Zombie Lover

by Anthony, Piers

  “Jenny nudged me,” Jeremy said. “She made me realize that the situation could be serious, and that I was the best person to take immediate action.”

  They looked at Jenny. Suddenly she was blushing. “I just—Krissica was so upset—Jeremy knew what to do.”

  “Once nudged,” Dolph agreed.

  “Actually it was all such a coincidence,” Jeremy said. “That such an unlikely threat should occur right when there were folk visiting the Isle who could handle it.”

  “Say, that’s right,” Dolph said. “A real stroke of luck. Things could have been much worse.”

  Dor glanced at Bink. Bink looked elsewhere.

  Breanna perked up. “Justin says no, it was bound to happen sometime, with that Selfish Steam Isle next door. If the women hadn’t been distracted by trying to impress Jeremy, they probably would have handled it well enough themselves.”

  “I guess so,” Dolph agreed, not seeming much concerned.

  They reached the pond, and the boat settled down again. The parade of hopeful women resumed. Jenny prompted Jeremy to say nice things about each one, and he was getting better at such social graces. That made the process go more smoothly, though none of the women were right for him. In fact he also complimented Jenny on her help.

  But Jenny was increasingly uneasy. Finally she could handle it no more. “Breanna, can you take over here?” she whispered. “I have to go.”

  “But you’re doing a great job,” Breanna protested. “He’s much better since you took over.”

  “Please.”

  “Okay. But come back soon.”

  Jenny got out of the boat and walked away. She blinked, trying to conceal her tears. She didn’t want to make a scene.

  She walked into the forest, sick at heart. What was she going to do?

  Then someone followed her. It was Bink, so old yet looking so young. “Jenny, what is the matter?”

  “Nothing, really,” she said bravely. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “You have been so helpful, and done so well. You have really helped Jeremy learn to impress women.”

  “That’s the problem.”

  “The problem?”

  She tried to stifle it, but it burst out anyway. “He’s impressing me too.”

  “Well, of course. He’s a werewolf prince. The two of you get along wonderfully.”

  “As a man.” There: it was out.

  Bink was silent for a moment, piecing it together. “So you are coming to like him yourself, and it’s hard for you to help him impress other women.”

  “Yes. I know I have no right to be jealous, and I do want to help him. But I know I’ll start messing it up, because my heart isn’t in it anymore. So it’s better if I just stay away, so as to give him the best chance. Breanna is pretty sharp; she can do it well enough.”

  “Jenny, she isn’t as good at this as you are. She’s too young. How old are you?”

  “Twenty one in a few days. What has that got to do with it?” “The day of the big wedding?”

  “Yes, not that it matters. It’s a coincidence.”

  “A coincidence,” he repeated thoughtfully. Then he returned to the subject. “Jenny, you have to go back. You relate to him better, because you’re a wolf-rider. He was pretty much hopeless, until you came, and then he started improving. There is a continuing frisson between you. You can’t desert him now.”

  “But I can’t do it anymore!”

  “Then you must tell him why.”

  “I can’t do that. It would just make him feel guilty, and that would mess him up too. My best course is to quietly get out of his way.”

  “No. He needs you. You must help him, or tell him plainly why not.”

  “You tell him. Then he’ll know, and I won’t make an embarrassing scene.”

  He shook his head. There was a strange glow in his eyes. “I think this is something you have to do yourself.”

  Jenny started to protest again, wiping the tears from her face. Then another person came along the path. Bink looked over her shoulder. “Oh, hello, Jeremy,” he said, as if this were only to be expected.

  Jenny tried to run, but Bink caught her, gently but firmly, and turned her around to face the werewolf prince. “Tell him.”

  Others were approaching. This was becoming public. She burst into worse tears.

  “Jenny,” Jeremy said solicitously. “What’s the matter?”

  “I can’t do it,” she blubbered.

  “Jenny, I need your help. When you left, I started getting clumsy, as I usually am in manform. You understand me, and keep me looking good. Breanna says you have the touch, and you do. I need you.”

