Nicole moved closer to him. “Thank you for trusting me.”
The look on her face meant that she was going to try to hug him or offer him some comfort. But comfort wouldn’t erase the conviction on his record or make it any easier for him to be with her.
He stepped away and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Why do you think that means I wouldn’t want to be with you?” she asked.
Fernando tried not to groan. He probably should’ve had this conversation with her before he’d kissed her. Having admitted their feelings only muddied the waters and prevented her from seeing the truth.
“You won’t have a normal life with me,” he said. “You want to know why I can’t get a decent job? Why I’m forced to work with my uncle? It’s because no one wants to hire a felon. I had a job working with horses, and guess what? Even though my boss didn’t have a problem with it, my coworkers did. I’ve been on jobs where something went missing and the finger was always pointed at me, even though I hadn’t done it. All anyone saw was that I had a theft on my record, and I was presumed guilty. Add in the fact that a lady died? They were all sure I’d kill them in their beds.”
No one had ever charged him with other crimes, but he’d always been offered the opportunity to leave quietly and no charges would be filed. After being railroaded so easily before, he’d never been willing to take the risk of defending himself.
“I didn’t need to hear all the facts of your story to know you couldn’t have stolen anything,” Nicole said. “You’re not the sort of person who would take anything from anyone, let alone kill someone.”
He stared at her for a moment. “And what sort of person would? Because honestly, I don’t know anymore how you would tell. Some of the worst men I knew in prison were the kind who seemed like the nicest guy on the planet. But some of the best men I knew looked like the hardest criminal.”
Nicole came over to him and put her arm around him. “It’s not about what you look like, but the kind of man you are. You put up with my hatred, and you are so patient with Snookie. It’s not in your character.”
Her faith in him made his heart hurt worse than it had at any other point in his ordeal.
“That’s kind of you to say, but not even my own mother believed that of me.”
“But I’m not your mother,” Nicole said, looking up at him with an expression that made him think she was going to try to kiss him. If he bent down, even the slightest, they’d kiss again.
And as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t ruin her life.
“I’m not the man you need me to be,” he said, turning away. “You’ve already wasted your heart on a man who didn’t deserve it. Don’t make the same mistake again.”
She made a choked noise, like his words had wounded her. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but she’d given him no other choice. Fernando might not have been the same kind of pig Brandon had been. But that was the point. He wasn’t selfish enough to take the heart of someone who deserved far better.
Fortunately, she didn’t continue arguing with him. She walked away, and it wasn’t until he heard the door close behind her that he let himself relax.
He just prayed that if Nicole ever did fall in love with someone, that man would be worthy of her love. And he also prayed that someday, he could pray that prayer without it absolutely gutting him.
Chapter Ten
Fernando didn’t show. Nicole looked out the kitchen window at the barn. She’d knocked on his apartment door a while ago, and not only had he not answered, but the door had been locked. He hadn’t literally put out a sign that said, “go away,” but he might as well have.
Fine. Message received.
Fernando wasn’t interested in taking a chance on his own future, and even though it hurt Nicole to realize that he wasn’t willing to do it for her, she’d accept his decision. Though she hadn’t forced Brandon into their engagement, the more she thought about the weeks and months leading to him leaving her at the altar, the more she realized just how much he’d checked out. At the time, she’d chalked it up to him being busy at work and nerves, but now she knew better.
It had taken until now, and working with Fernando on Snookie, to make her realize that forcing her agenda didn’t work out so well for her. She was done pushing, and if Fernando wanted to waste his talent on a job he didn’t love for a guy who wouldn’t appreciate him, that was his choice. And it was his choice to not even give their relationship a chance. If he couldn’t value her enough to fight for her, then fine. She deserved better.
Even if it made her feel sick to her stomach to think about it.
Shane came up behind her. “Have you talked to Fernando? I can’t find him anywhere. Did you tell him about dinner with Ricky?”
Nicole sighed as she turned to face him. “He’s not interested.”
“That’s crazy,” Leah said, joining them. “Why not?”
Because Fernando was an idiot, but that didn’t exactly sound like the best answer to give. Especially since she wanted to protect his privacy.
Not that her family would care about his record, because once they heard his story, they’d be as sympathetic as she was. But he seemed so ashamed of it, it felt wrong for her to be the one to tell them if he was choosing to keep it a secret.
“You’ll have to ask him,” Nicole said, brushing past them and into the living room, where Ricky was regaling the boys with tales of being a cowboy and riding the range.
“I need to go check on Snookie,” she said, knowing it was rude to leave now but needing some space to have a quick cry.
Even though Fernando had told her he wouldn’t come, part of her had hoped that he’d have a change of heart. She’d prayed that God would help him realize the truth about his past and that people would see his heart for what it was.
But that was the trouble with praying for things. Sometimes you got what you wanted, and other times you just ended up with a broken heart. And though it was easy to want to say that was the whole reason she didn’t like praying anyway, she thought about what Fernando had said about prayer—that the point was having faith and believing that God was good and had their best interests in mind.
