Indelible

by Bethany Lopez

  I was about to do that thing where you catch the kiss in your hand, but I stopped myself, saving myself from looking like a total douche.

  Instead I lifted my head in a nod, before turning and heading back the way we came. And if my step was a little lighter, and I whistled as I walked…what the fuck was wrong with that?

  “We do want to see you, Mom, but we already have plans today. Yeah, I know, but you didn’t say anything to me about coming up this weekend, so I didn’t know,” I said with the phone pressed between my ear and shoulder as I tried to finish packing the picnic basket. “How about next weekend? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll tell her. Okay, love you too, Mom. Bye.”

  I hung up the phone and put it in my back pocket, going through the basket to make sure I had everything.

  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Check.

  Goldfish crackers for Karrie. Check.

  Juice boxes. Check.

  Fruit salad. Check.

  I tossed in some napkins and forks for the fruit salad and figured that was as good as it was going to get.

  I ran into the living room to double check Karrie’s backpack before going into her room to wake her up from her nap.

  Judd was supposed to meet us at the park in fifteen minutes and I was hoping to beat him there.

  “Time to get up, Karebear,” I said softly, sitting on her bed and rubbing her back to try and get her to stir.

  She stretched a bit and her little fist shook as she began to wake up. She was so dang cute. My angel.

  “Hi, Mommy,” Karrie said, her blue eyes fixating on mine as she smiled up at me.

  “Hi, baby girl. Wanna go to the park?”

  I knew that would do the trick — she sat up wide-eyed and ready to go. If there was one way to get my daughter moving, it was to mention a trip to the park. She loved being outside. Her favorite part was the swings.

  “Let’s try to go potty before we go,” I said, hoping that she hadn’t gone in her pull-up during her nap.

  Potty training was so stressful.

  After a few attempts to go to the bathroom with no luck, we went to the living room to get her shoes and jacket. Once she was ready, I put her backpack on her and grabbed the picnic basket.

  As we neared the park, I noticed Judd had beaten us there. He was sitting on a bench, looking utterly sexy and out of place. He had on his motorcycle jacket, jeans, and boots, with dark shades covering his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he saw us, until he rose slowly from the bench.

  Karrie had no idea he was there, since she made a beeline for the slide, toddling as fast as her little legs would take her.

  I walked up to Judd and smiled when he took the picnic basket from me.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey.” Judd returned my smile. “You look pretty today.”

  I felt my face flush with pleasure at his words, and I said thanks, watching Karrie going down the slide.

  Judd followed the direction of my gaze and said, “She’s adorable.”

  “Thanks,” I said again. “She really loves coming to the park.” I laughed as Karrie’s giggles carried over to us.

  “Can I meet her?” Judd asked, removing his sunglasses and hanging them from the collar of his black T-shirt.

  “Sure, c’mon.”

  We walked over to the play area and I called Karrie over to us. She came down the slide and walked over, grinning widely.

  “Mommy, ‘lide.”

  “I saw you on the slide. You’re such a big girl,” I cooed back at her.

  Karrie finally noticed Judd and looked up at him curiously.

  “Karrie, this is mommy’s friend Judd.”

  Judd crouched down so he was eye level with Karrie and smiled.

  “Hi, Karrie, it’s nice to meet you.” Judd held his hand out to her, causing her to giggle and duck her head shyly. She walked behind me and peaked out at him.

  I smiled at him and mouthed the word swing. He nodded and peered around my back at Karrie.

  “Want to go swing?” he asked.

  Karrie came out from behind me, nodding, holding her little hand out to him. He took it, and she led him to the swings meant for smaller kids.

  I watched for a moment, her tiny hand clasped in his, and the sight of them walking toward the swing brought tears to my eyes.

  Get a grip, Sam, I said to myself. It’s their first time meeting.

  I took a deep breath and got up, reaching the swing just as he was lifting her into the seat.

  “How much should I push her?” Judd asked, looking at the swing as if it was a foreign contraption.

