A Wounded Realm

by K. M. Ashman

  ‘Come,’ she said, ‘there is someone I want you to meet.’

  Both women stepped out into the bailey and walked over to the cart. The man in charge of the horse team had already descended and walked around to help a woman down from the back of the covered cart.

  ‘Mother, this is Tom,’ said Nesta as she approached, ‘and he is the groom in charge of my horses.’

  ‘My lady,’ acknowledged Tom with a nod of his head.

  ‘And this is Jayne,’ said Nesta, waiting as the servant turned and curtsied.

  ‘And I assume you are Nesta’s maid?’ queried Gwladus as Nesta reached past Jayne to retrieve something from the cart.

  ‘Oh no, my lady,’ said Jayne, ‘I am a mere nurse maid.’

  Gwladus stared at the servant for a few seconds, struggling to take in the implications but finally turned when Nesta gently called her name.

  ‘Mother,’ said her daughter holding a three-year-old toddler in her arms, ‘meet Henry Fitzroy, son of the king.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ said Gwladus, confusion written all over her face, ‘why do you have the king’s son here?’

  ‘Because I am his mother,’ said Nesta with a smile, ‘this beautiful little boy is your grandson.’

  Several hours later, Nesta walked back into the hall and settled down into a chair in front of the fire.

  ‘He’s fast asleep,’ she said.

  ‘At last,’ said Gwladus from the other chair, ‘I am completely worn out. I had forgotten how tiring little boys can be.’

  ‘He is just excited,’ said Nesta,’ the trip from London was never-ending for him and he had little chance to play.’

  ‘Your brothers were the same,’ said Gwladus with a smile, ‘always on the go and even with a manor full of servants, I was constantly on edge wondering what they were up to.’

  ‘I remember,’ said Nesta, ‘and I so wanted to be with them but was forced to be schooled in the ways of a lady.’

  ‘I don’t recall it quite like that.’ Gwladus laughed. ‘Though what instruction we managed to impart seems to have had an effect. You have turned into a beautiful woman, Nesta, and young Henry seems to be a wonderful little boy.’

  ‘Do you see them at all?’ asked Nesta, changing the subject.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘My brothers.’

  The smile waned on Gwladus’s face and she leaned forward to throw another log onto the already roaring fire.

  ‘No,’ she said eventually, ‘though not a day goes by without them being in my thoughts.’

  ‘Do you have news of them?’

  ‘I know Tarw is doing really well in Ireland,’ said Gwladus. ‘We write often and I have received letters from King Murcat telling me your brother is turning into a fine young warrior.’

  ‘I am glad,’ said Nesta. ‘Does he ever think of coming home?’

  ‘Apparently it is all Murcat can do to stop him leaving immediately.’ Gwladus laughed. ‘I would love to see him again but alas, the time is not right and his life would be at risk should it be known he has returned. So, I have told him to stay and complete his training. It is safer that way.’

  ‘And what about Hywel?’

  Gwladus paused again and took a deep breath before turning to face her daughter with a forced smile on her face.

  ‘I fear he has gone, Nesta,’ she said, reaching out to take her daughter’s hand in hers. ‘All I can hope for now is that he died a painless death.’

  ‘You don’t know that,’ said Nesta, ‘you can’t know that.’

  ‘I have to,’ said Gwladus, ‘else I would wither away in grief, imagining the hell he must be living in, in some dungeon. At least by thinking he is dead, I can go on with my life and carry on with what I do.’

  ‘And what is that?’ asked Nesta.

  ‘Representing the people of Dinefwr against the worst of the English brutalities.’

  ‘But you are just one woman.’

  ‘I know, but my weakness has become my strength. The English see me as harmless and let me live here unhindered. In fact, they see me as an asset because I preach the virtues of peace to our people and encourage them not to turn against their masters.’

  ‘Why do you do that?’

  ‘Because in return I have the ear of the English and can sometimes garner leniency on the people’s behalf. Without such intervention then trust me, the citizens of Dinefwr would suffer far more than they do now. At least this way, they have a reason to get through each day.’