Fine, then.
She’d believe God knew what He was doing, even if it meant that once again, the little hope Nicole had of happiness was gone. She wasn’t going to push for her own agenda anymore.
At least she had Snookie.
Nicole went into the barn and over to Snookie’s stall, where the horse was happily munching on some hay.
“Hey, girl,” Nicole said, reaching in to pet the horse. “See? This is why I said you were my only love. You’re the only one who’s not going to leave me and break my heart. Why bother trusting and opening up when you’re still going to end up alone in the end?”
Snookie whinnied, and Nicole let herself into the stall. Snookie turned and nudged her like she understood Nicole needed her comfort.
“Thanks, girl. Even though Fernando doesn’t want me, you do, don’t you?”
The horse laid her head on Nicole’s shoulder, the way she’d done when they’d joined up, and Nicole put her arms around Snookie’s neck.
“I love you, Snookie.”
The tears that fell weren’t unexpected. After all, that’s why Nicole had come in here in the first place. But rather than feeling relief, Nicole only felt worse.
It was so unfair.
Not just Fernando’s unwillingness to give their relationship a chance, or that he’d refused to even talk to Ricky to see what Ricky thought of his record. But even the injustice of Fernando’s conviction and how he’d been punished for doing what had come naturally to him—helping a friend.
How could someone with such a good heart spend his life suffering for his actions? Wasn’t going to prison supposed to be penalty enough? He’d paid his debt to society and yet he was still being punished.
&nb
sp; As she held the horse, sobbing, Nicole felt a weird prick at her shoulder. She lifted her head and realized what had just happened.
Snookie had bitten her.
“Snookie!” Nicole jumped away, and Snookie reared.
In seconds, the horse had gone from being calm to being more agitated than Nicole had seen her in a while.
But why?
This wasn’t like her horse at all. At least not since Fernando had begun training her.
Snookie reared again, and Nicole quickly exited the stall. As she worked the latch shut, a searing pain shot through her shoulder. She grabbed her shoulder with her other hand, and it was damp. When she pulled her hand away and looked at it, it was covered in blood. Snookie must’ve bitten her harder than she thought.
Despite the pain in her shoulder, the greater pain was in the pit of her stomach. When Shane found out, he was going to be upset. No, not upset. Livid.
Nicole went to the small bathroom in the back of the barn to survey the damage. Maybe it was one of those flesh wounds that bled a lot but wasn’t really bad.
But when she twisted in front of the mirror, she saw that the damage was worse than she’d thought. Who knew a horse bite could be so bad?
Fortunately, they kept some bandages in the cabinet, as well as some antibiotic ointment.
She should go into the house and get one of her sisters to help her clean the wound, but as she imagined the expressions on their faces, she couldn’t get her feet to move.
Shane’s threat rang in her head. If Snookie bit one more person, he’d make Nicole get rid of her. And a bite this bad? There’d be no pleading her way out of it, especially since Leah always deferred to him when it came to the animals.
Nicole did her best to put pressure on the wound, weighing her options. If she could clean things up herself, Shane would never know. She’d figure out why Snookie bit her and buy some more time to help her horse. Surely there was something in the books about what had happened. How to fix it.
She finished cleaning the wound, a difficult task since she couldn’t quite reach the back of her shoulder where she’d been bitten, but at least the bleeding had stopped. Once she bandaged it, she felt a little better. Yes, it hurt, but she’d be okay.
Once Nicole got herself fixed up, she cleaned up her mess so there was no sign of the incident. Her shirt, however, was another story.
But if she remembered correctly, they had a few old work shirts in the tack room. She could change into one and hopefully no one would notice.
Nicole quickly changed and hid the bloody shirt behind some tools. She’d come back for it later. They were probably missing her in the house.
When she reentered the house, her sisters and Shane were laughing at one of Ricky’s stories. She could hear the boys playing in the other room. No one appeared to have missed her. At least that was something going right with the evening. Especially since her shoulder was starting to throb.
“How’s Snookie?” Erin asked as soon as Ricky was done with his story.
Nicole forced a smile on her face. “Fine. I always have such a hard time leaving her.”
“I’d have liked to have seen that trainer of yours work with her,” Ricky said. “When do you expect him back? I haven’t had any decent applicants to my job posting, so maybe I can convince him to come on board.”
How Ricky would convince him, she wasn’t sure. But he could try. Maybe Ricky could say something that would make a difference.
“I don’t know,” Nicole said. “He seems pretty set on going to work for his uncle.”
Leah made a disgusted noise. “Why would he want to work in construction when he could be training horses full-time? It doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen him working on projects around here, but he doesn’t seem as happy doing it as he is when he’s working with Snookie.”
Funny that even her sister noticed it.
“He’s a good worker,” Shane said. “But you’re right. He’s an even better horse trainer. I don’t get it, either. I’ll have a word with him. Maybe he didn’t understand the situation. He’d be a fool to not at least talk to Ricky and see what it’s about.”