  “Like this,” I said, then walked around the back of the swing and demonstrated how to push it. Hard enough to make her squeal with delight, but not so hard as to scare the life out of me.

  “Got it,” he said, and proceeded to push.

  They stayed like that while I set up the picnic, with Judd pushing softly and Karrie giggling loudly every time she went into the air. Judd’s smile widened with every giggle, and I had to look away, focusing on the task at hand rather than the way my heart melted looking at him interacting with my little girl.

  I laid out an old blanket and placed the picnic basket on top, putting things on each corner to hold it down, just in case the wind picked up. By the time I was done, the food was laid out and each corner was held down by a random object: a shoe, a large rock, the basket, and Karrie’s backpack.

  “You guys ready to eat?” I yelled over to them. I saw Judd say something to Karrie, and she shook her head, then he said something else, pointing to me. When she looked over at me I waved, gesturing for them to come over. Luckily she complied this time, rather than pitching a fit about wanting to stay on the swing.

  Judd lifted her out of the swing and she came running to me, with him following behind.

  Karrie ran onto the blanket and gave me a hug. “Did you have fun with Judd?” I asked her. She looked over at Judd as he eased onto the blanket and nodded.

  “Tell Judd thank you,” I whispered to her.

  “Tank you, Dudd,” Karrie said loudly.

  I bit back a laugh, but Judd’s chuckle escaped his mouth. “You’re welcome, Karrie.”

  I passed out the sandwiches and said sheepishly, “Sorry, peanut butter and jelly is all we had.”

  “PB and J is my favorite,” Judd said, taking a huge bite out of his sandwich and grinning broadly at me.

  “Me too,” Karrie said, trying to mimic Judd’s bite with one of her own.

  The meal went smoothly, and by the time I pulled out the fruit salad Karrie was snuggled up in Judd’s lap, laughing as he pointed out the squirrels running around the park.

  Karrie got up and tried chasing after squirrels, while Judd and I sat back on the blanket and watched.

  “Thanks for coming today,” I said.

  “Thanks for letting me,” was his reply. “Would you like to come over to my place tomorrow night?”

  I looked over at him slyly, thinking there was nothing I would like more. “Let me see if I can get a sitter and I’ll get back to you.”

  “Okay,” he said, intertwining his fingers with mine. “It can be a little later, after Karrie goes to bed if that’s easier. I have to clean up around the flower shop, but I can make dinner if you want.”

  “You can cook?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise.

  “Yeah, well, after my mom died I had to learn to if I didn’t want to starve. My dad wasn’t really able to do it, so I usually cooked for the both of us,” Judd admitted.

  I wished I hadn’t said anything. I should have realized after everything he’d told me that he had to grow up pretty quickly.

  “I’d love that. I’ll call a few of the girls in my neighborhood and let you know.”

  “Great.” Judd lifted our hands to his lips and kissed my fingers gently. “I look forward to it.”

  Just then, Karrie came running back at breakneck speed, jumping into Judd’s lap and yelling, “Dudd!”

  Looking at the two
of them I realized…I was toast.

  I ran through my place, trying to make it look as clean as possible. The torn and tattered furniture made that a little difficult, but at least all of the trash was in the can, the dishes were clean and put away, and I had clean sheets on the bed.

  Sam had texted me to let me know that she was able to get a sitter for a few hours, so I had the food in the oven. I didn’t want to waste any of our time together by prepping our meal.

  If I was being honest, I didn’t want to waste any of our time together eating food, but I had promised her a meal. So I would feed her, all the while laying the groundwork for dessert.

  Mrs. P had given me some flowers as well as some candles that she couldn’t shelve due to imperfections. One had a crack in the bottom, and another’s wick was off-center.

  I quickly arranged everything throughout my small bedroom, and then shut the door and placed some flowers in the center of my coffee/kitchen table.

  Everything looked and smelled as good as it was going to.

