, I don’t care. I just want to get my horse trained, and then both Fernando and I can move on with our lives. Separately.”
Fine by him. It wasn’t like he and Nicole had a future together. And the more she reminded him of it, the less tempted he was to wish his life were different.
“Whatever you want,” Fernando said. “I’m only trying to help. I’d leave now, except that I want to work with Snookie. Can we call a temporary truce for her sake?”
Crazy to think that a horse would be the thing they could find common ground on.
“Fine.” Nicole turned and glared at Leah. “But don’t think this means anything.”
Leah was obviously happy with Shane, and from what he knew of Leah losing her first husband, Fernando was glad to see her get a second chance at love. Hopefully, Leah’s example would show Nicole that not all men were like Brandon, and that she, too, could find hap
piness.
Except, instead of that thought making Fernando feel good for Nicole, it made his heart hurt a little bit at the thought of her with anyone else. Crazy, since he couldn’t have her for himself. He wanted her to be happy. And he prayed for the man who could do it.
Shane cleared his throat. “There’s also the small item of payment. While you said you were happy to do it for free, it wouldn’t be right for us to not pay you.”
Not this again. They’d already argued about it in the kitchen, and Fernando thought it was the end of things. But obviously, Shane had another plan. Which, by the expression on Nicole’s and her sisters’ faces, was exactly where this conversation was going.
“I agree,” Erin said. “We’ve budgeted for horse training.”
Then Erin sighed. “Probably not what you’re used to getting, but...”
“I’m not used to being paid for working with horses,” Fernando said. “I do construction for a living.”
Nicole gave him a funny look. “That’s right, you do. Why are you going to Salida? Isn’t that where your creepy uncle lives? Adriana once told me that you wouldn’t work for him for a million dollars.”
That was when he had a good job and he thought they valued him, despite his record.
“I got laid off,” he said quietly, grateful they’d at least done that for him. The uncomfortable silence made him wish he hadn’t said anything, but he didn’t want to lie, either.
Finally, Shane said, “Training Snookie isn’t going to be a full-time job for you. Since you’re in construction, maybe you could help with some of the things around here. I’ve been doing what I can, but with my own ranch, I can’t do as much as I’d like.”
“Yes,” Leah added. “We also have money in the budget to pay for some of the repairs, but getting anyone to come out here is really tough.”
He studied Nicole’s face, trying to gauge her reaction. She already didn’t want him here.
“It would keep him out of my hair,” she said.
There were worse answers, he supposed.
“And we still haven’t gotten that chicken coop fixed,” Erin added. “It’s too smelly to breathe in there.”
Nicole giggled. “So basically, give him all the stuff we don’t want to do?”
If she thought cleaning up a bunch of chicken manure was going to scare him away, she obviously hadn’t heard enough stories about his uncle from Adriana. The only stories Adriana probably hadn’t told Nicole were the ones about him. His entire family was ashamed of his time in prison, and all they ever told anyone about his seven-year absence was that he was off finding himself.
He had found himself. In a lot of unexpected ways. It just hadn’t been the youthful lark everyone made it sound like. He might have been young and stupid, but at eighteen, he’d been legally an adult and paid adult consequences.
“I’d be happy to,” Fernando said. “I can tell this place needs some improvements, and I’m familiar with the work. It won’t be a problem. Just give me a list, and I’ll take care of it.”
They discussed his wage, and while it was more than reasonable, Fernando couldn’t help wishing they’d found a way to disagree. But he couldn’t, in all fairness, ask for more, which would have been the only way they wouldn’t have come to an agreement.
Shane looked over at Fernando. “Why don’t you come with me? Leah and I were talking about the apartment over the barn. I stayed there when I first came to Columbine Springs years ago, and it hasn’t been used since. We were going to fix it up as guest quarters.”
He looked apologetic, but then shrugged. “It needs some work, but it’s habitable.”
Fernando nodded at the man’s thoughtfulness, but he looked over at Nicole to see how she felt about the idea. Her face was expressionless, which was a good sign, considering the hostility she’d once had toward him.
“Thanks. I was going to go look for a hotel or something. But if it’s not too much of an imposition, that would be great.”
Shane chuckled. “There isn’t much in Columbine Springs. We had some city folks try to establish a B&B, but they didn’t last long. There was an old hotel, but it’s been closed now for at least ten years.”
He liked Shane. He hoped they could be friends, but just as he had the idea, he dismissed it as being stupid. He didn’t want to establish ties here if it would cause Nicole more pain. Yes, she had to deal with her grief. But he knew he was walking a fine line, and he wasn’t going to insert himself into her life any further than was healthy for her.
Or for him.