  “I can’t!”

  “Why not?”

  There was no way out. “Because I love you myself!” She was horrified when she heard herself speak; she hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that.

  He stared at her. Oh, she had done it; she had made the worst possible scene. How would this stupid little elf girl ever live this down?

  “You’re the one,” he breathed.

  Everyone was staring.

  “I’m so sorry to have messed you up,” she said through her tears. “I never wanted to do that. But you are just so nice, and so competent, and you’re a wolf. I just got swept away. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She turned and stumbled blindly out of the circle of people. Where could she hide?

  “You’re the one!” he repeated. “Jenny, wait! Don’t you understand?”

  Something wasn’t making sense. She paused. “What?”

  “You’re my ideal love. I know you, now that you have declared. You are the one I will marry.”

  Now it registered. But she realized what he was doing. “That can’t be. I’m not even of this world. You deserve so much better. Don’t do this just because you feel sorry for me. Don’t ruin your life.” She stumbled on.

  He strode after her and caught her. He turned her around. “You didn’t know! You didn’t suspect. You don’t believe it. You are a foreign woman. You would never have come to me. That’s part of the curse. But it’s broken now. Jenny, I love you.”

  Her tears renewed. “Don’t ruin your life,” she repeated brokenly. “It’s not worth it. For anyone.”

  “I didn’t recognize you, though in retrospect it’s obvious. A wolf-rider! One who loves both my forms. That curse blinded me. But no more.”

  She just sagged in his grasp and wept, not assimilating his explanation. “Let me go.”

  He didn’t answer in words. He drew her in close and brought his face to hers. He kissed her.

  The music of a thousand choruses sounded in her head. The explosion of a thousand lip bombs spread out from her mouth. The love of a thousand worlds suffused her body. All doubt was obliterated. She sank into blissful oblivion.

  When she revived, she was lying in the boat. People were talking. “I think we know now for whom that big wedding is,” Bink was saying. “Everybody loves Jenny.”

  “And why Jenny had to write all those invitations,” Dolph agreed. “That’s the bride’s job.”

  “The Good Magician knew,” Dor said. “She had to come to the Isle of Wolves, but the curse prevented her from knowing why.”

  “What a coincidence that it all worked out,” Voracia said. “Prince Jeremy did find his true love here, so our requirement has after all been fulfilled.”

  “I don’t think it was coincidence,” Breanna said. “It was fated.”

  “I agree,” Jeremy said. “She and I got along so well together, from the start. I think I was falling in love with her before I knew. But she had to come to me, because of the curse.”

  “Curses are difficult to navigate,” Bink agreed. “They protect themselves, so they can’t be nullified.”

  Jenny opened her eyes. Immediately Jeremy was there, leaning over her. “Now do you believe?” he asked.

  “Now I believe,” she agreed faintly.

  “We will be married at Castle Roogna, on your birthday. Then I will proceed with my t
raining to be king. But you will always be with me. I hope you won’t mind being a princess or a queen, between rides.”

  “Just so long as it is with you.”

  He kissed her again. That put her out for the duration of their return trip.

  14

  NOTABLE NUPTIALS

  Justin found it interesting. He had never before been to Castle Roogna, because at the time he had been transformed to a tree it had been lost in the jungle for several hundred years. Not until Magician Trent returned to Xanth and revivified it had the castle become the center of Xanth society. Now it was impressive, with a well-kept moat complete with moat monster—Soufflé Serpent, of course—and two classy gargoyles spouting water at the front gate. He saw everything, because Breanna was looking all around, her eyes wide. She had never been here before either.

  Princess Electra come to the gate to meet them, and to hug Prince Dolph. Justin had seen her only occasionally, as she was usually busy taking care of the twins, Dawn and Eve, who were seven years old. She didn’t travel much unless they did, but they did sometimes visit his tree. She was in blue jeans, and didn’t look much like a princess, but there was no doubt Dolph loved her. Queen Irene welcomed King Dor back, and an appealing if not lovely young Chameleon embraced Bink.