As her family discussed the merits of Fernando working with Ricky, Nicole’s heart ached at the idea of Fernando missing out. Would hearing their praise make a difference in his decision? Did he understand what everyone thought of him? But would that even matter? Or was the label he’d been given too deeply ingrained in him for him to overcome?
Nicole took a deep breath. “What are the qualifications for the job? What do you look for in a candidate? What would make you not hire someone?”
As Ricky listed what he wanted in a trainer, he never mentioned anything about a person’s criminal record. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask, but she didn’t want to be too specific, in case it gave away Fernando’s secret.
But maybe it was better that she stay out of it. She didn’t know what to think of anything anymore. She’d thought they were making progress with Snookie, and out of the blue, Snookie had bitten her. At least the boys knew to stay away from the horse. She just had to figure out what had made Snookie bite this time, and how to prevent it in the future.
Honestly, though, she was stumped.
But could she even confide in Fernando?
He was already upset with her for trying to set up a meeting with Ricky. And even though he’d said he’d do whatever it took to help Nicole with Snookie, what would he say when he found out what had happened in the barn?
Maybe Nicole wasn’t meant to have anyone—or anything—to love. It seemed like every time she thought she was close, something happened to destroy it. Brandon could have had a great life with her, but he chose to throw it away by running off with Adriana. Fernando could have had a great job as a horse trainer, where he could have explored his feelings for Nicole, but he’d chosen to let the fear of his past keep him away. And then there was Snookie... Maybe Nicole had been foolish to think that she could fix her broken horse.
So what dreams were left for Nicole?
* * *
Fernando stared at his phone after his conversation with his uncle. While Uncle Sergio had initially told him the job wasn’t starting right away, he was now demanding that Fernando either be at work on Monday or find himself another job.
Given that it was Friday morning, that meant he only had three more days to help Snookie. There was no way Snookie would be fully ready in three days, even if he worked nonstop.
Granted, Salida was only a couple of hours away, so maybe Fernando could still come over on weekends to help, but it wouldn’t give the horse the same consistency she needed.
But what other option did he have?
He glanced out the window and watched Nicole’s car pull out of the driveway to take her to work. Nicole would tell him to talk to this Ricky person and see about that job.
Did she realize how unfair it was to see his dream dangled before him, knowing how easily it could be taken away?
Sighing, Fernando cleaned up his breakfast dishes. He’d go down to the barn and reassess Snookie. Come up with a set of exercises for Nicole to give Snookie during the week, and every weekend, he’d drive back to check their progress and see what needed to be tweaked. Hopefully, it would be enough. It had to be enough.
When he went downstairs, the barn was quiet. Peaceful. Exactly the way he liked it. Except Snookie seemed more agitated than usual. She’d been acting up all week, and he couldn’t figure out why.
“What’s up, girl?”
Snookie pawed at the ground.
He grabbed her hay and tossed it into her stall, hoping the food would calm her down. And though Snookie immediately began eating, her posture was still more tense than usual.
While Snookie ate, Fernando went into the tack room to gather the things he needed for training today. Maybe she hadn’t been worked har
d enough lately. He’d cut their time short on Monday in case Ricky showed up early. If Ricky had arrived while he was working with Snookie, he’d have ended up being forced to go to dinner and talk to the man about a job he desperately wanted but knew he couldn’t accept.
Things had been off all week since, and Nicole had been even more distant as well. Maybe it was because she was finally accepting that they couldn’t be together and realizing that the reality of what their life together would be like wasn’t as great as it seemed.
Inside the tack room, Fernando noticed a stack of buckets had been moved.
When he went to pick them up, he saw a wadded-up ball of something in the corner. Odd. He kept the tack room immaculate, not only to make it easier to find things, but also to prevent critters from being attracted to the space. Hopefully the boys hadn’t come in here to play.
He grabbed the item, and as soon as he had it in the light, he felt sick. It was a shirt. A bloody shirt. And, as he took a look at it, he knew exactly whose shirt it was. Nicole’s.
How had her shirt gotten covered in blood, and what was it doing in the barn?
But as he examined it, and the tear in the shoulder, he had a pretty good guess. Snookie liked to nudge Nicole in the shoulder, so if the horse was in a particularly frisky mood, she could have bitten Nicole by accident. Only, since horses tended to clamp down hard on things, especially when playing, it would have been a bad bite. And it was, judging by the amount of blood on the shirt.
A shadow blocked the light from the doorway.
“Fernando?”
Shane.
If Snookie had bitten Nicole, and Shane found out, it would be the end of Snookie’s time here. But Fernando didn’t have all the facts. And it wouldn’t be fair to discuss the situation with Shane without having talked to Nicole first.
Fernando wadded up the shirt as tightly as he could in his hand before turning to face Shane.
“What’s up?”
“Why did you skip out on dinner the other night? Didn’t Nicole tell you that the dinner was just as much for your benefit as anything else?”
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