  An awkward silence fell until finally Gwladus took a deep breath and the smile returned to her face.

  ‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘enough about me, you must tell me everything that has happened to you.’

  ‘There’s a lot to tell,’ said Nesta.

  ‘Then start at the beginning,’ said Gwladus, ‘the night is long before us but we have wood aplenty for the fire. First of all, tell me about the boy’s father. When I left I thought you two may have a future together.’

  Nesta looked into the flames and thought for a while before answering.

  ‘I loved him mother, I really did. For a few years we had everything and I couldn’t be happier. The years when his brother was king were amongst the happiest I have ever seen. We spent time together, shared tables at banquets – he even took me out on hunts, teaching me the art of the bow, though if truth be told I never really acquired any skill. Still, we were seen around the court as a couple and I was happier than I have ever been. We even talked of marriage but alas it was never to be.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘After Henry was crowned king, I thought I would be his queen but the political pressure from the bishops proved too much and I had to settle for being his consort while he was married to Matilda of Scotland.’

  Gwladus took her daughter’s hand again.

  ‘And what did Matilda think of the situation?’

  ‘She was not happy but accepted it as the way of things. That is, until she found out I was with child. The queen came to my quarters one day and made it clear I was to leave Windsor immediately. If I refused, she said she would arrange for my baby to be killed at the first opportunity.’

  ‘She threatened the heir to the throne?’

  ‘That’s just it,’ said Nesta, ‘he would never be the heir, he would be born out of wedlock.’

  ‘Many such children have gone on to become king.’

  ‘And that is what worried her. She was concerned that when her own baby was born, the king may have already formed an unbreakable bond with our child and make him the heir. In Matilda’s mind she thought that if she could get both of us out of his life then the way would be left clear for any of her offspring. She made it clear that not only did I have to leave, but also that I had to let him think I had fallen out of love with him, a task I found heartbreaking.’

  ‘Yet one you carried out?’

  ‘What else could I do? As much as I loved Henry, I could not risk my unborn baby, so for his sake I did as she asked.’

  ‘And Henry was happy with this?’

  ‘At first no, but I was persistent and eventually he accepted my protestations. I thought that he would simply allow me to leave but he is a good man and when he saw I was serious, he contacted Gerald of Windsor to arrange a marriage.’

  Gwladus sat back in shock. ‘Gerald was still unwed?’

  ‘He was married once but his wife died. Before I knew it, I was promised to him by the king.’

  ‘How did you feel about that?’

  ‘What could I do? To turn him down would reveal my lie and my baby would be in danger. I had to go through with it and though I tried to come home, Gerald was caught up in the intrigues of court and after some false accusations by a fellow noble, was removed from his station. For a long time we were forced to stay at his family’s manor near Windsor and while his protestations were being considered by the king, we were allowed little communication with the outside world.’

  ‘I wrote to you, Nesta,’ said Gwlad
us, ‘but when I never received a reply, thought the messenger may have suffered an accident or perhaps you were too busy to reply.’

  ‘I received no letters, Mother,’ said Nesta, ‘and I wanted to write to you, I really did. But Gerald was being closely watched and if anyone had suspected he was sending messages out, especially into Wales, then there could have been serious repercussions, for him and me. Besides, I didn’t want to worry you.’

  ‘How could being a grandmother worry me?’

  ‘Because you would want to visit and we could not allow that to happen. Between the false accusations against Gerald and Matilda’s threat to my child, it was better to keep a low presence in society. For the past two years Gerald has been busy clearing his name and he has now been reinstated by Henry, but we have never wed. Perhaps there will now be time to contemplate such matters.’

  ‘Does he treat you well?’

  ‘Gerald treats us both well, Mother, and when I found out we were to live in the castle at Pembroke, I knew we would be close to you so couldn’t be happier.’

  ‘That is indeed a gift,’ said Gwladus, ‘and though I am sorry about your heartache, I am also happy to have you home.’

