Smoothen Silky

by Derek Slaton

  “This is Kerr,” he greeted without looking at the caller ID, and stood tall, flexing his biceps in Rose’s direction. She wondered if he was going to start beating his chest.

  “Twenty dollas!” It was Silky, and he yelled so loud that Kerr had to pull the phone away from his ear. Rose leaned and whispered something in Trixie’s ear and they shared a giggle.

  “Huh?” Kerr scowled. “For what?”

  “You takin’ an extended look at those fine-ass titties,” Silky drawled.

  “How the fuck did you see that?” Kerr slapped a hand to his forehead, eyes darting around. “I thought you were back at the office?”

  “Silky’s a hi-tech pimp,” he explained. “We’s on a mission, remember? We’s gotta know what’s goin’ on at this party, ya dig?”

  “But how did you-”

  “See you titty gazing?” There was a laugh through the phone. “Silky has his hos wired for video. Best way to get a good look at a honky’s face is to put a camera at melon level. Cuz when they look that good you know a brotha’s gonna check that shit out.”

  Kerr glanced at the tiny brooch on Trixie’s shirt that he hadn’t noticed before, and then leaned over the cleft between Rose’s tits. “You got a camera in there, too?” He asked, and she growled.

  Before he could react, she smacked him four times in the back of the head, and he sidestepped out of her reach.

  “I am not one of Silky’s hos, thank you very much,” she snapped. “I work for the Agency.”

  “Fair enough,” Kerr put his hands up in surrender, and then remembered the phone call, returning the receiver to his face. He kept a close eye on Rose, just in case she felt like smacking the shit out of him again.

  “Alright, time to get yo game faces on,” Silky advised. “You’s almost at the party.”

  “Yo, Silky?” Kerr asked innocently.

  “What up, cracka?”

  “You still charging me that twenty bucks?”

  “Goddamn right, Silky’s got muthafuckin’ bills to pay.”

  Kerr turned and buried his face in Trixie’s ample breasts, and her squeak of shock quickly turned to titters of amusement. He let out a happy moan at the soft pillows against his nose and cheeks, and then straightened up, regarding her with a warm smile.

  “Hell yeah, milady.” He inclined his head in thanks. “Just wanted to make sure I got my money’s worth.”

  “Remind Silky to whoop your ass later,” the pimp said sharply through the cell.

  “I’ll add it to the list,” Kerr replied with a jovial tone, happy to be keeping it light. Regardless of hot chicks beating him up with a pink polo shirt, he was getting paid to motorboat titties. Agency life was good.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Inside the palatial frat house, Rose squeezed Kerr’s shoulder gently as a little show of support for his first mission. He shot her a quick smile of appreciation, and turned to offer one to Trixie.

  There were sudden hands all over his arms, and his first reaction was to kung fu the shit out of whoever was grabbing him. But he stopped himself just in time, remembering that he was an undercover frat idiot.

  “Whoooooo!” One of the frat boys grasping him cheered. “Newcomer!” The other three shoved him towards the kitchen island that was covered in various bottles of beer and liquor.

  “Funnel!” A second guy pumped his fist into the air, and Kerr raised an eyebrow as people poured into the kitchen from other rooms, chanting.

  “Funnel! Funnel! Funnel!”

  Trixie put a hand to her mouth and giggled, and Rose leaned in close to her ear.

  “Just work the room,” she said over the hooting and hollering from the kitchen. “I’m going to find out what’s going on after the party. I need you to try and get as many faces on camera as you can, then Silky can run them through the demon database.”

  Trixie nodded, but then wrinkled her nose in thought. “What’s a database?” She cocked her head in thought.

  “Don’t worry about it, hon.” Rose gave her shoulder a little pat. “Just go do what you do best and we’ll handle the rest.” She smiled warmly, and Trixie nodded. She flounced off into the kitchen, blonde curls bouncing behind her.

  The redhead turned to the living room, moving casually away from the kitchen, admiring a few of the abstract paintings along the way. It had a large sunken sitting area, with built in sofas covered in pillows and cushions. There were a few couples getting hot and heavy on various surfaces, but Rose quickly spied a nervous looking guy sitting by himself.

  His posture was stiff, and he seemed like he was trying too hard to look relaxed and casual. Rose strolled up to him, put a hand delicately on her hip, and leaned a bit at the waist, motioning to the cushion beside him.

  “Is this seat taken?” She asked, voice sultry sweet. He blinked at her through his thick rimmed glasses, and then turned his head left and right, as if checking to see whether she was actually speaking to him. “Um. No, ma’am,” he had a slight southern twang that she couldn’t help but find endearing.

  She clasped her hands in front of her, waiting expectantly.

  “Oh, sorry,” he stammered, shuffling a little to the left. “Would you like to sit down?”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” she replied with a smile, and slid onto the cushion next to him. She turned to face him, crossing her long legs campfire style and leaning forward a bit to give him a cozy view over her cleavage.

  “So.” A flush crept up his cheeks as his gaze flickered down and then back up again. “Are you having fun?” He looked like he wasn’t sure how to sit, with her in such a friendly relaxed pose.

