“Have you thought about staying?” Nicole asked. “I’m sure some of the other ranchers could use a good trainer. Like I said, the guy I almost went with was super expensive, and the waiting list to get on with him was so long. Having another trainer around here would be amazing. Not only would the ranchers have more options, but I think you’re much better with horses than the other guy was.”
He gave her a weird look. “My uncle is expecting me.”
“But you said he had no problem with you staying here to train a horse. He obviously doesn’t need you that badly. And from what Adriana used to say about him, he isn’t that great of a guy. Why would you go to a job you don’t love when you can be training horses?”
* * *
Fernando supposed it was an innocent question, but Nicole had no idea how much it actually stung. He’d give just about anything to be a horse trainer. And the thought of staying here, in Columbine Springs, was more tempting than she could ever know. He loved this tiny little town, and even though he’d only gone to church twice, he loved the little church. The people here were so nice, so genuine, and he liked the way the community seemed to be a real community. He tried not to laugh as he remembered Bob and Jan Adams racing out with a gift bag to welcome him today. He hadn’t wanted to get to know anyone or establish ties, but it seemed like they were intent on having it be otherwise.
The gift bag was filled with tiny, thoughtful treasures—a mug with the church’s logo that said, “As much as coffee sustains you, trust in the Lord will sustain you more”; a handy pamphlet featuring Bible studies to get involved with, volunteer opportunities and contact information for the church; a Bible; a notebook; a pen; some candy; and a couple of homemade cookies he suspected came from the refreshment table he’d been afraid to pass by.
All things designed to anchor him in their church.
Jan had even hugged him when he left, telling him that she was happy to have him there.
But would they still accept him when they knew who he really was and what he had done?
“It’s a good job,” he said, trying to expel any thoughts of staying from his head. “Horse training is feast or famine. Even though you say I would have plenty of clients, how can you be so sure? This other guy might be known to the ranchers, so they might be more comfortable with him. It’s better for me to take the job with my uncle, where I’m certain I will have constant work as opposed to going out on my own and not knowing.”
Nicole gave him a funny look. “But you don’t know that. At least ask Shane to introduce you to some of the other ranchers. I just heard him talking the other day about one of his friends who was having a hard time with one of his horses. Maybe he could introduce you to that guy. And maybe, if the guy likes you—”
“Stop right there. That’s an awful lot of maybes. I can’t rest my future on that. The only reason I can be here is because I had a month before the job with my uncle starts. But then I need to go and do the right thing.”
Nicole shook her head. “But how is the right thing you going to work for your uncle? You can’t say you love construction. I see the happiness on your face when you’re working with Snookie. But when you’re working on the buildings around the farm, doing construction stuff? You don’t look like you hate it, but it’s certainly not the same happiness you exude when you’re with horses.”
Why couldn’t she let this go? What business of hers was it, anyway?
“I appreciate the advice, but I’m content with my life as it is. Not everyone can be blissfully happy doing what they love all the time.”
“Why not? You asked me why I didn’t work with animals and went into childcare instead. Well, I’ll tell you. I really like working with children. I knew I didn’t have the stomach for working with animals. But I also love kids, and kids have always loved me. I could make a lot more money doing something else, but I wouldn’t get a million hugs a day from a bunch of people who say that Miss Nicole is their very best friend in the whole wide world.”
But what would Miss Nicole do if she’d made a stupid mistake when she was younger and had a felony on her record? No school would hire her. Nicole was fortunate that her wise choices over the years enabled her to do the things she loved.
Fernando didn’t have that luxury. He was doing the best he could with what he had, and it had to be enough.
“I don’t see why you can’t even just try,” Nicole continued. “There’s no harm in asking about horse training jobs just to see what’s available. The dude ranch that Erin works for as an accountant hires wranglers to come in every summer to help with their horses.”
Her earnest tone made it almost impossible to refuse. Except he knew more about the business than she did. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried working with horses when he got out.
“That’s a seasonal job. What happens in the winter, when people aren’t coming out to play cowboy? I’m sure he hires college kids to work in the summer and then they go back to school. I’ve looked at operations like that before. That’s how it works.”
One of his jobs after he’d gotten out had been at such a ranch. But one of the girls who worked there had had a crush on him, and he didn’t return her feelings. Somehow, she’d found out about his record, and told her boss that she wasn’t comfortable working with a felon. It had been enough for the guy to apologetically tell Fernando he had to let him go. If that girl could so easily get rid of him, who else would hurt him when they knew about his past?
Because that was the thing. People thought they knew. They didn’t. He’d met a lot of guys in prison that he wouldn’t turn his back on for anything, because he knew what kind of men they were. But there were other guys, guys like him, who’d made some bad choices but were committed to living a good life now.
“You don’t know that’s how Ricky works,” Nicole insisted. “You should at least ask.”
Fernando shook his head. “No. And now let’s be done with this conversation. You need to respect my wishes and stay out of it.”