  ‘Well,’ said Nesta, ‘there is so much more to tell but I am exhausted after the journey and if you don’t mind, would seek the comfort of my bed.’

  ‘Of course I don’t mind,’ said Gwladus. ‘You go on and we will talk again on the morrow.’

  Nesta kissed her mother on the cheek and retired to her bed while Gwladus stayed in the hall just staring into the fire. It had been an emotional day and a strange turn of events, but fate had brought her daughter home once more and though she was ecstatic to have Nesta back, the queen’s mind was already racing with what other possibilities it may bring.

  The following few months were amongst the happiest Gwladus could remember. Gerald married Nesta and Gwladus presented the estate at Carew to them both as a dowry. Life took on a semblance of normality for the family until one evening, when Nesta had come to visit her mother at Dinefwr, both women were once more in the hall talking quietly while young Henry was asleep on a bed of nearby furs.

  ‘I used to do this all the time when you were a child,’ said Gwladus, drawing a brush through Nesta’s long black hair, ‘it used to make you relax and get sleepy.’

  ‘It still does,’ replied Nesta quietly, enjoying the closeness with her mother, ‘and is one of the many things I missed when I was away.’

  ‘Does your maid not brush your hair?’

  ‘Of course, but there is nothing like a mother’s touch,’ said Nesta and she closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation even more.

  ‘Nesta,’ said Gwladus eventually, ‘I understand the building goes well at Kidwelly.’

  ‘It would seem so,’ said Nesta, ‘the workers have already dug the ditch and erected a palisade. As soon as they put up some dwellings then I expect Gerald will leave the rest of the arrangements to his seconds. He has his own concerns waiting for him at Pembroke but already he talks of rebuilding the castle at Carew. Wherever we end up, it will be good for my son to settle down on a more permanent basis.’

  ‘You could stay here,’ said Gwladus, ‘we have the room.’

  ‘As much as I love the idea,’ said Nesta, ‘Gerald is my husband and my place is at his side.’

  ‘Do you love him?’

  Nesta stayed quiet for a while before answering.

  ‘I’m not sure “love” is the right word,’ she said eventually. ‘I am certainly fond of him and my feelings grow stronger every day.’

  ‘What about him, does he love you?’

  ‘I think we are both wary of our feelings to each other. Our marriage was not undertaken in normal circumstances and he knows I once had feelings for Henry, but I do believe he cares deeply for me.’

  ‘Then that is all you can ask,’ said Gwladus. She continued brushing her daughter’s hair before the tone in her voice changed slightly and Nesta’s eyes opened in anticipation of the question that was obviously coming.

  ‘Nesta?’

  ‘Yes, Mother.’

  ‘I have a favour to ask, one which I have no right to request but nevertheless, needs to be voiced.’

  ‘Go on.’

  Gwladus put down the brush and drew up a small chair in front of her daughter. Taking both of her daughter’s hands in hers, she looked deep into Nesta’s eyes and took a deep breath.

  ‘Nesta,’ she continued. ‘You know how much I love having you here; it has changed my life. But I think your presence here could be the start of something even greater.’

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘After your father died, our family name almost disappeared from the memories of the nobles of Wales. Indeed, when I was in London with you, there were none of our line even this side of the border. When I returned, I found to my horror that we had been written off as a family of note and many thought that our lineage had come to an end. Obviously, I was aghast and spent many months travelling around the manors of those we once called friends and, over time, rebuilt our name. Of course, to claim any sort of status I had to have a suitable residence and being bereft of funds had no option but to return here, even though it was a shadow of its former self.’

  ‘It looks fine now,’ said Nesta.

  ‘Indeed, but for a long time the palisade was in pieces and only one building was weatherproof. Slowly we made improvements, mostly due to the generosity of the people of Dinefwr, and eventually it became what you see around you now.’

  ‘What is your point, Mother?’