  “It’s all right I suppose,” she shrugged, and offered him a small smile as he drummed his fingers on his knees, struggling to find something to say.

  “It looks like your boyfriend is having a good time,” he blurted, motioning towards the kitchen where the guys were flipping Kerr over for a keg stand.

  “Boyfriend? Him?” She barked a laugh. “Oh, no, no.” She glanced back over at the green rookie, dressed in pink desperately chugging beer upside down at a frat party. He was unknowingly doing his job well, at least. He kept the house boys occupied so that she and Trixie could work the room.

  “Well, he’s missing out,” her companion said shakily. “He’d be lucky to have you.” The compliment, however sweet and probably genuine for such a nerdy guy, didn’t really faze her. Rose wasn’t the romantic type, and had a twisted feeling that his kind words were just a way to get her to take her pants off. She always had that twisted feeling, having been burned so many times in her life.

  “Aw, thank you, sweetie,” she said with a warm smile, and leaned a bit closer to him. She reached out and put a hand on his arm, and he looked down at it, gulping hard. “So, tell me…”

  “Roy,” he blurted. “I’m Roy.”

  “Roy.” Rose let the name fall from her lips as if she’d been rolling it around in her mouth first. He gulped again. “So tell me, Roy, what is a nice guy like you doing hanging out at a party like this?” It was cliche, but she knew she didn’t have to pull out the big guns on this guy. He was already putty and all she’d done was say his name out loud.

  “I didn’t want to be left alone in my dorm…” He shrugged. “So the guys said if I bought the beer I could come along.”

  Rose opened her mouth to reply, but two frat boys strolled up looking like they were about to alpha-hole all over the place.

  “Hey, Reggie,” one of them said.

  “It’s Roy,” Rose piped up, and Polo Shirt #1 shot her a sleazy grin.

  “Whatever,” he drawled, and then turned back to Roy. “We need more beer. Go get some.” He reached out and ruffled the nerd’s hair.

  “Okay,” their target replied meekly, and Rose pursed her lips.

  “And you,” the sleazeball dragged his gaze up over Rose’s form, leaning down to get a better look at her. She resisted the urge to punch him in the throat. Causing a scene wouldn’t help her blend in any. �
��You should come hang in the kitchen,” he continued, and she rolled her eyes.

  “Not interested,” she waved him away. “Leave my friend and I alone.”

  “Friend, huh?” The second guy laughed, and smacked his buddy on the arm for emphasis. “Fuckin’ loser got friendzoned!” They high fived and turned to leave, cackling all the way.

  “Go get more beer!” The first one called back over his shoulder, and Roy stood up from the couch.

  “Sorry to cut our visit short, but I’d better do what they want,” he said apologetically, genuinely put out that he couldn’t sit next to this bombshell anymore. “They have all my school stuff, and said if I don’t keep them supplied with beer they’ll toss it all in the bonfire.”

  “And you’re going to take that from them?” Rose raised an eyebrow.

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “But… but it was really nice to meet you. The party’s moving to the beach later tonight if you want to come by.”

  “I think I might, Roy.” She smiled up at him, and his cheeks grew pink again.

  “I’ll see you tonight…” he trailed off, realizing that he didn’t know her name, and extended his hand to her.

  “Rose,” she introduced herself, shaking his hand, and his blush deepened at the contact. He was so pathetically adorable that she almost wanted to knock him out and put him out of his misery.

  “Rose,” he stammered. “Bye Rose, see you tonight.” He turned abruptly on his heel and scurried towards the door. Rose smoothed her jeans, straightened her tank top, and got to her feet. There wasn’t anyone in her immediate vicinity to chat with, so she figured she’d take a post within saving distance of Kerr and hopefully Trixie would be done working the room soon.

  She positioned herself casually against the wall close enough to jump in for Kerr, but far enough away that those sleazebag fucks from earlier wouldn’t think she wanted to hang out with them. She took a sip from her red Solo cup of water, and glanced at the front door as it swung open with a whoosh.

  It was almost as if all of the air went out of the room. An incredibly tall thin woman with long thick blonde hair swept inside, face perfectly painted to emphasize her doe eyes and high cheekbones.

  Rose fought to keep her composure at the sight. It was the Princess.

  Roy stepped aside to allow her to pass before he could leave, and offered a smile. His gaze lowered to the epic tits near spilling out of her corset top, and it was game over.

  His jaw dropped open, drool visibly running out of the corner of his mouth, and his eyes went wide as saucers. She ran a long hot pink fingernail up the curve of his throat, and grasped his chin in her hands.

  He reluctantly allowed her to raise his face back to hers, and she leaned in so that her lips were so close he could almost feel them against his. She whispered something, and he couldn’t understand what she was saying, but his body felt compelled to just

  go, go, go, go, the Princess has spoken…

  He walked out the door, lopsided grin on his face, massive tent in his pants, and she slammed the door behind him with a flourish.