  Princess Ida appeared. Justin recognized her because of her similarity to Princess Ivy, and the little moon that circled her head, and advised Breanna. “There is much to do, and we are short of time,” Ida said. “So I will supervise the rehearsal. I think we shall need your help, Breanna.”

  “You know me?” Breanna asked, startled.

  “We had news of your coming, and of your help to the three kings.”

  “Oh.” And of course it did not need to be said that Breanna was the only Black Wave female in the group.

  “I will show you to your room,” Ida continued.

  “But I can’t stay here,” Breanna protested.

  Ida angled her head. “Why not?”

  “I’m not royal. I’m not even invited to the wedding. I’m nobody.”

  “Oh, I think you are somebody. Jenny will make out an invitation for you. This way.” Ida led the way into the castle.

  The hall was huge, and the stairs were ornate. Breanna stared around in awe, and Justin was impressed. They had really fixed up the old castle.

  “Here it is,” Princess Ida said. “Go on in.” Then she looked right through Breanna’s eyes to Justin. “You too, Justin. We are glad to have you with us.”

  She saw him! For a moment he was disoriented, and by the time he recovered, Ida was gone. He had been impolite by default.

  They found themselves in a comfortable upstairs chamber. There was Jenny. “Here is your invitation,” she said, handing an envelope to Breanna.

  Breanna looked around. Justin saw Sammy Cat sleeping on the bed. “This is Jenny’s room,” he said.

  “This is your room!” Breanna said. “I can’t stay here.”

  Jenny looked at her. “We slept in a funk grove on the Isle of Wolves. Is this so much worse?”

  “No! It’s that you’re the bride. I can’t—”

  “Please,” Jenny said. “Everything has changed so much for me that I feel dizzy. I can’t properly concentrate. You were such a great help with all those women. Won’t you help me through one more crisis?”

  “Crisis?”

  “This is to be the biggest, hugest wedding in years. I never thought I’d be in it. I never knew I had so many friends. I’m afraid I’ll faint.”

  “Do it,” Justin said. “Everyone else is busy, and she needs a female friend.”

  Breanna caught on. “Of course I’ll help.”

  “Thank you.” Jenny sat on the bed, looking suddenly tired.

  “You need a rest,” Breanna said. “You get it, while I find out what’s going on.”

  “Thank you,” Jenny repeated. She lay down beside Sammy and closed her eyes. That reminded Breanna how Jenny had asked Sammy to find Jeremy’s True Love, but the cat had simply asked Jenny to stroke him. None of them had caught on that Sammy had indicated Jenny herself. The curse had not allowed itself to be bypassed by the cat’s magic.

  Breanna stepped out the door, shutting it carefully behind her. “This way,” Princess Ida said.

  Breanna jumped, and Justin agreed with her. This was eerie.

  “There is a banquet coming up, but I think Jenny is too tired to attend, and perhaps you are too, so it is better to have a meal in the room, and to rest.”

  “Uh, for sure,” Breanna agreed. “But I promised to find out what’s going on.”

  “Here is an itinerary,” Princess Ida said, handing her a paper.

  Breanna held it up, and Justin glanced at it. It listed all the upcoming events, with their times and the people expected to attend. The first event for Jenny was Wedding Rehearsal on the following day. “That will do,” Justin said.

  “Jenny said she didn’t know she had so many friends,” Breanna told Princess Ida.

  “She’s a nice person, and deserves them. But there is more to it. Her first friend in Xanth was Che Centaur, whom all the winged monsters have sworn to protect. Her second was Gwendolyn Goblin, now the Chiefess of Goblin Mountain and a powerful ally. Another friend is Sim, the Simurgh’s chick, who will some century inherit the universe, whom Che is tutoring. So Jenny is extremely well connected.”

  Breanna whistled. “She never said!”

  “She wouldn’t. She doesn’t see it that way. But she can’t escape the royal wedding.”

  “I guess I can help her get through it.”

  Ida smiled. “I’m sure you can.”

