by K. R. Reese
It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. It’s not like I can judge.
But I flick my eyes to where Maci had been standing anyway. She’s not there now, and it takes everything for me not to frantically search for her in the packed house. Who knows what her plans are, or what she’s up to right now?
I refocus on Mitch. He’s my best friend, Maci’s twin brother. They’re the most important people in my life. They’re the only family I’ve got since I haven’t spoken to my mother in months.
My dick is going to have to get in line. It’s not going anywhere near Maci.
***
The house isn’t loud now. Everyone still here is either going to pass out soon or leave. I got Mitchell to his room without anyone noticing, forcing him to drink a ton of water and eat a sandwich.
I can’t judge him for what he chooses to do. I used to do it too. Most of the time, I still do. Maci doesn’t know that, and I don’t think Mitch would out me. He says he has it under control. But he’s starting to slip. He’s starting to lose control.
I’m standing in the kitchen, staring out over the yard through the window. I should head upstairs and go to bed. But Maci’s still wide awake. Still chatting with some of her friends. I won’t leave her downstairs as drunk as she is. Even if it isn’t right that I’m making choices for her without her knowledge.
Problem is, I’m not in the mood to be an adult right now. I’m tired of playing the adult. I’m tired of being the responsible one.
I clench my fists, close my eyes.
None of it distracts me from the things I want. The things I shouldn’t want. The things I can’t have.
I need to get Maci out of my head.
Chapter 21
Maci
“Hey! Watch where the fuck you’re going!” The asshole that bumps into me doesn’t bother turning around as I’m yelling at him. There’s now vodka and cranberry juice splashed all over my shirt and shorts, down my bare legs.
“Great. Just what I needed.” I switch the cup to my right hand and make my way toward the kitchen. It’s just as crowded as the hallway, empty cups and bottles strewn over the countertops. It’s going to be a hell of a mess to clean tomorrow.
Levi’s at the sink, staring out the window. His back is to me, but his black t-shirt stretches tight across his shoulders, his jeans hang low on his hips. He has such a great body. Months ago, I wouldn’t have had these thoughts. But I’m more confident now than I’ve ever been.
I make my way through the throng of people to where he’s standing and tap him on the shoulder. As he turns, someone bumps me from behind and I fall forward into Levi’s chest. The remainder of my cup spills over us both.
Levi grabs my upper arms, steadying me, before pushing me away and checking me over for damage.
“Sorry, these people have no manners,” I mumble and back away. A while back, it wouldn’t have been awkward being this close to Levi. But we haven’t been near each other much lately.
His gaze lingers, trying to maintain eye contact and not drift to what I’m sure is my now see-through shirt.
He clears his throat. “It’s fine, Mace.” There’s laughter in his voice.
“Move over and share the sink.” He’s still snorting, barely suppressing the laughter that’s threatening to bubble to the surface. Levi leans against the counter, giving me room to try and wash the liquid off my arms and hands. His laughter is beginning to progress. I shoot him a glare.
“Mace, I don’t think you can do much to help your shirt. It needs stain remover and a good wash.” His voice is low as he leans over to talk to me.
“Ok, asshole, I know that.” I clench my teeth. When I turn to look at him, he’s only inches away, smirk firmly in place. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“Absolutely.” He doesn’t bother to hide his grin. I huff in annoyance, a smile playing at the corners of my own lips. It’s impossible to stay irritated at Levi, even with our recent distance. His grin. His looks. His charm. They all pull you in until you’re a puddle at his feet.
Nothing can happen. He’s my best friend, my brother’s best friend. I’m leaving in two days.
Deep down, I know that. It doesn’t mean I can’t want the impossible, though.
“I think I’m going to head to bed. Can you kick everyone out? Mitchell already called it a night, and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.”
I watch Levi as he nods and looks around the room. He’ll make sure everyone gets home safely without driving. They can get their cars tomorrow.
“Night, Maci,” he whispers before walking toward the front of the house.
“Goodnight,” I whisper, but he doesn’t hear me.
***
I wake in a cold sweat. My legs are twisted in the blankets. My shirt is sticking to me.
What the hell?
I thought I was done with these nightmares. I haven’t had one in weeks. But every time I think it’s getting better, they reappear to wipe that fantasy away.
The house is quiet. Dark. There are no more partygoers, no more loud music. Levi must have shut it down after I came to bed.
My shirt had been ruined. The cranberry juice was never going to come out of it. Mitch had told me it was too low anyway, and after avoiding me for weeks, I hadn’t wanted to argue with him. He’s still the protective brother, always looking out for me. He thinks he knows what’s in my best interest.
I wish he would take his own advice.
Last night his eyes were glossed over, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. Mitch thinks I don’t know about the continued drug use. He had already been pretty bad when I was in the hospital all those months ago. But lately it’s been more. He tries to hide it, tries to act normal.
I’m not stupid. I just can’t say anything to him without it ending in a fight, and I don’t want that before I leave.
Now, he promises it’s nothing.
And I pretend to believe the lie.