He inclined his head over to Snookie, who was beginning to show signs of impatience as she pawed at the ground. “She doesn’t like having to wait on us, and even though I don’t want to continue this conversation, us standing around talking, ignoring her, is good for her. Just another way of showing her that we are the boss. Not her.”
Nicole looked thoughtful for a moment. “So what are we supposed to do? Just keep making her wait?”
He nodded. “I want to see how far we can push her.”
Nicole made an irritated noise. “I just don’t know why you won’t—” Then she stopped. “All right. But what else can we talk about? You don’t want to talk about your future, and we’ve probably already talked too much about the past. So what else is there?”
“How about those Rockies?”
She gave him a funny look. “You follow baseball?”
“Nope. But isn’t that what people talk about when they don’t want to talk about other things? The sports team?”
Nicole rewarded him with a smile, and he thought again about how much he liked her. Even though it had been annoying, all her questions about his training, he knew it came from a place of compassion and caring. There was so much to like about Nicole, he just couldn’t give her the answers she wanted.
“Do you think we’re crazy for wanting to have our own ranch?” she asked. “People in town do, and I think Shane kind of does. I don’t really remember coming here when we were kids, at least not like my sisters do. But my whole life, I always thought I wanted to live in a place like this with a bunch of animals, so maybe there’s a part of that memory inside me subconsciously.”
Fernando shrugged. “I don’t think it’s crazy. I wouldn’t mind a place like this myself. But I don’t have any long-lost relative to give me one. I’ll work hard for my uncle, save up some money, and maybe someday I can get a place. It will be smaller, but it will be m
ine.”
She gave him a thoughtful look. “I guess that makes sense. At least you have a plan. I never had much of one, in terms of getting animals. Until we got this ranch, I was kind of adrift. I had my job, and I loved it, but I always felt like something was missing. Being here, I know what I was meant to do.”
He had that same feeling, except he knew it wouldn’t last. But maybe someday.
Snookie calmed down again, giving him the break he wanted. “Notice Snookie’s behavior. She’s doing what we want.”
Nicole reached over and patted Snookie. “Good girl,” she said. “You’re a very good girl.”
He liked how Nicole automatically found moments to praise her horse. He could see why she was probably a very good teacher. She was patient and kind and quick to dole out praise and comfort. No wonder her students said that she was their best friend. She’d be a great mom, and he hoped someday she’d have a family of her own.
Though he had to admit the thought of it pained him more than he liked, knowing he wouldn’t be part of it. Best to focus on easier things.
“Let’s bring her in for the night,” he said.
He let Nicole take the lead, and he liked the confidence in the way she handled her horse. He’d seen a lot of growth in both Snookie and Nicole over the past week, and he knew that no matter when he left, Nicole would be able to carry on his training and Snookie would be a great horse.
But he had to admit that sometimes when he allowed himself a few minutes of fancy, he did wonder, what if? What if he could find a way to stay? But that was crazy, and he was better off not thinking about it.
Chapter Nine
Nicole grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in the café, going over lesson plans while she waited for Janie to meet her.
Janie bustled in, looking as frazzled as ever. From what Nicole understood, Janie was not only working full-time while raising her son, but because her mother had cancer and was too ill to be out and about, Janie also helped with a lot of the things her mother did for her father’s ministry.
“Sorry I’m late,” Janie said. “We forgot Sam’s shoes for soccer practice, so we had to run back home. I have to leave in a bit to pick him up, but I thought we could at least have a little time before I have to go.”
Once Della, the owner, had taken their orders, Nicole smiled at Janie. “I’m so glad you invited me to coffee. I’ve been wanting to get to know people in our group better, but I’m not sure where to start.”
Janie smiled. “I’m sure you’ll find everyone is nice. I’ve known most of them my whole life, and I’m grateful for their friendship.”
Maybe someday Nicole could say the same thing. But right now, it felt awkward sitting in the coffee shop with Janie.
“I’m just going to cut right to the chase,” Janie said. “You might remember that my mother has cancer. Though everyone is praying for her healing, the doctor sat down with me and Dad last week and told us there’s nothing more he can do. We discussed it as a family, and we’ve decided that rather than continuing with treatment that’s only making Mom miserable, we’re stopping treatment and letting her die in peace and dignity. We just want to make her last days as good as they can be.”
Nicole reached out and took the other woman’s hands. “I am so sorry. This must be difficult for you, considering all the times you’ve asked us to pray for your family. Is there anything I can do?”
Janie smiled at Nicole as she nodded. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. How do I explain to my son that his grandma is going to die? How do I make that okay? How do I help him grieve?”
Della brought their coffees and bear claws, so Nicole took the time to fix her coffee the way she liked it to give thought to Janie’s questions.
“That’s a hard one,” Nicole said. “But why are you asking me? I teach preschool. Sam is Dylan’s age.”
Janie looked up from the bear claw she was picking at. “I know, but you’re good with kids of all ages. Monica Rivers told me that you were really helpful when she needed to explain her divorce to her children. I just thought maybe you would have some wisdom for me. Plus, you had some great insight in our Bible study yesterday.”