  The castle kitchen had a hot meal packed and waiting. They also had a pitcher of rinsed cream, that the girls could use to untangle their messy hair; a cream rinse would be good for tangles. And a sweet-smelling deoder ant. Breanna carried it all back up to the room and set it down beside the bed where Jenny snoozed. A curl of scented steam wafted out and tickled the girl’s nose, waking her. “Oh, food,” she said. “I’m famished.” She sat up.

  There turned out to be enough for two, so they shared. They discussed the schedule. Then they took turns cleaning up and settling back down. Jenny went to take a bath, but retreated from the tub, blushing. Breanna looked, and discovered the problem: there was a shameless plug in the bottom. A mischievous princess must have put it there, some dawn or eve. She covered it over, and then they were able to bathe without shame.

  There was another bed for Breanna, and suddenly she discovered how tired she was too. But Justin remained awake for a while, thinking about the interesting turn events had taken. Jenny had come to find the lost kings, and turned out to be the one to solve the werewolf prince’s problem. But with that wedding, Breanna’s adventure would be over, and it would be time for him to return to his tree. The prospect appealed less each time he considered it. Yet obviously he couldn’t continue to impinge on the girl’s life indefinitely.

  Why was he so loath to end what he had always known would be a temporary association? He explored that, and realized that something surprising and rather embarrassing was happening: he was coming to like Breanna too well. She was young, and impulsive, while he was old and staid, and they had little in common. But she had increasingly good instincts, and was fun to be with. His life would be dull without her company. He would no longer be satisfied to be just another part of a forest, watching the sun cruise by each day, and the moon many nights.

  Yet even that was not the whole of it. She would not stay young much longer, while he would just get older. He wished—

  What did he wish? Nothing that was remotely possible. Even if he had his human body back, what point could there ever be? His peer group was about four generations removed from hers. If he were close to her age, then perhaps there might be a point in speculation. But he wasn’t. So it was best not to bother her with his sad idle fancies. He would enjoy her company until the time came to separate, and then return gracefully to his tree and his fond memorie
s. She would surely have a good life on her own.

  With that settled in his mind, he relaxed, and slept, though without the innocent ease of Breanna’s slumber.

  Next morning there was a knock on the door, and Breanna opened it. There was Chameleon, looking barely older than Breanna, and another day prettier. “I brought breakfast,” she said. “And there is something we must discuss.”

  “Come in,” Breanna said.

  This time there was food enough for three, so they all ate. Jenny looked improved, though still a bit vague.

  “The zombies wish to attend the wedding,” Chameleon said.

  Jenny rolled her eyes. “Oh, no.”

  “Now wait a minute,” Breanna said, speaking before Justin could stop her. Justin found that quality increasingly endearing. “What’s wrong with zombies attending?”

  “They would drive the other guests away,” Jenny said. “Nobody likes zombies.”

  “I like zombies,” Breanna retorted. “They’re people too. They guard Castle Roogna. Why shouldn’t they join its celebrations?”

  Jenny looked surprised, while Chameleon looked speculative. “Perhaps they should,” Chameleon said. “I can’t stand them myself, but I remember how hard they fought to save the castle when the Nextwave came. And the Zombie Master and Millie are certainly good folk. Millie used to baby-sit our son Dor.”

  “And King Xeth and Zyzzyva will be getting married too,” Breanna said. “Maybe they want to see how it’s done.”

  “Maybe they could have a separate section,” Jenny said.

  The word “segregation” came to Breanna’s mind, subvocalized so that he could hear it, but this time Justin managed to get there first. “It takes time to get over prejudices,” he reminded her. “Jenny is offering a reasonable compromise. Remember, it is her wedding.”

  Breanna stifled her ire. She knew he was right: others could not impose their preferences over those of the bride. She forced a smile. “Maybe that will do. I could go talk to King Xeth and explain.”

  “That would be nice,” Jenny said.

  “Now we must do the rehearsal,” Chameleon said. “The key people will be there, but informally garbed.”