I could talk to Levi about it. I probably should before I’m gone. He’s been hanging around with Mitch a lot more lately. It makes me wonder if he can pull him out of the rabbit hole before he falls completely.
There’s the problem, though, that I can barely talk to Levi without my gaze wandering down his abs and most of my words getting caught in my throat. I’ve never reacted to another guy like I do when he’s in the same room I am.
I saw him staring last night. Caught him watching my interactions with everyone. I still haven’t figured out if his stares are brotherly concern, or something more. Because my thoughts of Levi are so far from brotherly it should be a crime.
But his gaze didn’t last once Mitch caught his attention. His eyes had drawn down, his brows had scrunched together. He did have concern for my brother. I could only hope it was enough once I was gone.
A throat clearing behind me pulls me from my thoughts, and I turn to find Levi standing in the doorway of my room.
“I thought I heard you awake in here. It’s late…or early. Everything ok?”
I stand and close the bedroom door as he slouches in my desk chair.
“I was thinking about what I’m going to do without you guys so close. What will happen to Mitch.”
Levi takes my hands and pulls me toward him. “You don’t have to go.”
“But I need to go. Maybe I’ll come back for next semester, if you’ll still let me live here.”
He smiles up at me, his eyes shining. “You’ll always have a home here, no matter where you go.”
My body responds to his words and I bite my bottom lip in anticipation. This could be a disaster, he could turn me down, but I can’t leave without at least trying first.
“There’s one more thing,” I whisper.
Chapter 22
Levi
“What’s on your mind?” I ask. She doesn’t respond, but rather moves to stand in front of me. The small shirt she wore to bed gives me an unobstructed, tempting view of the curves of her breasts.
I do my best to maint
ain eye contact, but she slides onto my lap and straddles my hips.
“Maci,” I start, and move to stand and remove her from my lap because my body is responding to hers. A lump of desperation hardens in my chest as I stare at her.
Maci wraps her arms around my neck to stop me from moving, fingers trailing slowly down the side of my neck and along my chest, down to the waistband of the sweats I’m wearing.
“Maci,” I say, placing my hand on hers. I bite my lip and try to find the strength to stop her.
“This is what I want, Levi. Is that ok?” she asks.
I meet her eyes again. I’ve wanted this for so long, and I didn’t want to think about the fact that she was leaving in a day’s time. I didn’t want to think about Mitch asleep right down the hall, or what the consequences would be if he caught us.
I lean closer until our mouths are a breath apart. “You don’t know how damn long I’ve wanted you, Maci. But once I have you, I don’t know if I’ll be able to let you walk away. I don’t want to let you fucking leave.”
With desperation, my lips crash onto hers. The intensity at which we consume each other scares me. Because I know I have to let her go.
I push those thoughts away, accepting that I’ll deal with them on my own. I lift her and move to the bed, her legs still around my hips. I pull at the bottom of her shirt until it’s thrown somewhere on the floor and mine follows. Damn it, it feels amazing to hold her, to have her this close and in my arms. I stroke back and forth with my fingers, alternating between her breasts. When she grinds down on my lap, a groan vibrates against my throat.
I quickly break our kiss and ghost my lips along her neck and a whimper escapes her lips.
“Oh, god,” Maci moans. “Levi, I’ve waited too long for this.”
“Fuck…Maci,” I groan with her.
Chapter 23
Maci
Levi leans back to take one of my puckered nipples into his mouth, sucking one at a time, and teasing them with his tongue. I arch my back and hold tight to his shoulders, rocking my hips against him.
Next thing I know, I’m on my back on my bed, Levi hovering over me. He flicks a nipple again, eyes never leaving mine. “What do you want, Maci?”
His hand travels down to the heat between my legs, the pang at my core intensifying with his touch. I buck against him, a moan tearing from my throat. “Please, Levi, I can’t wait any longer.”
His fingers trail below the waistband of my underwear, two fingers sinking into me. “Yes…” I moan louder, the pleasure threading through my body.
“Damn, Mace, you’re so wet. So warm.”
Levi’s fingers pull out and slide back in. I clutch at his arms to pull him closer, pull his fingers deeper. His lips capture mine as a buzz takes over my body, and another whimper escapes my mouth.
He pulls back slightly, producing a condom from his pocket and kicking his pants off the bed. He takes his time to remove my underwear from my body and puts the condom in place. Levi licks a path from my core all the way up my body until his eyes are back on mine.
“You’ll have to be quiet, Mace,” he whispers.
I nod, anxious to finally feel our bodies joined. After everything, sex has never been something I needed. But sex with Levi is different. He enters me, filling me with agonizing, slow strokes. I grab his hips, urging him to rock against me harder. If he keeps this slow, I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with him. Though I’m not convinced that I haven’t already.
“Look at me while you come, Mace,” he pleads, his gaze locked with mine.
His hips rock harder, his thrusts becoming deeper, stroking in the perfect rhythm. I quickly reach my climax seconds before him, our breaths mingled as he leans down to brush his lips against mine.
Levi rolls to the side and disposes of the condom before his arms wrap around my waist and pull me against his side. Between pressing kisses against my neck, he whispers, “I can’t believe I finally got the chance to be with you.” He pulls back and sighs.