The discouragement in Janie’s voice made her heart hurt.
“That was really nice of Monica to say. I just did my best and listened. I think a lot of times, the reason these life events are so hard on kids is because it’s unknown. We do so much trying to make it good for the kids that we forget to just be honest. That’s what your son needs more than anything.”
As they continued to talk, and Janie shared her burdens, she could see the relief on the other woman’s face. Nicole couldn’t help thinking that even though her situation had been different, she was a lot like Janie.
Her advice about being honest was mostly just what Nicole wished others would do for her.
Janie’s phone beeped, and Janie looked down at it. “That means I need to go get Sam. I’m sorry this was all about me this time, but I hope we can do this again. I’d like to get to know you better as well.”
“That would be great,” Nicole said. “I’ve been realizing recently that we need to do more to share our burdens with others because we’re only as alone in our struggles as we allow ourselves to be.”
A hard truth, especially because the idea of trusting anyone was still so difficult.
Janie gave her a smile. “I’d like to agree, but it’s tough for me, being the pastor’s daughter. Even though we’re very up-front in admitting that we’re not perfect, it seems like people don’t want to hear that we’re human, too.”
Nicole smiled at her. “Well, you can be human with me whenever you want. I need to do a better job of being human with others, too. This was a good start for both of us.”
Maybe Nicole wasn’t the only one with trust issues. And if Janie could trust Nicole, then maybe Nicole could find a way to start trusting as well.
Janie smiled. “It’s just really hard, always having to do the right thing all the time.”
Then she stopped and pulled a paper out of her purse. “I almost forgot again. Last week, when he was hurrying out of church, Fernando dropped this. I tried to catch him yesterday, but he’d left already. I meant to give it to you, but I forgot. Can you see that he gets it?”
As Janie held out the paper, Nicole felt a little sick. It was the supply list Fernando had said he’d forgotten—the one Nicole had thought he’d been lying about.
Fernando hadn’t lied, but Nicole, with her grudge against him, had assumed he had. Not that she’d actually accused him, because then he’d have presented her with his own version of the events. She probably wouldn’t have believed him, so it once again pointed to the idea that perhaps the real problem wasn’t with Fernando, but with Nicole, and her heart.
Nicole took the paper and stared down at it. She owed Fernando an apology, but she didn’t even know where to start.
As Nicole got up to leave, Erin entered the café, along with her boss, Ricky.
“Nicole,” Erin said, smiling. “What are you doing here?”
“I just had coffee with Janie. Thanks to some of my conversations with Fernando, I’ve realized that I haven’t been doing a very good job of trying to make friends here.”
A wide smile filled Ricky’s face. “You’ve got lots of friends. I’m your friend. In fact, if you’re ever looking for a boyfriend, you should consider me. I do miss having myself a girlfriend.”
The old man had to be at least eighty; those in town said he was close to a hundred. Ricky’s wife had passed long before the sisters had come to town, and though everyone told them that Ricky loved his wife deeply, he was also the town’s biggest flirt.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Nicole said. “If I ever decide to get a boyfriend, I’ll definitely call you first.”
Erin shook her head as she looked over Ricky. “Don’t hold your brea
th. I’ve seen the way Nicole looks at Fernando, and the way he looks at her, and I’m pretty sure we’re going to be hearing another set of wedding bells in the future.”
Ricky looked over at Erin. “Fernando? Is that the horse trainer you said you girls hired?”
Erin nodded. “He is. And you wouldn’t believe what a great job he’s doing.”
Ricky nodded thoughtfully. “You should tell him to give me a call. I had to let my trainer go because he kept showing up to work inebriated. My horses are too valuable to be handled by some drunk.”
Then he turned to Nicole. “This trainer of yours drink?”
“No,” Nicole said. “But I’m not sure he’s interested in another training job. He’s got a construction job with his uncle waiting, and he doesn’t want to let him down.”
It seemed right to tell Ricky the reason Fernando had given for not looking at training jobs. It also felt wrong not to give Fernando an opportunity at his dream.
Maybe this was how she could make it up to Fernando.
“To be honest,” Nicole continued, “I think Fernando is worried about accepting a horse training position because he said that kind of work is feast or famine and he wants steady work.”
Ricky nodded thoughtfully. “He has a point. A lot of guys go into business as a trainer, thinking it will be easy, only to realize there are a lot of things they hadn’t considered. But right now, I’ve got a string of seventy-five horses to accommodate our guests on the ranch, and I need someone full-time. If your friend comes to work for me, it will be steady work.”
The job seemed almost perfect. “Fernando was saying that a lot of guest ranches only have seasonal jobs for the people dealing with animals. Is that true of your ranch?”
Ricky made a disgusted noise. “I’ve got families coming in the summer, hunters during hunting season, people wanting sleigh rides in the winter when they’re bored with skiing and lots of folks in between. Even if things weren’t going as well, and we didn’t have guests year-round, the horses would get ornery if you only worked with them part of the year.”
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