  I opened a bottle of wine and left it to breathe on the counter. I’d asked Mrs. P what I should get to go with the spaghetti casserole that I’d made, and she’s suggested a bottle of red wine. She’d said if I opened it before Sam arrived, it would be ready to pour when she did.

  It would’ve been so much easier to buy a six-pack, but I figured Mrs. P knew what she was talking about. It was worth a shot.

  Once everything was done I stood there for a minute, wondering if I’d forgotten anything. I flashed back to the picnic with Sam and Karrie in the park. That Karrie was a charmer. I could see a lot of Sam in her, and I had to admit, she sure was a cute kid. I’d had fun pushing her on the swings and showing her the squirrels. And the way she’d called me Dudd… That little girl was a trip.

  I was chuckling to myself just thinking about it when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and knew Sam was just in time.

  I didn’t care if it made me look like a douche, but I opened the door before she had a chance to knock.

  I was excited to see her again.

  Her fist was raised to knock and her bright red hair was glowing in the fading sunlight. Her eyes brightened and she smiled when she looked into my face.

  “Hi…” Sam started to say, but my mouth was on hers before she could finish her sentence. I had to have a taste.

  By the time I pulled back we were both breathless.

  “Come on in,” I said softly as I tried to catch my breath. I took her by the hand and led her inside before shutting the door behind her.

  Sam put her purse on the chair and walked around, taking in the drab surroundings.

  “Nice place,” Sam said sweetly.

  “No, it’s not,” I replied. “But it’s a place to lay my head down without having to room with a group of guys, so I like it.”

  Sam nodded, smiling when she saw the flowers on the table. “You’re lucky to live above a flower shop. It must be lovely to open your window and smell all of the flowers.”

  “It’s okay,” I responded. Flowers didn’t really do it for me. “I was surprised when you said you didn’t need me to pick you up. I hope you didn’t walk all the way here.”

  “No, Molly let me use her car. Since I only have a few hours I thought it would be easier. I didn’t want to waste any time walking.” Sam smiled sheepishly.

  A shiver ran through me. I liked that she admitted she was as eager to spend time with me as I was with her.

  “Tell Molly I said thanks,” I said, my voice lowering as I moved closer to her, my hand reaching out to caress her hair as I moved in for another kiss.

  “What do you want to do while we wait for the food?” I asked, my mouth inches from hers.

  “I’m sure we can think of something.”

  When her warm breath hit my lips I moved closer, still not touching.

  “You want a drink? I’ve got wine.”

  “Hmmm,” Sam muttered, her eyes focused on my lips.

  I stood there for a second, waiting, and then sighed in relief when Sam moved in and bridged the distance between us. Her soft lips covered mine, and I could taste the cherry-flavored gloss she had on her lips. It nearly pushed me over the edge.

  Our mouths fused and our tongues tangled. Sam stepped closer, molding her body seductively against mine. I placed my hand on the small of her back and drew her tighter against me so she could feel the effect she was having on my body.

  It seemed like ages since I’d tasted her.

  I pulled back, my body screaming at my betrayal, and put some distance between us. The sight of her swollen lips and heavy-lidded eyes almost broke my resolve, but I wanted to give her an evening to remember, and not just take her quickly on the ratty old couch.

  “How about that wine?” I asked, my voice a little shaky.

  Sam just stood there for a moment before she nodded. She looked like she was in a daze, and I knew exactly how she felt.

  I poured us each a glass of wine as she sat down on the couch. I grimaced at the sight of her delicate skin against the burnt orange of my uglier-than-hell sofa.

  I don’t think I’d ever realized how ugly that thing was until I saw Sam sitting on it. I needed to get some new furniture.

  Sam didn’t seem to mind though. She took a sip of her wine and smiled at me as I sat down next to her.

  “It’s good,” she said.

  “I wasn’t sure what to get,” I admitted. “This is the first bottle of wine I’ve ever bought.”