I blink back the unexpected rush of tears, hating myself for what I’m going to say and taking advantage of his feelings for me.
“This is going to make it so much harder to get on that plane tomorrow.”
He’s silent a moment before he blurts out, “So don’t go. Stay here with me.”
“You know I can’t do that, but don’t worry, we’ll make today last.”
“I sure fucking hope so,” Levi replies with a sigh. He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles, entirely relaxed.
I pull my hand away and he rolls to his back. I quickly straddle him, a delighted expression on his face.
“What are you doing, Mace?”
I quirk my brow and grip him in my hand. “I think we need to try a different position.”
“I’ll take you any way I can get you.”
Chapter 24
Levi
By the time we settle back against each other, the sun is high in the sky. I’m content to just hold her, treasuring the little time we have left together.
“I hope you know what this meant to me,” I tell her quietly. She smiles against my chest, but remains silent.
I had always had a connection to Maci. From the moment I spotted her writing in the pavilion, I knew I couldn’t let her go. It was selfish to want any part of her, but I couldn’t regret what we had done either. Maci would always be the one I wanted, even if she wasn’t here.
My guilt, though, was eating me alive. I’ve hidden a large part of myself from her. I wanted to be her protector; someone she could look up to. If she knew I was an addict like Mitch, she would have left already. I never would have had a solid chance with her, not even her friendship.
“Will you stay in here with me tonight? It’s my last night here,” Maci asks.
The question lingers in the silence between us before I can respond. I pull away and gaze down at her.
“I can’t, Maci.” I push her hair out of her face and behind her ear. “If I don’t let you go now, I won’t be able to. And we both know that isn’t what you want, is it?” I stroke her cheek as I wait for her answer.
“I’m sorry, Levi.” She closes her eyes. “I need to find out who I am without everything that follows me in this town.”
I place a kiss on her forehead and stand to retrieve my clothes from the floor. “Don’t apologize for doing what’s best for you, Maci. Never apologize for that.”
***
I wake to a blinding headache, the sun piercing my eyes through the blinds in my room. As much as I would have loved to stay with Maci last night, I knew I couldn’t. And sitting alone in my room, thinking about today wasn’t helping my resolve.
Instead, Mitch and I caught another party at Axel’s. We hadn’t been there since all those months ago, when everything first went to shit, and we didn’t hold back last night. I think the thought of Maci leaving today weighed heavy on both our minds. And I know I wanted to forget for a little while.
There’s an insistent knock at my door before I’m fully functional, but I get up to answer it anyway. Mitch is standing there, arms crossed and a scowl on his face.
“Hey, man, I just got up. Did you need something?”
He nods but doesn’t say anything more. His silence is deafening, and I back up a step. It’s been a long time since he’s thrown a fist in my direction, but if his stance is anything to go by, that’s what he wants to do now.
Mitch surprises me instead by closing my door and sitting in the armchair.
“You need to convince Maci to stay.”
That’s what he’s all upset about? Maci leaving? He knew today was happening a month ago when she announced she had bought a one-way ticket to New York. And I’m still confused on why he thinks I would be able to change her mind.
“What makes you think I can convince her to stay, Mitch? She’s pretty damn determined to do this on her own.”
I’m still not so sure he doesn’t want to knock my lights out, so I stay on my guard and watch him. He
’s staring at me incredulously, then starts to laugh. “You’re joking, right? I see the way you two stare at each other. All the time you’ve spent with her.” He stops to run a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, and I thought when I opened my door that you were going to try to hit me again for that exact reason. Excuse me for finding this all hard to believe.”
He sighs and looks at the floor. “Look, Levi, when we first met you, I hated the idea. I know who you are, and I’ve got a feeling she doesn’t. Because if she did, you would be condemned just like I am. But you’ve always put her first.”
My mind spins with the possibility of what I think he’s saying. I don’t think I can change her mind, but I can try like hell.
“I’ll try, Mitch, but I can’t promise it’ll do any good.”
He stands and opens the door. “That’s all I ask.” A pause. “For the record, I thought about hitting you when you opened the door. You two weren’t as quiet as you thought you were being yesterday.” Mitch shoots a quick smirk over his shoulder, then he’s gone.
“Fuck,” I mutter and lay back to stare at the ceiling.
Chapter 25
Maci
I woke early to make breakfast since my flight isn’t until this afternoon. I know Mitch and Levi went out last night, so when they both stroll into the kitchen I’m surprised.
“Well, I didn’t expect either of you to be awake this early.” I keep my back to them, unable to hide the disappointment from my face.
“I smelled bacon. And I drug his sorry ass out of bed.”
Of course, Mitch is the one to answer. I can feel Levi’s stare burning into the back of my head. But I don’t want to face either of them. There’s an uneasy feeling in my gut that’s been there since they stumbled through the door late last night.
Before I can think any further about it, Mitch slings his arm around my shoulder. “So, Mace, what are you going to do when you get to the big city?”
I shrug him off and hand him a plate. “I don’t know yet. I haven’t thought too much about it.”