It wasn’t just Adriana’s actions he didn’t understand but Brandon’s. Despite her obvious faults, his sister had been a great person, but in a way, Nicole was even better. She represented everything he wanted in a woman. She was smart, funny, kind to children and animals, and she had a zest for living that had always inspired him. How could Brandon have treated her so badly?
Maybe that’s why he’d been trying so hard to help Nicole. He’d always admired her, and seeing how bitter she’d become bothered him.
No, he didn’t think he stood a chance at her heart. No woman should be stuck with a guy like him. As an ex-con, he couldn’t give any woman the kind of life she deserved. Especially someone as wonderful as Nicole.
Or at least as Nicole had been.
Was that woman still inside?
As Shane led him out to the barn, Snookie neighed, reminding him of the other reason he was here.
Snookie was where he had to stay focused. He could help the horse. Nicole—that was something he had to leave alone.
Chapter Three
Nicole went into the small apartment above the barn, carrying some linens Leah had asked her to bring over for Fernando. After everything that had been said earlier, she didn’t really want to talk to him, but her sisters had made it clear she had to stop running from the pain. She still wasn’t sure what to say to him.
The apartment wasn’t what you would call luxury lodgings, but Fernando had said he didn’t mind and had even promised to help fix it up. Which made Nicole feel like even more of a jerk for not welcoming him with open arms. He’d done everything he could to be nice, and she kept shoving him away.
But how did one welcome the reminder of your biggest mistakes with joy? He didn’t answer her knock on the door, and she remembered hearing that he’d wanted to take a walk later. When she let herself in, she saw him sound asleep, sprawled out on the bare mattress. She looked down at the bundle of sheets and blankets she’d brought. Moving as quietly as possible, she carried them to the dresser. But as she set them on top, Fernando yelled, “I didn’t do it! Leave me be.”
She turned, but Fernando was still fast asleep, tossing and turning on the bed.
“I didn’t tell. It wasn’t me! I promise, I didn’t help.”
He was having a bad dream. And from the way he thrashed about, it was a terrible one.
“Please. I beg you. Don’t do this. It wasn’t me.”
Should she wake him? She took a step toward him, and the board creaked.
Fernando sat bolt upright. “What?”
He seemed wide awake now.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I just brought you some linens.”
He nodded slowly as he looked around the room.
“It’s all right,” she told him, wanting to comfort him like she did her nephews when they had nightmares, but not feeling so generous as to want to give him a cuddle the way she did with the boys.
Then he looked at her more closely. “You look like you just saw something terrifying. Was I talking in my sleep again?”
Nicole nodded slowly. “I wasn’t afraid of you, though. I was afraid for you. It seemed like you were having the most awful dream.”
He ran his fingers through his hair as he nodded. “Sí. I mean, yes. What did I say?”
He looked so out of sorts, it seemed almost impossible to withhold compassion.
She walked over and sat on the edge of the bad, near him, but not next to him. “You can use Spanish around me if you want. Adriana did sometimes, and she was trying to teach me a few words.”
Then she shook her head. “I don’t know why I just said that. That was dumb of me.”
Especially the part about Adriana. She’d done her best to forget about her former best friend, and it was weird the way the memory came back up so quickly. Part of why she hadn’t wanted Fernando around in the first place. She didn’t need the reminders. But he was here now, and she had to deal with it.
He shook his head slowly. “Thanks. I don’t...”
Fernando seemed unsure of himself, hesitant. And she didn’t blame him. After all, she’d done everything she could to make him feel unwelcome, and now that he was clearly in the middle of something disturbing, he wouldn’t find her very comforting. And honestly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be that person for him.
“I’m sorry.” She stood, then gestured at the blankets. “I was going to try to soothe you or something, but I can’t imagine that you would feel comforted by me. I haven’t been very nice to you, and I don’t exactly have warm feelings toward you.”
Even as the admission came out, she knew there was one more thing she had to do. Not that she liked it much.
“My sisters say I owe you an apology,” she said.
“But you disagree.” There was no judgment in his voice, no anger. Just acceptance.
She shrugged. “Obviously.”
He nodded slowly as he yawned, then ran his hands over his face.
“Sorry. I guess I was more tired than I thought.” He stood, then came next to her. “Listen. You don’t owe me anything. But we do have to get to a place where we can stop rehashing the fact that you’re angry with me for not telling you about Adriana and Brandon and move forward to a place of understanding. I know forgiveness is hard, and I’m not asking you to do it right away. But it has to happen at some point, even if only for your own peace of mind. You know the quote about unforgiveness being like drinking poison while waiting for the other person to die?”
The Cowboy's Faith Page 3