  ‘My point is, our situation seems to be improving. I have the ear of the local nobles, our castle is once more respectable and now you are the wife of Gerald, there are few who will challenge our resurgence due to the family ties. Oh, I’m not saying that we can once more rule Deheubarth but as two families tied by marriage, I see no reason why one day we cannot rule over a kingdom that was once as mighty as any in Wales.’

  ‘Gerald would never share Deheubarth,’ said Nesta, ‘besides, he is only an extension of the king’s power and does not hold the authority you allude to.’

  ‘I understand,’ said Gwladus, ‘and expect no such thing, but he already allows us to manage our own affairs with regard to Dinefwr and I see no reason why he would not make that arrangement a formality, allowing us to become a minor kingdom subservient to Henry right here in Deheubarth.’

  ‘You would settle for being a client kingdom?’

  ‘Why not? The days of huge kingdoms are ending as surely as night follows day. The way of the world is changing, Nesta, and we either change with it or die out.’

  ‘So what is it you want from me?’ asked Nesta. ‘If truth be told, even if I broached this subject with Gerald, I can’t see him arguing your case before the king. Why would Henry yield the tiniest of control when he already holds the whole of Deheubarth in his fist?’

  ‘You are right,’ said Gwladus, ‘for at the moment, we have nothing to offer and in his eyes we are mere women. But if Dinefwr became unified again and offered influence, no matter how small, then perhaps he would be more likely to listen.’

  ‘And how do you propose to do that?’

  ‘By reinstating a male figurehead at the head of this house. I have already sent word to Ireland and asked your brother to return with all haste.’

  ‘You have asked Tarw to return?’ gasped Nesta. ‘Surely you realise you are placing his life in danger? As the sole heir of the Tewdwr line, Henry will see him as a threat and could order his demise.’

  ‘Tarw is a grown man, Nesta, and in our communications has oft repeated his yearning to take up his father’s mantle. All we needed was the right opportunity and your marriage to Gerald delivers just that.’

  ‘You still haven’t said what it is you want of me,’ said Nesta.

  Gwladus took a deep breath and stared at her daughter before answering.

  ‘Even if Tarw returns,’ she said eventually, ‘he will need someone alongside him
he can trust.’ She paused and returned her daughter’s stare before revealing her request. ‘Nesta,’ she said, ‘I know it will be difficult and may take you some time, but if you have any love left inside your soul, I entreat you, I beg you – to find out if Hywel is still alive.’

  Pembroke Castle

  September 19th, AD 1105

  Despite assurances she would do her best, over two months passed before Nesta broached the subject of Hywel with her husband. She had returned to Pembroke Castle with Gerald and her son and though the subject was never far from her mind, the time never seemed right. Eventually the matters of court took up less of her husband’s time and she plucked up the courage to broach the subject.

  ‘Jayne,’ she said to the nursemaid, ‘would you take Henry for his afternoon nap? I would have some private time with my husband.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Jayne, and she took the toddler by the hand, leading him out of the hall.

  ‘This sounds intriguing,’ said Gerald with a smile. ‘Am I in trouble?’

  ‘Of course not,’ said Nesta, ‘you never do anything wrong so I should scold you.’

  ‘Perhaps I am just too clever in hiding my indiscretions.’ Gerald laughed. ‘And you just have not caught me yet.’

  ‘If that is the case, then keep doing what it is you do for I am happy with the way things are.’

  ‘Really, Nesta?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Nesta, ‘do you doubt me?’

  ‘No, but I am always aware that I was not your first choice and at the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder if and when the convenience may wear off.’

  ‘Put such thoughts to the back of your mind, my love,’ said Nesta, taking his hand. ‘Yes, the circumstances were less than ideal but that was a long time ago. Our life together gets better by the day and I feel as if the sun is finally breaking through on a cloudy day.’

  ‘Then you are truly happy?’

  Nesta hesitated before replying. ‘Yes, of course I am.’

  ‘Nesta,’ said Gerald, ‘your eyes do not reflect your words. What concerns you?’