  She grinned at my admission. “You did a good job. Reds are my favorite.” She reached up and rubbed her shoulder for a minute before dropping it back to her lap.

  “You hurt yourself?” I asked, gesturing to her shoulder.

  “Huh?” Sam looked confused for a moment. “Oh, I’m a little sore from picking up Karrie. She’s getting bigger, but she still wants to be carried whenever possible.”

  “I can rub it for you.”

  “You can?” Sam looked surprised by the offer.

  I’d offer to lick her toes if it meant I got to put my hands on her.

  “Sure,” I replied, trying to sound innocent. “Lay down and I’ll give you a little massage. I get them in the locker room all of the time. It helps a lot.”

  “Okay.” She sounded a little unsure, but she set her glass on the coffee table and started to lie down.

  “Wait,” I said, not wanting her to lie on the sofa. I was starting to think that I would throw it out as soon as she left that evening. “I don’t want you to lie down on the couch, so why don’t we go back to my room?”

  Sam looked dubious at that.

  I held my hands up. “Just a massage…scouts honor.”

  I stood and held out my hand to help her up off the couch and then led her to my bedroom. I opened the door, forgetting about the setup I had ready until I heard Sam’s sharp intake of breath.

  She walked in and looked at the flowers all around the room, then turned back to me, the surprise apparent on her face.

  “Did you do all of this for me?”

  Shit.

  “Yeah. It’s no big deal. I just wanted the place to look nice.”

  Sam walked over and into my arms, hugging me tightly.

  “It looks beautiful,” she said, her eyes appearing suspiciously damp.

  I really hoped she wasn’t going to cry.

  “Go ahead and lay on the bed,” I said, trying to distract her from the possibility of crying. I picked up a lighter and walked around the room, lighting the candles.

  When I was done I walked toward the bed, my hands itching to touch Sam again.

  She was on her stomach, her head turned to the side and her hair fanned out across my pillow. Her eyes were closed and she had a small smile on her lips. She was beautiful.

  I really liked the way she looked in my bed.

  My eyes were closed. I could smell the flowers and the calming scent of the candles throughout the room. I had a smile on my face. To say I was shocked when he o
pened the door was an understatement. I was floored. The last thing I’d expected was to see flowers covering every available surface of his bedroom.

  It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.

  I could feel him moving around the room, and my body tingled in anticipation of his touch.

  I heard him messing around in the corner, and then the music of Staind began to fill the room.

  When his hands touched my shoulders I flinched, and then giggled.

  “Okay?” Judd asked softly near my ear, causing goose bumps to break out over me.

  “Mmmhm,” I murmured, wishing he would put his lips on that very spot.

  With the music playing, the sweet scents surrounding me, and Judd’s strong hands kneading my shoulders, I began to relax.

  It felt wonderful.

  Judd’s hands traveled down my back, rubbing and putting pressure in all of the right areas. I moaned unintentionally and heard Judd breath in deeply, pausing his movements before continuing the massage.

  I was starting to drift when I felt Judd’s fingertips brush the side of my breasts, and suddenly I was wide awake. It felt like every nerve was standing on end. I became aware of every spot on my body where Judd’s hands touched, and I began to feel the warmth spread.

  I shifted and tried to get control of my raging hormones, but my movement caused Judd’s hands to graze the top of my ass, which seemed to trigger something in him.

  The next thing I knew, Judd’s hands were focused on my ass. Rubbing, kneading, caressing. He seemed to be enjoying the fullness he’d found there.

  Judd’s hands moved up my sides, tickling me briefly, but before my brain had a chance to register that, his hands were at my breasts. His palms covered me, and I elevated myself slightly to give him better access.

  I began to feel hot and light-headed.

  He laid his body on top of mine, his erection pressing against the cushion of my ass. I pushed up, rubbing against him and causing him to moan, the heat of his breath hitting me right below my ear. I moved my head to the side, hoping he would take the hint and put his mouth on my neck.

  He did.