  Rose cocked her head, observing the way the demon moved with catlike grace. She wore ridiculously tall stiletto sandals, and walked on them like a ballerina, gliding around the room like a specter. Rose couldn’t deny that the woman was beautiful, but knowing that there was a demon in the space where a soul should be made her beauty intensely creepy.

  Trixie was sandwiched between two guys in polo shirts, innocently motioning to her own well endowed, if not enchanted tits.

  “Yeah, my one girlfriend says that they’re too big,” she was saying, “but my other girlfriend thinks they’re not big enough. What do you guys think?” Both sets of eyes were glued to her bouncing tits as she pushed them up and down for effect. Rose vaguely wondered how that looked on Silky’s end through the camera.

  The Princess strolled on past them, and like the pied piper, the two guys fell into step behind her. They tried to peek around her shoulders as she walked, catching glimpses of her cleavage. Rose shook her head, and quickly strode over to Trixie once the demon was out of hearing range.

  “We’ve got to go, now,” the redhead took Trixie’s hand, noting that the woman looked mildly put out at the guys’ ability to walk away so easily.

  “Okay,” she turned her eyes on the kitchen. “What about Kerr?” She pointed to the lump on the kitchen island, and Rose sighed. He was passed right out, and somebody had dunked his hand in the sink. The giant wet spot on his slacks showed the results of that lovely little prank. At least in this state he wouldn’t be a target for the Princess.

  The demon beauty queen was quickly growing her horde of followers, and disappeared in a mass of bodies as she stepped down into the middle of the living room.

  Rose tugged Trixie towards the kitchen. “Let’s get him and go.”

  They grabbed Kerr’s legs and swung them down over the side of the island counter. He groaned and sputtered, and Rose barely sidestepped his stream of vomit. It hit the tile with a squelch and he heaved again, the smell of stale beer and stomach acid wafting up to the women’s noses.

  Trixie didn’t even bat an eye at the smell or display, slinging his arm over her shoulder. Rose opened her mouth to breathe, gingerly hopping over the river of beer puke to grab Kerr’s other arm.

  “Ugh,” she gagged slightly, but swallowed it down as they exited the kitchen, Kerr giving a half moan and half cry as he drunkenly flopped between them.

  “Ah, this is nothing,” Trixie said offhandedly. “You should see some of the nasty shit that comes out of dudes.”

  “I don’t know if you mean that literally, and I don’t really want to know,” Rose replied, wrinkling her nose.

  “Y’know, y’know somethin’?” Kerr slurred as they stumbled down the front walk, head lolling onto Trixie’s shoulder. “I love you’s guys…” He slipped down her collarbone, landing face first into her cleavage. “Special, ‘specially you,” he mumbled into her flesh, “with, with the boobs.”

  “Oh, who’s a cute drunk little bear?” Trixie cooed, petting his head like a kitten.

  “Yeah, thazz nice,” he praised her.

  “We really need to get him back,” Rose watched with disdain, and the blonde agreed.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “What in the hell’s goin’ on up in here?” Silky bellowed as the women dropped Kerr into a heap in the foyer.

  “We had to get out of there pretty quick once the Princess showed up,” Rose explained, as the recruit on the floor started to roll back and forth like a turtle stuck on its shell.

  “You, you’s gotta fun-nay jacket.” He broke into a fit of high pitched giggles as he pointed at Silky.

  “That skinny bitch showed up?” The pimp cocked his head at Kerr, watching him finally manage to roll over and start attempting to crawl around on the hardwood.

  “Yeah, and she got every guy there,” Rose replied, stepping to the side to avoid Kerr’s elbow as he slithered to the living room carpet. “Except him.”

  “Why didn’t she get him?” Silky demanded. “Cracka like smokin’ dick or somethin’?”

  “He might,” the redhead shrugged as Trixie slipped past her to take a spot on the couch with her sisters. “Or it could be because he was passed out drunk.”

  Kerr turned on elbows and knees like a stoned hermit crab, and buried his face in the bottom of Silky’s jacket.

  “Goddamn, cracka!” His superior cried, and kicked him square in the chest. He flopped backwards into the living room, and rolled his head to look up at the three women on the couch.

  “Eyyyyy,” he chortled, “iz the Three Cocksketeers!”

  “Why you’s gettin’ drunk on your first field mission?” Silky shook his head in disappointment. “Somebody wanna get ole Silky a cup of coffee? We’s gotta get this honky sobered up.”

  “He didn’t have a choice,” Rose protested as Dixie scurried off to the kitchen to grab some coffee. “He distracted the frat boys so we co
uld operate.”

  “Oh, now you’s defending his ass?” Silky cocked a perfectly sculpted brow.

  Rose pursed her lips. “Well.”

  “Tell ole Silky somethin’,” he said conversationally, though there was a hint of sarcasm in his tone. “While wonder bread was gettin’ lit the fuck up, what exactly did you find out, huh?”

  Dixie returned from the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee, likely bitter as an old nurse from sitting on the hot plate all day.

  “Thanks, honeybunch,” Silky said sweetly, accepting the mug. The dark haired ho beamed at the endearment and practically skipped back past Kerr, who made a mad grab for her leg as she moved.